As you’re aware, brilliant legal mind Lenny Dykstra is representing himself in his “don’t call it bankruptcy” bankruptcy case (which has been converted from a Chapter 11 reorganization to a Chapter 7 liquidation). How are things going so far? Well, Nails has some complaints. First off, why isn’t anyone repping for Team Twizzlers?

Attorney Leonard Shulman, speaking on behalf of the estate, said, “This is a very sophisticated and complex case with quite a bit of litigation that can, and should, be pursued.” He said his office is working with Fireman’s Fund to settle for “just north of $1 million” to cover damage to both homes and to drop claims of bad faith against the insurer. Dykstra says that leaves only about $500,000 to repair the larger house, which “won’t even pay my experts to get started” on repairs. However, any settlement money will go to the estate, not to Lenny Dykstra. The former World Series champion vented in court that the estate’s lawyers weren’t looking after his interests. “I just heard everyone talk about everyone else. But what about Lenny?” Judge Mund advised Dykstra to get his own attorney. “Estate attorneys are not you.”

He’s not asking for much, you know. Just a place to rest his head, maybe tin of dip, an apology from Jim Cramer for giving him the Bear Stearns treatment, and a private jet. The basics.

Dykstra complained in court that his estranged wife has plenty of money (including his pension) while he has nothing. “I live in the street,” Dykstra said. “I don’t want anything special. My wife gets $25,000 a month, and she’s got $300,000 cash. You know what I got? Zero…I couldn’t even buy gas for my car.”

Really, will no one have a heart? The man can’t even afford to put himself up in a seedy motel for the night.

No, just fucking with you! LD’s got the cash on hand to buy The Mirage, if he felt like it. He just prefers Street Life.

Later, outside court, a CNBC producer asked Dykstra if he was truly living on the street. He replied with a smile, “No. I can live anywhere I want.”

Earlier: Lenny Dykstra Objects (To The Filthy Insuation He Stole The Fixtures Out Of His House, Would Go Back To Flying Commerical If His Life Depended On It)