To: Dealbreaker
From: [redacted]
Subject: Shia LaBeouf
Most unhappy with Mr. LaBeouf yesterday. He was filming in front of a co-op at 66th and Park. My daughter is ten and between takes the crew was nice enough to let her get close to him. He was sitting in a red Prius looking very very nervous about his next scene which was difficult- sitting in the passenger seat of a car as it drove up to the co-op. Anyway, we got about 10 feet from him, my daughter waved, smiled and he just sat there completely mortified to realize his fan base is a bunch of tweens. I actually think I saw him sweating, the little runt. How can this teenage guy (who weighs 95 pounds) represent Wall Street?! Very puzzling casting decision.
PS: I’m an Upper East Side mom who works at a hedge fund so I’m probably not in LaBeouf’s target audience myself but have to say, even as a hot divorcée who would do pretty much anything at this point, I would NOT hit it.
hot hedge fund mom: CALL ME
My thought exactly, can we get a phone number for this Cougar. I will let he take care of me with her hedge fund strategy and I will make sure to “take care of her”.
Bessm, I don’t think she wanted her name redacted.
did you say ANYTHING?
- Dennis “Furry” Kneale
Ill show you a real wall street man honey.
I’m a hedge fund manager. What is a hot mom?
Does she work at handbridge capital?
hey! I’m the only hedge fund hottie mom!
-julie macklowe
I know who this mom is. She blew me at the rich cougars event.
Hedge Fund Moms are the new killin’ it!
SAC?
hot hedge fund mom, do you work at O.E.?
Why is Greg’s mom writing to Bess about this encounter instead of to her son?
Hedge Fund Moms are the new killin’ it!
@13 dude, shut up. we’re talking about a hot hedge fund mom hurtin’ for a squirtin’. take your greg drivel elsewhere.
One day, when dey make a movie about me, I will sign autographs for all da kids. I may come off as a tough guy, but undaneath, I gotta heart-a-gold.
-cg
@cg will you hit their moms after?
Leboof is no virgin sturgeon.
Bess send her a Handbridge shirt for the tip.
Love the tagline…Bess you always do right by us.
Seems DK gave Shia a ride home the night before and he woke up with a burning sensation in his mancision. He was wating for a call back from the guynecologist.
@17:
It all depends. You see, wit my celebrity, I have chicks offering themselves to me every minute of da fuckin’ day. I get a little sick-a-it to tell-ya-da-truth.
I am a stud and I get more broads den fuckin’ Wilt Chamberlain. I got dese Eye-Talian phrenomes dat da chicks just can’t resist.
-cg
@ 12. No.
I’ll take the first guy I see after 5:15pm this afternoon on the northwest corner of 66/Park that looks hot and propositions me.
Throw the hook and give this a try.
Nyah
Bork bork bork.
Hot hedge fun mom? Been there done that, give me a Hot PE Mom
I think 22 is really her. Hot HF mom, can bess give us your contact info?
Sadly, Shia has the general size of a lot Wall Street Analysts right out of school, so maybe the casting directors did get it right.
It’s a fake. UES ‘tween would have been in school at the time they were filming. The nanny/au pair would have been moving the kid back and forth from school.
@27 he’s not supposed to play a first year analyst, he’s supposed to be some hot shot trader. at the very least they should’ve given him some tits.
-ping j
@28 wrong- they filmed a scene last night, around 8/9 PM
From the writing style, I’d say the author is Roomy Khan…
Hot HF Mom = will end up in the 8th circle of hell according to Dante. Guess for what.
Wonder what the 10-year old daughter thinks about her mom putting out feelers on DB and considering “hitting” guys half her age.
it moved.
that’s about a 2 roper (no pic, but i have a good imagination)
@33 the daughter presumably doesn’t read DB.
LaBoe is not for hot hedge fund moms,
but for hot hedge fund guys.
Dear Hot Hedge Fund Mom,
Are you sure he wasn’t sitting in/on a Priapus?
Dear HF Mom: I am 275 lbs and have a hairy back, would you “hit” me?
I will be at the corner of 66th and Park tonight, Yankees cap, blue sweatpants, 24 oz can of Bud in a paper bag. Cum ‘n’ git it.
wait, when did karen finerman get a divorce?
This Mom is named: Melanie Nunes Fronckowiak
@cluzo she didn’t say she owns a hedge fund, but works at one. probably investor relations.
@33: I, too am wondering about the 10-year-old. VS Pink?
Like a sturgeon
Dennis Kneale
10? too old… hot hedge fund mom? too young.
Gotta hit those shoulder years!
I’m wondering about the Prius.
-guy who likes to fuck cars
“Keep fuckin that chicken.”
@22 Dear Hot Hedge Fund Mom,
With or without clothes? Let’s just cut the frills here..
@ 39, uh no.
hey mother, want another?
@45, right? Gotta be either Easy-Ups or Depends.
@32, which Chasm of Fraud in the 8th circle of Hell are you referring to? No. 10?
Some pretty kinky stuff going on down in that circle. I’m surprised no one has opened an S&M bar called The Eighth Circle.
“I’m gonna be the syrup, she can be my waffle.”
@52 I was referring to her being a seducer and a hypocrite (a hot HF mom is hypocritical)
-32
“a hot HF mom is hypocritical”
‘tard-bag, did you mean to say “an oxymoron”? also, there are plenty of hot hf moms.
@52, since the 8th circle of hell is called “Malebolge” I think you’d be limiting your potential customers to a gay S&M crowd.
32+52+56=homos
57+balls=eunuch
I work at 68th/Park at the Council on Foreign Relations and have some finance experience. Im tall, tan, and not currently being sued by my former employer
Bob Rubin
La Boof is Generation Z derivative of birth control fallout – particularly now that hot hedge fund moms are probably giving birth to children in between those shot things they get now.
Pull out, aim it at her tits Eddie, for the good of mankind.
@58 pretty sure your equation is missing a term.
- another former Lehman Quant
@34…FTW!
see you all at 5:15. I’m dripping wet.
HHFM
One very important question has been left unanswered:
HHFM: Was said 10 year old a caesarian or all naturale?
Get back to me ASAP as I am currently planning out our lives together..
Thank god Polanski wasn’t directing this film!
Please be Karen Finerman…..
Thats Sheia dude looks like the 2nd cumming of that cry baby sniffer, corey feldman.
@43 I like where your heads at and I am right there with you
Speaking of head…
Hot divorcée => been ignored and mistreated for too long, or perhaps looking to get own her back. Either way, look me up ;)
You can bet I’ll get down there & not come up until you’ve had more than enough… ;)
@56… No argument. There has to be such a bar in Amsterdam or Berlin. The closest NYC ever got was the Mineshaft, but that was closed years ago.
Anyone try to meet this broad at the 5:15 meeting spot?
pics or didn\’t happen
@56 and 71 It’s been done. In the 1980s, I recall a seedy bar down in the Village called the Ninth Circle. It had a pitch dark back room for drugs, sex or what ever turned your crank. Those were the days.
hedge fund mom
do you happen to like milk steak, raw jellybeans, and of course riot punch
@74, hence the term Circle jerking.
No worries, even though Hedge Fund mum and others don’t find Shia Labeouf hot, Carey Mulligan does…
http://fartingcamel.com/2009/10/23/labeouf-mulligan/
This is guy is a fucking twat.
Stan FUCKING O’neal
Shes’s got a point.
He’s no Gordon Gekko.
Hot HFMom,
Meet me at the 4 Seasons. Ask for the BofAmeria suite.
Tnx,
AC