A Reminder From Steve Cohen

Screen shot 2009-11-10 at 12.42.04 PM.pngThe events of last week, wherein the most majestic hedge fund in all the land was implicated in the insider trading scandal du jour, were deeply distressing to us all. While SAC was reviewing the trades in question, and, thankfully, clearing itself of any wrongdoing, we went in search of a more visceral sign. Something that would say, “Nothing to see here.” Or: “Back it up, SEC. You don’t want a piece of this.” Or: “Take one step closer, and I’m not kidding, I’ll take this golf club, and I’ll bust open your skull.” Or, more simply: “Nobody fucks with the king.” This weekend in Southern Connecticut, we found it.

I don’t think anything else needs to be said here other than the King hath spoken. And also, that in my quest to clear the big guy’s name, this will be the first in a series that will be playing for the rest of the week, thanks to a generous friend of a friend. Tomorrow: the king of diamonds. You don’t want to miss it.
[For those of you ignoramuses who have no idea what the above is about, familiarize yourselves here. These were conceived, posed for, and distributed in a limited amount by SC and Co. several years ago, perhaps knowing they’d come in handy some day.]

(hidden for your protection)
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102 Responses to “A Reminder From Steve Cohen”

  1. Ping says:

    Stevie, you will always be King of my heart.
    xo xo

  2. guest says:

    holy shit

  3. guest says:

    someone has a death wish….

  4. guest says:


  5. guest says:

    so who turned over the cards to BL?

  6. guest says:

    I see where this is going
    Ace of spades-Stan O

  7. guest says:


  8. Bess Levin says:

    @6 no, you don’t see where this is going, because all the cards are of SC and the Cohens, which they shot and posed for themselves several years ago.

  9. guest says:

    Ohhhh Bessy, you gunna be in trouble…….

  10. guest says:

    what in God’s name was he thinking? this is going to hurt.

  11. Anal_yst says:

    How did this take so long?
    He looks SOOO regal in that pic

  12. guest says:

    “Cohen may not be impressed by his own billions, but Alex has coaxed him into “lavish entertaining, round-the-world art-buying trips, white-gloved butlers, that sort of thing,” says an old acquaintance. For a housewarming party, she sent out an invitation she thought of herself: a deck of playing cards with a photograph of Steve as the king in a velvet robe and crown, herself as the queen, the children, and various and sundry household help as other cards.”
    nice work, wifey.

  13. guest says:

    I have reviewed all my Turbo Tax filings and found nothing suspicious.

  14. guest says:

    you can rest assured stevie will be interrogating everyone who was at that party in order to find out who gave this to BL.

  15. guest says:

    @Bess how much for the deck?

  16. guest says:

    I don’t see the big deal.
    Lynne Tilton

  17. guest says:

    for a guy who hates to have his picture (sans crown and robe) out in the public this must be his sex tape moment.

  18. guest says:

    @Bess and @12
    Well now I’m even more excited to see the next card, and curious to see what makes up enough various and sundry household help to constitute 52 playing cards

  19. guest says:

    OK, now this is starting to creep me out.

  20. guest says:

    He looks like a bullfrog.

  21. guest says:

    golf clap for mrs. cohen (the vision behind this thing).

  22. guest says:

    Is this a Wall Street tabloid or the community update for Yeshiva University? How about a Jewbargo for a day?

  23. guest says:

    @22 are you really that stupid?

  24. guest says:

    @22 I went to Wharton. Eat a dick.
    -the king

  25. guest says:

    @ 23 = racist

  26. guest says:

    Bess, he is going to rip you an new a-hole.

  27. guest says:

    spoiler alert: the king of clubs is some creepy-ass S&M shit (not kidding. ask bess).

  28. guest says:

    as a current employee of the king, would it be a bad idea to make this my wallpaper at work? pls advise.

  29. guest says:

    ok people “the crown says [this] but the fleece says [that].” let’s get it going.

  30. guest says:

    @25: examine your motives

  31. guest says:

    if you’re looking for an out go for it.
    betty yet try to get someone in IT to put it on the intranet.

  32. Perkins Maxwell says:

    Magic. Sheer magic, Bess. We know who the Queen of Hearts in the Financial World Deck is.

  33. Tax Chick says:

    The crown says I act like a king, the goiter says I eat like a peasant.

  34. guest says:

    @31 who are you responding to?

  35. guest says:

    @28 it’s a GREAT idea.

  36. guest says:

    is that a fleece robe?

  37. Norman Chad says:

    The ace of spades is the prettiest card in the deck, Lan.

  38. guest says:

    @36 it’s an early model snuggie. SC is a pioneer.

  39. Tax Chick says:

    @34 – presumably @31 is responding to the inquiry posted by @28

  40. guest says:


  41. guest says:

    34 clearly went to a SUNY.

  42. guest says:

    First time in a while that I laughed at that. Well done.

  43. guest says:

    @40 That was just mean.

  44. guest says:

    Bess, despite what he says, if you kiss him he will not turn into a prince.

  45. guest says:

    @26 – I think that’s what Bess is hoping for, finally…

  46. guest says:

    King ‘o Farts?

  47. guest says:

    take your bone out of my mouth
    -dennis kneale

  48. guest says:

    The golf club is probably 3 feet tall. So what is he, like 4 1/2 feet. He looks like a dwarf.

  49. guest says:

    @48 –
    Take that back, or I am going to make you that golf clubs little bitch.

  50. guest says:


  51. guest says:

    Who is more powerful, LB or SC?

  52. guest says:

    I find all these comments about a certain wonderful hedge fund owner to be reprehensible. It is even beneath me to respond to the commentary in this blog. Today while rinsing one of our home’s 43 degree F, temperature controlled, 50 bidet parlors with a 300 count Egyption cotton fabric and a touch of the finest Clorox available, I got a small spot on my tuxedo and white gloves and such a spot made me think of all of you in an equestrian term: Horse cocks.
    Butler and Valet to a Wonderful, Fleeced Hedge Fund Owner in Connecticut

  53. Seaman Bodine II says:

    Well, it’s a well known fact, Sonny Jim, that there’s a secret society of the five wealthiest people in the world, known as The Pentavirate, who run everything in the world, including the newspapers, and meet tri-annually at a secret country mansion in Stamford, known as The Meadows.

  54. guest says:

    Fat slob

  55. guest says:

    @52 What would it take to prise a fine gentleman such as yourself from that funny looking gnome?

  56. guest says:

    You guys are disgusting. Why would you dig into the personal life of someone who has done nothing wrong? I bet we could find a lot of dirt on you bloggers and spiteful commenters. Just remember what goes around comes around.
    And to the person who gave away what was a very personal gift, you are a real class act!

  57. guest says:

    @30 = anti-semite

  58. guest says:

    Somebody say it.
    Steve Cohen is a ……..

  59. aarrttri says:

    Remember the “World’s Most Dangerous Battery” viral video?
    Here is another viral video for the “World’s SAFEST Battery”.
    They pierced through a real battery to cause a huge explosion.
    Among mobile phone batteries, notebook batteries,
    there is only one battery that doesn’t explode…… Watch this:

  60. guest says:

    Is 56 for real?

  61. guest says:

    @56 – Mrs. C reads DB?? Who knew!!

  62. Becky Boot Fan says:


  63. Anal_yst says:

    Dennis Kneale?

  64. guest says:

    @ 62 FTW! ROR!

  65. guest says:

    56 is Alex Cohen, w/o question.

  66. guest says:

    If you hold up a blacklight on his rope, you will see the stain.
    Andrea Tong

  67. guest says:

    Lloyd Blankfein is more powerful than Stevie. What a stupid question, @51, go back to Houston.

  68. guest says:

    @56 very personal gift? isn’t that usually reserved for nude shots?

  69. guest says:

    @56 is clearly the 10 of Hearts

  70. guest says:

    What is that in his hand, a curling broom?

  71. guest says:

    Do not anger the GOD-TOAD!!!!!

  72. guest says:

    @70 – looks like a 3-wood, or a very old-school driver, with the very bottom of the picture cut off.

  73. guest says:

    alex cohen@56 serious question. what’s so bad about this pic? I think he looks good. do the cards get progressively worse?

  74. guest says:

    15=Daniel Berkowitz

  75. guest says:

    @51/67 Lloyd is a humble servant of G-d.

  76. guest says:

    @74 what makes you say berkowitz? so he can j/off to them in his porsche?

  77. guest says:

    @76 he handles the petty cash now.

  78. guest says:

    @62 Excellent

  79. guest says:

    @77 right but I’m asking if you think Berkowitz is offering money for the cards for his own collection or if he’s doing so under orders by SC.

  80. guest says:

    @74 = keith moss

  81. guest says:

    @61 Mrs. C reads? Who knew!!

  82. guest says:

    @81 – Wrong. Mrs. C. has things read to her. Now get back to work, peon!

  83. guest says:

    @80 doubtful but thanks for that. I had a good snarf.

  84. guest says:

    @82 Not without pictures she don’t.

  85. guest says:

    oh shit do we have the current AND EX wife (@84/82)??

  86. guest says:

    @46, rawks!
    @56, booo!!

  87. guest says:

    @76/79 Oh. Ha!
    Now I will be haunted by that image.

  88. guest says:

    Alexandra, who grew up in the Bronx and is described by a friend as “dark-haired and pretty in a petite way,” through a dating service after divorcing his first wife. “From the time she was a child, Alex always said she wanted to marry a millionaire. She struck out,” jokes a family friend. “She got a billionaire.”
    Business Week: Women Who Really Think They Are *That* Good in Bed and the Rich Boobs Who Marry Them, Part 1

  89. guest says:

    @88 – Well, if you can’t arrange to be born into the Lucky Sperm Club, at least you can aspire to become a Lucky Sperm Receptacle.

  90. John A says:

    @67 Never left Houston, bitch.

  91. Tax Chick says:

    @88 – Steve and Alex Cohen, Dr. Mary Sonnett, Dr. Herbert Pardes, and Wilhelmina Manzano

  92. guest says:

    @80 that would make my day…

  93. guest says:

    I trust these cards get progressively worse? awesome.

  94. guest says:

    I think there must be something ugly out there. Think about it this way–Mission Control is a smart guy, so he must realize nobody would give a fvck about his picture if he wasn’t so secretive; that is, unless there were pics of some wild $h!t, so keep digging Bess. We know it’s out there…

  95. guest says:

    @94 as someone who received the deck (though not the one who gave it to Bess), I can assure you that there is at least one pic in there he’d rather people not see.

  96. guest says:

    Bess you need to have a SAC Swag Sale, with this obviously being the big ticket item.

  97. Anal_yst says:

    Does it involve a Zamboni? You don’t have to tell us everything, just answer me that one question, please, I implore you!

  98. guest says:

    @anal_yst- no.

  99. guest says:

    Mrs. Steve Cohen (@56) reads DB. Awesome.

  100. guest says:

    100. Suck on my prestige bitches 1-99

  101. Chuck Krug says:

    @56 Mrs Cohen, did it ever occur to you that dressing up as a king makes one look arrogant?

  102. guest says:

    What happened to the guy who ran out on Alex Garcia Cohen when she was pregnant with Josh? He might try to marry Patricia Finke Cohen.