As you’re aware, Warren Buffett is in the city to talk to the youngsters at Columbia’s b-school, and to check out Becky Quick’s rack. He got in early yesterday though, and hand some time his hands. After spending the morning at the Museum of Sex, we’re told the Oracle paid a visit to 85 Broad, where he walked the trading floor with Lloyd Blankfein, and gave a brief speech to the team “over the hoot.” Obviously Warren B’s been pretty pleased with how his injection in the bank has panned out thus far, but he couldn’t help but noticing that his little fluffers seemed a bit down in the dumps, and figured they could benefit from some good folksy business wisdom married with abberant sex fetish. We’re waiting on a transcript of the remarks, which we’ll bring to you shortly, but in the meantime we’re told the speech went something like this:
Good afternoon, labias and gents. Oracle of O here (oh yeah, double entendre), coming at ya live from Lloyd Blankfein’s pussy palace on the 31st floor. “Long Lloyd” over here tells me that your once long, strong and down to get the friction on Johnsons have been flying at half-mast ever since Sunday. Relax your sphincters, girls, cause Uncle Warren is here to put your mind at ease.
Now, I know having a bunch of strangers criticize your livelihood is difficult– actually, I’ve never faced anything like this myself. But, I imagine it’s a bit like getting your sack caught in the hog oiler– that has happened to me, several times in fact, owing to both my boyhood farming days and my late stage development into an ag-equipment fetishist. But rest assured the criticism is borne out of envy over the great American success that Goldman has been and will continue to be. So while this time may feel like you’re “torturing your little prisoner” with your hand wrapped in sandpaper, it still feels good when you get to the end. Soon enough, this place will be happier than a Russ Meyers set when the pasties come off. And believe you me, I’ll be there celebrating with one hand free.
That was focking hilarious, Bess!
The apparent ease with which you can come up with stuff like that is slightly, uh, disturbing.
An ag-equipment fetishist … oh Beth, where do you come up with these things.
@2 you love it.
-BL
BL, you are a model for others.
@4 – I didn’t say I wasn’t more than a little turned on . . .
–2
Now, what’s this Pinkberry shit? Where can I get an Oreo Blizzard for Chrissakes?
bess, you are on fire today.
Poor guy, looks like he slipped and fell on his ass in the elevator. I’m getting little teary-eyed here – one day, this man amongst men will die.
Ah Bess, something about that devious little mind of yours.
After reading through Dealbreaker, serious forays into WSJ are break down with images of Kenny boy as an alky, Lil Timmy Geithner needing a hug and of course Old Warren, clad only in a bathrobe shuffling up for an interview with Becky Quick, one hand mysteriously missing.
Thanks!
First paragraph was sheer genius. Then, “Sack caught in the hog oiler..” will be going on the wall in an attempt to prod me to be a better humorist.
Damn windows automatice update! Must submit one more comment before res
Bess for financial journalist of the year
I was just asked by a serious person why I was trying to muffle my laughing…..fucking “partners”…..
Looks like he’s in a Japanese bath house. One might consider photoshopping.
Those glasses never get old.
(and a true DB classic article born today. Too many pearls to list. Why can’t Bess write the anti-Gaspo, anti-ARS book on the meltdown with the view from the trenches? the material is all here.)
The Men’s Wearhouse duds say “business in the front.” The hitched-up leg and oh-so-subtle show of skin say “party in my rear.”
That was demented but in a very good way.
Bess, if you were a porn star, what would be your name?
bravo!!!
Seems like you’re getting everyone horned up for the K♣ today.
Bless you, Levin
god i love you bess. warren buffett-perv jokes will never get old.
Jesus God above, Bess. You are on fire today.
Bless Levin, for she knows exactly what she does.
ROR Bess Revin!
I want to take you to runch – you rikey chicken nuggets?
– Spiky haired Asian dude
Bess that was AMAZING. Dear God.
Bess…with posts like these. You turn us faithful into your willing and obidient man-whores.
Bev Sel Sin
bess, just the tip, i promise!!
bess, just the tip, i promise!!
bess, you are brilliant.
Disgusting.
Bess,
You are a true Ayshet Chayil.
Bess,
You are a true Ayshet Chayil.
Bess, I applaud you for making me both laugh and feel dirty at the same time.
I’m in political mode today, and nominate Bess to replace Robert Gibbs.
…This is just too funny. Brilliant! I can’t believe I wasted an hour on the stupid TARP thread before, and even managed to get aggravated.
Back to business!
Bess, I love you
Bess, I love you
Where’s Liz Claman? Just looking at her would get me exploding, no sandpaper needed.
–Warren and Bill
Bet Buffett was disappointed it wasn’t Claman doing the show. Forget Quick, he’s obsessed with Claman’s rack! (uh, like the rest of us?)
I am still laughing today about this post Bess. Keep them coming please.