Things have been pretty dark for Dick Bové ever since her man, the “brilliant” Ken Lewis was essentially forced out of his job. Other analysts, the colder, unfeeling ones probably wouldn’t have taken it so personally, but Lewis is Bové’s guy and she can’t help it, this hurts, bad (also, she’s just always been a sensitive and highly strung person). Sorry if that’s too much for you to handle but Ken Lewis meant a lot* to the Rochdale rising star. It felt good and empowering to lose it in a tear-stained note to clients, in which she put the words “No other banker in this country can equal Mr Lewis’s achievements and yet every banker wishes s/he could” out there but it didn’t change anyone’s mind and she’s just felt completely helpless for almost two months now. She knows she should be strong for KL but she just can’t. She’s lost weight, she’s gained weight, she’s gone on booze-fueled sex rampages wherein she’ll fuck the first thing in her line of vision, in an attempt to silence the pain but nothing’s helped.
This morning when she woke up underneath a pile of empty pints of Ben and Jerry’s after crying herself to sleep, she couldn’t even summon the strength to get out of bed. But then, something happened. In the other room, she heard Charlie Gasparino’s voice on CNBC, which she’d left on the night before. Lewis’s name was mentioned and, at first, figuring CG was just going to be talking shit about her man, Bové pulled the covers over her head. Then Chaz started saying something about how the board still hasn’t found a replacement and Divé shot out of bed. She ran into the other room wearing only the oversized tee-shirt bearing Lewis’s face she’d had made a few years ago. Biting her nails in fear that her ears were playing tricks on her, Mrs. Lewis (someday?) rewound the DVR. It was true! BAC still hasn’t come up with an ideal candidate willing to take the job. Feeling like her old self for the first time in a long time, she sat down to write. And write she did.
“Mr. Lewis was a key architect in the creation and management of Bank of America. He knows this company better than anyone else and he knows how to operate it,” Bove wrote in a research note issued early Friday morning. “At this point in the company’s history, this is the type of leader needed. Convincing him to return would be the biggest morale builder that management could get.”
Of course, it’s not going to be easy, Dick conceded. Ken Lewis is a fucking catch any bank with its head screwed on straight would know it would be lucky to have and after the way you pigs treated him? Let’s just say you’ve got your work cut out for you. It won’t be unlike the time Lewis and Bové got into a huge fight over the fact that the analyst saw a couple of flirtatious texts on KL’s phone with another woman, and flew off the handle demanding to know “who the whore is.” Bové really thought he was going to leave that time for good but she was able to summon some real tears and after threatening to kill herself, got Lewis to stay. So something along those lines would probably work, with option B being to “accidentally” get pregnant (something Divé’s also done). Bottom line, you do whatever it takes. No one at Bank of America wants to wake up in two months or two years time and realize they made the biggest mistake of their lives when they let Ken Lewis walk out that door.
*More than you’ll ever know.
wow. just- wow.
Bess,
I want to fuck your brain.
Bess. Your best work. Ever.
this post shames me with it’s grandeur
-shamed
I thought I heard Gloria Gaynor but it was just a Cisco commercial.
I’m imagining Bove outside of KL’s bedroom window, wearing a trenchcoat, holding a boombox over his head…
@6 no. b/c bove is the chick. get it right.
Bess. Your best work. Ever.
This is sheer brilliance.
It’s not my fault I am sexy and look good in a garter belt.
KL
@10 KL is the man. Bove is the chick. please, get it straight.
Shaz, I hope you are taking notes.
Hey asshole, it’s my day not yours, just stay in bed and cry like a little bitch until I tell you to get up and write something. MW
fucking pussy.
-mw
@ 11 – we are lesbians. Sheesh.
KL
I don’t have time to read this post but has anyone noticed that Boone’s Farm (Ticker: BONE) is up 800% just now!!!!????
@16 “I don’t have time to read this post”
show yourself out.
incredible BL
Can some one help me examine my motives? I am trying to kill the next 2.5 hours until I can start drinking.
Bess, they can have your brain. I want to tap that sweet sweet ass of yours.
Doug Masters
19=racist anti-semite.
crying laughing. bravo.
@ 19 = gay alcoholic. examine your motives.
@21 how about misogynist?
@24 how bout mixologist?
@19/24 y’think?
OK, np.
19=misogynist.
-21
@24/23/19 how about, eat a dick, this is about me?
-dick “crazy bitch” bove
“Bottom line, you do whatever it takes.”
Dick Bové is teaching all of us about love, all about how you are there for your man, when it’s right, even when they hate on you, even when he himself and says it’s not something he wants, and when his army of goons won’t leave you alone, because you KNOW it’s right and HE NEEDS YOU.
-guest
@Naked – why wait 2.5 hours?
@19 – Ken, really dude youv’e got 5 weeks left just start now – WTF can they do. And I can’t drive you after the first of the year.
Ronnie the limo driver
@TC thats an excellent point. Color me impressed with your motive examination.
Ladies. Do you have hair on your nipples? Long ones? PULL THEM!
Dad, you and John Cheever?
Yes! Yes, he was the most wonderful person I’ve ever known. And I love him deeply! In a way you could never understand..
KL = southern dandy
DB = debutante with the vapors
BL- You complete me.
NS. Please stop trying to make ‘examine your motives happen’. Examine your motives.
@naked – tax chicky has been known to get on the clock, while she’s on the clock. part of her appeal…
tag ftw: “option C: offer anal”
@ 36 = passive agressive bukkake queen
@Naked
TC beat me to it. Why wait 2.5 minutes, nay, 2.5 seconds? Whip out the Boone’s (or whatever) and repent for your stray motives this week. I want examination, and then, after that, I want even more. Damnit boy, by the time you’re 2 bottles deep, I want you to have examined those god damn motives so badly that we’ll never, and I mean EVER have to reprimand you like this again. Do ya hear me son?
@31/Naked:
“Color me” implies racist beliefs. Examine your motivations.
@anal OK please dont use the belt again.
Motives are currently being examined with a White Russian that looks exactly like a Venti Iced Coffee from Starbucks.
@Naked – Cluzo is right. In fact, I am dedicating the next 30 minutes to determining where I am meeting a couple of my BarCap friends for drinks. Then it is off to examine my motives and anyone else’s through the lense of my gin & tonics.
@39, not that there is anything wrong with that…
- 36
@Naked – I am so proud. And very Lebowski of you.
@tax chicky – try highbar. I’m no fan of times square bars, but if you’re playing with barcappers it’s in their backyard…plus, it’s nice out.
@ Anal – nice GS/AIG article. Watch out for those nutjobs wielding torches and pitchforks though, they’re a sure-fire way to dampen your Happy Hour spirits.
where was all this examination on the way up? or was it our motives after all?
I am going to get busted and this will end in tears.
Anywho, does anyone know if Yogi’s is still open on the UWS? I puked in that bathroom at least 5 times.
Ken! Your Girlfriend! Woof!
Lewis-tested, Bove-approved:
http://www.bumwine.com/
Where Gasparino spent his advance:
http://www.romafurnitureli.com/
A good weekend to all.
@50 I appreciate you.
Cluzo: Are you crying? Are you crying? ARE YOU CRYING? There’s no crying! THERE’S NO CRYING IN BANKING!
Anal: Why don’t you give her a break, Cluzo…
Cluzo: Oh, you zip it, Anal! Steve Cohen was my manager, and he called me a talking pile of pigshit. And that was when my parents drove all the way down from Westchester to see me trade on the floor. And did I cry?
Naked: No, no, no.
Cluzo: Yeah! NO. And do you know why?
Naked: No…
Cluzo: Because there’s no crying in banking. THERE’S NO CRYING IN BANKING! No crying!
@47
Thanks. I think I made it sufficiently long that most of that crowd will probably lose focus and go back to ZH or denninger before they get to the comments section.
Bess is brilliant.
@48 motives are still the same. We wanna make bank bro, We wanna get ass and drive Range Rovers.
@tax chicky – bravo! but I’m from texas, not westchester.
care to snuggle later? preferably somewhere between the 4th and 5th G&T. can’t blame a guy for trying (right?)…
@Cluzo – Texas is so much hotter.
Still need a bar. Feeling parched.
@tax chicky – go to the standard, see if you can get into the boom, boom room (aka 18th floor lounge)…
@Cluzo – much too far south for my BarCap birds. Probably will hit Highbar.. given the temps outside.
@tax chicky – release your inner cowgirl and head to johnny utah’s. $10 says you can’t stay on the bull for over 20 seconds!
Too far north for me, screw the Barcettes, I’ll meet you & Cluzo somewhere south of 14th (maybe 23rd if I’m feeling adventurous)
@anal_yst/cluz– if you dbags know each other in real life, set up plans over email/phone. no one gives a shit what you’re doing after work. this is about dick and ken. fucking focus.
@Cluzo – if I’m going to ride a bull, I better get more than $10 and don’t tell me the horn!
@Anal – my BarCap birds asked first. What kind of girl would I be if I ditched my friends for a couple of… uhm… don’t knows?!
@63 – I’m no dbag and you’re not my buddy, pal. not to mention, anal_yst is just trying to c*ck block me in my efforts to take tax chicky (and the barcap birds) for a ride. fk dick and ken…
@63
Play nice and we may let you in, no, no that’s just not gonna happen (especially commenting as “guest,” how uncouth!)
@ TC
You could have your, er, cake, and eat it too, ya know, its not mutually exclusive parties, just think, synergies (or something)…
@65 sorry, the comments section is for commenting on posts, not for you to make plans. fuck off. and I never called you my buddy.
pulitzer material levin.
@analyst wtf are you talking about? i have no interest in hanging out with you, I’d just appreciate it if you’d STFU and make plans on your own time.
amazing tags.
That has got to be one of the single best commentaries I have only read on this site.
Bess – you have proven yourself to be the rockstar your kiss ass sycophants say you are. ABFAB
@71 agreed. but it’s the single best commentary I’ve ever read anywhere, not just on DB.
@67 – since when has the comments section been for commenting on the posts? you must be passing through on your way to the yahoo finance boards. now be a nice visitor: look but don’t touch (the “post comment” button)…kthxbye.
option C (in the tags) FTMFW
As a lung tayme ‘andler of birds like Bove, Eye think this ees the best DB post eveah.
I never understood why it is Ken Lewis who is at fault when his lawyers told him it is Ok to give the bonuses.
It was wild times with banks failing left and right. He did the best for BAC to survive it and then thrive.
admin
http://invetrics.com
Did anyone see Dick Bove on Fox Business Monday, Nov 23, 2009. This guy is a kept-servant, who seems like he lives in a vacuum chamber, away, from the rest of society. Like he is fed, in an experimental way, such as to mirror Pavlov’s experiments. Only instead of salivating as a dog, he salivates over banking corruption, and any amount of fraud that serves to unjustly enrich, thieving executives from New York’s banking community (or will say anything if it pays enough, about any firm which fraudulently converted TARP funds into executive bonus awards).
Today Bove, was trying to nominate Jamie Dimon, to succeed Secretary of Treasury Tim Geithner, if he is dismissed or required to step down, or if Geithner resigns for the good of “restoring public trust.”
Its like a devil’s game of flashing the public with frontal nudity when they least expect it. The only ones who enjoy it are people like Bove and the mindless reporters who interview him.
Between Bove and the robot-like commentators who interview him, I cannot help but scramble to cover the children’s eyes. Meanwhile my ears are stinging.
Its like being caught in an old Homer tale. Lured into a calm state, and then suddenly made aware the Sirens who I thought were singing, are actually fiends of injustice, who mean to destroy anyone who comes close.
I should have changed the channel because it ruined my day to think there are really deviates like Bove and Jamie Dimon, who are scratching each others back. And the hideous personalities supposedly reporting on this idea that Jamie Dimon would be brought into the Treasury after Paulson. … If you like the idea of porn stars fornicating in front of a fourth grade elementary class, then sure why not Jamie Dimon …
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[...] on her face and sat down to give everyone one a piece of her mind, in a report entitled, “Bank of America Should Beg Ken Lewis To Stay.” The thing got a little traction, in that anyone even vaguely interested in taking over for [...]
[...] a remarkable (and uncharacteristic) show of restraint, the analyst did not nominate her main man, Ken Lewis, for the job. (But don’t think it’s not [...]
[...] a remarkable (and uncharacteristic) show of restraint, the analyst did not nominate her main man, Ken Lewis, for the job. (But don’t think it’s not [...]
[...] a remarkable (and uncharacteristic) show of restraint, the analyst did not nominate her main man, Ken Lewis, for the job. (But don’t think it’s not [...]
[...] a remarkable (and uncharacteristic) show of restraint, the analyst did not nominate her main man, Ken Lewis, for the job. (But don’t think it’s not [...]
[...] recall, for several years, analyst Dick Bové’s heart belonged to one CEO and one CEO only- Ken Lewis. The two of them had something special and it seemed like their love could withstand the strongest [...]
You get a lot of respect from me for witring these helpful articles.