When Zvi “Octopussy” Goffer decided to dip one of his tentacles in the sweetness of insider trading, do you think he realized all that he’d be forced to give up if caught? Obviously we’re not talking about his wife, child, and freedom to wear tracksuits here, but rather the chance to wake up with his brother and a bunch of other dudes the morning after what appears to have been quite the rager?
Caption Contest Friday: How Can We Get Back To Here?
Posted by Bess Levin, Nov 06, 2009, 12:43pm
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Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 12:46PM
That was a testicle, not a tentacle, and, well, the consequences are dire.
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 12:47PM
what the fuck kind of dildo is that thing? (the green thing).
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 12:48PM
Super Ballsy Cock, duh...
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 12:49PM
Is that a tiger in the bathroom?
Posted by merkin capital partners , Nov 06, 2009 12:49PM
The maroon pleather sectional says I can afford the finer things in life, but the children's toys say CPS is on the way.
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 12:50PM
What a shitty-looking apartment.
The Guy from Delaware
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 12:50PM
G&T's and bong hits.
-JimmayC
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 12:51PM
these guys are the biggest bunch of jewbroni meatheads. awesome.
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 12:52PM
I will have to crash that thing this year! Yummay!
-ping j
Posted by NakedShort , Nov 06, 2009 12:53PM
@2 its a part of the multicolored baby bouncy chair in the foreground.
-Guy whose kid has the same bouncy chair
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 12:54PM
they should be put away just for that couch! Tragic!
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 12:54PM
they were insider trading and that's the nicest apt they could afford?
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 12:56PM
Livin the Piker Dream
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 12:56PM
@naked- okay but can it be used as a dildo?
-2/andrea tong
Posted by HeadlessHorseman , Nov 06, 2009 12:56PM
10 comments and no thinly-veiled reference to jail time?
Fine:
It's good to see that Emanuel and Zvi are already used to spending rough nights in close quarters with a bunch of dudes.
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 12:57PM
Wastin away again in margaritaville
Searching for my lost shaker of salt
Some people claim that there's a woman to blame
But I know it's nobodys fault
Posted by NakedShort , Nov 06, 2009 12:58PM
@14 given enough lubrication you can turn any object into a dildo
Posted by Anal_yst , Nov 06, 2009 12:58PM
ditto @12
also, I'm guessing UES, north of 86th, east of 2nd, although I can't tell if those are weird "parquet" floors or linoleum (although there isn't really much difference, is there?)
Posted by HeadlessHorseman , Nov 06, 2009 12:59PM
Oh yeah...and these guys are "shitheels".
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 12:59PM
@anal_yst- nope. they live(d) on long island.
Posted by NakedShort , Nov 06, 2009 1:00PM
Dude! You got a tattoo!
So do you, dude! Dude, what does my tattoo say?
"Sweet!" What about mine?
"Dude!" What does mine say?
"Sweet!" What about mine?
"Dude!" What does mine say?
"Sweet!" What about mine?
"Dude!" What does mine say?
"Sweet!" What about mine?
"Dude!" What does mine say?
Fuck this shit lets go trade on inside information
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 1:02PM
i bet that room smells like dirty ass and matza
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 1:02PM
Definitely not a Nashville party.
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 1:03PM
where's all the naked guys?
-dennis kneale
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 1:03PM
Is that lousy apartment the best you can get for $850 per month in the Carl Schurz Park area? What a waste of money.
The Guy from Delaware
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 1:03PM
sleeping on the pull out of a pleather couch next to another guy is the new killing it.
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 1:04PM
Anal_yst: I've been in that room, the Levelor blind in the background is hiding a roll-up garage door.
--the guy who lives next door
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 1:04PM
seen Zvi's employment history? 14 job switches in 10 years?
Posted by NakedShort , Nov 06, 2009 1:07PM
@23 YES! Spread the gospel
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 1:11PM
i'm sure this is really an advanced scene from Money Never Sleeps
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 1:12PM
Class A Space in the Incremental Crapital Offices
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 1:13PM
Who wants to see me gape?
Dennis Kneale
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 1:13PM
I've got the same bouncy chair!
I question use of the word "rager" in that context.
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 1:14PM
@29/NS-
Pretty sure @23 was referencing Miley Cyrus's new hit single "Party in the USA." Just FYI. Your enthusiasm implied Nashville (possibly Vandy) pride and not necessarily an understanding of the song.
-guy who has some Miley on his iPod
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 1:15PM
Caption Contest: "So that's why they call you Octopussy..."
Posted by Tax Chick , Nov 06, 2009 1:17PM
Props director from Miami Vice just called. They'd like their set back for the filming of the remake.
Posted by NakedShort , Nov 06, 2009 1:20PM
@34 of course I knew that.
-Fellow non closeted Party in the USA fan
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 1:22PM
Pleather sectional from Jennifer leather: $1999
Bouncy Chair with Attached Super Ballsy Cock (7", uncut): $49
Apartment with the jewbros in Dormandy Court: $2750/mo
Waking up 69ing your brother on said sectional and knowing you are a hedge fund BALLER: Priceless
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 1:22PM
These comments are not good enough. Please try harder.
Jewbroni
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 1:24PM
"You're the quarterback now, Mox."
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 1:29PM
MileyCyrusFans@#34,#37...
You clowns must be even younger than TGFD thought.
Well, I guess that shitty apartment looks pretty good to you then.
The Guy from Delaware
p.s. Guest@#27...Yours is the funniest comment on this thread.
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 1:30PM
MileyCyrusFans@#34,#37...
You clowns must be even younger than TGFD thought.
Well, I guess that shitty apartment looks pretty good to you then.
The Guy from Delaware
p.s. Guest@#27...Yours is the funniest comment on this thread.
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 1:31PM
@ 41,
how old is TGFD?
- Not a spring chicken here
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 1:33PM
Please disregard my #42. It didn't really happen. Thank you.
The Guy from Delaware
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 1:33PM
I wonder which one "ate the cracker"?
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 1:34PM
whats with the photos and display plates? This guy's girlfriend "decorated" his place? Or, doeas a woman actually choose to live there? Either way, her parents were never happy about her life choices...
In other news, I've had that Miley song in my head for about a week now... I'm gona say it's not as bad as the new Britney counting song.
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 1:40PM
43 All you need to know about TGFD is that he is probably standing in front of a mirror now trying to convince himself about how important he thinks he is.
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 1:40PM
Guest@#43...
You must be new around here.
TGFD is 60, full head of hair(not gray), buffed, chicks of all ages, and good social connections.
I don't want to brag about myself, but since you asked...
The Guy from Delaware
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 1:41PM
@46 both goffer brothers are married with small children.
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 1:43PM
@43 RE:#48 I rest my case.
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 1:45PM
Is anybody else naked right now, because I am.
Dennis Kneale
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 1:46PM
Three words:
bridge
and
tunnel
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 1:46PM
Looks like it would be a lot of fun to roll with these guys.
- CFA Charterholder
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 1:47PM
So, basically all the inside traders and ponzi schemers are of the israeli or asian persuasion?
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 1:49PM
@53 Ahh yeah uh hmm.
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 1:54PM
So where was the holiday party? Upstairs at Sutton Place? Calico Jack's?
Posted by Anal_yst , Nov 06, 2009 1:54PM
@27
Looks like my grandparents/aunts place in Queens, so I guess that makes sense. Also, roll-up garage doors covered with off the rack blinds are the new killing it.
@ Tax Chick
That's definitely a Bob's Discount Furniture/Raymour & Flanigan/Huffman Koo's pull-out sofa, no way Jennifer Convertibles.
--guy who knows way too much about couches
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 1:55PM
@54 - you got a problem with that?
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 1:59PM
@51...hilarious!!
-some random gay guy who has blown dennis kneale
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 2:01PM
@4
"Where's Doug?. Btw, there's a tiger in the bathroom"
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 2:02PM
I'd imagine that the correlation between t-shirt wearing and inside trading is pretty high. Probably similar to the fat guy t-shirt correlation.
Love the infant bouncy seat in the lower right corner.
Nice touch.
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 2:03PM
@ 58, ROR!
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 2:03PM
"My Life in FPMITAP - a cautionary tale"
by Zvi Golfer.
Posted by Thurston Howell III , Nov 06, 2009 2:03PM
The dildo-looking green knob is in fact part of a baby toy. Specifically, the Fisher-Price Rainforest Jumparoo. In a pinch I'm sure it could work as a modified bungie sex swing. The girl would need to probably be a size 4 or smaller to fit.
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 2:07PM
Guest@#50...
Very good. Very brief. TGFD likes your style.
The Guy from Delaware
Posted by Levi Chang , Nov 06, 2009 2:08PM
@54 - you rirry-rivered rabia ricker, say to my face!
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 2:11PM
TGFD,
You have yellow fever, doncha?
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 2:12PM
Ads on DB make me want to get Cadirrac.
Chou Bing Lee
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 2:14PM
38 ftw for dormandy court reference.
-Pauline the bartender from Kinsale
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 2:14PM
When we woke a toxic mixture of Mambo cologne, sex and pizza had entered the air renderring our senses wothless. And then we caught Salomon Kentucky Glue Gunning Grandma's toilet. Needless to say, Salomon was not invited back.
- Guy who was there
Posted by Oh, WTH , Nov 06, 2009 2:15PM
Did you kirr brack swan, Rarry?
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 2:17PM
Ewww, dude on the cot, enough with greasers, already.
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 2:19PM
Zvi: Del... Why did you kiss my ear?
Emanuel: Why are you holding my hand?
Zvi: Where's your other hand?
Emanuel: Between two pillows...
Zvi: Those aren't pillows!
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 2:20PM
note that the organs of the two on the pullout are still aligned
Posted by NegativeConvexity , Nov 06, 2009 2:23PM
"Man, i can't believe this.. Manny has only been finger-banging my sphincter for like under 5 mins and just passes out like that..."
Zvi: "Let me just stretch out here a sec and then i'll finish ya off"
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 2:28PM
@71 Father of an asshole, and swan killer
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 2:29PM
Shia-it, that was good head.
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 2:29PM
@74 uhh, how so? one of them is on their back.
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 2:33PM
@62 stirr hirarious second time!
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 2:35PM
@ 79,
Sank you!
@62
Posted by kaiser , Nov 06, 2009 2:35PM
beamers just went on the market........
Posted by Mr. Mean , Nov 06, 2009 2:36PM
Layin' on sofa beds is the new killin' it.
Hate to see these fckin guys if they weren't insider trading.
Posted by Investorcluzo , Nov 06, 2009 2:40PM
the mba/cfa debate continues...cfa -4 (including the dbag that is taking the photo)
Posted by Tax Chick , Nov 06, 2009 2:41PM
@Anal
Tried to find it for you; to put your mind at ease. Instead I lost 20 minutes of my life.
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 2:41PM
This picture would be a lot better if a collie pounding me in the ass was in it.
Dennis Kneale
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 2:41PM
No one cares about the comments from a guy who chooses to live in Delaware. Seriously, STFU you moron.
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 2:42PM
kaiser@81 beamers as in beamers cafe in ct?!?!?
-sc
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 2:46PM
@86 - TGFD can say what he wants cause at least it's funny... what the hell do you offer up chump?
Posted by Subprime All Star , Nov 06, 2009 2:47PM
As Zvi soon learned, Incremental Capital employees do not pull out, unlike his red pleather sectional.
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 2:51PM
Anyone know what holiday these guys were celebrating?
--curious gentile
Posted by Anal_yst , Nov 06, 2009 2:51PM
@tax chick
A brief check of r&f and bob's websites yielded a few ~70% probabilities, but no perfect matches. Clearly their gaudy couch-buying prowess is far beyond anything we could hope to achieve in our lifetimes.
@ 87
as in their leased 3-series BMW's
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 2:53PM
@88m if you think hes funny you are obviously a gigantic tool who can sympathize with the tools above. Back to making your boss' coffee you piker.
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 2:53PM
Today is Punch a Muslim day. Everybody celebrate.
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 2:57PM
Douche @86/92, relax.
He grows on you after a while like benign cancer.
-Not 88
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 3:00PM
@93 illustrates perfectly why the DB comment board is the BEST on the interweb!!!
Good work everyone...
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 3:01PM
Sometimes he annoys the crap out of me but he does occasionally make some good points.
Bessy doesn't seem to ban him so much these days ...??
-not 94
-not 88
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 3:02PM
How do you get a one-armed Polish guy out of a tree?
Wave.
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 3:03PM
Warm up those B52's for a carpet bombing run.
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 3:05PM
room must have the aroma of a week old Gaspo fart. Bess must be be aroused at the thought!
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 3:06PM
room must have the aroma of a week old Gaspo fart. Bess must be be aroused at the thought!
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 3:07PM
@ 100, see @22
Posted by Tax Chick , Nov 06, 2009 3:08PM
@Anal
Floated around on Bob's for a while. Horrified by what I found. I also determined that the IC douchebags also must be renters since there isn't an ounce of paint on their walls. Anyone with decent cash flows, at a minimum, has their walls painted. These fools are becoming more pathetic by the minute.
Posted by NakedShort , Nov 06, 2009 3:13PM
This is the best I could find
http://www.afwonline.com/ic280frm.asp?PRODNO=1B-730-2PC&VIEWALL=yes&&COMBO1=2018&ProdDesc=Red%202%20Piece%20Sectional
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 3:16PM
Whose jizz is leaking out of Octopussy's butt?
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 3:18PM
That couch is BALLING!
-RBS rainmaker
Posted by now on buyside , Nov 06, 2009 3:18PM
@ Tax Chick
Just went on the Bob's website and my jaw dropped. Ghastly.
Is having really horrible taste some kind of prerequisite for involvement in this whole mess? I mean, think this guy's apartment and tight t-shirts, Raj-Raj with his brown suit and McMansion, Chiese, etc...
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 3:20PM
This song says everything about these fellas' future:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BEARRLul0Sg
Posted by Tax Chick , Nov 06, 2009 3:26PM
@NOB
Did you see the one that looks like piles of dingleberries all clumped together? I just about eye gouged myself.
And yes, there must be some correlation between bad taste and criminal activity. Ever been in a mobster's house?! Just think Sopranos, but worse.
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 3:27PM
@90 gentiles celebrate, jews observe. fyi.
@93 that's every day.
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 3:33PM
@108 I thought Tony's house was OK, furniture wise. It was Moltisanti's place with the leather sofas etc. which had the goomba vibe.
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 3:37PM
@93 - I just celebrated!
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 3:45PM
@ 107
maybe they'll find a cuddly bear inside.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6hi6yfgOclw
(just an excuse to play the clip, really)
Posted by now on buyside , Nov 06, 2009 3:47PM
@Tax Chick
I didn't get that far; was mesmerized by the portable electric fireplace with remote control-- "Great Gift Idea!"
Posted by NotNasser , Nov 06, 2009 3:48PM
Downloading Miley Cyrus songs onto your iPod? Free
Legally downloading Miley Cyrus songs onto your iPod? Very inexpensive
Looking yourself in the mirror the next day? A bit tricky.
Tossing said contaminated iPod into recycling bin? Priceless.
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 3:48PM
One hundred thirteen!
Posted by Tax Chick , Nov 06, 2009 3:49PM
@110
I didn't specific whose house and I modified it with "worse".
And we were discussing the correlation between bad taste and criminal activity. If Tony's house has a certain appeal to you, perhaps we will be reading about you next. Just sayin'
Posted by Tax Chick , Nov 06, 2009 3:57PM
@NOB
I threw up in my mouth.
http://www.mybobs.com/Superbob_Fab.aspx
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 4:15PM
Who came on the dude's stomach on the left?
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 4:22PM
@100 get some new material.
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 4:22PM
@118 - I did.
Greg
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 4:32PM
@117/@Tax
I can't un-see that. My word.
Posted by now on buyside , Nov 06, 2009 4:34PM
@Tax Chick
Having automobile cup holders built into your furniture is the new killing it.
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 4:36PM
@ Tax Chick
That is truly amazing. Extra cup holders and lights underneath??? Looks more like an acid test.
NO PHONY GIMMICKS
JUST PURE VALUE!
Posted by Anal_yst , Nov 06, 2009 4:43PM
@ tax chick
dingleberries, mmmm! (puke)
@110
Tony's house was pretty goomba (upper middle class goomba at least); ornate detailing, fountain, etc
Posted by NakedShort , Nov 06, 2009 4:47PM
http://www.mybobs.com/Galleria.aspx
MERRY CHRISTMAS HONEY!!!!!
Posted by Anal_yst , Nov 06, 2009 5:24PM
I think i'm gonna get a Bob's couch and invite some balding jewtailians over for a massive rager, who wants in on that (come on, it'll be fun, we can funnel brews just like in college, it'll be so awesome bro!)
Posted by Tax Chick , Nov 06, 2009 5:46PM
The more I stare at this picture (yes, avoiding work), the more I think these fools were waitstaff at the Christmas party. They are all wearing black pants and white shirts. Sounds like hired help to me.
@Anal - I'm in. It's been a while since I've done a keg stand, but I'm told it's like riding a bike.
Posted by Subprime All Star , Nov 06, 2009 5:50PM
Only if the keg is Heinken Light or Corona, bro.
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 7:02PM
TaxChick@#128...
Why do you keep staring at the picture? One shitty apartment looks just like any other shitty apartment.
BTW, those "white shirts" are tee shirts, but TGFD can't tell if they're V or crew.
Is that what the waitstaff wear at your Christmas party? No wonder you're up for a "keg stand".
The Guy from Delaware
p.s. TGFD's just f*cking with you; don't get your ass up.
Posted by Tax Chick , Nov 06, 2009 7:10PM
@TGFD - ass firmly planted. But thanks for your concern.
I guess I stare because it is something of a train wreck. I can't look away. And it has been some time since I have seen a shitty little apartment. Safely ensconced in my leafy suburb.
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 7:19PM
TaxChick@#130...
Glad to hear it.
The Guy from Delaware
(Safely ensconced in my trailer)
Posted by Anal_yst , Nov 06, 2009 7:28PM
@TaxChick
Whenever you're leave your leafy suburb and make it into the citay, holler back, we'll get you back into prime kegstand condition in no time flat, and if you're lucky, I'll teach you how to Gargoyle a keg, yea, the advanced frat boy sh*t, booya
(FD: not a frat guy)
Posted by Tax Chick , Nov 06, 2009 7:33PM
@Anal - in the City on a daily basis. Turns out it is damn expensive to insure all these leaves. They keep falling off the f*cking trees - then there is no ensconcing.
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 7:57PM
Cluzo/T.C/Anal/TGFD,
Get a room sparkling wiggles.
Posted by guest , Nov 06, 2009 8:29PM
@134 you say what I'm thinking
Posted by NakedShort , Nov 06, 2009 9:32PM
I just went into a Crown Royal induced tirade with a Bobs employee because they don't deliever to Miami. New high? New low?
Posted by guest , Nov 07, 2009 6:32AM
@naked
both strangely enough
Posted by Anal_yst , Nov 07, 2009 1:31PM
@134
at least 1 of the us would take offense to that, just an fyi
@naked
early start, eh? Try Raymour & Flanigan or Ashley
Posted by Investorcluzo , Nov 07, 2009 5:44PM
@anal_yst - I don't take offense at the a$$hats that are @134/135, but I will lmfao when their daughters come home after getting knocked up by one of my peeps...payback is a b1tch.
Posted by guest , Nov 08, 2009 1:09PM
who wants a moustache ride?