A couple weeks ago RBS announced that it would be accepting a few more billion in bailout funds from the UK government. Some employees wondered why this was necessary and today we have an answer. The Telegraph reports that the bank needs the money for booze, a karaoke machine, and dancing girls. Why? First, if you need a reason for drunk karaoke, you need to reevaluate your life and second, in all seriousness, it’s because they need to get wasted on the job. The earlier the better.
Senior executives have applied for a licence for alcohol to be served from 7am and to hold karaoke events on all eight storeys of their central London offices over Christmas. The bank’s licence application submitted last week asks permission to provide liquor until midnight “for staff and/or guests at meetings, conferences, dinners and functions” at its £182 million City of London offices. It adds: “If there is a champagne breakfast meeting scheduled, the supply of alcohol may commence at 0700 hrs.”
Of course, some people, who just don’t get RBS like we do, feel the need to rag on the good time and brilliant profitability scheme.
Eddy Weatherill, of the Independent Banking Advisory Service, said: “Why do they need a licence to drink 365 days a year? That’s more like a gentleman’s club than a bank. “They must know everybody’s waiting for them to get egg on their faces, yet they apply for a licence for champagne breakfasts and karaoke. “They never cease to amaze me and the public will be incensed. They will try to spin it but it’s clear what’s going on. It’s all going to be paid for by the taxpayer in the end.”
Which is fine, but Ed should know he’s ensured he won’t be invited to take part in the lap dances.
The form also states what type of entertainment RBS hopes to provide: “anything similar to live music, recorded music or performances of dance to include (but not limited to) karaoke, DJs and cabaret-style performances”.
(They didn’t specifically say dances on the lap but you know that’s what “but not limited to” implies, just like the use ellipses later on in the form indicate “raw-dogging on the desk.”)
Earlier: Bonus Watch ’09 (And Beyond): RBS (To Be Paid Entirely In Debt?)
And they call us egomaniacs
-GS Intern
what? the queen likes to party.
KRUNK cups in the hizzouse.
-guy waiting for the next regal playing card.
are the stamford employees invited? or do we get to throw our own (pity) parties stateside?
Off topic, but when can we expect the King of Spades?
The suspense is killing me.
haven’t paid employees bonuses in 2 years but they’re drinking champagne at 7 am. okay.
Will the Queen be involved in the cabaret-style performances?
Why is it called “spades”?
~Nat X
god I miss this place.
-fred goodwin
cabaret style performances? seriously?
Shut your mealy mouths, the lot of you, or you will have your Holiday festivities at the Olive Garden, and you will like it.
-The Queen
balls in your court now, Vik
@12 seriously. how can citi top this?
@13: government subsidized raw dogging on the desk
@13: Elf Dancing/Bowling and daily lunch meetings at Rawhide on 8th Ave.
-mrp
@ 15 what is Rawhide?
If they have midget bowling I am joining them tonight.
-Alan Greenspan
Things just have not been the same since this financial crisis crap started. The RBS guys would tip $100 bucks in the good old days for a quick lap dance and a quick bronski. Now they are taking it in house? WTF?
Bambi from Beemers
Bambi@18 right? to say nothing of how your business has suffered since the SAC guys started growing their own pussies in-house.
@18 and @19……Please stop it. People are asking why I am giggling because it upsets the basis traders…those who aren’t out golfing now, that is.
@18 rest assured bambi, only the rbs guys in the uk are getting it in-house. your stamford clients still need you (though they’re running a bit low on cash. do you accept payment in rbs debt?).
@5 are you sure Bess will actually post the King of Spades?
The losing of money and jobs will commence at exactly 0800 hours…..
@18…thynks fuh theh ixplinyshun of eh “brinski”. It’s anutheh brist associayted rifference! I ilwyes wunduhed why moy pridoosah kipt havin’ to mate with “Mistuh Brinski” so mich. Neoh aye know.
~A. Drury
New South Wales
Austrailiar
@21 -
I don’t take RBS paper. That shit is worthless. I have given some of my RBS honeys some rides on account, though. They are into me for more than BofA owes the feds, though.
Bambi from Beemers
@24 Nyvah gits owld
@4 Sorry Skeats….the closest you get to a company sponsored lap dance is if you steal $30 from petty cash and run over to Beamers……
In a related story, several members of the PR firm retained by RBS to salvage what little is left of the bank’s once esteemed reputation have apparently committed suicide earlier this afternoon.
We’re currently receiving unconfirmed reports that the PR specialists left a group suicide note reading in part, “It seemed like a good idea at the time: we knew that banks had money and were allegedly stocked with bright, well-educated people. We figured with a little coaching, RBS would’ve been able to began repairing its damaged reputation.”
In addition to the response issued by RBS earlier today, Stevie Schwine, owner of Tosser’s Ball, a London gentleman’s club has also criticized Mr. Weatherhill noting, “While Mr. Weatherhill appears to have done a respectable job during his tenure with the IBA, he clearly knows little about the adult entertainment industry, specifically gentleman’s clubs. Among the many distinctions, our customer’s typically enjoy our services, and we don’t require government-funded bailouts. We’re also consistently profitable.”
I think this is an excellent idea. More companies need to be run like Sterling Cooper. Too much of an unforgiving society around the world today, loosen up.
funny how this gets to us