johnthainerincallanofficeshot.jpgOr so alleges country reporter Charlie Gasparino, in his new book (out tomorrow!), When Mooks Fail. According to CG, given that “both of these broads” had “a great pair of legs and an ass just begging for a pinch,” the comparisons were inevitable, but were nevertheless troubling to JT.

The upcoming second-quarter earnings–or, to be more precise, losses–were much higher than expected, around $5 billion. The size of the losses was in direct contradiction to just about everything Thain had said…[and] he saw his career flash before him: there would be comparisons to Alan Schwartz, Dick Fuld, and Erin Callan. He would lose the confidence of the markets, as Bear had done and as Lehman was doing. Like the other firms, Merrill had survived on the fact that it could continue to borrow money from banks and on other investors who believed they were lending money to a company that told the truth.
Thain was becoming unhinged; during a briefing in one of his finely decorated conference rooms that had been part of the $1.2 million office spending spree, people close to the firm said he completely lost his composure when an aide informed him about the size of the losses.

Normally in tense situations like these, when he felt himself losing control, Thain would take 5, strap on a onesie and work out his issues on the mat. Unfortunately, his suit was at the cleaners, and aides had mentioned to him recently that it freaked people out a bit when he would start shadow-boxing out of nowhere in a room full of colleagues.

What Thain did isn’t exactly clear, but Merrill Lynch had to replace a shattered glass panel that appeared to have been the target of the CEO’s anger. (Thain later said he hadn’t broken anything, though through a spokesman he said he wouldn’t deny that the had lost his temper during the meeting.)

Comments (31)

  1. Posted by guest | November 2, 2009 at 11:42 AM

    She looks like she cries a lot and needs a great deal of comforting with my ascii wang 8=====D

  2. Posted by guest | November 2, 2009 at 11:43 AM

    Damn, Bess! Don’t ever do that again!
    That fucking picture just made me shit my pants, and I’m in the middle of a Board meeting. Smell’s awful.
    KL

  3. Posted by guest | November 2, 2009 at 11:45 AM

    tremendous

  4. Posted by guest | November 2, 2009 at 11:46 AM

    chazza is making this up. how does a robot lose composure? that would be some great AI programming if it could.

  5. Posted by guest | November 2, 2009 at 11:47 AM

    He doesn’t look constipated in that photo.It pays to eat foods rich in fibers.

  6. Posted by guest | November 2, 2009 at 11:47 AM

    conch-shell-faced motherfuck.
    -ERIN

  7. Posted by guest | November 2, 2009 at 11:48 AM

    “conch-shell-faced motherfuck.”
    ftw

  8. Posted by guest | November 2, 2009 at 11:49 AM

    JT shattered glass by letting out an ear-splitting, high-pitched scream of agony (and decades of pent-up sexual frustration).

  9. Posted by guest | November 2, 2009 at 11:52 AM

    Is this book signing going to be tomorrow night as his regular table at San Pietros? I’m gonna go there right now to start the autograph queue.

  10. Posted by guest | November 2, 2009 at 11:54 AM

    @8 why would he have pent up sexual frustration? he has a pretty hot wife.

  11. Posted by guest | November 2, 2009 at 11:56 AM

    Widd yew like sim liggs with thit chazekyke???
    ~A, Drury
    New South Wales
    Austrailiar

  12. Posted by guest | November 2, 2009 at 11:56 AM

    “the firm said he completely his composure”
    WTF ? Who is spell checking these ?
    It messed up the whole punch line, and my dress really tight today, my hairs a mess, and somebody better get me a skinny latte pronto or bitch slap the next lacky that walks by my desk

  13. Posted by guest | November 2, 2009 at 11:58 AM

    Just as long as he didn’t lay his dukes in the commode everything’s cool…

  14. Posted by guest | November 2, 2009 at 12:03 PM

    Alternate caption: “KL viewed Merrill as an attractive partner…”

  15. Posted by guest | November 2, 2009 at 12:05 PM

    John Thain is a shitheel.

  16. Posted by guest | November 2, 2009 at 12:07 PM

    I’d hit it.
    -KL

  17. Posted by guest | November 2, 2009 at 12:08 PM

    JT, there’s always a place for you and your smokin hot bod at SAC.
    -sc

  18. Posted by Anal_yst | November 2, 2009 at 12:08 PM

    @9 Campagnola.
    @10 completely missing it.

  19. Posted by guest | November 2, 2009 at 12:09 PM
  20. Posted by guest | November 2, 2009 at 12:09 PM

    @anal_yst- not at campagnola.

  21. Posted by guest | November 2, 2009 at 12:19 PM

    Elaine’s?

  22. Posted by guest | November 2, 2009 at 12:20 PM

    those legs never get old

  23. Posted by guest | November 2, 2009 at 12:26 PM

    goodbye greg!

  24. Posted by guest | November 2, 2009 at 12:34 PM

    What does Janet Reno have to do with this story?

  25. Posted by cnbc intern | November 2, 2009 at 12:43 PM

    @21 Gasparino’s last book party for ‘King of the Club’ was at Elaine’s. A few of his CNBC peers showed up (Erin, Bob, Mellisa, Trish) and then dished on him becuase they actually find working with him really frustrating.
    I’d be interested in seeing which CNBC host show up this time. I doubt Faber is there – he hates his reporting ethics and is vocal about it to anyone who will listen.

  26. Posted by pfluger | November 2, 2009 at 12:51 PM

    Whenever I don my “onesie,” the chicks find me even more irresistable than usual.
    They cannot resist my God-like physique.
    -cg

  27. Posted by guest | November 2, 2009 at 1:26 PM

    Thain prefers to be compared to Krawcheck

  28. Posted by guest | November 2, 2009 at 1:30 PM

    That pic kinda looks like one of the Noel girls

  29. Posted by Perkins Maxwell | November 2, 2009 at 2:07 PM

    @Anal_yst and others: neither Campagnola nor Elaine’s. But in Manhattan S of 14th St.

  30. Posted by guest | November 3, 2009 at 10:26 AM

    @Perkin’s, Marie’s Crisis?

  31. Posted by Perkins Maxwell | November 3, 2009 at 10:38 AM

    @30: no, actually, but I’m impressed with your knowledge of Gasparinoniana….

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