For most of this week, our singular mission has been to defend the most majestic hedge fund in all the land, vis-à-vis the hideous suggestion they may have been tainted by the insider trading scandal du jour. Our message has been simply this: Steve Cohen is the king, and nobody fucks with his majesty. And yet. Some people? Still don’t get it. Take this story, entitled “SAC Capital Ex-Analyst Under Probe.” The particular trading in question took place while the employee was at another firm entirely. But someone–Rupert–just had to drag the Kingdom of Cohen into the conversation, didn’t they? So, today, I’m going to show you people what you can expect if you don’t back the shit off. I mean it. Shut it with this insider trading crap, as it relates to the big guy and his li’l guys, or the following scenario is in your future. IF YOU’RE LUCKY.
I truly hope we don’t have to continue.
[For those of you ignoramuses who have no idea what the above is about, familiarize yourselves here. These were conceived, posed for, and distributed in a limited amount by SC and Co. several years ago, perhaps knowing they'd come in handy some day.]
Earlier: A Follow Up Message From Steve Cohen’s Magic Kingdom (King of Diamonds)
Earlier than that: A Reminder From Steve Cohen (King of Hearts)
holy fucking shit
what.the.fuck.
uhhhhhh. what in god’s name is going on in that pic?
Breathtaking.
A man becomes preeminent, he’s expected to have enthusiasms. Enthusiasms, enthusiasms… What are mine? What draws my admiration? What is that which gives me joy? Baseball[1]! A man stands alone at the plate. This is the time for what? For individual achievement. There he stands alone. But in the field, what? Part of a team. Teamwork… Looks, throws, catches, hustles. Part of one big team. Bats himself the live-long day, Babe Ruth, Ty Cobb, and so on. If his team don’t field… what is he? You follow me? No one. Sunny day, the stands are full of fans. What does he have to say? I’m goin’ out there for myself. But… I get nowhere unless the team wins.
-sc
[1] I play Baseball with a golf club
wtf
these are actually getting better!
where are the ones with the servants on them?
TRB
Really?! Alex thought this was a good idea?!
Perhaps she was sending secret messages that if she is found dead with zamboni tracks across her back, look no further than her beloved.
finally a decent picture of bess
Lucky bitch.
-ping j (beat me steve, please! hurt me, make me your rag-doll!)
Bess, Do you burn with jelousy!! Just wait to see the divot he takes!
@9 the girl about to have the club shoved up her ass is alex, steve’s wife (ie the the one who came up w these cards).
i like the zip up sweater. He is so casual and easy going-
The look says come sit on my lap. Of course he would be speaking to lil boys…
Not a bad grip there, Stevie… Now get back to your ice resurfacing machine
He’s a loathsome offensive brute, yet I can’t look away.
current kingdom employee here. I realize making this my wallpaper would be a bad idea, but what if I just IMed it to a few colleagues who might not have seen it? please advise.
look how much hair he has, these must be old pics.
HAHAHAHAHAHA, anger mgmt classes don\’t seem so bad anymore.
-Biff
KING OF THE CLUB IS DICK GRASSO NOT STEVE COHEN!
-CG
holy fuck he’s going to beat you to death w that club bess.
Is this the updated version of Al Pacino with a baseball bat?
the playful smile with hands on her cheeks says – “I’m the shy girl from next door”; the kicked up heals and slightly arched @$$ says – “give it to me (in the) rough stevie”…
I heard he likes it cold in his trading room and I don’t know how cold they keep things at SAC, but my head’s at a nice -321 degrees F.
~Ted Williams
wow, stevie’s into some kinky ass shit.
He is like King Arthur, and she is like the Lady of the 13th Hole Water Hazard.
…strange women, lying in ponds distributing golf clubs, is no basis for a legitimate business plan!
-a bloody peasant
Rich people just are so cute from time to time.
i love my life
He married his daughter?
@28 that’s his wife (this pic is several yrs old).
#17, that’s not an older picture, it’s one helluva combover action!
Just my luck! When I had my wife take pictures of me for my playing cards all she got were plumber’s crack pics above the bike seat and the effing AIG sweatshirt.
The Cass Man
mrs. cohen looks like she likes to party, and should call me.
Combover alert!! My advice to my ex-boss is to keep the crown on his regal head, while releasing Alex’s magnificent tresses from their monstrous captivity underneath that Scottish thingamajig.
Combover alert!! My advice to my ex-boss is to keep the crown on his regal head, while releasing Alex’s magnificent tresses from their monstrous captivity underneath that Scottish thingamajig.
Combover alert!! My advice to my ex-boss is to keep the crown on his regal head, while releasing Alex’s magnificent tresses from their monstrous captivity underneath that Scottish thingamajig.
Combover alert!! My advice to my ex-boss is to keep the crown on his regal head, while releasing Alex’s magnificent tresses from their monstrous captivity underneath that Scottish thingamajig.
Combover alert!! My advice to my ex-boss is to keep the crown on his regal head, while releasing Alex’s magnificent tresses from their monstrous captivity underneath that Scottish thingamajig.
@33-35 ping?
$20 says she was goin commando in this pic.
Trying my best to not to guffaw and get weird looks from my co-workers. Wow, that deck of cards is a treasure trove.
so bess are you coming to the holiday party this year?
33-37 is laid off and in therapy for keyboard tourette’s.
@anal_yst she’s in jeans, so who cares?
bess you are playing with fire. I fear for your life.
@Anal – commando in jeans is not particularly pleasant. My money is on a pink g-string.
Alex, this gift was no doubt your idea and now it is being used to hurt Steve. Another great decision by you to figure out what to do with your time and Steve’s money. How many other things have you done to embarrass your husband? As for the “friends” you gave the cards to, well maybe now you will see you don’t have any friends. P.S. the ones you buy don’t count. And the people you have hurt over the years will come back to “PLAY” you.
Steve, just SAY NO!
Does my ass look fat in that pic?
-Alex
@TaxChick/Anal_yst- preemptively asking that you please don’t threadjack this awesomeness with inane flirty banter. This is about me. Focus.
-sc
can we take guesses as to who 46 is?
SLORE!
@46 what are you talking about? BL isn’t trying to hurt steve, she LOVES steve.
@48/ SC – no threadjacking. But we are talking about what the wifey is wearing (or not) under her denim. Care to share?
If push came to shove and I absolutely had to, I would probably make gentle love to that woman’s rear end.
@49,
#46 = Troll
Stevie doesn’t mess around with no homo vardon overlap, it’s ten fingers or nothing baby.
WTF? Nobody ever said anything about eating cottage cheese out of his ass.
Smashing your wife’s face in with a nine iron is the new killing it.
I am pretty sure Stevie C. is hung like a bullmoose in humid weather.
Toothy Ruthie
pretty sure she’s wearing an oversized pair of men’s white fruit of the loom undies with tears and brown streaks in the back …
What my husband and I do after he wipes the cookie crumbles off his face is our special, private and sacred time together. How dare all of you judge our role-playing preferences, or my sense of art direction. As this picture shows, that I have taste is obvious.
- A.Cohen
You can take the girl out of the Bronx, but you can’t take the Bronx out of the girl.
@49 or the ex wife
when does stevie put a stop to this (ie when does he kill BL, or grant her a ride on the zamboni)?
Bess Levin, I bow down to YOU. Well done.
-The King
@57- Took the words out of my mouth.
Bess you are on motherfucking fire today. Did you have dinner with CG last night?
SC, boss, I know it’s against da rules to do woik for a jew bastard but me and my crew is real incensed by this lack of respect from Beth Levin and da mezzamort’ giamoke rat dat gave out da pictures of youse and your beautiful wife.
My crew’s ready. Say da word and it’s done.
- vinny
@65 I saw her at Hula Hanks, so I’m thinking somewhere closer to (stevie’s) home.
he still wears the same pair of glasses
@67- I thought Bessie was one of us city-folk. What brings her to CT?
-65
@69 she is. I guess out w sources?
wow. as an employee of the king I did not see this coming.
Why doesn’t Cliffy do stupid shit like this?
I take it back. I am not a Lucky Sperm Receptacle. I am a Lucky Sperm Tee Box.
AC
If he was really any good, he’d be using the 43″ driver, not that gripped down little 4 iron he’s using. Have some confidence in your swing man!
Fellow commenters,
We must all share these beautiful cards with the outside world.
For Stevie.
If I were a hetero male, Bess would be the first lady I’d want to get it on with, coz’ when she’s hot, like today, no one else tops her.
You know there is a reason that the majority of ridiculously wealthy people are D-Bags. Good job on taking someone who actually had a sense of humor and throwing it in their face.
$50 says he went through with that swing
Do you think Stevie called up Pulliam at the WSJ and yelled at her for getting that headline so wrong. If you’re going to after the King at least get your facts right.
@77 you’re joking right? steve has no sense of humor about himself. also, what was wrong with bess’s post? did she do anything but praise him?
@77 “Good job on taking someone who actually had a sense of humor and throwing it in their face. ”
Good job failing to understand, no matter how clear I’ve made it time and time again, that SC is my Everest and that when I stick up for/praise him I’m doing so sincerely. Nothing was thrown in his face here except my love/obsession. In fact, I believe I referred to him as the king, and told the Journal to get off his case. Then I showed a picture of him looking like the regal-ass motherfucker he is. In sum: S a fucking D.
Do you have the other picture with the ball on her ass?
@77 – Sure Bess because the majority of the comments on this page aren’t hate filled or anything like that.
Gee, how many more ex-trader/analyst under investigation stories have to come out before that’s all stevie will be doing is playing golf?
If SC was a real hitter he would be resting his balls on her chin – just sayin’
@83 surely you’re not small minded enough to think that bess can control what the public’s perception of SC is, are you? last I checked that was his publicist’s job.
@77/83 are you serious? bess has stated her opinion plainly. she is a fan of SC. do you expect everyone to be in the exact same agreement? also, you’re confusing humor with hate. you should get a sense of the latter. most people here, while making jokes, respect Steve C. get off your high horse.
@83 get off SC’s dick. he posed for these pictures, and distributed them. once they’re out of his hands, case closed. if he was embarrassed about them, he wouldnt have handed them out. since he did, we can assume he’s fine w them. he’s a big boy (/billionaire). he’ll be fine. piss off.
@87 “Bess a fan of SC”?? “Most people here making jokes, respect Steve C.”??? Are you blind? Did that putt-putt S&M hat slide down and blind you Mrs. C? Or are you attempting to put spin on comments that show the pervasive lack of respect for SC? Everyone on the Street knows he’s a raving lunatic nutjob and that photo really says it all.
88 is Alex Cohen, w/o question.
Disgusting.
I heard he’s in blackface on the king of spades
I just realized how this all works: the mothership is SAC Capital, and SAC funds these other hedge funds, who are started by ex-traders of SAC. Why does he do this? Why did he fund Julie Mackelowe’s fund, for example, or any of these people, like Adam Sender? Well, it’s because these people can get the information he needs from their sources without being at SAC. SAC can profit from these people’s activities by simply investing in the fund. This way, Cohen and SAC aren’t directly implicated in any wrong doing…SAC doesn’t trade the stocks in question, only the splinter funds do. Yet SAC profits. Ingenious.
@93 1. it took you that long to realize all that? 2. did sc give money to macklowe? i thought it was all from izzy englander.
@94 izzy gave her money to start her new fund. she was funded previously by SAC, about 150 mil, the standard rate, though people falsely claim she worked at sac. she didnt but she worked out of the offices. this is also standard.
i also just read that choo beng lee, the guy who helped run stratix, asked cohen for a job after closing stratix in march 2009. i guess i missed the significance of this – the feds probably asked him to do so in order to get inside SAC. This would suggest they are really gunning to take SAC down.
will raj turn on Cohen, if he can?
@95 that also suggests SEC doesn’t have what they need to take the firm down.
its amazing to me how SEC are using gang infiltration tactics to take these guys down like wiretapping and planted moles.
i too wonder if raj will turn on cohen if he can.
@95 hmm are you sure? pretty sure she was a PM for sigma, which is not the flagship but still an SAC fund.
i bet u they take down adam sender. he traded in emc corp in 2007 heavily and is funded by cohen, one of the first. this guy already had a rap sheet with anthony pellicano dealings and other stuff. fuked up.
@97 by ‘turn on cohen,’ do you mean sell him out or get him hard?
@99 you’re a god damn idiot. you know that, right? (also, Sender hasn’t had SAC money for several years now.)
@98 u r right. i stand corrected. however, i know she was given 150 to “manage.” i dont think this affects my overall thesis.
The very rich are different from you and me.
~S. Fitzgerald
Blinking Green Light
@101 lol @ your ignorance. which part is “idiotic” exactly?
deepcapture.com has been reporting on sender being an sac crony for some time.
so what if cohen pulled his money recently? what exactly does that prove? i dont believe he pulled his money from sender’s firm in the first place and i dont believe you’re in a position to know.
lastly, if he did pull his money it can only be for bad reasons anyway.
@105 deep capture is also a deranged lunatic. what does it prove? it proves that when you stated sender currently had SAC money you were wrong.
106 = adam sender
yeah it also proves that cohen pulled his money from sender cause hes a dingbat umpa lumpa who put stevie at risk. what an idiot. @105, if ur working with sender i would get the fuck out…..now.
So, Mr. Cohen’s alma mater finally wins one against Harvard and all of a sudden he’s taken up golf and pretending to be a WASP?
What’s next?
A 10 foot Douglas Fir Christmas tree in the lobby?
He dumps Alex for a 30 something vegan from Vermont whose lineage dates back to the Mayflower?
He trades his pastel pink Frederick’s of Hollywood silk XXX nightie in for a pair of flannel PJ’s from LL Bean?
@109 the picture was taken 5-6 yrs ago