melanieberliet.jpgOnce upon a time, before she was sleeping with married men and having people eat raw fish off her raw fish, all in the name of journalism, Melanie Berliet supposedly worked as a bond trader at “an elite investment bank.” She was one of just a handful of women and sushi girl liked it.

…my token status gave me an extra thrill. There was something doubly funny when I drilled a Nerf football into some guy’s head. Something gratifyingly titillating about my accidental flubs, like the time I announced, too loudly, “I love nuts.” I enjoyed being called a “fucking dullard” or being instructed, patronizingly, to “remove head from ass,” because my reaction–to grin rather than cry–impressed the guys. I loved their attention and the daily opportunities to prove that I fit in.

To that end, Mel B was up to get down when her boss, “Carl Pratt” (whose name was changed for this article, more on that later), texted her shit like, “Just woke up from a dream. I had you on your belly and took you from behind. You came multiple times.” At first she was like, silly Carl you sound like such a tool using the word ‘belly’ but as for the doing me from behind? I’ve been thinking about it too. She hadn’t actually been thinking about it, but Carl was her boss and they’d been doing the sexual banter thing for some time now. Also, Melanie felt “blessed to be able to play the sex card rather than cursed to have the game foisted upon me” and the bottom line was her “overwhelming preoccupation was procuring a fat bonus check.” There was only one thing left to do. Text back: “Wow. And I thought I was the only one still having wet dreams.” She figured, later that night, there’d be a few more drunk exchanges with CP but she didn’t think that even after telling him she had her period and that she’d “pulled her groin” that he’d persist but surprise! He did. So she told him to put on some “hard core porn” and got in a cab.

Too briskly, the elevator transported me to the twelfth floor of his hotel. I stood, ears popped, on the hallway’s plush carpet, pondering again. I imagined Carl’s arms around me. Then I saw him at work, rounding the corner to my desk, vigorously shaking the back of my chair, upsetting my balance before locking me in his devious grin. I was Carl’s underling, but I refused to consider myself a victim. Our audacious, perpetual flirtation was not one-sided. I could have ignored him. I could’ve avoided the girlish smiles and spurned the extra attention. Foreseen that it might not end well. I looked from the indiscernible smudges of the abstract painting on the wall to the small numbers on the door to my left: 1201. Neither told me what to do. I glanced behind me. In an inspired moment of clarity, or out of acute fear, I made a promise to myself: If I could lunge back toward the elevator doors in time to thrust my hand between them, I would go. A few impossibly large steps brought me to the elevator bank, and I sprang toward the narrowing gap. A soft beep sounded. A brightly lit empty box opened before me. I was gone.

So, she didn’t fuck him, but then he fucked her, hard, for not doing him, by giving her a $65,000 bonus, which Mel says was “at least $35,000 too low” and “mocked her.” But you know what comforted young Melanie? The realization that everyone on Wall Street is a whore. Is there really a difference between coming two shakes from having your boss fuck you from behind at the W and not coming two shakes from having your boss fuck you from behind at the W? Mel doesn’t think so.

Without a word, I walked back onto the trading floor, past the plantation of computer stations manned by employees like me. Recognizing our commonality, my rage receded. I had been ruthless, as they were, because I wanted the rewards of success–to assert control and live an independent, enviably cushy life. I felt absurdly unoriginal.

So…anyway. Let’s put your collective intel to work figure out the real identity of Carl the Bonus Buster. He’s probably got some good stories to share.

Playing The Sex Card At Work
[Elle via Daily Intel]

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Comments (81)

  1. Posted by guest | November 17, 2009 at 5:07 PM

    slutttttttttt

  2. Posted by pfluger | November 17, 2009 at 5:09 PM

    Enormous amount of raw material here… Still processing.

  3. Posted by guest | November 17, 2009 at 5:09 PM

    I would not let my personal stable of whores wear those awful blue shoes in the picture.
    -guy who likes his whores in black heels.

  4. Posted by guest | November 17, 2009 at 5:09 PM

    pussy. I would’ve gone through with it.
    – ex-PMB

  5. Posted by guest | November 17, 2009 at 5:13 PM

    Did she work for Madoff?

  6. Posted by guest | November 17, 2009 at 5:15 PM

    @5 ew

  7. Posted by guest | November 17, 2009 at 5:15 PM

    She wasn’t here at Fig Muncher Capital Management, LLC.
    ~Yowanna Lickit
    Managing Partner

  8. Posted by guest | November 17, 2009 at 5:16 PM

    she’s french though and everyone knows the froggies stick to type.

  9. Posted by Anal_yst | November 17, 2009 at 5:17 PM

    T-minus 30 minutes until the good details hit the comment boards, 29…28…

  10. Posted by guest | November 17, 2009 at 5:18 PM

    MS?

  11. Posted by Perkins Maxwell | November 17, 2009 at 5:18 PM

    @anal: 26, 25… where are they?

  12. Posted by guest | November 17, 2009 at 5:19 PM

    Intristing. Shay appiz to hiff imple brists. Sounds like shay az a brine, too. Woy in the wirld would she want tew fintisyze about six with eh co-wirkuh?
    ~A. Drury
    New South Wales
    Austrailiar

  13. Posted by Seen it before | November 17, 2009 at 5:20 PM

    First, is that the dress or does she have a belly to match those hideous rube shoes?
    Second, he description of events sounds like the bitter recollections of a runner who couldn’t land and fuck the big man on the trading floor.
    She got the job thinking a summer on her knees and all fours would get her marriage/retirement. Instead SHE didn’t make the cut from the rest of the gold diggers and is now acting like the independent woman of virtue.

  14. Posted by guest | November 17, 2009 at 5:21 PM

    Asian men prefer it if the sushi model farts, its a delicacy.
    Merissa Ree

  15. Posted by guest | November 17, 2009 at 5:22 PM

    Bess, try EMF Financial and fire your research department. Took about 40 seconds to find that one.
    Investment bank my arse….

  16. Posted by guest | November 17, 2009 at 5:24 PM

    Some days I think, wow, Bess has got a really tough job, slinging her tits across a hot keyboard to dish up tasty bits for consumption to a bunch of goombas screaming “where’s my fucking steak!” And then some days seems like shooting fish in a barrel. Even then I guess it’s “which fish?”

  17. Posted by guest | November 17, 2009 at 5:24 PM

    Hmmm… smells like dabagirls.
    http://www.dabagirls.com/

  18. Posted by guest | November 17, 2009 at 5:27 PM

    smells like dabagirls….
    http://www.dabagirls.com/

  19. Posted by guest | November 17, 2009 at 5:28 PM

    She looks like the evil one in “Running in Heels”

  20. Posted by Bess Levin | November 17, 2009 at 5:28 PM

    @15 my research department would be my fingers and my Google. Good work finding EMF. Now be a good boy and find out who Carl is.

  21. Posted by guest | November 17, 2009 at 5:30 PM

    Sounds like she’s cribbing from the Jordan amd Mark story.

  22. Posted by guest | November 17, 2009 at 5:30 PM

    I don’t understand … so she DIDN’T have sex with the boss? Then what’s the point? I don’t know what all the rest is for, anyway!

  23. Posted by guest | November 17, 2009 at 5:33 PM

    For $35k she wouldn’t do him? Boy, blondes are dumb.

  24. Posted by guest | November 17, 2009 at 5:34 PM

    @23 Mark?

  25. Posted by guest | November 17, 2009 at 5:36 PM

    slore

  26. Posted by guest | November 17, 2009 at 5:37 PM

    Bess,
    Stop talking dirty and describing your fingers searching for things. Its just not fair.

  27. Posted by guest | November 17, 2009 at 5:41 PM

    @24, uhhhhh, no. Mark would say, for £21,000, she wouldn’t shag him? Oi, the bird is daft.

  28. Posted by guest | November 17, 2009 at 5:41 PM

    Nothing is sexier than a chick with a pulled groin who is menstruating.
    Dennis Kneale

  29. Posted by guest | November 17, 2009 at 5:45 PM

    meh…she’s a 6.

  30. Posted by Effective Date | November 17, 2009 at 5:45 PM

    i would still do her

  31. Posted by guest | November 17, 2009 at 5:49 PM

    The sushi moved

  32. Posted by not 15 | November 17, 2009 at 5:50 PM
  33. Posted by Anal_yst | November 17, 2009 at 5:56 PM

    @ Perkins, I’d say I was pretty close on that 30 minutes eh?

  34. Posted by guest | November 17, 2009 at 5:58 PM

    Summit NJ is NOT wall street

  35. Posted by guest | November 17, 2009 at 6:04 PM

    @32 is that a confirmation or a postulation?

  36. Posted by guest | November 17, 2009 at 6:07 PM

    @34 – Its not?
    forehead slapper

  37. Posted by guest | November 17, 2009 at 6:10 PM

    @35 I’d say guilty, until someone finds another.

  38. Posted by guest | November 17, 2009 at 6:34 PM

    @ A Drury: no chest here: http://mtblog.vanityfair.com/online/style/SushiModel2.jpg
    girl would look far better with a boob job. Usually not a fan, but in this case, can’t think of much else to help.

  39. Posted by guest | November 17, 2009 at 6:45 PM

    @38, can’t agree more….she looks like a dude.

  40. Posted by guest | November 17, 2009 at 7:01 PM

    Nov 13, 2009 … The CFTC order requires EMF to pay a $4 million civil monetary penalty for making false statements and failing to disclose material information concerning its market positions and financing to the Chicago Board of Trade (CBOT). The CFTC also charged that EMF failed to diligently supervise the handling of its commodity interest business.

  41. Posted by guest | November 17, 2009 at 7:01 PM

    @28 +1

  42. Posted by guest | November 17, 2009 at 7:10 PM

    While not legally obligated, she was certainly morally obligated to do him after she told him to fire up some hard core porn. I mean come on now, she told him to lock and load and then wouldn’t pull his trigger? A disgrace.
    Clarence Thomas

  43. Posted by guest | November 17, 2009 at 7:32 PM

    @29
    6? 6?
    2. 3 tops.

  44. Posted by guest | November 17, 2009 at 7:32 PM

    @37 – agreed. Wharton makes it a rebuttable presumption, in fact.

  45. Posted by guest | November 17, 2009 at 7:32 PM

    @42…awesome post!

  46. Posted by guest | November 17, 2009 at 7:41 PM

    @32 – I wonder if that is the same Dave Gottlieb that used to trade 5yrs at DLJ? Must be pre-CSFB.

  47. Posted by guest | November 17, 2009 at 8:16 PM

    Come on, honey — much more questionable pole has been embraced by those lips, for much less money.
    You cost me 3 appletinis at the Summit Olive Garden, if I remember.
    And unless you ease up on the teeth, I’ll be asking for that money back the next time.

  48. Posted by Seaman Bodine II | November 17, 2009 at 8:19 PM

    I’d definitely crack her, but only if Rick Springfield shoved butter up her ass first.
    Hank Moody

  49. Posted by guest | November 17, 2009 at 9:44 PM

    Jonas, she’s one ugly Slore! I wouldn’t eat Sushi off that f it was still alive and flaffin’ around.
    SLORE!
    http://guestofaguest.com/wp-content/uploads/wppa/Melanie_Berliet_Graham_Jonas.jpg

  50. Posted by guest | November 17, 2009 at 9:55 PM

    From the sushi story, she sounds like a total narcissist. The female version of Tucker Max, only without the self-aware restraint.

  51. Posted by guest | November 17, 2009 at 9:58 PM

    she worked at Credit Suisse as an analyst/associate in fixed income

  52. Posted by guest | November 17, 2009 at 10:30 PM

    She worked at CS and reported to the co-heads of NY IRP. Not hard to guess which one is the fearless racoon pirate. Will let them fight it out, but we all know…

  53. Posted by guest | November 17, 2009 at 10:43 PM

    @49: she looks a bit…wideclops?
    maybe its just me

  54. Posted by guest | November 17, 2009 at 10:52 PM

    @19, 29, 39, 43, 49, 54 you know they all look the same upside down in the dark after a few drinks.

  55. Posted by guest | November 18, 2009 at 1:14 AM

    From the VF story:
    “…or, at least, that are common to me, with my middle-child tendency to seek attention at any cost.”
    indeed.

  56. Posted by guest | November 18, 2009 at 7:27 AM

    she worked at credit suisse, where she almost banged her boss, and then emf.

  57. Posted by guest | November 18, 2009 at 8:30 AM

    @28 FTW. @49 – who is that toolbag she’s standing next to with the ‘Karma Yoga” t-shirt? Also, is she pregnant?

  58. Posted by american bandersnatch | November 18, 2009 at 9:04 AM

    Don’t get me wrong, I love the ladies. I mean they rev my engines, but ugly quai-sluts like her don’t belong in finance.

  59. Posted by guest | November 18, 2009 at 9:10 AM

    David Gottlieb’s middle name is….Carl.

  60. Posted by willfck4insideinfo | November 18, 2009 at 9:24 AM

    bberg–Prior to joining EMF Financial Products, Mr. Gottlied was employed by Credit Suisse First Boston.

  61. Posted by guest | November 18, 2009 at 9:35 AM

    Copy name…click GOOGLE

  62. Posted by guest | November 18, 2009 at 9:41 AM

    It’s Carl Spackler and it wasn’t a trading floor it was a shack full of Northern California Sensemilla grass.

  63. Posted by guest | November 18, 2009 at 9:44 AM

    @59/AB she’d be a homess cuter if she actually put out, though. the outputters can stay. agree?

  64. Posted by guest | November 18, 2009 at 10:08 AM

    You’re killing me? Really? Dave Gottlieb? That’s your best guess? Does he look like a racoon? Did she report to him? Come on, folks…

  65. Posted by guest | November 18, 2009 at 10:37 AM

    maybe she was a lame fuck, her looks are nothing special (and she really can’t think she was hired for her smarts!)

  66. Posted by guest | November 18, 2009 at 11:11 AM

    This bitch has a face like a foot

  67. Posted by guest | November 18, 2009 at 11:20 AM

    I, for one, am impressed. For a guy so notoriously dim to get to where he has is quite the achievement. And now? We find that aside from his lack of trading ability he is the proverbial guy who can’t get laid in a whore house with a stack of hundred dollar bills. If Wall Street has a special olympics, you’d have to root for him.

  68. Posted by guest | November 18, 2009 at 12:47 PM

    definitely wideclops http://guestofaguest.com/directory/melanie-berliet/29196/1/
    Her business model is weak: A cut-rate Carrie Bradshaw looking to get laid by D List dudes looking for their names in print.

  69. Posted by Investorcluzo | November 18, 2009 at 1:16 PM

    I would NOT hit it…damn, sho nuf is wideclops (or her doppleganger)! who let the wideclops out, who, who…

  70. Posted by guest | November 18, 2009 at 7:33 PM

    c’mon…she definitely tagged him. Its 2009, she has chicken legs, a huge beak, and was a fahkin bond geek. Boss man probably gave her the flying camel for Christ sake.

  71. Posted by Anal_yst | November 18, 2009 at 7:40 PM

    @69
    Guest of a Guest is considered “print?”

  72. Posted by Meistro | November 19, 2009 at 12:59 PM

    Def at CS

  73. Posted by guest | November 22, 2009 at 5:35 PM

    I happen to know that it is a guy with the initials J.T. at Credit Suisse. Figure it out.

  74. Posted by gossipystuff | November 22, 2009 at 7:41 PM

    What’s astounding is the lack of focus on how awesome this article is. So well-written and honest!! Count me on Team Melanie. Kudos to the girl for having the balls to tell her story.

  75. Posted by gregdude | November 22, 2009 at 7:44 PM

    She is the hotness. Faaaaact.

  76. Posted by SweetMelanie | November 22, 2009 at 7:49 PM

    Um, this article’s good. Girl can write. And she’s not vengeful. She just told her story. Takes guts.

  77. Posted by ForTheHaters | November 22, 2009 at 8:34 PM

    She’s adorable: http://bit.ly/7a0w2X. Guaranteed anyone who hates on her is one thousand times less attractive.

  78. Posted by guest | November 22, 2009 at 9:35 PM

    W – I – D – E – C – L – O – P – S

  79. Posted by guest | November 22, 2009 at 11:10 PM

    @74 jim toya (everyone knew that, stop congratulating yourself.)
    @75-78 (clearly all the same friend of the author.) yes it took guts to write a shitty article about being an almost ho. (and she’s not attractive.)

  80. Posted by guest1 | May 19, 2010 at 3:28 PM

    Isn’t a similar story floating around about an MD from Shitty who has moved to GermanBank1…

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