First off, we weren’t even going to mention obscenities that appeared on the front page of the Journal today. Obviously, I’m talking about this:
Why? Because we’re an upstanding financial publication with standards, unlike the smut factory Rupert Murdoch is running. But then a few things happened. 1) You people would not stop e-mailing us about it. 2) I started to realize that this wasn’t just some accidental slip of the tongue on the headline writer’s part but a calculated course of action to send us a serious coded message about what’s been a’ poppin’ over at the Galleon Group (The scribes brought it on home by beginning the third paragraph thusly: “Parts of that network appear to have turned on the billionaire investor”). 3) I found myself with time on my hands, given that Raj is yet to call us back to talk shop (tried him at the office twice and a few times at home; his assistant seemed flustered and in chatting with the wife, I’m prettay prettay prettay sure I detected some growing irritation on her part, though she claimed she’d pass on the message we’d called). So, I did what anyone in my position might do, and uncovered some of the rejected headlines the Journal originally wanted to go with but were sadly prohibited from using. I don’t have them all so if you caught wind of any, let us know below.
* Colleagues Finger Bang Billionaire
* Colleagues Fist Billionaire
* Colleagues Screw Billionaire
* Colleagues Fuck The Shit Out Of Billionaire
* Colleagues Make Good On Threat To Fuck Billionaire ‘Til He Loves Them
re the wife, did you try the old, “I’m going to say two initials, and then you just nod if they’re right?”
Colleagues Moose Fist Billinaire
- Lindy
flushes? kind of tough but…
Hi Beth. I can make them cawl ya back, ya know….
-cg
Is that Prof Clump?
Colleagues TF Billionaire, handbridge not necessary
Colleagues tell billionaire his tits never get old.
It appears the WSJ has joined this new challenge: “Colleagues Bolster Probe of Billionaire”
“Collegues make Insidah-Tradah-Wallah, their Bottom-Wallah.”
-DBWallah (keep wallin’)
Colleagues give Billionaire a Mancision.
Colleagues make love to Billionaire’s neck-fat
This colleague thing was all getting confusing until I found this:
http://bobcurry2.tripod.com/fat_title.gif
Colleagues insert, twist and withdraw from Billionaire and repeat the action until the said B-naire loves them whoreheartedly.
I would also like to add that now that I think about it, the headline doesn’t even make sense, since the colleagues aren’t “probing” or “fingering” Raj, making it all the more gratuitous and sick. Carry on. (I like your contribution, 6.)
Nobody fingers Joe Biden… or Hunter for that matter:
http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=20601103&sid=aqLmZz7uKD4g
“Biden’s Son Wins Dismissal of Paradigm Fraud Suit (Update1) ”
“The lawsuit had to be dismissed because Farouze failed to allege specific facts about what fraud was committed and the transactions that gave rise to his claims, New York Supreme Court Justice Bernard Fried said in a ruling yesterday.”
The old forgot specific facts trick…
“Bess, I wanna go crazy with you.”
-Raj Raj
is that raj or nobit? damn that’s one fat fk’r!
Colleagues Give Billionaire a Kentucky Glue Gun AND an UpperDecker.
What do you mean “you people”?!
Colleagues donkeypunch billionaire.
Colleagues frot billionaire on crowded Metro North Train.
Colleagues tell billionaire they’ll respect him in the morning, then they don’t even call.
Colleagues JO&C in billionaire’s towel.
Colleagues put billionaire in the corner.
Colleagues make billionaire watch them fuck his secretary in the ass.
Colleagues dip sleeping billionaire’s finger in warm water, shave his head and write “WHORE” on his forehead with a sharpie.
Colleagues make billionaire perform ATM.
Colleagues cruelly taunt billionaire.
Colleagues sic Jeff Macke on billionaire.
Colleagues tell Billionaire “see that Shampoo bottle now stick it up your ass, push it in and out at a medium pace. Talk about your old investors’ dicks and how big they were. Now shave off your pubes and let me punch you in the neck fat”.
Its a tad wordy but I think it conveys the proper message
Can I wear a scream mask?
Colleagues call billionaire at 3am “to talk about ‘us.’”
Colleagues tell billionaire, “Really, it’s not you. It’s me.”
Colleagues congratulate billionaire on soon to be loosened anus.
Colleagues Birth a Heifer Billionaire. You kinda have to put your shoulder to it.
Colleagues step inside billionaire’s ass, throw Snickers’ wrappers it, make a mess and step out leaving it wide open.
Prettay prettay prettay good time was had by all.
@23 from a tapped phone?
GALLEON FLOPPING OUT
Handbridge Capital Management called onto provide needed support and structure for smooth channel of funds into firm
that is one fat dude. perhaps he should have spent less time f*cking his clients and more time at weight watchers.
Fuck inside information all these assholes needed to do was buy Apple. Good God what a quarter
Colleagues molest billionaire’s collie.
good stuff, colleagues giving me looks
@28, unfortunately, yes.
-23
@31 It’s all a big Ponzi scheme.
-ZH
@31 why do you think Raj came into the office this morn– the hot tip on appl
Colleagues give billionaire “looks.”
Colleagues invade billionaire’s personal space.
Colleagues give billionaire wet willy.
Colleagues get all quiet when billionaire enters room.
Colleagues piss in billionaire’s cobb salad.
Colleagues spoof billionaire’s gmail account.
colleagues make it ‘move’
Colleagues key billionaire’s car.
Colleagues tell billionaire he sure got a purdy mouth.
Colleagues launch billionaire in balloon.
collegues grab billionaires tits, cup balls
colleagues engage in heavy petting w/ billionaire
Colleagues force Billionaire to wingman Chris Theoharris for a weekend.
Colleagues firmly request billionaire give them a handjob with his mouth
Colleagues Force Billionaire to Mess with Sasquatch:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_2d_m2OVa_g
Colleagues tell Billionaire he has crab claws
Colleagues explain W I D E C L O P S to Billionaire
Colleagues explain who Steve Carlton is to Billionaire
That’s a beautiful head of hair on Al Roker
looks like DB is being attack by virus.
@ 56- the word is attacked not
“attack”
\
@56 what are you talking about?
56 — Yes, it seems to randomly delete letters, like the “a” between “by” and “virus” in your post. Thanks for pointing this problem out.
really funny stuff, hope those ~20 in a row weren’t from 1 person, if so, he’s in the wrong industry
Colleagues ride train on billionaire.
Collagues pwn billionaire.
Colleagues to billionaire: “Ohh, you like that? COUNT IT.”
Colleagues perform a sex act on billionaire so foul that the dealbreaker spam bot won’t even let me post it.
(But it involves a facial + bloody nose combo)
@50 FTW
@64 parenthetical ftw
@63 something tells me bess would “like that” (comment).
I’m sick n’tired of Eddie Murphy’s endless ‘black blob’ characters…
Colleagues show billionaire how a one-armed man counts his change.
Collagues ask billionaire trick questions; snicker at his naïve reasoning.
Colleagues Finger Billionaire, Rich Victims Cry Foul.
Zkp3Hn I really enjoy the article post.Thanks Again. Fantastic.