If you need a hint, the context: Thursday, September 18, 2008. Andrew Ross Sorkin reports in his new book that Lloyd Blankfein had just received an email from one of his traders claiming that JPMorgan was trying to steal Goldman hedge fund clients by spreading rumors the firm was going under. LB was pissed and immediately called up Dimon to find out where JD got off (allegedly) screwing him over like this. Jamie said he didn’t know about any ungentlemanly conduct going on, but that it was conceivable some of his guys could be doing shit without his knowledge. Blankfein was sick of these attempts to evade the question and knew what he had to do. Show JD he meant business with a pop-culture reference. But which flick did the movie buff decide to quote for his big speech? Was it:
A. Backdoor Sluts 9 LB had recently finished the entire series so it was fresh in his mind, most especially the harrowing scene that was performed sans lube, which felt disturbingly similar to what was going on right now.
B. Saving Private Ryan Blankfein loves a good WWII movie and at the time, this really did feel like war.
C. Kingpin If the Goldman CEO has said once, he’s said it a thousand times: “Take that, you freaky piece of shit. You don’t mow another guy’s lawn. ” (The follow-up was also apt: “It’s a small world when you’ve got unbelievable tits Jamie.”)
D. Beaches The entire thing, all parts. What? It was a tense time and LB was feeling very emotional. He was hoping there was a chance Bette Midler spoke to Dimon on the same level.
E. The Big Lebowski Perhaps JD hadn’t yet seen what happens when one fucks a stranger in the ass.
F. All of the above.
G. None of the above.
The answer we were looking for was G, none of the above.
Blankfein had been hearing these rumors for the past 24 hours, but he had finally had enough. He was furious. The rumormongering, he felt, had gotten out of control. And he couldn’t believe JPMorgan was trashing his firm to his own clients. He could feel himself becoming as anxious as Mack had sounded when they spoke the day before.
He called Dimon, too. “We’ve got to talk,” Blankfein began, then tried to calmly explain his problem. “I’m not saying you’re doing it, but there are a lot of footprints here.”
“Well, people may be doing something that I don’t know about,” Dimon replied. “But they know what I’ve said, which is that we’re not going after our competitors in the middle of all this.”
Blankfein, however, wasn’t buying this explanation. “But, Jamie, if they’re still doing it, you can’t be telling them not to!” Trying to get his point across, Blankfein, a movie buff, started doing his own rendition of A Few Good Men: “Did you order the Code Red? Did you say your guys would never do anything?”
CADDY SHACK: “Oh, this your wife, huh? A lovely lady. Hey baby, you must’ve been something before electricity.”
Tom Cruise as LB? Now that is some funny shit
Five midgets, spanking a man… covered in Thousand Island dressing. Is that making love?
LB -
“I bet you fuck like a bunny. If you do, I’ll fuck you hard girl. Like a Big Ole Jack Rabitt.”
JD (response) -
“I want to apologize for referring to you as a homosexual”
There’s a passage I got memorized. Ezekiel 25:17.
No matter how big a guy thinks his dick might be, Lloyd would take him on. You beat Lloyd with fists, he comes back with a bat. You beat him with a knife, he comes back with a gun. And if you beat him with a gun, you better kill him, because he’ll keep comin’ back and back until one of you is dead.
goodfellas. only way to go.
-cg
Jamie quietly, yet assuredly, placed his index finger to Lloyd’s lips and whispered, “Just sit down, and let papa cook you up a nice olive tapenade. Shh. Shhhh. Everything will be fine, my boompkie. Here’s a warm washcloth.”
What now? Lemme tell you what now. I’m gonna call up a couple a hard, pipe-hittin’ niggers and go to work on the holmes here with a pair a pliars and a blowtorch. You hear me talkin’ Hillbilly Boy? I ain’t through with you by a damn site. I’m gonna get medieval on your ass.
some kind of movie buff. the quote doesn’t even make sense. he the code refer should refer to an order TO go after gs’s clients.
Now Jamie, maybe you’re doing it, maybe you’re not. Either way, you have nothing to fear because I’m not gonna kill you. I love you. You see even though you betrayed me you are the best slave that I ever had. I mean, who could possibly replace the way that you picked up my dry cleaning? No one. Who could better the way you picked up my dog’s shit?
And if I liked short fat men sucking on my dick I’m sure that no one could do it better than you either. So, return to the king or exile yourself from this town forever. You have until the end of the day tomorrow to agree to be rebranded MINE!
“IN MY HOME! IN MY BEDROOM! Where my wife sleeps… and my children play with their toys.”
does your mother sew? BAM! Can she sew that?
That Kingpin picture is so fucking funny. Seriously – Bess you’re killing me.
Hey Jamie, I’m thinking I might take that new chick from Logistics. If things go well I might be showing her my O-face. “Oh… Oh… Oh!” You know what I’m talkin’ about. “Oh!”
JD: Ishmael likes me.
LB: I promise you, you’re not his type.
JD: Oh, I’m his type. I’m every guy’s type.
No novelty machine in the men’s room? And you call this a bowling alley?!
It was actually a friendly conversation unrelated to the crisis. He quoted The Burbs:
“What’s the haps this weekend? It’s gonna be live!”
-This is madness…this is blasphemy!
-Madness? THIS IS SPAAAAAAAARTA!!!!
corey – unbelievable – my first instinct was to go with – “They’re go the goddam brownies”….
that pic + the idea of LB calling JD a “freaky piece of shit” = gold
What’d you say we all sit down for a little of the old face-to-face, hey What-Jim?
Let me give you a little advice so you know. In times of economic uncertainty, never ever fuck with another man’s livelihood. Go have fun, now? You know fun, time of your life? Maybe if you follow that, I won’t have to come back here.
The high brow discourse between LB and JD relayed in the book should put to rest, once and for all, all talk of excessive CEO compensation.
Clearly, these folks are true Masters of the Universe.
@7:
Yeah. One of da all time greats.
Dat movie “Casino” wit da Sharon Stone broad was pretty good too, except dat dey had De Niro playin’ a jew. I found dat troubling.
- cg
“Let’s see your clippers.”
Where’s the toilet, I think you might have knocked something loose.
Dennis Knealer
Bess, you have outdone yourself with the BD sluts 9 reference.
Ken Lewis: Did they say why, why they want to terminate my command?
Charlie Gasparino: I was sent on a classified mission, sir.
KL: It’s no longer classified, is it? Did they tell you?
CG: They told me that you had gone totally insane, and that your methods were unsound.
KL: Are my methods unsound?
CG: I don’t see any method at all, sir.
KL: I expected someone like you. What did you expect? Are you an assassin?
CG: I’m an award-winning financial journalist.
KL: You’re neither. You’re an errand boy, sent by grocery clerks, to collect a bill.
“You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry”
LB: You better watch out pal, I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast.
JD: You eat pieces of shit for breakfast?
LB: No…
@29:
FTW.
The horror!!
Hey, man, you don’t talk to the Jamie. You listen to him. The man’s enlarged my mind. He’s a poet-warrior in the classic sense. I mean sometimes he’ll… uh… well, you’ll say “hello” to him, right? And he’ll just walk right by you. He won’t even notice you. And suddenly he’ll grab you, and he’ll throw you in a corner, and he’ll say, “do you know that ‘if’ is the middle word in life? If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you, if you can trust yourself when all men doubt you”… I mean I’m no, I can’t… I’m a little man, I’m a little man, he’s… he’s a great man. I should have been a pair of ragged claws scuttling across floors of silent seas…
LB:
Let me explain to him in simple arithmetic. One, two three! Because you don’t fuckin’ get it, Burt! You give us the tapes. We get the record contract. We come back and give you your fuckin’ money. Have you heard the tapes? Have you even heard them? We’re guaranteed a record deal. Our stuff is that good!
JD:
Now I get it. Now I understand. You want it to happen… but it’s not going to happen. Because it’s a Catch-22.
i’ll fuck u till u love me
If ’twere me of writ the scene, verily:
“JD….You are a knave; a rascal; an eater of broken meats; a base, proud, shallow, beggarly, three-suited,
hundred-pound, filthy, worsted-stocking knave; a
lily-livered, action-taking knave, a whoreson,
glass-gazing, super-serviceable finical rogue;
one-trunk-inheriting slave; one that wouldst be a
bawd, in way of good service, and art nothing but
the composition of a knave, beggar, coward, pander,
and the son and heir of a mongrel bitch: one whom I
will beat into clamorous whining, if thou deniest
the least syllable of thy addition.”
“Draw, you rogue: for, though it be night, yet the moon
shines; I’ll make a sop o’ the moonshine of you:
draw, you whoreson cullionly barber-monger, draw.”
~Bill Shakespeare
LB: I said what what?
JD: In the butt.
LB: I said what What?
JD: I heard you. In the butt.
Don’t talk to me, don’t look at me,
just pick your ass up out of that
Italian leather chair and get the fuck
out of this room.
(He gets up and leaves without saying another word.)
We expect everyone here to treat their
co-workers with a certain level of
respect.
(Everyone in the room is silent and staring at Jim.)
Now before I get started I have a
question. Has anyone here passed the
series seven?
(one hand goes up)
Good for you, now you can get out too.
Let me tell you something, pendejo. You pull any of your crazy shit with us, you flash a piece out on the lanes, I’ll take it away from you, stick it up your ass and pull the fucking trigger ’til it goes “click.”
“I could eat a peach for hours”
“What what? In the butt” is one of my favorite new Dealbreaker memes.
@41 it’s stupid, and the joke work of one dbag commenter, likely you. stop trying to make it happen.
@40 excellent reference…”They took his face…..OFF”
LB: Have you ever seen what a .44 Magnum will do to a woman’s pussy?
JD: Pardon?
So. Jamie wants to go to Dorsia? Dorsia it is.
@29 FTW
@41 – Welcome to 2007.
LB: No more shines, Jamie.
JD: What?
LB: I said, no more shines. Maybe you didn’t hear about it, you’ve been away a long time. They didn’t go up there and tell you. I don’t shine shoes anymore.
JD: Relax, will ya? Ya flip right out, what’s got into you? I’m breaking your balls a little bit, that’s all. I’m only kidding with ya…
LB: Sometimes you don’t sound like you’re kidding, you know, there’s a lotta people around…
JD: I’m only kidding with you, we’re having a party, I just came home and I haven’t seen you in a long time and I’m breaking your balls, and you’re getting fucking fresh. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you.
LB: I’m sorry too. It’s okay. No problem.
JD: Okay, salud.
LB: [takes a drink] Now go home and get your fuckin’ shinebox.
LB: No more shines, Jamie.
JD: What?
LB: I said, no more shines. Maybe you didn’t hear about it, you’ve been away a long time. They didn’t go up there and tell you. I don’t shine shoes anymore.
JD: Relax, will ya? Ya flip right out, what’s got into you? I’m breaking your balls a little bit, that’s all. I’m only kidding with ya…
LB: Sometimes you don’t sound like you’re kidding, you know, there’s a lotta people around…
JD: I’m only kidding with you, we’re having a party, I just came home and I haven’t seen you in a long time and I’m breaking your balls, and you’re getting fucking fresh. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you.
LB: I’m sorry too. It’s okay. No problem.
JD: Okay, salud.
JD: [takes a drink] Now go home and get your fuckin’ shinebox.
“It… was… the… Dukes! It… was… the… Dukes!”
i would go with Tupac’s Hit ‘Em UP:
LB:
You better shut the f@ck up, Before you get smacked the f@ck up.
This is how we do it on our side, Any of you b&tches from JPM that want to bring it, Bring it. But we ain’t singing, We bringing drama, f@ck you and your mother f@cking mama
Ken Lewis: You know when flouridation began?
John Thain: I… no, no I don’t…
KL: Nineteen hundred and forty-six. Nineteen forty-six. How does that coincide with your post-war Commie conspiracy, huh? It’s incredibly obvious, isn’t it? A foreign substance is introduced into our precious bodily fluids without the knowledge of the individual. Certainly without any choice. That’s the way your hard-core Commie works.
JT: Uh, listen, tell me… when did you first… become… well, develop this theory?
KL: Well, I, uh… I… I… first became aware of it during the physical act of love.
JT: Hmmm…
KL: Yes, a, uh, profound sense of fatigue… a feeling of emptiness followed. Luckily I… I was able to interepret these feelings correctly. Loss of essence.
JT: Hmm.
KL: I can assure you it has not recurred. Women uh… women sense my power and they seek the life essence. I, uh.. I do not avoid women.
JT: No.
KL: But I… I do deny them my life essence.
LB: What happen ?
David Viniar: Somebody set up us the bomb.
Gary Cohn: We get signal.
LB: What!
GC: Main screen turn on.
LB: It’s you !!
JD: All your base are belong to us.
LB: What you say !!
JD: You have no chance to survive make your time
JD: Ha ha ha ha …
Jimmy Cayne: What are you doing with me, Jamie?
Jamie Dimon: Why?
Jimmy Cayne: I’m finished, I’m fucked. Twenty four hours ago, man, I was hot! Now… I’m a cautionary tale. You see this jacket I’m wearing, you like it? Because I don’t really need it. Because I’m cloaked in failure! I lost the number one draft picked the night before the draft! Why? Let’s recap: Because a hockey player’s kid made me feel like a superficial jerk. I ate two slices of bad pizza, went to bed and grew a concience!
Jamie Dimon: Well, boo-fucking-hoo
JD: There is no real loyalty, and the first person who taught me that was you.
LB: I figure I was trying to sleep with you at the time.
JD: Well, it worked.
@52 – Good quote, but KL drinks Boones, not grain alcohol and rainwater.
LB: Jamie, you are the wind beneath my wings.
I see dead people
the “what what in da butt” is a southpark reference if I’m not correct, and @ 53 definitely has it right, Take off every Zig(stein)!
Shut your fat ass, Rayvie! I can’t go and buy a pack of smokes without running into nine guys you’ve f@cked!
-JD
On this team, we fight for that inch
On this team, we tear ourselves, and everyone around us to pieces for that inch.
We CLAW with our finger nails for that inch. Cause we know when we add up all those inches that’s going to make the fucking difference between WINNING and LOSING between LIVING and DYING.
@61
you needed to lead with the best part
“whatever money I had, I pissed away on booze and whores…”
Just felt it necessary to take a moment to also express my gratitude to BL for these two wonderful gifts she has bestowed upon us today. I can already tell that 5770 is going to be a good year. I can only hope that LB appreciates what he has received with that Kingpin photo.
Have you ever tried to pick up your teeth with broken fingers?
LB: I’ve been trying to reach you, you’re tougher to get than the president.
JD: Well, I’ve been busy.
LB: Least you could do is return my phone calls.
JD: Listen Lloyd, we talked about this, and, uh, I explained to you there’s a possiblilty you might have to take some kind of loss.
LB: Yea, well I think I want my money back.
JD: (laughing) What are you gonna do, strong-arm me?
LB: You know, I think you got the wrong impression about me. I think in all fairness, I should explain to you exactly what it is that I do. For instance tomorrow morning I’ll get up nice and early, take a walk down over to the bank and walk in and…if you don’t have my money for me, I’ll crack your fuckin’ head wide-open in front of everybody in the bank. And just about the time that I’m comin’ out of jail, hopefully, you’ll be coming out of your coma. And guess what? I’ll split your fuckin’ head open again. ‘Cause I’m fuckin’ stupid. I don’t give a shit about jail. That’s my business. That’s what I do.
Lloyd Blankfien: “Mephistopheles” is SUCH a mouthful in Manhattan.
Jaime Dimon: Especially important is the warning to avoid conversations with the demon. We may ask what is relevant but anything beyond that is dangerous. He is a liar. The demon is a liar. He will lie to confuse us. But he will also mix lies with the truth to attack us. The attack is psychological, and powerful. So don’t listen to him. Remember that – do not listen.
@59 no it’s from a youtube vid from 2-3 years ago. Southpark was in reference to the youtube vid. Go and find it if you like-I refuse to further this stupidity by providing a link. It may be technically SFW depending on the standards where you are, but it’s probably not the best idea though.
kingpin pic = my new background. boom. done.
damn I look good (in second pic).
-LB
You know what I am talking to ….. an empty telephone
that’s a great look for LB (first pic)
there’s gonna be a showdown!
My name is Lloyd Blankfein. You shorted my Companuy stock….PREPARE TO DIE!!!!