Yesterday it was suggested that one of the reasons John Paulson was able to make the leap from run of the mill rich guy/peasant by hedge fund manager standards to John motherfucking Paulson! was that he “became a grump.” In earlier times, he was known for his loft parties in SoHo, and as he approached the trillion dollar pay-days, began to do things like ream employees out for overusing the printer, and reprimand people for eating junk food, according to Greg Zuckerman’s new book, The Greatest Trade Ever.* A recently published study from the University of New South Wales says that “negative moods trigger more attentive, careful thinking paying greater attention to the external world” so, perhaps there’s a connection between between JP making people pay to replace their own inkjet cartridges and figuring out that maybe subprime wasn’t the can’t lose asset class everyone thought it was cracked up to be.
Today, a Swedish study notes that “men who bottle up their anger at being unfairly treated at work are up to five times more likely to suffer a heart attack, or even die from one.” And if you think being the just go with the flow guy who “lets thing pass without saying anything” would save you, think again. That tactic will get you killed to. So here’s what I’m thinking.
It would be great for everyone’s networth, whatever that may be, to increase exponentially (see Paulson example). If we can’t get that, it would be nice if we could just save a few people from untimely deaths (see Swedish study). Science seems to be telling us that they only way for either of those things to happen is just to be a huge dick and flip the fuck out. Since later this week you’re going to be expected to be a grateful and whatnot, why don’t we take this morning to stop faking it and just let it all out. I would respect anyone who would actually walk into his/her boss’s office and let the big guy know how you really feel, or send off an expletive-laced email to the entire company letting everyone know exactly what you think of them. But, since not everyone works in an environment where this sort of thing is encouraged, such as Bridgewater, let’s lay whatever’s bothering us on each other. You start. Who’s worked your last nerve, and why.
*It should be noted that another thing happened in between the parties and the proselytizing about food, which is that JP got married and had two kids, which probably didn’t leave much time for ragers. He also started leading a “healthier” lifestyle, probably in an attempt to extend his lifespan, hence the salads.
I hate my boss. And his beard is so fucking stupid.
-LB
Thanks, I’ve got new 30 round banana clips for my AR-15 loaded.
@2 not funny, and missing the point. we’re supposed to let it out HERE.
See that? There is absolutely nothing wrong with throwing chairs around in a conference room. All that hysteria last week, just because a guy decides to let loose a little steam…
pcload letter? What the fuck does that mean!?!
@4 THANK YOU!
-john thain
my cocksucking boss made me scrub the zamboni w a toohbrush last night. jerk.
@6:
Anytime Johnnie. I don’t forget my friends. Cawl me.
-cg
University of New South Wales, is that a state school?
Bess does not exist she is a figment of Carney’s imagination!
@10 you know blarney doesn’t work here anymore, right? cool.
@11 – that’s exactly what they want you to think.
The rule is that only the Boss can flip-out. If an underling tries to flip-out like the Boss, he/she is usually fired by the Boss who only approves of that behavior for himself/herself.
Welcome, new comers. The tradition of Festivus begins with the airing of grievances. I got a lot of problems with you people! And now you’re gonna hear about it!
-Frank Costanza
M@therf&cking c$nt always takin the f&ckin credit and editing my work down to f#cking nothing. I’m f#ckin done with this sh1thole. f#uckity f@ck f@uck F2ck
_Jon Shazar
Damn bastard stole MY roach clip and ate MY doritos.
-w. spector
Nice picture. BUT CAN WE AT LEAST HAVE THE HARD CORE RAP TO ACCCOMPANY IT OR A LINK PERHAPS TO THE FAX DESTROYING SCENE. DO I HAVE TO DO EVERY F****** THING AROUND HERE.
Ummm, Lundbergh
Okay… I’ll start: the fuckwads that don’t know how to walk. This is fuckin’ NYC, we have places to go. We walk at a quick pace. If you are going to plod along like some over medicated halfwit, please have the common fuckin’ sense to walk to one side of the sidewalk and not drift about… this is especially true if you have one of those douchbag wheelie bags. I just about beat to death some old vacuum-headed idiot dragging his piece of shit wheelie bag down the sidewalk this morning. Aaaaargh!
@18 TC I like it, but I think we’re supposed to be airing grievances about our co-workers/superiors. who at [insert place of business here] do you hate?
let’s see, f*ck:
1. Time Warner Cable
2. Student Loans
3. Clubs/Lounges/bars not “recession pricing” their offerings ala Gray’s Papaya
4. Graduate Management Admissions Council
5. Chipotle for being so damn deliciously addictive
6. Bullsh*t/no bonus/raise for the past 2 years (albeit thankful to be employeed, knock on wood)
7. Rob Bironas for screwing me in fantasy this week, wtf who puts up 2x 50+ yard FG’s in one game, esp the 2nd one, arghhh!
@13 not at Bridgewater. Everyone is expected to flip out on everyone there.
I just gave a Principal a “dirty sanchez” for treating me for the past 3 years.
Never felt so good.
@20/Anal – That is my #1 also…I loathe TWC with all my heart. I never thought I could hate a corporation so badly, especially consider how little interaction I have/am supposed to have with it.
It is actually unbelievable how truly awful they are.
If anyone working at TWC is reading this…YOU SUCK!
@19 – I work with halfwitted monkeys.. no that is an insult to monkeys… gibbons?…pond sludge… that’s it, I work with people whose IQ matches that of pond sludge. They need post-it notes to remind themselves to breath.
I consider it a successful day if I am still sober and haven’t killed anyone. Most days one out of two is the best I can do.
And don’t get me started on the mindless, dull, vapid secretaries that drivel on about their wasted little lives.
Better?
AT&T — is it really that fucking crazy to want constant access to my god damn cell network? hardly a conference call that goes by that i am not having to dial in ~3+ times… fuck it, i’m taking this train to verizon.
Tax Chick:
It sounds like you need to Escape from NY. I did, and now that shit doesn’t bother me one whit. You can visit when you want, and then the people who are trying to get to work and stuck on the sidewalk behind some god-damned twaddler won’t bother you at all.
Neither will mass transit delays, people who won’t let you exit a train before they try to get on, BSDs on Wall Street who are really just dumb fucks with big egos and attitudes, Time Warner Cable, Bloomberg’s incessant whining, beggars on the street, and so on.
In the meantime, though, I would suggest throwing a chair into a plate glass window in your office. Its a great stress reliever.
Is this similar to Punch a Muslim Day?
My boss sounds like an Australian version of the WaterBoy. Everyday is painful when he talks.
@Tax Chick
Also the people (tourists kinda get a break here) who obviously live/work in NYC but still walk 2+ people wide at a pace that makes the 3-toed sloth look the flash. This also goes for people who stop in the middle of hallways/sidewalks, can’t figure out how to coordinate themselves to walk and talk on a cell phone at the same time, etc.
Also, f*ck fat people, especially those who insist on squeezing themselves into spaces far-too-tight to handle their massive girth on the subway, etc.
Lastly (for meow), f*ck the government bureaucracy that allows construction to go-on virtually 24/7. Wonder how hard it is to get a night shift gig with ConEd paying 2-3x time with breaks every 30 minutes, might be a good place to pay the bills if unemployed…
@20/Anal & 23/CL I know, right? plus how come they censor the money shots?
@18/TC
Those are tourists.
Just sayin’.
Co-workers who think I am fucking 411!!
FRANK: Kramer, I got your message. I haven’t celebrated Festivus in years! What is your interest?
KRAMER: Well, just tell me everything, huh?
FRANK: Many Christmases ago, I went to buy a doll for my son. I reach for the last one they had – but so did another man. As I rained blows opon him, I realized
there had to be another way!
KRAMER: What happened to the doll?
FRANK: It was destroyed. But out of that, a new holiday was born. “A Festivus for the rest of us!”
time warner cable is to goldman sachs as Optimum online is to citi.
Just sayin’- count your blessings dears
http://glumbert.com/media/baddayoffice
(SFW)
@TGNC – thanks. I feel much better now.
@TC
Its ok, I’m 311, 411, and 911. FML.
Smelly fucking Indian and Other technical staff we hired to replace competent more expensive Americans. Goddamn stock loan offices that say its ok to short than tell me I cant the next fing day. Hires from the last few years who dont really work, but seem to think they should get the bonuses they missed out on. Partners who take a piece who MAYBE spent 5 minutes talking to you durin the year and that was to tell you if you lost money it was your fault. Yearly review where they bring up the time you screwed up 4 years ago and show that the bosses dont even know what exchange or software you are using to execute. The quant who says they can improve your position PL and after costing you half your profits says that the trade was at fault and you wouldnt understand because you dont have a phd or stay under desk with supervisor. Nepotism on wall street, kids whose daddy has too much money who you have to show how to do shit and they only thing they know is where to summer.
i’d like to beat steve liesman with a 2X4 and danza slap MCC but im concerned i will never get the chance
In addition, I say fuck those firemen driving the trucks who pull up behind a car stopped at a red light, and then constantly blow that FUCKING AIR HORN at 500 decibels at the guy in front of them, who is obviously aware of the firetruck and will move as soon as possible….
Also, fuck every single employee at the MTA, and the entire NYC council, and Bloomberg.
Fuck idiots who double park, blocking traffic.
Also, fuck the idiots on bicycles who zoom through red lights and terrorize pedestrians, especially the idiot who hit me and fortunately, fell off his bike and took the worst of it, by far.
Fuck me, fuck you, fuck this whole city and everyone in it. Fuck the panhandlers, grubbing for money, and smiling at me behind my back. Fuck the squeegee men dirtying up the clean windshield of my car. Get a fucking job! Fuck the Sikhs and the Pakistanis bombing down the avenues in decrepit cabs, curry steaming out their pores, stinking up my day. Terrorists in fucking training. SLOW THE FUCK DOWN! Fuck the Chelsea boys with their waxed chests and pumped up biceps. Going down on each other in my parks and on my piers, jingling their dicks on my Channel 35. Fuck the Korean grocers with their pyramids of overpriced fruit and their tulips and roses wrapped in plastic. Ten years in the country, still no speaky English? Fuck the Russians in Brighton Beach. Mobster thugs sitting in cafés, sipping tea in little glasses, sugar cubes between their teeth. Wheelin’ and dealin’ and schemin’. Go back where you fucking came from! Fuck the black-hatted Chassidim, strolling up and down 47th street in their dirty gabardine with their dandruff. Selling South African apartheid diamonds! Fuck the Wall Street brokers. Self-styled masters of the universe. Michael Douglas, Gordon Gekko wannabe mother fuckers, figuring out new ways to rob hard working people blind. Send those Enron assholes to jail for FUCKING LIFE! You think Bush and Cheney didn’t know about that shit? Give me a fucking break! Tyco! Worldcom! Fuck the Puerto Ricans. 20 to a car, swelling up the welfare rolls, worst fuckin’ parade in the city. And don’t even get me started on the Dom-in-i-cans, ’cause they make the Puerto Ricans look good. Fuck the Bensonhurst Italians with their pomaded hair, their nylon warm-up suits, their St. Anthony medallions, swinging their, Jason Giambi, Louisville slugger, baseball bats, trying to audition for the Sopranos. Fuck the Upper East Side wives with their Hermes scarves and their fifty-dollar Balducci artichokes. Overfed faces getting pulled and lifted and stretched, all taut and shiny. You’re not fooling anybody, sweetheart! Fuck the uptown brothers. They never pass the ball, they don’t want to play defense, they take five steps on every lay-up to the hoop. And then they want to turn around and blame everything on the white man. Slavery ended one hundred and thirty seven years ago. Move the fuck on! Fuck the corrupt cops with their anus violating plungers and their 41 shots, standing behind a blue wall of silence. You betray our trust! Fuck the priests who put their hands down some innocent child’s pants. Fuck the church that protects them, delivering us into evil. And while you’re at it, fuck JC! He got off easy! A day on the cross, a weekend in hell, and all the hallelujahs of the legioned angels for eternity! Try seven years in fuckin’ Otisville, J! Fuck Osama Bin Laden, Al Qaeda, and backward-ass, cave-dwelling, fundamentalist assholes everywhere. On the names of innocent thousands murdered, I pray you spend the rest of eternity with your seventy-two whores roasting in a jet-fuel fire in hell. You towel headed camel jockeys can kiss my royal Irish ass! Fuck Jacob Elinsky, whining malcontent. Fuck Francis Xavier Slaughtery my best friend, judging me while he stares at my girlfriend’s ass. Fuck Naturelle Riviera, I gave her my trust and she stabbed me in the back, sold me up the river, fucking bitch. Fuck my father with his endless grief, standing behind that bar sipping on club sodas, selling whisky to firemen, cheering the Bronx bombers. Fuck this whole city and everyone in it. From the row-houses of Astoria to the penthouses on Park Avenue, from the projects in the Bronx to the lofts in Soho. From the tenements in Alphabet City to the brownstones in Park slope to the split-levels in Staten Island. Let an earthquake crumble it, let the fires rage, let it burn to fucking ash and then let the waters rise and submerge this whole rat-infested place.
Fuck me? Fuck you! Fuck you and this whole city and everyone in it.
Fuck the panhandlers, grubbing for money, and smiling at me behind my back.Fuck squeegee men dirtying up the clean windshield of my car. Get a fucking job!
Fuck the Sikhs and the Pakistanis bombing down the avenues in decrepit cabs, curry steaming out their pores and stinking up my day. Terrorists in fucking training. Slow the fuck down!
Fuck the Chelsea boys with their waxed chests and pumped up biceps. Going down on each other in my parks and on my piers, jingling their dicks on my Channel 35.
Fuck the Korean grocers with their pyramids of overpriced fruit and their tulips and roses wrapped in plastic. Ten years in the country, still no speaky English?
Fuck the Russians in Brighton Beach. Mobster thugs sitting in cafés, sipping tea in little glasses, sugar cubes between their teeth. Wheelin’ and dealin’ and schemin’. Go back where you fucking came from!
Fuck the black-hatted Chassidim, strolling up and down 47th street in their dirty gabardine with their dandruff. Selling South African apartheid diamonds!
Fuck the Wall Street brokers. Self-styled masters of the universe. Michael Douglas, Gordon Gecko wannabe mother fuckers, figuring out new ways to rob hard working people blind. Send those Enron assholes to jail for fucking life! You think Bush and Cheney didn’t know about that shit? Give me a fucking break! Tyco! Imclone! Adelphia! Worldcom!
Fuck the Puerto Ricans. 20 to a car, swelling up the welfare rolls, worst fuckin’ parade in the city. And don’t even get me started on the Dom-in-i-cans, because they make the Puerto Ricans look good.
Fuck the Bensonhurst Italians with their pomaded hair, their nylon warm-up suits, and their St. Anthony medallions. Swinging their, Jason Giambi, Louisville slugger, baseball bats, trying to audition for the Sopranos.
Fuck the Upper East Side wives with their Hermés scarves and their fifty-dollar Balducci artichokes. Overfed faces getting pulled and lifted and stretched, all taut and shiny. You’re not fooling anybody, sweetheart!
Fuck the uptown brothers. They never pass the ball, they don’t want to play defense, they take fives steps on every lay-up to the hoop. And then they want to turn around and blame everything on the white man. Slavery ended one hundred and thirty seven years ago. Move the fuck on!
Fuck the corrupt cops with their anus violating plungers and their 41 shots, standing behind a blue wall of silence. You betray our trust!
Fuck the priests who put their hands down some innocent child’s pants. Fuck the church that protects them, delivering us into evil. And while you’re at it, fuck JC! He got off easy! A day on the cross, a weekend in hell, and all the hallelujahs of the legioned angels for eternity! Try seven years in fuckin Otisville, Jay!
Fuck Osama bin Laden, al-Qaeda, and backward-ass, cave-dwelling, fundamentalist assholes everywhere. On the names of innocent thousands murdered, I pray you spend the rest of eternity with your seventy-two whores roasting in a jet-fueled fire in hell. You towel headed camel jockeys can kiss my royal, Irish ass!
Fuck Jacob Elinski, whining malcontent.
Fuck this whole city and everyone in it. From the row houses of Astoria to the penthouses on Park Avenue. From the projects in the Bronx to the lofts in Soho. From the tenements in Alphabet City to the brownstones in Park slope to the split levels in Staten Island. Let an earthquake crumble it. Let the fires rage. Let it burn to fuckin ash then let the waters rise and submerge this whole, rat-infested place.
- Monty, 25th Hour
pfluger, what happened to all that peace, love and happiness shit you were spouting off about above?
You can leave the City, but it never leaves you.
And fuck helpdesk operators who can’t help you with your issue and then ask you “is there anything else I can help you with today?” Yes, the fucking thing you didn’t help me with in the first place, you ass-munch!
lol, Covered Long and i had the SAME IDEA at the SAME TIME
Oh yeah, fuck all pigeons too.
@44/ED – Lol, nice work.
That movie is prettay prettay awesome…think I’m going to watch it tonight.
fuck guys who dont write their own rant
@43/TC:
Yeah, its true to some extent. The fuckin’ City is like herpes. You can treat it, but you can never, ever cure it….
And the fucking help desk — You’re right about that. If they tell me one more time to “reboot the computer” I’m gonna throw my chair thru the window.
@47 – sexist. examine your motives.
@TC
The best are the helpdesks for the helpdesks for the helpdesks, or HD^3, the combined power of which still can’t get you a decent or at the very least accurate answer, in under a month, if ever.
Fuck the genius at the MTA who came up with the announcement, “Due to late arriving trains, there will be scattered ___ minute delays.”
That drove me fucking nuts! A unionized idiot with a flash card and a microphone, telling me that the trains are late, because they are late!!! Those bastards should all get fucking heat stroke while they are lying on their backs in Florida, collecting their fucking pensions that WE PAY FOR!!!
Fuck every single unionized worker in every corner of the fucking country.
@Anal – do I want to know why you know this?
And fuck directors who have their secretaries call me, put me on hold, and then get on the line. Call me directly yourself, you egotistical hershey squirt!
fuck all you starfish with your stupid so-called “problems.” DIY.
TC:
Yeah, that’s really irritating.
Also, fuck the admins who answer the phone, ask who is calling, and then 20 seconds later tell you the BDS jackass they report to is “in a meeting,” as if the boss is doing God’s fucking work or something.
@41 Kenny Powers is a better reliever than you ever were, John Rocker
@Help Desk Jock Itch – we do “do-it-ourselves” because you intellectually challenged pus-filled sacks can’t help us.
Fuck all those people in NYC who call me and ask for phone numbers. Pick up the damn yellow pages and look them up
yourself.
@56/TC – Do you like to do it yourself?
I hope DealBreaker does this type of thing every year around the holidays.
Lastly, fuck LB for trying to cancel Christmas.
And fuck that marinara stained, name dropping, self-promoting, long-winded, ego-centric asshole on CNBC with the perpetual 5 o’clock shadow and who tawks like a fucking longshoreman, but who has a lesser understanding of finance, markets and economics.
@CL – You think every girl’s a dope. You think a girl goes to a party and there’s some guy in a fancy striped vest strutting around giving you that I’m-so-handsome-you-can’t-resist-me look. From this she’s supposed to fall flat on her face. Well, she doesn’t fall on her face. But there’s another guy in the room, over in the corner. Maybe he’s nervous and shy and perspiring a little. First, you look past him. But then you sense that he’s gentle and kind and worried. That he’ll be tender with you, nice and sweet. That’s what’s really exciting.
@60/TC – (+1) for a clever response…(-2) for referencing a movie that old, please tell me you didn’t see that in theatres.
Fuck Timmy, because he sure fucked us.
@CL – My mother was a film buff and so I was raised on classic films. Be rest assured, my mother would have been 5 years old when this movie came out. I would have referenced a Buster Keaton film, but those were silent. ;-)
@59 you’re referring to Maria Bartiromo, right?
FUCK HUUUUUUUGHHHH!
-L. David
@64 Yes, her.
And, fuck cg, that vulgar little maggot, that insensate, blinking calf, that monument to stupidity. As they say in Texas, cg couldn’t pour piss out of a boot with instructions on the heel. He is vile, worthless, less than nothing. A snail skulled little rabbit.
What fantasy does cg hold, that he would believe that his on-air tantrums and wild rantings would have more weight than those of a leprous desert rat, spinning rabidly in a circle, waiting for the bite of a snake?
I got this feelin up insida me. I cant talk to my mother, so I talk to my diary.
@pfluger – pure poetry!
thanks TC. CG inspires me. (Plus, I have a thesaurus on my desk.)
I love being bad cos it sure feels good!
–Timmy “Hellcat” Geithner
excuse me, please.
you have impeaded my progress today.
please desist.
thank you berry, berry much.
Fuck the police…
-HF Analyst with many DWI’s
Fuck the haughy, sarcastic bitch that sits in the office across from mine. Actually, I’m gay, so I hope somebody rams a 14 inch dildo, smeared with chili sauce up her very tight cunt.
fk the girl that you always wanted to tag, but she would only let you get to third base. then, after you find a new girl, the old girl decides to start calling again (even if it is two years later). fk’n slore!
@help desk – take your “did you reboot the computer” response and go fk yourself.
fk the IT admin guys who have nothing to do but block you from dowloading upgrades to existing software, then making you wait weeks to upload $hit you could have done yourself.
Fuck bosses who schedule meetings for 3:30 on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving!
@tax chicky – that sux!
fk the clowns that are working tomorrow – I’ll be playing 18…
FUCK EVERYONE
-Guy who is working Wednesday and Friday.
@NakedShort
you’re “working” in Miami, no?
If only you could see the violin…
@anal. Miami shmiami. I am going to be at my desk hungover looking at my computer screen like every other fuck face at work that day.
@Naked
Fair enough (said the guy who weaseled his way out doing the same on Friday, but will be sitting here twiddling his thumbs tomorrow)
Fuck Bill Gates and Microsoft, for obvious reasons.
Fuck turkeys. Human and poultry (although humans have small cavities so they’re easy to fuck).
@82/ guest – depends on which cavity you are going for… just sayin’
Fuck the secured creditors, just fuck them. “I do not stand with them.”
- bho
84/Barry O = socialist. examine your motives.
Fuck Ken Feinberg and the mewing financially ignorant populist masses
fk the “blog moderator”
The idiots who walk down the inside stairway 2-abreast, like 6 of them total while you’re walking up the stairs, so you have to stop, the downie in front looks at you, sighs, steps over, you move up a step, the second guy can’t quite figure out that two bodies cannot occupy the same quantum state at the same time, sighs, moves over, and then the 3rd guy behind him looks at you as you jab an icepick through his thorax.
@85/NS
Racist!
Tax Chick @ 85:
I like it, especially the word “mewing.”
If I may, “Fuck Ken Feinberg and the rest of the mewing financially ignorant populist masses.”
@pfluger – you may.
Fuck this place. I’m outta here.
(Have a nice Thanksgiving, folks.)
@83 Tax Hcick, good point, assholes (and other human orifices) come in all sizes…. Happy T’giving, @82
@83 Tax Chick, good point, assholes (and other human orifices) come in all sizes…. Happy T’giving, @82
I told my boss that I didn’t trust him or the company and if they didn’t take care of me I would quit. So, I had to quit. Talk about saying the wrong thing.
Now, to air my grievances. I hate all the jackasses that took my company down the drain. I will no longer trust anyone that says they are smarter than me and to pay attention, blah blah blah. If you can’t prove up your argument, right here right now without your fancy schmanzy pitch books then get the hell out of my company. I am going to hit you high-brows between the eyes at every meeting, cutting you off at every sentence…especially when I need you to define “is”. Yes, that is a reference to Billy Cigar Boy. But, you deserve it. And another thing, if you try to explain something with an ambiguous reference, I am going to call you on it. And, then I am going around you right to your boss and on up the ladder until I get satisfaction. If I get a call from you about writing me up in my next performance assessment, I am going to call HR and complain about retaliation. I am going to come at you head-on and you will know it is me when you feel my forehead in your sternum. Got it? If you keep pushing I am going to lay you on your back and kick you in the nuts as I keep going. I am pissed. I am pissed my 401K is worth less than when I was 25. I am pissed that my company requires me to keep my assets under the management of the same folks that took it under. I am pissed that knuckleheaded punks run the firm and DB is quoting them weekly. I am pissed and I am not going to take it anymore.
@95 whoa. where do you/did you work?
call my friggin father and wish him a happy 40th wedding anniversary
Screw all those people who voted for Obama rather than Hillary, who would have been a far tougher president and sure the fuck would know have kow-towed to the Emperor of Japan, like O did
Fuck all you people for not making triple digits on this post.
@99 Fuck you for not trying harder.