What Should Charlie Gasparino’s Memoirs On (Possibly) Smoking Dope With Jimmy Cayne Be Called?

Posted by Bess Levin, Oct 27, 2009, 10:00am

This is from the prologue of Charlie Gasparino’s book, in which the Sellout author discusses having dinner at a Chinese restaurant with Jimmy Cayne on August 5, 2007.

When we sat down this was a different Jimmy Cayne than I had known for so long. I had always considered Cayne, now seventy-three, a youthful man. He loved to smoke cigars, and as he stated on more than one occasion he had also smoked pot (Cayne once attempted to hand me what looked like a joint in the Bear Stearns elevator).

From there Chaz goes on to discuss what in Cayne’s drug-addled mind was apparently supposed to be a diss (“…[Cayne] worked out regularly and hung out with clients and friends at San Pietro, where he spun tales about his Wall Street exploits— how he’d kicked the crap out of the competition, [like] the hated ‘Stanley Morgan,’ as he used to refer to the investment bank Morgan Stanley”), failing to revisit the matter. Why? I think you know why. How do you think Jimmy Cayne became such a huge source for Gaspo? This is Journalism 101. When we called Charlie up to press the subject further he told us, “My comment is simply this: I’m gonna save that for my next book.” Since CG has now more or less admitted to hotboxing that elevator like there was no tomorrow in pursuit of a story, the first in a series of many, many events just like it (enough to write an entire tome subject), we figured we’d better get to work helping him pen the definitive book on JC’s crisis to scrounge enough money to buy chips. Here’s a mock-up of the cover:

charlie gasparino jimmy cayne pineapple express.jpg

And some sample chapters:

Piss In This Cup: The guys go searching for a clean urine sample to appease the board of Bear Stearns.

That Stupid Fuckin’ Poster: Charlie goes absolutely postal over his inability to solve the Magic Eye.

Ma! Don’t Come In Here Ma!: Charlie takes Jimmy home to Rego Park to get high in his old room and look at “nudie mags.”

A Moment Of White Widow-Induced Clarity: Chaz and JC convince risk management to load up on “this can’t lose asset class,” subprime.

Who Is Dis Fuckin Guy?: Larry K. wraps his lips too far around the J for CG’s liking.

There’s No Way You’re DeNiro: The guys fight over who’s DeNiro and who’s Pesci.

Nobody Takes Us For A Ride: Goddamn Scungili Head: Gaspo breaks the ribs of a dealer who sells them schwag.

Funyuns: 100 pages on ‘em.

All we need is a title (and if you know of any anecdote that Chazza failed to recall, please share ate this time). The Burnout is too easy.

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Tags: Charlie Gasparino, How Three Decades Of CG and JC Getting Baked Destroyed The Global Financial System, Jimmy Cayne, just the two of us, stoners, weed

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