Unlike some people who shall remain nameless. NEVERTHELESS— Maria has crossed paths with many, many stock gurus, who laid their investing knowledge on her ass. And now she wants to do the same to you. You WANT a piece this. Skittish about diving in? That’s cool. Maria’s fine with playing just the tip. But dollars to donuts you’ll be begging for more. How serious is MB about this thing? So serious she took a pledge. Need we say more? Okay:
• “Maria has carefully cultivated relationships with many giants of the investing world. And she knows how to interview them to get the very best they have to offer.”
• “Maria will not leave you hanging.”
• “Exclusive insights, analysis and forecasts that Maria gleans off-the-camera.”
Posted by CoveredLong , Nov 17, 2009 3:50PM
Ongoing encouragement...yes, that's what all the other newsletters have been missing, they are all soooo MEAN, they make fun of ALL my losing trades.
Thank you Maria Bartiromo's Wall Street.
Posted by guest , Nov 17, 2009 3:50PM
I did that sort of shilling for a while myself.
~The Ghost of Louis Rukheiser
Posted by guest , Nov 17, 2009 3:50PM
@1 ongoing encouragement means blow jobs.
Posted by guest , Nov 17, 2009 3:52PM
"I can't tell you how impressed I am with Maria's devotion to this project."
seriously?
Posted by guest , Nov 17, 2009 3:52PM
"carefully cultivated relationships"
"overblown"
"unfettered access to her world"
Too easy, pass.
Posted by guest , Nov 17, 2009 3:53PM
"breathless rant"? fuck you.
-JC
Posted by guest , Nov 17, 2009 3:55PM
not impressed.
-ron insana
Posted by CoveredLong , Nov 17, 2009 3:56PM
@3 - Ohhhhh, how did I not see that coming, it was right in my face.
-Guy who's oblivious to sexual innuendos
Posted by guest , Nov 17, 2009 3:59PM
that's a lot of investment knowledge
Posted by pfluger , Nov 17, 2009 4:00PM
Typos in the last line:
Its not "Day by day, week by week, I believe Maria can give you the tools to make your financial dreams come true."
It should read, "Day by day, week by week, I believe Maria can give you tools financial dreams that may come true."
Posted by guest , Nov 17, 2009 4:01PM
you get happy ending?
Posted by guest , Nov 17, 2009 4:02PM
fuck it, I'm going to "start" offering BJs too. whatever it takes.
-jc
Posted by guest , Nov 17, 2009 4:03PM
Ass poundage is a good thing.
-MB
Posted by guest , Nov 17, 2009 4:04PM
I can get better stock advice at my local Arby's
-guy who goes for the advice, and sometimes for the food
Posted by guest , Nov 17, 2009 4:04PM
that picture was taken 30 lbs and 300 bjs ago.
Posted by guest , Nov 17, 2009 4:06PM
"...if she includes you in the conversation when Jim Rogers talks commodities or George Soros talks about the dollar..."
Me: So Jim, will a transition to iron ore spot pricing impact the commodity super cycle and CVRD?
Jim: Not really. I'm still a long-term bull and CVRD has incredible assets.
Me: Why the fuck are we sitting in the same room as Maria Bartiromo?
Jim: I have no fucking clue. She's an idiot.
Me: So George, will the combination of the financial bailout and trillion dollar deficits eventually lead to the dollar loosing its status as the global currency of exchange?
George: Possibly but it will take time and the Chinese have a vested interest in medium-term US economic stability.
Me: Does Maria Bartiromo add any value to the conversation whatsoever?
George: None. She sucks.
Posted by guest , Nov 17, 2009 4:06PM
@12 subs, baby, subs.
You know, I used to take all that stuff here about blow jobs and Maria giving hand jobs with her mouth as just jokes (though not "exceptionally funny" or "brilliant") but reading this pandering come-on I am beginning to believe it. "Just say maybe" for a six-month trial. And then you go to leave and she swears she'll kill you if you do.
Posted by guest , Nov 17, 2009 4:08PM
@17 I don't get a crazy vibe from MB, just a raging hoesbeast.
Posted by guest , Nov 17, 2009 4:08PM
do not want.
-todd t
Posted by CoveredLong , Nov 17, 2009 4:09PM
@16 - FYI, when making fun of someone for being an idiot, you might want to spell 'losing' correctly.
Posted by NakedShort , Nov 17, 2009 4:10PM
Should we be concerned that the stocks that are mentioned in the first newsletter are MCD,DRI,KO,PEP,NSRGY,BKC?
Posted by guest , Nov 17, 2009 4:10PM
Did she really give that many bj's?
My friends call me, Whiskers
Posted by guest , Nov 17, 2009 4:11PM
@16 just got told! Daaamnnn!!!!
Posted by guest , Nov 17, 2009 4:14PM
I don't get it. So it's a newletter where a sloth gives investment advice?
-New To Finance
Posted by guest , Nov 17, 2009 4:15PM
Becky Quick's lazy brown eye blinks once for yes, two for no, and three for my name is Indigo Montoya.
Posted by guest , Nov 17, 2009 4:15PM
I don't get it. So it's a newletter where a sloth gives investment advice?
-New To Finance
Posted by guest , Nov 17, 2009 4:19PM
@24/@26: I have a newsletter introducing you to the extremely technical world of posting on DealBreaker, perhaps you'd like to subscribe?
--Bitchass Bessy
Posted by pfluger , Nov 17, 2009 4:22PM
Hey guys, its me, Chaz.
Lemme warn you guys, if she gives you "unfettered access to her world", you better wear a condom.
Posted by guest , Nov 17, 2009 4:24PM
harder than it looks but still fail.
-24,26
Posted by guest , Nov 17, 2009 4:25PM
I have to admire and note @5's professionalism.
~The Joke Briefer
Posted by guest , Nov 17, 2009 4:26PM
Iron Eagle was a good movie.
Posted by guest , Nov 17, 2009 4:29PM
Warren Buffet: The Oracle of Omaha
Charlie Gasparino: The Oracle of Rego Park
Maria Bartiromo: The Receptacle of Lower Manhattan.
Posted by guest , Nov 17, 2009 4:34PM
Dylan Ratigan's voice booming in the background of the Steve Schwartzman interview??
Posted by guest , Nov 17, 2009 4:35PM
This looks awesome, but the links don't work. Can someone tell me how I can sign up for this.
- Lenny D
Posted by guest , Nov 17, 2009 4:38PM
Who in their right mind signs up for this? Do people really buy services like this? I would consider buying her newsletter only if I needed help and recommendations on what types of doughnuts to eat.
Posted by Anal_yst , Nov 17, 2009 4:39PM
This is just too easy, agreed with @5.
@Naked
I'm surprised it doesn't include: CMG, talks of a possible Lane Bryant IPO, CAKE, YUM, EAT, LZB, DKS...
Posted by pfluger , Nov 17, 2009 4:40PM
I put in for the trial subscription. What's there to lose??
-Timmy Geithner
Posted by guest , Nov 17, 2009 4:42PM
Is that really Maria's signature at the bottom in the side bar?
Posted by guest , Nov 17, 2009 5:35PM
She's not a stock picker and she never claims to be one...but yet she wants you to buy her advice.
Posted by guest , Nov 17, 2009 5:45PM
Don't worry about it. This kind of shit works out ALL the time.
- B. Belichick
Posted by dover121 , Nov 17, 2009 6:24PM
What is being sold here ?
Posted by guest , Nov 17, 2009 9:09PM
Here is da way dis works. I bring some canollies over to Maria's place. She spreads the WSJ stock pages on the floor. I give her my salami, she rubs and tugs, and the splooge hit is our stock picks of the week. Works every time.
CG
Posted by guest , Nov 17, 2009 10:41PM
This is just too good to pass up, I mean, a picture that was taken about 4k cannolis ago with advice that was made for suckers in Cincinnati. Gee, no wonder my trading floor switched all the monitors to Fox Business and Bloomberg.
--guy who jerks off to Liz Claman's lips and rack every day
Posted by Joe Mac , Nov 17, 2009 10:46PM
@31- "Mav and Goose" could take him.
Posted by guest , Nov 17, 2009 10:48PM
"global investment expert Clark Winter"??????
uhhhh....
Posted by guest , Nov 18, 2009 6:04AM
MB: "Dan, what are your picks and pans this month?"
DN: "Well, Maria, I'm long a shitload of AMD and they've got my fat friend at Galleon locked up, so I'd tell your retards to please buy my AMD."
MB: "Thanks, Dan."
DN: "Thanks, Maria. Go fuck yourself."
Posted by guest , Nov 18, 2009 11:31AM
@20 Covered,
Good luck given that you post regularly and you've now established a self-imposed zero-tolerance, typo threshold.
All,
What's the bid-ask on the number of days until the delicate genius mistypes while simultaneously denigrating Shazbot and playing tug-o-war with Cyclops?
What a douche.