• 30 Oct 2009 at 11:32 AM

Merrill Lynch: Celebrate The Birth Of Christ And/Or Anniversary Of The BAC Integration On Your Own Time

By Bess Levin

The hideous rumor that the opportunity for some legacy Merrill Lynchers to drunkenly grope each other in commemoration of JC and the Bank of America merger this year is apparently true, though it remains unclear as to why (and why the ruling was made so soon). Bank of America is presumably moving forward with its Ken Lewis Good-Bye Kegger.

It was Merrill Lynch Wealth Management that got told no holiday party yesterday. No memo– they rounded us all up in a conference room to let us know.

Is your company stripping you of your right to interact with people you despise past the close of business this year, too? Let us know.

Comments (23)

  1. 1
    Posted by guest | October 30, 2009 at 11:35 AM

    ML = Pikers

  2. 2
    Posted by guest | October 30, 2009 at 11:37 AM

    @1 couldn’t agree more.
    -john thain

  3. 3
    Posted by guest | October 30, 2009 at 11:38 AM

    The Jews killed Jesus and BAC.

  4. 4
    Posted by guest | October 30, 2009 at 11:40 AM

    In a related story: Goldman Sachs and special guests from Treasury will continue its annual Eyes Wide Shut devil worhsiping ceremony in appreciation of another blessed year. JC has yet to RSVP.

  5. 5
    Posted by guest | October 30, 2009 at 11:41 AM

    I don’t need an excuse to drunkenly grope the talent.
    KL

  6. 6
    Posted by guest | October 30, 2009 at 11:44 AM

    @4 this is true.
    -lucas van praag

  7. 7
    Posted by guest | October 30, 2009 at 11:55 AM

    4,
    Jesus Christ?
    Jeff Chiang?
    John Carney?

  8. 8
    Posted by HeadlessHorseman | October 30, 2009 at 11:56 AM

    I heard Citi still intends to hold this year’s dick jousting tournament…so there’s that.

  9. 9
    Posted by NakedShort | October 30, 2009 at 11:56 AM

    I hopped off the trading desk
    with a dream and my cardigan
    welcome to the firm of TARP excess,
    am I gonna fit in?
    Jumped in the cab,
    Here I am for the first time
    Look to the right and I see the “Thanks for the service Ken” sign
    This is all so crazy
    Everybody seems so sensy
    My tummys turnin and I’m feelin kinda short squeezed
    Too much pressure and I’m nervous,
    That’s when the DJ turned on the speakers
    and a Jay Z song was on
    and the Jay Z song was on
    and the Jay Z song was on
    So I put my hands up
    They’re playing my song,
    And the visions of TARP compensation caps fly away
    Noddin’ my head like yea
    Movin my hips like yea
    I got my hands up,
    They’re playin my song
    I know im gonna be ok
    Yea, It’s a party the Merrill Lynch Way
    Yea, It’s a party the Merrill Lynch Way

  10. 10
    Posted by guest | October 30, 2009 at 11:56 AM

    @3
    Right on, Baby, right on!

  11. 11
    Posted by guest | October 30, 2009 at 12:05 PM

    Our holiday party is still on you fucking pikers.
    -JT Marlin rainmaker

  12. 12
    Posted by guest | October 30, 2009 at 12:08 PM

    @Naked I see it is a slow day selling your muni’s to nursing homes. All the better though mate!
    -Forgot who

  13. 13
    Posted by Anal_yst | October 30, 2009 at 12:09 PM

    @Naked
    Is that a 100% original cus I’m failing (generally, but also) to see any template, so if thats the case, rock on son

  14. 14
    Posted by NakedShort | October 30, 2009 at 12:13 PM

    @Anal not sure if you are joking or not sarcasm is lost on the internet.
    Anywho, its a spin off of the Miley Cyrus smash hit “Party in the USA” which has been blaring non stop from my computer since last Friday.

  15. 15
    Posted by ex-PMB chick | October 30, 2009 at 12:24 PM

    Naked OMG that is like my second favorite song like ever!!!

  16. 16
    Posted by guest | October 30, 2009 at 12:33 PM

    @13/@14/@15 will you teeny boppers please STFU.

  17. 17
    Posted by guest | October 30, 2009 at 12:36 PM

    @ 16 – Well said!

  18. 18
    Posted by CoveredLong | October 30, 2009 at 12:48 PM

    @17 – #16 is an idiot. #13 is no teeny bopper considering he didn’t even know who sang the song.
    #14/15 could be…or they could just be awesome…it’s the latter.
    …lastly, he typed the comment, he didn’t say anything.
    -Teeny Bopper Music Fan Club…of Ohio, President

  19. 19
    Posted by 2StopShop | October 30, 2009 at 1:10 PM

    @4 – I think he may have been referring to Jim Cramer.

  20. 20
    Posted by 2StopShop | October 30, 2009 at 1:12 PM

    ^Rather that should have been directed @7

  21. 21
    Posted by guest | October 30, 2009 at 3:31 PM

    JC clearly = Jesus Christ circa Meet the Parents:
    Owen Wilson: “I was so lucky I was able to salvage this wood from a seamans chapel in Nantucket. And for the counters I chose a Bolivian wormwood. I widdled it from beachwood. Theres a lot of benjamins to be made. I figured who better to follow after than JC himself.”

  22. 22
    Posted by guest | October 30, 2009 at 4:11 PM

    We are gonna hang Stan O’Neal in effigy and beat the shit out of it like pinata. I’m not a racist – just a broken ML FA who never thought O’Neal was the “Genius” management said he was.

  23. 23
    Posted by Anal_yst | October 30, 2009 at 4:23 PM

    @Naked
    I’ve had Miley Cyrus vids on loop for the past year (volume off, the “spice girls” treatment, if you will), in anticipation of the day I end up blacked out at the same bar she snuck into by Penn Station and well, yea…

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