Hedge Fund Investor Relations Girl’s Dance Of Near Death Cautionary Tale For Us All

Screen shot 2009-10-13 at 11.53.21 AM.pngBy now you’ve probably heard that a lady named Christine Mancision has filed a couple lawsuits over being “clobbered” on a dance floor at wedding last year. The first is against James Graeber, the guy whose actions supposedly put a metal plate and five screws in Christine’s wrist. The second is against the Hyatt Morristown in New Jersey, which the victim claims encouraged Graeber to grab her arm, spin her around the dance floor and then fling her off to the side where she went “flying,” by overserving the guy when he was “visibly intoxicated,” adding “fuel to the fire” in Graeber’s dancing feet. Mancision, who works investor relations at Luxor Capital Group, wants a million in damages. Now, up front, let us just say it’s obviously a shame the girl had to go through surgery and “eight months of grueling rehabilitation.” But with the office holiday party season fast approaching, let us also say this:

…if you can’t take the moves, get off the dance floor. This is what people do. Yeah, Graeber was likely drunk but guess what? The spin and the fling is probably his go-to regardless. The booze just added a little get up and go to the delivery. Why should he be punished for being a phenomenal dancer? There’s no way he could’ve predicted his skills would’ve landed the girl in the hospital, which while unfortunate, is something that happens sometimes (if she hadn’t gotten hurt Christine would’ve been telling all her friends about the “awesome dancer” she met at the wedding in Jersey). And now he should be made to feel badly for nearly pulling off such a technical difficult and crowd-pleasing move, hang up his shoes and never get freaky again? What’s next, come December 10 Cliff Asness refrains from doing The Worm after dinner out of fear of breaking some feet in the process? Stever decides against attempting to execute a triple salchow, which he’s been practicing for months at this point and knows he could nail to delight of the staff? And other bull shit along those lines?

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105 Responses to “Hedge Fund Investor Relations Girl’s Dance Of Near Death Cautionary Tale For Us All”

  1. guest says:

    He should have used more mancision when he flung her.

  2. Becky Boot Fan says:

    Bitchy looking gal. Her should have thrown in a DanzaSlap for good measure.

  3. guest says:

    GS – if your filthy hands ip address is on any of those wedding photos there will be a restraining order filed

  4. guest says:

    Oh my god! What did he to do her face? This guy is an animal and should be locked up.

  5. guest says:

    I have never seen a person that I wanted to slap more than this hole

  6. guest says:

    I was really hoping for an animated gif of the Mad Men tractor incident after the jump.

  7. guest says:

    I would hate fuck the hell out of her.

  8. guest says:

    Full, half brazilian, or vagifro?

  9. guest says:

    Vagifro with a wiff of rotten trout

  10. guest says:

    Too Old; Didn’t Fuck
    -J. Epstein

  11. guest says:

    I love trout!
    Andy Madoff

  12. guest says:

    Looks like a little more time out in the sun might cheer her up some.

  13. guest says:

    I’d guess tastefully trimmed but am guessing the closest anyone has gotten to it is probably a boarding school roommate when a hug turned into some awkward yet gentle scissoring.

  14. guest says:

    I love gentle scissoring.
    Bawney Fwank

  15. guest says:


  16. guest says:

    @14 nah, the story mentioned her boyfriend. (the wedding was for her boyfriend’s boss.)

  17. FUNdamental says:

    Chaz thinks this move is amateurish, and strongl recommends mr graeber graduate to chaz’s signature move….chloroform rag and some rope. Then these petty problems never arise.

  18. NakedShort says:

    The icy glare says “I want it in my butt regardless of how many dingleberries are back there”
    The horrible facial acne scaring says “middle school was a rough patch for me and now I am going to take my pimpled aggression out on anyone that dare have a good time in my presence”

  19. guest says:

    I would only have sex with her if she promised to make that face and only that face.
    C Gizzle

  20. guest says:

    I have that same face every time I read one of Greg’s posts. A look of total disgust.
    Greg’s Mom

  21. guest says:

    Her LinkEd in account not working – hoping it means Luxor fired her pussie ass
    feel free to send her your compliments at lcgcomply1@bloomberg dot net

  22. guest says:

    She looks so smeagol in that picture.

  23. guest says:

    The turtleneck and headband say “I read a lot of Nancy Drew back in the day,” but the eyes say “and I will use every trick she taught me to nail your ass in court”

  24. guest says:

    It looks like he is an intern at UBS. If anything this helps him, doesn’t that cunt know the waste of suing someone that is judgment proof?
    She looks so-so. I would pack her poop with my cock.

  25. Investorcluzo says:

    since “that guy” seems to be MIA, I’ll say it: I’d hit it…

  26. guest says:

    Fire crotches have never been my thing.
    The Prostie Fucker

  27. american bandersnatch says:

    In my younger days I used to get wicked drunk at my holiday parties at that place before they rebranded it a Hyatt. I believe I maimed four of five people when dancing and nobody sued me.

  28. stevie says:

    I already have the costume made, so no, nothing will hold me back from pulling off the salchow, save for a pussy-ass partner. also, my employees sign papers saying they can’t sue me for any unforseen injuries they might sustain in the presence of my dancing feet, so I’m protected anyway.

  29. guest says:

    she’s done lesbian bukkake in her time.

  30. turd_ferguson says:

    When you are not getting laid, it leaves a lot of time for filing lawsuits.

  31. guest says:

    Free Armenia.

  32. guest says:

    Anyone else notice that she can cut glass in that photo?

  33. guest says:

    @34 – that’s her aroused face

  34. guest says:

    Any kind of dance is dangerous to financial mavens. Remember this? Perhaps her lawyer should find out what happened in this actions settlement process. Or, anyone know Steve Chang? Call him and get the down-low.
    AP reports a businessman claims in a lawsuit that he was injured when a stripper giving him a lap dance swiveled and smacked him in the face with the heel of her shoe.
    Stephen Chang, a securities trader, said in court papers filed Friday that he was at the Hot Lap Dance Club near Madison Square Garden and was getting a paid lap dance when the accident occurred early Nov. 2, 2007.

  35. guest says:

    @29/AB – I was always more of a fan of the Morristown Westin. I felt like it was more of a free-for-all, maiming included. I bet Bess would agree.

  36. guest says:

    @36 why get the lowdown when the story was already written about here…like a year ago.

  37. guest says:

    I would give her every inch of my love.

  38. guest says:

    Hey, @38…which definition of the word “remember” do you not understand?

  39. guest says:

    There is no way she is neat and tidy down there. She has angry crotch bush written all over her face.

  40. guest says:

    Graeber, ha, classic!

  41. guest says:

    I was going to give @4 an FTW, but the game was sequentialy upped as I scrolled down… well played everyone, at the very least.

  42. sac says:

    this is why I hold all my holiday parties in the tent out back, where no one can hear your scream.

  43. guest says:

    I used to date a woman who worked for a Houston energy firm. One night in the parking garage near Smith Street, she giggle-whispered to me that she wanted me to kiss her where it was dark and “kind of stinky”. So I drove her to Beaumont and…….

  44. merkin capital partners says:

    Didn’t she play weird plain looking friend #3 friend in those high school movies? You know the ones.

  45. Anal_yst says:

    There is no amount of booze or $ that would convince me to put my manhood (or anything else) in the vicinity of that penis fly trap

  46. guest says:

    @anal_yst- bull shit

  47. guest says:
    Only he can answer the questions posed in this forum.

  48. guest says:

    Is fire bush painful?

  49. guest says:

    I met you once, a long time ago.

  50. guest says:

    this explains it all!
    About me:
    ‘Nobody got anywhere in the world by simply being content.’

  51. american bandersnatch says:

    @37 – Indeed. Although I’m so old I remember it as the Governor Morris.

  52. guest says:

    Christine’s Details
    Status: In a Relationship
    Orientation: Straight
    Hometown: New York, NY
    Body type: 5′ 2″
    Ethnicity: White / Caucasian
    Religion: Catholic
    Zodiac Sign: Virgo
    Education: College graduate
    Occupation: Investor Relations for a Hedge Fund
    Christine’s Companies
    Michael Foster Designs
    NYC, NY US
    9.04 … 2.06
    Luxor Capital Group, LP
    New York, NY US
    Investor Relations
    2.06 – Present

  53. guest says:

    She should contact Gaspo about how he keeps both his wrists in such good shape.

  54. guest says:

    You don’t call! You don’t write!

  55. NakedShort says:

    @55 Jesus Christ 5’2″ no wonder she got hurt. Definitely a spinner though

  56. guest says:

    The wrists are very important in finance.
    ~Ghost of Walter Wriston

  57. guest says:

    Dancing effed me up too.
    ~Tom DeLay

  58. guest says:

    it must have been cold that day they took the picture….

  59. Investorcluzo says:

    oops, ny post doctored that photo. the amateur hour pics on her myspace page tell the real story. I retract my statement @26, I would NOT hit it! is that chelsea damn clinton standing next to the pelican?

  60. merkin capital partners says:

    the fuck is a gettysburg college?

  61. Becky Boot Fan says:

    I’m a bit shocked the “hotel room receipt” guy hasn’t manufactured a list of charges at the Hyatt for this one yet.

  62. trojan says:

    Scissor me timbers.
    this is the first guy i’ve ever seen working investor relations.

  63. guest says:

    If she wins any money won’t her insurance company ask for her “paid outs” back? Lawyer going to get 40% ??
    See, these frivolous lawsuits are ruining America. But that is for democrats. If she is a Republican she should get $45 million dollars.
    ~R. Limbaugh
    Outcia, FL

  64. guest says:

    @31 Can you explain lesbian bukkake to me? I saw one for the first time recently, and I’m still confused as to what the point of it is.

  65. guest says:

    IS the dude in the pic the guy who flung her? If she’s 5’2″, he can’t be more than 5’6″. What a short little man! If he’s unemployed now, I think we may have found the real world equivalent to George Costanza.

  66. guest says:

    Mancision? Is that the little incision guys get on their balls when they get snipped?

  67. guest says:

    Mancision? Is that the little incision guys get on their balls when they get snipped?

  68. MiddleOfficeLoser says:

    Man, I don’t know where to start – red hair, Nancy Drew, gentle scissoring, that glare and those folded arms, lesbian bukkake.
    Anyway, I would wreck that chick.

  69. guest says:

    You bastards ruined it. Myspace is now set to private!

  70. guest says:

    This is what happens when you allow dancing!
    -Rev. Shaw Moore

  71. guest says:

    “The goggles, they do nussing!”

  72. guest says:

    @45 long drive for only a kiss. You’d better have gotten a round or two of road head on the way back

  73. guest says:

    i never understood you foreigners. i think she is pretty good looking

  74. guest says:

    Obviously, lesbian bukkake is when a gang of women focus their cumming efforts onto one female in particular, coating her in the resin of female affection.

  75. guest says:

    @68 no. the guy in the picture is her boyfriend.

  76. guest says:

    @75…it was an old joke.
    @73…well played!
    @69/70…it’s the spaghetti looking tubes from each of the testicles that get snipped during a vasectomy, not the testicles themselves. I heard Gaspo’s vasectomy took 4 hours and wore out two chain saws.

  77. guest says:

    Why is she so angry?

  78. guest says:

    I know what went wrong. The physics were off. it was a man and a woman. That’s why it didn’t work.

  79. guest says:

    youse only knows da half of it

  80. guest says:

    This is going to make 8th Grade Semi-Formals even more awkward

  81. guest says:

    I think she’s cute in a “Girl Next Door” way which was the winning business model Hef gave up when he allowed Playboy to spiral down into celebrity F-list, shaved beavers and plastic titties. When you give up natural class, you go downhill.
    ~B. Guccione
    Mons Venus, CA

  82. guest says:

    Seriously, Burnett just asked why erectile dysfunction medicine research is necessary, it’s just dollars wasted, funds should be redirected to life saving needs.
    Lesbian bukkake, Erin, get wet for the sisters!

  83. E Spitzer says:

    Doubtful I could monetize that twat.

  84. guest says:

    not as pretty as me.
    -ping j

  85. guest says:

    @87 you’ve hit much worse

  86. Anal_yst says:

    Can someone post/fwd Bess the myspace/facebook pics for those of us who work @ bucket shops that limit our internet research capabilities?

  87. guest says:

    @anal_yst- looking for some jerk material?

  88. Anal_yst says:

    btw is that a crappy nosejob or just a Triceritops beak, can’t really tell from just that one pic, thoughts?

  89. guest says:

    @80 Let me help you understand this. The “spaghetti looking tubes” are what get snipped to accomplish the objective. To access the “spaghetti looking tubes”, the surgeon has to make a little mancision on the balls. Lifelike illustration here:
    NOW do you understand what sweet little Christine’s surname is all about?

  90. TGFBV says:

    The easiest 300% improvement in looks ever. IT’S CALLED A SMILE, DAMMIT!
    If you can’t smile, at least ditch the stinkpuss look.

  91. guest says:

    If this was Peru, I’d hit that.
    –Gov. Mark Sanford

  92. guest says:

    If this was Argentina, I’d hit that.
    –Gov. Mark Sanford

  93. guest says:

    If this was Argentina, I’d hit that.
    –Gov. Mark Sanford

  94. dont giva says:

    if you look hard enough you can see some nip poking through that sweater

  95. guest says:

    I once had an intern that looked like her.
    –David Letterman

  96. guest says:

    100! b11tches Youse see what I did there?

  97. guest says:

    @90…As Monica Lewinsky might say, “Close…but no cigar..”
    The image shows an incision in a man’s “scrotum” or “ball sack” (Not to be confused with the famous writer of the same name.). Sometimes the commentariat refer to it as a “scrote” in various threads.
    The balls or testicles or huevos or pelotes or cojones or hang in the “scrotum” for the same reason Maria B wears pants from time to time: to keep bulbous things from swinging wildly during activity.

  98. Tits McGee says:

    After she gets fired from Luxor, I will hire her as my secretary, so I can POUND HER IN THE ASS.

  99. guest says:

    Serves you right. Ginger kids have no souls.
    -Eric Cartman

  100. guest says:

    Wonder what she thinks when she hears the song, “come on baby, let’s do the twist”. lol.

  101. guest says:

    @103 – Ginger suing ginger actually.