Which Brokerage Firm Is Responsible For Unleashing Shia LaBeouf On The Markets?

shia labeouf helmet.jpgIn case there was any doubt as to whether or not Shia LaBeouf is a big boy trader now, the Money Never Sleeps star has confirmed that he is indeed the market moving BSD you imagined. Also, he apparently knows “everything” there is to know about this shit, so if anyone’s looking for a little guidance, be it hot insider trading tips or which type of estrogen pills will get your tits looking just right, feel free to give him a buzz. (Once he passes the Level 1 CFA exam in December, which our sources at the institute tell us he’s hard at working studying for, it won’t even be fair. Potential investors: act quickly and he’ll trim his fees for the first $2bn in AUM with an 8-year lockup.)

The actor…says he knew nothing about the financial world when he was first cast by Oliver Stone, so he walked into a brokerage firm and asked for help — and soon got so hooked, it has become the biggest part of his life.
The actor says he used $20,000 to study the markets. “As of this morning, that’s $297,000,” he said.
“I manage my own portfolio. I check through the day, read the daily Wall Street Journal, trade personally on my cellphone, text people throughout the day, carry my laptop on the set, have Bloomberg on speed-dial. I now have lots of friends in lots of places.”

And the Transformers star is not alone — his costar Josh Brolin has also become hooked on trading.
“Shia and Josh Brolin finish their scenes, then talk market all day,” said director Stone. “I now go to Shia to ask, ‘What’s happening in the market?’ He started on it with this film and now knows everything.”

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151 Responses to “Which Brokerage Firm Is Responsible For Unleashing Shia LaBeouf On The Markets?”

  1. guest says:

    e*trade, no question.

  2. guest says:

    I’m so good Warren Buffet calls me for investment ideas. “Too Big to Fail” was the title of a book about my romantic tool. The UK and US governments call me when they need bridge loans. I inventeds the word tranche and mezzinene for certain body parts of mine but they are now used in global finance. I am the “IT” in MIT.
    ~The Most Prosperous Trader in the World.

  3. merkin capital partners says:

    wtf is “bloomberg on speed dial”? He couldn’t SPDL if i gave him .

  4. guest says:

    A little OT but has anyone else noticed that the markets have started trading about an hour earlier than they are supposed to since Monday??
    ~AIG Research Dept.

  5. guest says:

    when can we expect cramer to have him anointed?

  6. guest says:

    I trade vicariously through myself

  7. guest says:

    “I manage my own portfolio. I check through the day, read the daily Wall Street Journal, trade personally on my cellphone…” Well, it sounds like LaPoof can start his own hedge fund now. He’s legit.

  8. guest says:

    That image makes me wonder if one of the Noel girls misplaced her expensive motorcycle helmet.

  9. Megan Fox says:

    I’m not impressed.

  10. guest says:

    @3 i’d also like to know.

  11. guest says:

    $20,000 to $297,000 in a short period of time? That sounds logical to us.

  12. guest says:

    Needham and Co.

  13. guest says:

    Why is Stone so giddy about this? These movies are about Wall Street being BAD. With some re-writes, this is going to be a fairy tale about a young boy with a hormonal imbalance striking it big making market bets and finally getting the acceptance the bullies in the schoolyard never gave him playing kickball.

  14. guest says:

    think equity

  15. Joe Mac says:

    Dis guy knows a thing or two about money. He’s a good friend o’mine, and is signing copies of my book tonight.
    Chazzy Chaz

  16. merkin capital partners says:

    @15 wow that was terrible.

  17. guest says:

    this will end in tears.

  18. Joe Mac says:

    Dis guy knows a thing or two about money. He’s a good friend o’mine, and is signing copies of my book tonight.
    Chazzy Chaz and The Buff Prince

  19. guest says:

    @5 as soon as he starts an investment magazine for actors

  20. guest says:


  21. turd_ferguson says:

    There is a coincidence…SL does not have blackened eyes and a broken nose and I have not been within 10 feet of him. Someone kill him now before the junkets and trailers. Hey SL, here is your chance to be this years Heath Ledger.

  22. guest says:

    I’ll seed that boy.

  23. guest says:

    @ 20, he has MICHAEL Bloomberg on speed dial

  24. guest says:

    Shia loses all profit…and then total combined earnings from all previous movies by averaging down.
    you heard it here first.

  25. Anal_yst says:

    Odds of Shia being able to legitimately pass CFA level 1? I’ll throw out 200:1.

  26. guest says:

    Will this be the first case of MTV’s True Life: I’m addicted to trading?
    Also, my 12 year old sister texts people throughout the day, what does that have to do with anything?
    Alas, who is his auditor?
    Will he end up just like Lenny but gayer?
    …All this and more, soon to be answered by …

  27. guest says:

    so he put up 20k with a direct access broker, they gave him 300k leverage, and he has lost 3 grand day trading so far, that is what you are trying to tell me?

  28. Investorcluzo says:

    “The actor says he used $20,000 to study the markets. “As of this morning, that’s $297,000,” he said.”
    what he failed to mention was that he deposited $300,000 last week…
    -E Trade Premier Accounts Manager

  29. guest says:

    @27 shut your mouth when I’m talking to you.

  30. guest says:

    “he’s one of the great ones in this business”

  31. guest says:

    What?? You mean that when you have a margin account that amount of money is not really yours??

  32. guest says:

    Wow. This guy makes Dykstra look like a novice!

  33. guest says:

    My friggin tits are already perfect, bitch.

  34. guest says:

    I also have bloomberg on speed dial.

  35. guest says:

    @33 we’re talking about bitch tits here.
    -andrea tong

  36. guest says:

    That’s Mayor Bloomberg to you.
    – Vote for Michael Bloomberg
    Paid for by the Bloomberg re-election committee

  37. Joe Mac says:

    My bad. Weak attempt at a droll play on Chaz’s incessant self-promotion today. Penalty box for me.

  38. guest says:

    I’ll give him an investment if he’ll hook me up with Megan Fox. Won’t even care when he loses it all.

  39. guest says:

    Edward Jones. Fo’ sho’.

  40. guest says:

    My guess is he bought $297,000 in VUL death benefit with a 20K premium. Simple.
    Ameriprise FA

  41. guest says:

    Who wants to eat my box?

  42. guest says:

    Ameriprise – the place were car salesmen go to become even more awesome

  43. guest says:

    I recall that the Great Kazoo was management Mr. Slate’s portfolio. So, nothing surprises my in Hollywood.

  44. guest says:

    He is no Gorilla.

  45. guest says:

    @43 don’t forget us ex-Amway reps.

  46. guest says:

    Seriously – That Helmet — WTF??? Who wears that thing outside of Rick Moranis in SpaceBalls??

  47. guest says:

    I built my business like a true entrepreneur. I started with $20k, now worth close to $300k following the Shia sales ju jitsu strategy. If I can do it, so can you!
    Amway Triple Diamond

  48. guest says:

    The leather jacket says, I’m a tough guy, the man bag says, but in a Freddy Mercury kind of way.

  49. guest says:

    Its not Amway, its Confederated Products!

  50. hedgelaw says:

    @48 – FTW!

  51. mrpink says:

    He’s been Pennystocking with Tim Sykes. Major player now.

  52. guest says:

    These comments suck. Try harder.
    G. Michaels

  53. guest says:

    way to go 46. Amway always touches a raw nerve – they’re the scientologists of the sales industry.

  54. guest says:

    “Shia and Josh Brolin finish their scenes, then talk market all day,” said director Stone”
    SLB – “Hey Josh, How ’bout that Dow today- huh?”.
    JB – ‘What did it do.”
    SLB- “It was up”
    JB- “Really? How much?”
    SLB – “like 35 points.”
    JB- “How did Citi do?”
    SLB- “Down .76”
    JB – “Bummer”
    SLB – “Yeah – bummer”

  55. guest says:

    Does he even meet the college requirement for the CFA program ?

  56. guest says:

    said director Stone. “I now go to Shia to ask, ‘What’s happening in the market?’ He started on it with this film and now knows everything.”
    OS – Shia – what is it again? Buy what and Sell what???
    SLB – “Buy low and sell high, Ollie – Buy low and sell high.”
    OS – “Genius man, Genius.”

  57. guest says:

    Scratch that. Shia did not attend college and clearly does not have the requisite four years experience.
    How did he enroll in the CFA program ?
    He is a Liar !

  58. guest says:

    This will end in gerbils nibbling polyps.

  59. guest says:

    I need more Ameriprise…and cow bell

  60. guest says:

    Great little irony that the main character of a movie about rampant speculation, amongst other things, is now admittedly addicted to rampant speculation.

  61. guest says:

    @58 – Elvis was a like a CIA dude for Nixon. Celebrity as huge as Elvis’ and Shia’s opens doors, Man… wake up!

  62. guest says:


  63. guest says:

    Ann Coulter is more of a man than Shia LeBeouf.

  64. guest says:

    wow this movie is going to be sooo bad. the only thing that would save it is megan fox naked

  65. guest says:

    65 Megan Fox naked? Awesome dude! [lighting water pipe]

  66. guest says:

    @65 she’s not even in the movie, dumb fuck.

  67. guest says:

    67 i know man, but what if… see what i’m sayin man?

  68. guest says:

    @65 Agreed

  69. guest says:

    @4 FTW…great stuff.

  70. guest says:

    If I can get Shia LeDouche hired by one of the banks as a legit trader no one will want to work on Wall St! I can finally crush capitalism haha!!
    -Oliver Stone

  71. guest says:

    @65 Hey what if Godzilla was in this movie. The old one with Raymond Burr. That’d be cool huh!

  72. guest says:

    He should read my book. This won’t end well.
    – Nassim Taleb

  73. guest says:

    @67 calm down shia don’t get defensive. you know she was the only reason anyone watched ur shitty robot movie anyway

  74. guest says:

    @72 Godzilla naked?

  75. 2StopShop says:

    Shia turned $20,000 in Transformer money into a fully audited pre-tax sum of $297,000.
    I wonder how long it’s going to be until Wall Street Warriors is knocking down his door. Maybe he could team up with those SNDK guys.

  76. guest says:

    @59 – gross!

  77. guest says:

    @75 Godzilla is always naked.

  78. guest says:

    @78 Why can’t Megan Fox be more like Godzilla?

  79. guest says:

    @79 Ohh fuckin’ A man!
    Jeff Spicoli

  80. guest says:

    I once sold my dad a $1000.00 financial plan.
    Ameriprise FA

  81. guest says:

    I heard someone on the set said he looked like a young Kirk Cameron, so he put $20k into KIRK and now has a fully-audited pre-tax $297k.

  82. NakedShort says:

    This guy sucks. After I flammed out on Wall Street I invested $20,000 in my Mary Kay business in 2001.
    I have earned the use of seven Mary Kay Career Cars and has been driving the prestigious Pink Cadillac since my first year in the company! Today I drive a pearlized pink Escalade (suck on my prestige). I have been a Star Consultant every quarter since I started with Mary Kay. My record-breaking personal unit was ranked #1 in the Emerald Division and #6 in the entire nation for the 2007 Seminar Year.
    I am a Mary Kay MILLIONAIRE with achieving over a million dollars in commissions within six years from beginning my business. Mary Kay has awarded me with over 30 carats in diamonds along with all expense-paid luxury vacations around the world to wonderful places including San Francisco, Maui, Hawaii, Italy, Turkey, the Greek Isles, Canary Islands, Russia, Sweden, Vienna, Austria, Australia, England, the British Isles!
    Internal Sales Director Emerald Division
    Give me a call for all your cosmetics needs!!

  83. guest says:

    How long before he’s Martha Stewarted?

  84. guest says:

    The gay mafia on Wall Street trading floors is more powerful than we could have ever imagined.

  85. guest says:

    irony = bunch of Wall St scam artists making fun of Amway and Ameriprise.

  86. guest says:

    @85, you saying the Gay Mafia gay Shia a head start?

  87. guest says:

    @85, you saying the Gay Mafia gave Shia a head start?

  88. guest says:

    @83/NS- My friend was also sent to the Florida Isles!!!!1 Did you ever get to go there?!?

  89. guest says:

    Sounds like hype for the movie and as others have noted, total b.s.

  90. guest says:

    I lost about $6000 in “Colon-Glow” intestinal products MLM. I achieved the “Brown Star” award in my first year and was on my way toward a “Winds of Change” profit recognition until the Kudlow accident killed the program. At least he’s OK and still opining on CNBC.

  91. guest says:

    “SHIA LaBeouf has confirmed reports he’s started trading stocks and shares.”
    Umm, stocks AND shares??? Mkay… go back to bed now.

  92. guest says:

    93 Yea, but anybody that has Bloomberg on speed dial just has to be a player.

  93. guest says:

    OMG. He’s so cute and he has BBG. I wonder if he likes yachting?
    Alicia Wetmore.

  94. guest says:

    Why are they making a movie about Timmy Sikes?
    How did it come to this?

  95. Anal_yst says:

    By the “Oliver Stone Law of Unintended Consequences,” Shia’s daytrading addicktion will result in the bulk of popular Hollywood doing the same. Thus, not only with formerly semi-intelligent kids who may have gone on to do something remotely productive with their lives, but everyone, will want to work on Wall Street.
    This will, as @76 has alluded, will result in an influx of the “SNDK” guys (and even girls!) from Wall Street Warriors, driving Stone to finally make his Magnus Opus, “Wall Street 3: Oliver Stone Swandives from the NYSE Balcony”

  96. guest says:

    Two words: Capital Gains.
    Trust me, he doesn’t know about them…

  97. guest says:

    @1, e*trade? How about g*trade?

  98. guest says:

    TGFD is with 11,24,28 & others…
    $20K into $297K in a few months/weeks? He’s full of shit for sure.
    After all, shitslinging is to be expected from someone with a name like his.
    In Yiddish, Shia means “Shit”.
    In French, LaBeouf means “The Beef”.
    Therefore Shit The Beef is lying out his ass.
    The Guy from Delaware

  99. Registered Rep says:

    Shia wants to be a trader, how about working on the acting thing first bro.

  100. guest says:

    Why is it that drama students, regardless of their age, think they know everything? They should stick to the stage and Scientology.

  101. guest says:

    The actor says he used $20,000 to study the markets. “As of this morning, that’s $297,000,” he said.
    Umm, this article was edited a bit: Should read
    The actor says he used $20,000 to study the markets. Then added another 20,000, then 500,000, then 250,00, got bitch slapped by Michael Bay. “As of this morning, that’s $297,000,” he said.

  102. mw says:

    @5 Nails and Shia butt fucking on the sunset strip

  103. guest says:

    This kid sucks we want GG.
    why ruin a great movie with the lame sequel?

  104. guest says:

    @4 “an hour later”
    Still nice.

  105. guest says:

    u can take CFA 1 w/out degree

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