• 10 Nov 2009 at 12:35 PM

A Reminder From Steve Cohen

Screen shot 2009-11-10 at 12.42.04 PM.pngThe events of last week, wherein the most majestic hedge fund in all the land was implicated in the insider trading scandal du jour, were deeply distressing to us all. While SAC was reviewing the trades in question, and, thankfully, clearing itself of any wrongdoing, we went in search of a more visceral sign. Something that would say, “Nothing to see here.” Or: “Back it up, SEC. You don’t want a piece of this.” Or: “Take one step closer, and I’m not kidding, I’ll take this golf club, and I’ll bust open your skull.” Or, more simply: “Nobody fucks with the king.” This weekend in Southern Connecticut, we found it.


cards_Khearts.jpg
I don’t think anything else needs to be said here other than the King hath spoken. And also, that in my quest to clear the big guy’s name, this will be the first in a series that will be playing for the rest of the week, thanks to a generous friend of a friend. Tomorrow: the king of diamonds. You don’t want to miss it.
[For those of you ignoramuses who have no idea what the above is about, familiarize yourselves here. These were conceived, posed for, and distributed in a limited amount by SC and Co. several years ago, perhaps knowing they'd come in handy some day.]

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Comments (102)

  1. Posted by Ping | November 10, 2009 at 12:38 PM

    Stevie, you will always be King of my heart.
    xo xo

  2. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 12:39 PM

    holy shit

  3. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 12:39 PM

    someone has a death wish….

  4. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 12:41 PM

    amazing

  5. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 12:41 PM

    so who turned over the cards to BL?

  6. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 12:44 PM

    I see where this is going
    Ace of spades-Stan O
    Joker-KL
    etc…

  7. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 12:45 PM

    yummy!!!
    -PJ

  8. Posted by Bess Levin | November 10, 2009 at 12:46 PM

    @6 no, you don’t see where this is going, because all the cards are of SC and the Cohens, which they shot and posed for themselves several years ago.
    etc…

  9. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 12:47 PM

    Ohhhh Bessy, you gunna be in trouble…….

  10. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 12:49 PM

    what in God’s name was he thinking? this is going to hurt.

  11. Posted by Anal_yst | November 10, 2009 at 12:51 PM

    How did this take so long?
    He looks SOOO regal in that pic

  12. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 12:51 PM

    “Cohen may not be impressed by his own billions, but Alex has coaxed him into “lavish entertaining, round-the-world art-buying trips, white-gloved butlers, that sort of thing,” says an old acquaintance. For a housewarming party, she sent out an invitation she thought of herself: a deck of playing cards with a photograph of Steve as the king in a velvet robe and crown, herself as the queen, the children, and various and sundry household help as other cards.”
    nice work, wifey.

  13. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 12:52 PM

    I have reviewed all my Turbo Tax filings and found nothing suspicious.
    -TG

  14. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 12:53 PM

    you can rest assured stevie will be interrogating everyone who was at that party in order to find out who gave this to BL.

  15. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 12:54 PM

    @Bess how much for the deck?

  16. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 12:56 PM

    I don’t see the big deal.
    Lynne Tilton

  17. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 12:56 PM

    for a guy who hates to have his picture (sans crown and robe) out in the public this must be his sex tape moment.

  18. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 12:57 PM

    @Bess and @12
    Well now I’m even more excited to see the next card, and curious to see what makes up enough various and sundry household help to constitute 52 playing cards
    @6

  19. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 12:58 PM

    OK, now this is starting to creep me out.
    -SC

  20. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 12:58 PM

    He looks like a bullfrog.

  21. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 12:58 PM

    golf clap for mrs. cohen (the vision behind this thing).

  22. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 1:00 PM

    Is this a Wall Street tabloid or the community update for Yeshiva University? How about a Jewbargo for a day?

  23. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 1:02 PM

    @22 are you really that stupid?

  24. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 1:03 PM

    @22 I went to Wharton. Eat a dick.
    -the king

  25. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 1:04 PM

    @ 23 = racist

  26. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 1:05 PM

    Bess, he is going to rip you an new a-hole.

  27. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 1:07 PM

    spoiler alert: the king of clubs is some creepy-ass S&M shit (not kidding. ask bess).

  28. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 1:13 PM

    as a current employee of the king, would it be a bad idea to make this my wallpaper at work? pls advise.

  29. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 1:14 PM

    ok people “the crown says [this] but the fleece says [that].” let’s get it going.

  30. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 1:15 PM

    @25: examine your motives

  31. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 1:16 PM

    if you’re looking for an out go for it.
    betty yet try to get someone in IT to put it on the intranet.

  32. Posted by Perkins Maxwell | November 10, 2009 at 1:18 PM

    Magic. Sheer magic, Bess. We know who the Queen of Hearts in the Financial World Deck is.

  33. Posted by Tax Chick | November 10, 2009 at 1:18 PM

    The crown says I act like a king, the goiter says I eat like a peasant.

  34. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 1:20 PM

    @31 who are you responding to?

  35. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 1:23 PM

    @28 it’s a GREAT idea.

  36. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 1:24 PM

    is that a fleece robe?

  37. Posted by Norman Chad | November 10, 2009 at 1:26 PM

    The ace of spades is the prettiest card in the deck, Lan.

  38. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 1:26 PM

    @36 it’s an early model snuggie. SC is a pioneer.

  39. Posted by Tax Chick | November 10, 2009 at 1:26 PM

    @34 – presumably @31 is responding to the inquiry posted by @28

  40. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 1:28 PM

    Ribbit……ribbit…..ribbit

  41. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 1:28 PM

    34 clearly went to a SUNY.

  42. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 1:31 PM

    @11/Anal_yst
    First time in a while that I laughed at that. Well done.

  43. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 1:35 PM

    @40 That was just mean.

  44. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 1:41 PM

    Bess, despite what he says, if you kiss him he will not turn into a prince.

  45. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 1:41 PM

    @26 – I think that’s what Bess is hoping for, finally…

  46. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 1:46 PM

    King ‘o Farts?

  47. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 1:46 PM

    take your bone out of my mouth
    -dennis kneale

  48. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 1:50 PM

    The golf club is probably 3 feet tall. So what is he, like 4 1/2 feet. He looks like a dwarf.

  49. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 1:52 PM

    @48 -
    Take that back, or I am going to make you that golf clubs little bitch.
    SAC

  50. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 1:53 PM

    RIBBIT…..RIBBIT…..RIBBBBBBIT!!!!!

  51. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 1:55 PM

    Who is more powerful, LB or SC?
    sc

  52. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 1:55 PM

    I find all these comments about a certain wonderful hedge fund owner to be reprehensible. It is even beneath me to respond to the commentary in this blog. Today while rinsing one of our home’s 43 degree F, temperature controlled, 50 bidet parlors with a 300 count Egyption cotton fabric and a touch of the finest Clorox available, I got a small spot on my tuxedo and white gloves and such a spot made me think of all of you in an equestrian term: Horse cocks.
    Subserviently,
    “Briggston”
    Butler and Valet to a Wonderful, Fleeced Hedge Fund Owner in Connecticut

  53. Posted by Seaman Bodine II | November 10, 2009 at 1:57 PM

    Well, it’s a well known fact, Sonny Jim, that there’s a secret society of the five wealthiest people in the world, known as The Pentavirate, who run everything in the world, including the newspapers, and meet tri-annually at a secret country mansion in Stamford, known as The Meadows.

  54. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 2:04 PM

    Fat slob

  55. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 2:06 PM

    @52 What would it take to prise a fine gentleman such as yourself from that funny looking gnome?

  56. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 2:06 PM

    You guys are disgusting. Why would you dig into the personal life of someone who has done nothing wrong? I bet we could find a lot of dirt on you bloggers and spiteful commenters. Just remember what goes around comes around.
    And to the person who gave away what was a very personal gift, you are a real class act!

  57. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 2:10 PM

    @30 = anti-semite

  58. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 2:12 PM

    Somebody say it.
    Please.
    Steve Cohen is a ……..

  59. Posted by aarrttri | November 10, 2009 at 2:13 PM

    Remember the “World’s Most Dangerous Battery” viral video?
    Here is another viral video for the “World’s SAFEST Battery”.
    They pierced through a real battery to cause a huge explosion.
    Among mobile phone batteries, notebook batteries,
    there is only one battery that doesn’t explode…… Watch this:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CxlBvKrgVNw

  60. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 2:14 PM

    Is 56 for real?

  61. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 2:15 PM

    @56 – Mrs. C reads DB?? Who knew!!

  62. Posted by Becky Boot Fan | November 10, 2009 at 2:16 PM

    HE’S THE WIZ…AND NOOOOOOOOBODY BEATS HIM!!!

  63. Posted by Anal_yst | November 10, 2009 at 2:17 PM

    @56
    Dennis Kneale?

  64. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 2:17 PM

    @ 62 FTW! ROR!

  65. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 2:20 PM

    56 is Alex Cohen, w/o question.

  66. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 2:24 PM

    If you hold up a blacklight on his rope, you will see the stain.
    Andrea Tong

  67. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 2:25 PM

    Lloyd Blankfein is more powerful than Stevie. What a stupid question, @51, go back to Houston.

  68. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 2:27 PM

    @56 very personal gift? isn’t that usually reserved for nude shots?

  69. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 2:29 PM

    @56 is clearly the 10 of Hearts

  70. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 2:29 PM

    What is that in his hand, a curling broom?

  71. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 2:31 PM

    Do not anger the GOD-TOAD!!!!!
    Ribbit …riBBITT…RIBBBBBIITTTT!!

  72. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 2:33 PM

    @70 – looks like a 3-wood, or a very old-school driver, with the very bottom of the picture cut off.

  73. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 2:37 PM

    alex cohen@56 serious question. what’s so bad about this pic? I think he looks good. do the cards get progressively worse?

  74. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 2:39 PM

    15=Daniel Berkowitz

  75. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 2:39 PM

    @51/67 Lloyd is a humble servant of G-d.

  76. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 2:47 PM

    @74 what makes you say berkowitz? so he can j/off to them in his porsche?

  77. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 2:52 PM

    @76 he handles the petty cash now.

  78. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 2:52 PM

    @62 Excellent

  79. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 2:55 PM

    @77 right but I’m asking if you think Berkowitz is offering money for the cards for his own collection or if he’s doing so under orders by SC.

  80. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 3:04 PM

    @74 = keith moss

  81. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 3:05 PM

    @61 Mrs. C reads? Who knew!!

  82. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 3:07 PM

    @81 – Wrong. Mrs. C. has things read to her. Now get back to work, peon!

  83. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 3:09 PM

    @80 doubtful but thanks for that. I had a good snarf.

  84. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 3:09 PM

    @82 Not without pictures she don’t.

  85. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 3:12 PM

    oh shit do we have the current AND EX wife (@84/82)??

  86. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 3:16 PM

    @46, rawks!
    @56, booo!!

  87. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 3:19 PM

    @76/79 Oh. Ha!
    Now I will be haunted by that image.

  88. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 3:26 PM

    Alexandra, who grew up in the Bronx and is described by a friend as “dark-haired and pretty in a petite way,” through a dating service after divorcing his first wife. “From the time she was a child, Alex always said she wanted to marry a millionaire. She struck out,” jokes a family friend. “She got a billionaire.”
    Business Week: Women Who Really Think They Are *That* Good in Bed and the Rich Boobs Who Marry Them, Part 1

  89. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 3:40 PM

    @88 – Well, if you can’t arrange to be born into the Lucky Sperm Club, at least you can aspire to become a Lucky Sperm Receptacle.
    AC

  90. Posted by John A | November 10, 2009 at 3:45 PM

    @67 Never left Houston, bitch.

  91. Posted by Tax Chick | November 10, 2009 at 4:05 PM

    @88 – Steve and Alex Cohen, Dr. Mary Sonnett, Dr. Herbert Pardes, and Wilhelmina Manzano
    http://www.nysocialdiary.com/i/partypictures/04_24_08/pres/_MG_6057.jpg

  92. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 4:11 PM

    @80 that would make my day…

  93. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 4:38 PM

    I trust these cards get progressively worse? awesome.

  94. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 4:50 PM

    @93,
    I think there must be something ugly out there. Think about it this way–Mission Control is a smart guy, so he must realize nobody would give a fvck about his picture if he wasn’t so secretive; that is, unless there were pics of some wild $h!t, so keep digging Bess. We know it’s out there…

  95. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 5:00 PM

    @94 as someone who received the deck (though not the one who gave it to Bess), I can assure you that there is at least one pic in there he’d rather people not see.

  96. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 5:14 PM

    Bess you need to have a SAC Swag Sale, with this obviously being the big ticket item.

  97. Posted by Anal_yst | November 10, 2009 at 5:15 PM

    @95
    Does it involve a Zamboni? You don’t have to tell us everything, just answer me that one question, please, I implore you!

  98. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 5:16 PM

    @anal_yst- no.

  99. Posted by guest | November 10, 2009 at 10:19 PM

    Mrs. Steve Cohen (@56) reads DB. Awesome.

  100. Posted by guest | November 11, 2009 at 6:56 AM

    100. Suck on my prestige bitches 1-99

  101. Posted by Chuck Krug | November 11, 2009 at 9:34 AM

    @56 Mrs Cohen, did it ever occur to you that dressing up as a king makes one look arrogant?

  102. Posted by guest | February 4, 2010 at 4:47 PM

    What happened to the guy who ran out on Alex Garcia Cohen when she was pregnant with Josh? He might try to marry Patricia Finke Cohen.