Namely, did Ace Greenberg’s million dollar donation in 1998 to New York City hospitals, which paid for Viagra prescriptions for homeless men, reflect poorly or favorably on Bear Stearns? JC ponders this and other questions on the subject of the down on their luck getting it up via spokesman Charlie Gasparino, an expert on the sex habits of the destitute, in The Sell-Out:
Ace would always be the guy who marched to his own drumbeat. It’s what made him a media darling; the press loved his mannerisms, from the magic tricks he performed on the trading desk to the fact that he answered his own telephone calls. Cayne saw the dark side of Greenberg’s personality; it’s why he never doubted the sexual harassment story.As crazy as Cayne seemed, Greeberg could match him in being off the wall. It was, after all, Greeberg who had once donated $1 million to a hospital so homeless men could enjoy sex by having access to free Viagra. He had made a splash of it, making the announcement in the New York Times without alerting Cayne, who first heard it when he picked up the paper in the morning and nearly hit the ceiling.
“Are you fucking kidding?” Cayne screamed at Greenberg after reading the story.
“A million bucks so homeless men can jerk off? How does this make the firm look? How does this make me look?” Cayne snarled before slamming down the telephone.
Oh, he was good and riled up then for sure. Where does this Ace guy get off? Nobody and I mean nobody jerks off the homeless without Jimmy Cayne’s say so first, right?! Damn right, JC thought to himself, before sitting down on his pot couch to take the edge off things. But seriously, how did this make Bear look? Maybe what enraged JC had less to do with tainting Bear’s image than the fact that the donation made him look bad because he didn’t think to do it himself and beat AG to the punch?
Posted by pfluger , Oct 23, 2009 2:50PM
I have da ability to see into mens' minds.
-cg
Posted by guest , Oct 23, 2009 2:54PM
bess, a story about viagra and no dupre pic to help us out? what gives??
Posted by guest , Oct 23, 2009 2:54PM
Attention all horny, homeless men: NW corner 66th/Park, 1715 hours. Today. Bring your Viagra.
Posted by NotNasser , Oct 23, 2009 2:57PM
“Are you fucking kidding?” Cayne screamed at Greenberg after reading the story.
----
"No, Greenberg replied, I never kid about fucking."
Posted by guest , Oct 23, 2009 2:59PM
wait, so cayne was actually in the office at some point? when was this?
Posted by guest , Oct 23, 2009 3:02PM
Why, indeed?
Bess, you are a true humanitarian. I've seldom seen this side of you.
Posted by Bess Levin , Oct 23, 2009 3:04PM
@6 Ashley goes with posts about the noted hooker fucker. As this is merely about fucking, and not fucking of the Spitzer variety, no boat pic.
Posted by guest , Oct 23, 2009 3:06PM
It moved.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=98B0BgdiBLc
Posted by Joe Mac , Oct 23, 2009 3:15PM
I'd like Melissa F's Halloween costume to be a straddle. Had to get it out there.
Posted by guest , Oct 23, 2009 3:15PM
@ 3 is an imposter. However, I continue to intend to make a very happy man of the first hot guy that propositions me.
HHFM
Posted by NakedShort , Oct 23, 2009 3:21PM
That bowtie never gets old
Posted by 6 , Oct 23, 2009 3:23PM
@Bess, sorry for any misunderstanding, I was referring, sincerely, to your original tag, "Why shouldn't the homeless ...?"
I wasn't 2nding 2.
I like your pic. Ace looks so regal in it.
Posted by guest , Oct 23, 2009 3:26PM
You tink dat homeless guy's got a big hog, you should "El Cocodrilo" after a few strokes.
-CG
Posted by guest , Oct 23, 2009 3:29PM
Hey all,
Just managed to get my hands on a copy of THE SELLOUT! Our very own Bess and DealBreaker get a couple shoutouts (first thing I looked at in the index after confirming that, annoyingly, "cocaine" does not get its own entry):
p327: "The feisty online blogger Bess LEvin of DealBreaker did so many satirical posts about Cayne's alleged pot use that Bear blocked the Web site from its computer servers."
p491--Bess gets a scoop: "Bess Levin of the DealBreaker blog then reported that the person most responsible for the BofA-Merrill deal, Greg Fleming was leaving as well."
finally, in the acknowledgments:
"[I want to thank] some great friends: ..., ..., Bess Levin (who is a joy to read on Dealbreaker), ..."
I think Charlie has a bit of a crush....
Posted by guest , Oct 23, 2009 3:35PM
what charlie doesn't doesn't tell us is that he and jc offered to jerk every single one of those homeless guys with their mouths.
Posted by guest , Oct 23, 2009 3:39PM
8-
a) Avon has gone from Jock meatheads to dorky gay kids in the last 25 years? Who knew and how?
b) Are their dorm rooms really this effing shabby?
c) This kinda thing turns you on? Get some help d00d.
- Pomfret alum, where the hawt chix went
Posted by pfluger , Oct 23, 2009 3:44PM
@14:
Does the index have any entries under "cannoli?"
Posted by DJ LIBOR , Oct 23, 2009 3:45PM
FTW...
JC: "How about you smell my crotch, errr...I mean couch?"
Posted by guest , Oct 23, 2009 3:48PM
He looks so back office in that pic
Posted by guest , Oct 23, 2009 3:51PM
@17: nope, Charlie's keeping that on the down low. But my favorite index entries:
Bear Stearns
"Geisha Girls" incident and
Greenberg sex scandal and
Cayne, Jimmy
lifestyle of
schmoozing by
Fuld, Richard
cult of personality and
Posted by guest , Oct 23, 2009 4:05PM
I used to like Ace's magic tricks when I was at Bear. But then again, I also liked cocaine a lot the past couple of years as well.
-Hoe
Posted by NakedShort , Oct 23, 2009 4:06PM
Bess when is your tell all of the financial crisis coming out?
I would love to read a 500 page behemoth penned by you, clearly stating on page one:
"The following is based loosely on what occurred during the financial crisis of 2008. Actual quotes, interactions, details, ect. are imaginary in nature and are to be taken as such."
Mack had just gotten off the phone with one of his closest friends, Arthur J. Samberg, the founder of Pequot Capital Management, then with $4 billion under management (cough bullshit), who had called about withdrawing some money.
“Take your money,” Mack told him, “and you can tell all your peers to take their credit balances out; but please dear God do NOT take the cannolis, they stay with me”
Mack believed negative speculation was purposely being spread by his rivals and repeated uncritically on CNBC. He was so furious with what he believed was “bullshit coverage” that he called to complain to Jeff Immelt. Immelt quickly explained, "Don't you realize you dumb fucking carpet jockey, Gasparino runs GE; I tried to stand up to him once and ended up roaming the streets of Rego Park at 2:30 am missing my lateral incisors wearing nothing but a wife beater and panties from Frederick's of Hollywood."
Desperate for an ally, Mack contacted his most serious rival, Lloyd Blankfein, of Goldman. “Lloyd, you guys are in the same boat as I am.”
The 53-year-old Goldman C.E.O. let out an awkwardly muffled grunt. "Lloyd are you there?" said Mack. Hearing female voices in the background Mack swore he heard someone say "your royal penis is clean your highness," however, Mack had neither the time nor the energy to dig any further. "Oh hey Jake er Jamie er Jack oh wait John what can I do ya for?" Mack asked Blankfein to appear on CNBC with him, as a show of force.
Blankfien replied,. “That’s not my thing,” he told Mack. “Plus my soaps are coming on soon, can't miss another episode of General Hospital.”
Posted by guest , Oct 23, 2009 4:14PM
Naked the Fredericks part was hysterical. Just of out curiosity's sake, what do you do for a living that you have the imagination/time to write that?
Posted by pfluger , Oct 23, 2009 4:15PM
@20:
That's too bad. I was hoping that The Raging Bull of CNBC would have some suggestions on where to get the best cannolis in Queens and Manhattan.
Anything on Chaz' workout routine, blogger bashing, his sexual prowess, or a list of people he beat the shit out of?
So far, I'm not inclined to dump $19 on his book.
Posted by NakedShort , Oct 23, 2009 4:19PM
@23 I, unlike Jeffrey Chiang, work in finance.
I basically took ARS excerpt from Vanity Fair and added my own little flair. It was 3:30 on a Friday what the fuck else was I going to do?
Posted by guest , Oct 23, 2009 4:23PM
@Naked, I understand you work in finance. But what part of finance allows you to have any creativity left?
Posted by Joe Mac , Oct 23, 2009 4:26PM
@Naked- Such Fabulous writing. Are you sure you're not Gregg?
Melissa- let's talk "costumes"!
Posted by NakedShort , Oct 23, 2009 4:36PM
@26 I sell high commission Indexed Annuities to senior citizens. Trust me, you have to get real creative to get those wily old fucks to sign on the dotted line. Sometimes you have to accidentally step on the oxygen tube to get the message across.
Posted by pfluger , Oct 23, 2009 4:40PM
@naked:
Don't forget the CDO^5s with the 7% coupon and AAA ratings. They will nicely complement the Indexed Annuity product.
Posted by guest , Oct 23, 2009 4:40PM
You're too modest.
Naked Short is an American zillionaire hedge fund manager and the founder of Handbridge Capital Partners, LLC, an offshore hedge fund focusing mostly on leveraged mid-caps for large endowments. Short lives in Florida with his wife and their child.
Posted by guest , Oct 23, 2009 4:43PM
@30 you are an idiot. Naked would never live with/ or have a wife.
Have a baby by naked and be a millionaire, be a millionaire, be a millionaire.
Posted by NakedShort , Oct 23, 2009 4:46PM
@30 you forgot to mention my Associates Degree in Paralegal Studies from ITT Tech.
Posted by 30 , Oct 23, 2009 4:52PM
Sorry.
Short holds a series 86, a CFS, an MBA from the University of Phoenix Online and an Associates Degree in Paralegal Studies from ITT Tech.