Here are five statements recently made by five different money managers:
* You will get your Q3 letter before the end of Q4
* No, I’m not retiring so that I can start Long Island’s first tobacco plantation
* Ball parking it, our assets under management are in the range of this figure
* If you fucksticks don’t get it together I’m going to seriously consider eliminating KFC Fridays.
* Trust me, the 3&50 is worth it. You’re on a gravy train with biscuit wheels.
According to a new study, one of them is a lie.
One in five hedge fund managers misrepresents their fund or its performance to investors during formal due diligence investigations, research from New York University’s Stern School of Business suggests. Using confidential data taken from 444 due diligence reports commissioned by investors between 2003 and 2008, academics at Stern analysed the extent to which hedge fund managers’ representations about their funds differed from reality. Managers most commonly misrepresented the amount of money they had entrusted to their funds, their performance and their regulatory and legal histories, according to the research.
One manager told investigators that his assets under management were $300m (£190m) higher than they actually were. Another fund – according to Professor Stephen Brown, one of the report’s co-authors – was found to have lied about the unblemished legal records of its partners. The founders of the fund in question, it transpired, both had criminal records, having once stolen a Chinese junk.
The 3&50 *is* worth it but more importantly i could go for a biscuit right about now.
-sc
whats the big deal. I mean, who hasn’t “stolen a Chinese junk”
@2 it’s a boat– http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Junk_%28ship%29
@bess- christ almight I said “a gravy train with biscuit wheels drowning in chocolate sauce.”
I once made my trader biotches drink some Chinese junk. They then love me long time.
-Ping J
I steal “junk” all the time, too but in this case it refers to dick.
-dollar dom
@5 you still haunt my dreams.
-AT
@3
You’re an idiot. Please flog yourself now.
No frigging way we give up the KFC.
PTJ
@8 why am I an idiot? guarantee you 2 thought that sentence was a typo, and didn’t know what the term ‘junk’ referred to.
-3
I guarantee you #2 knows a Chinese Junk is boat. A Galway hooker on the other hand he may not be familiar with.
I have junk in my trunk.
MB
My monthly statements from BLM IS and Stanford Financial appears to be a couple of the straght shooters…phew! Just another couple years of these returns and I can finally retire.
In Soviet Russia, Hedges fund you.
Bernie was singled out, probably because he’s a Jew.
How about a Dealbreaker get together at one of those Russian supper clubs in Brooklyn.
http://www.rasputinny.com/index.htm
Get you yuppie biotches out of Manhattan once in a while.
I repeat: We have Billions under management
- Cliff Assness
@14 only if you work for the government
@16:
The owner of dat joint is a friend-a-mine. I’ll be dare dat day, prepared to autograph my authoratative history of what caused da market meltdown. I will also divulge my top ten stock picks for 2010. Don’t miss it!
-cg
This is why I am retiring.
Jim Simons
@3 is correct, I didnt know what that was. I will show myself out.
-2
Who wants to see my fuzzy navel?
Dick Bove
Think of it like a game of ookie-cookie. No matter what I’ll be holding the cookie and I will win.
-SAC
@23 that’s going in the marketing material.
@21
If you are really #2 then you should flog yourself for being a complete dolt.
Wow, i feel lucky we’re only paying out 3 & 35 on one of our funds.
I am Anal_yst’s complete lack of surprise
I know all about da hanky panky dat dese zoccola hedge fund managers run. My next book will be da trimumph of my storied career, where I will blow da lid offa dis racket. It will be annuda best seller.
-cg
I’ve got an article on my website about how to tell if your fund manager is lying to you. As far as I know, it is the only article ever published on this subject. Although I have had two books and fifty articles on investment management published I could never sell this article and so I published it myself. You can find it at: http://www.fredgehm.com/managingyourinvestmentmanager/isyourinvestmentmanagerlyingtoyou.html