Unlike some people who shall remain nameless. NEVERTHELESS– Maria has crossed paths with many, many stock gurus, who laid their investing knowledge on her ass. And now she wants to do the same to you. You WANT a piece this. Skittish about diving in? That’s cool. Maria’s fine with playing just the tip. But dollars to donuts you’ll be begging for more. How serious is MB about this thing? So serious she took a pledge. Need we say more? Okay:
• “Maria has carefully cultivated relationships with many giants of the investing world. And she knows how to interview them to get the very best they have to offer.”
• “Maria will not leave you hanging.”
• “Exclusive insights, analysis and forecasts that Maria gleans off-the-camera.”
Ongoing encouragement…yes, that’s what all the other newsletters have been missing, they are all soooo MEAN, they make fun of ALL my losing trades.
Thank you Maria Bartiromo’s Wall Street.
I did that sort of shilling for a while myself.
~The Ghost of Louis Rukheiser
@1 ongoing encouragement means blow jobs.
“I can’t tell you how impressed I am with Maria’s devotion to this project.”
seriously?
“carefully cultivated relationships”
“overblown”
“unfettered access to her world”
Too easy, pass.
“breathless rant”? fuck you.
-JC
not impressed.
-ron insana
@3 – Ohhhhh, how did I not see that coming, it was right in my face.
-Guy who’s oblivious to sexual innuendos
that’s a lot of investment knowledge
Typos in the last line:
Its not “Day by day, week by week, I believe Maria can give you the tools to make your financial dreams come true.”
It should read, “Day by day, week by week, I believe Maria can give you tools financial dreams that may come true.”
you get happy ending?
fuck it, I’m going to “start” offering BJs too. whatever it takes.
-jc
Ass poundage is a good thing.
-MB
I can get better stock advice at my local Arby’s
-guy who goes for the advice, and sometimes for the food
that picture was taken 30 lbs and 300 bjs ago.
“…if she includes you in the conversation when Jim Rogers talks commodities or George Soros talks about the dollar…”
Me: So Jim, will a transition to iron ore spot pricing impact the commodity super cycle and CVRD?
Jim: Not really. I’m still a long-term bull and CVRD has incredible assets.
Me: Why the fuck are we sitting in the same room as Maria Bartiromo?
Jim: I have no fucking clue. She’s an idiot.
Me: So George, will the combination of the financial bailout and trillion dollar deficits eventually lead to the dollar loosing its status as the global currency of exchange?
George: Possibly but it will take time and the Chinese have a vested interest in medium-term US economic stability.
Me: Does Maria Bartiromo add any value to the conversation whatsoever?
George: None. She sucks.
@12 subs, baby, subs.
You know, I used to take all that stuff here about blow jobs and Maria giving hand jobs with her mouth as just jokes (though not “exceptionally funny” or “brilliant”) but reading this pandering come-on I am beginning to believe it. “Just say maybe” for a six-month trial. And then you go to leave and she swears she’ll kill you if you do.
@17 I don’t get a crazy vibe from MB, just a raging hoesbeast.
do not want.
-todd t
@16 – FYI, when making fun of someone for being an idiot, you might want to spell ‘losing’ correctly.
Should we be concerned that the stocks that are mentioned in the first newsletter are MCD,DRI,KO,PEP,NSRGY,BKC?
Did she really give that many bj’s?
My friends call me, Whiskers
@16 just got told! Daaamnnn!!!!
I don’t get it. So it’s a newletter where a sloth gives investment advice?
-New To Finance
Becky Quick’s lazy brown eye blinks once for yes, two for no, and three for my name is Indigo Montoya.
I don’t get it. So it’s a newletter where a sloth gives investment advice?
-New To Finance
@24/@26: I have a newsletter introducing you to the extremely technical world of posting on DealBreaker, perhaps you’d like to subscribe?
–Bitchass Bessy
Hey guys, its me, Chaz.
Lemme warn you guys, if she gives you “unfettered access to her world”, you better wear a condom.
harder than it looks but still fail.
-24,26
I have to admire and note @5′s professionalism.
~The Joke Briefer
Iron Eagle was a good movie.
Warren Buffet: The Oracle of Omaha
Charlie Gasparino: The Oracle of Rego Park
Maria Bartiromo: The Receptacle of Lower Manhattan.
Dylan Ratigan’s voice booming in the background of the Steve Schwartzman interview??
This looks awesome, but the links don’t work. Can someone tell me how I can sign up for this.
- Lenny D
Who in their right mind signs up for this? Do people really buy services like this? I would consider buying her newsletter only if I needed help and recommendations on what types of doughnuts to eat.
This is just too easy, agreed with @5.
@Naked
I’m surprised it doesn’t include: CMG, talks of a possible Lane Bryant IPO, CAKE, YUM, EAT, LZB, DKS…
I put in for the trial subscription. What’s there to lose??
-Timmy Geithner
Is that really Maria’s signature at the bottom in the side bar?
She’s not a stock picker and she never claims to be one…but yet she wants you to buy her advice.
Don’t worry about it. This kind of shit works out ALL the time.
- B. Belichick
What is being sold here ?
Here is da way dis works. I bring some canollies over to Maria’s place. She spreads the WSJ stock pages on the floor. I give her my salami, she rubs and tugs, and the splooge hit is our stock picks of the week. Works every time.
CG
This is just too good to pass up, I mean, a picture that was taken about 4k cannolis ago with advice that was made for suckers in Cincinnati. Gee, no wonder my trading floor switched all the monitors to Fox Business and Bloomberg.
–guy who jerks off to Liz Claman’s lips and rack every day
@31- “Mav and Goose” could take him.
“global investment expert Clark Winter”??????
uhhhh….
MB: “Dan, what are your picks and pans this month?”
DN: “Well, Maria, I’m long a shitload of AMD and they’ve got my fat friend at Galleon locked up, so I’d tell your retards to please buy my AMD.”
MB: “Thanks, Dan.”
DN: “Thanks, Maria. Go fuck yourself.”
@20 Covered,
Good luck given that you post regularly and you’ve now established a self-imposed zero-tolerance, typo threshold.
All,
What’s the bid-ask on the number of days until the delicate genius mistypes while simultaneously denigrating Shazbot and playing tug-o-war with Cyclops?
What a douche.