Gang, something serious has come up. I’m talking an A1 issue that needs to be addressed ASAP. I’m not talking about new insider trading allegations of a major hedge fund. I’m not talking about the Citi’s projected $40 billion Q4 writedown. I’m not talking about Lloyd Blankfein visiting pet cemeteries, digging up parakeet carcasses and suck out their essence, much to Hank Paulson’s chagrin. I’m talking about something much more important. I’m talking about chest hair and pecs, and whether or not you’re showing yours off. Think I’m joking? I’m pretty sure the Wall Street Journal doesn’t a) put laughing matters on Page One and b) commission headcut-esque drawings of John Travolta’s torso circa “Saturday Night Fever” just to fuck with its readership. Now that you’re on board with the gravity of this issue, let’s examine the facts and figure out how everyone’s going to move forward.
According to the Journal, “man cleavage — plunging necklines slit open to reveal chest hair, pectoral muscles, maybe more — is back.” And not just on effete European men, or anorexic hipsters but “regular Joes,” like actors and reality TV contestants.
New York designer Mr. Bastian said his show’s vibe was inspired in part by “Latin guys” he noticed wearing their shirts unbuttoned, as well as the unabashed machismo of Latin American men in general. “We wanted to go back to a more natural body, a more ’70s body with the models, getting away from the super skinny,” says Mr. Bastian.
Plenty of men, from regular Joes to “Dancing With the Stars” contestants, have loosened to the trend. On HBO’s hit series “True Blood,” 29-year-old ex-model Mehcad Brooks rarely went an episode without removing his shirt. Mr. Brooks also frequently displays his perfect pecs off-screen, wearing rib-hugging T’s with deep V-necks or shirts with the top buttons suggestively undone. “Even if people were making fun of me, calling me ‘Miami Vice’ like they used to in college, I would still wear it,” says the 6-foot-4, 215-pound actor. “It feels comfortable and I like the way it looks. If you can pull off three buttons undone, then do it.” Other fans of the look include actors Jude Law and Ed Westwick.
This is not recommended for those of you who spends hours in front of the mirror grabbing flab, or on your knees in front of the toilet.
Vik Mohindra, a 27-year-old graduate student from Toronto, confesses that his guy friends sometimes tease him about his heavage. “I would not recommend it to someone who isn’t confident with their body and overall sense of style,” says Mr. Mohindra, who says he works out three to four days a week and has a “defined” chest.
For those seriously considering this, put down the razor. Besides the fact that you’re just not supposed to poke around down there, experts say you need to have a little grass sticking out for this to work.
The latest resurrection of man cleavage does raise a not-so insignificant issue: to wax or not? For a number of years, any male chest hair was considered a fashion don’t, but very recently a thin thatch has become quite acceptable. The low-cut look “is better if you have a little chest hair,” says Tyler Thoreson, a New York-based men’s style consultant. “It’s not about showing off chest hair, it’s about it peeking out a little bit.”
So who’s going to start (or continue) doing this? While the look definitely has some detractors, like college student Ketty Colom, who wrote that heavage should be “left to the bedroom,” it also already claims some big name fans, who walk among us. Basically, what you need to ask yourself in forming an opinion on the matter, is, do you want to be a billionaire? Do you want to own your own ice smoother? Do you want to display the sort of raw sexuality that makes women go wild, and makes men so desperate to do you that they turn themselves into women? If none of that interests you, keep it buttoned and walk on. But if you answered yes to any of the above, follow us.
I don’t think anything else needs to be said. Next week: Murdoch tackles nether regions. Is Wall Street filled with overgrown cock-bushes, or could one eat pudding off your balls without catching a curly q? We’ll have that debate.
I am so doing this!
-m whitney
Been doing this since ’92
-PJ
Lame. Sorry, Bess. This is a non-starter. Christopher Hitchens has been showing chest for years. Then some fag-ass tastemaking “style consultant” comes along and tries pimping the idea. Hitchens will fuck him up.
Ice resurfacer, bitch…it’s an ice resurfacer…get it fucking right, you stupid whore.
-Stefán C.
@3 ummm, you know bess didn’t write this story, right? and that she was making fun of it being a story at all? douche.
@ #5. The balance of what I said was directed towards the article, not Bess. Ok? Now then, my dick is out. Start slobbering. Your girlfriend’s tight chocolate starfish needs some attention.
Bess, what is your preference?
damn I look good.
-sc
this is gross, but i still like blowing guys
-dennis k
bess levin, come get a piece of this.
-sc
Why won’t my parakeet eat my diarrhea?
I prefer heaping amounts of bare beavage.
Roubini
This is up to the site’s normal standards of fun and mockery, but it is also highly gay–as in, cumgarglingly gay. No man should be concerned about whether his second or third button is open. If you’re in a professional (real professional, not acting, art, or other bullshit like that) setting you look professional. Otherwise you dress like you’re going to your son’s football game. That’s pretty much it. Any further thought put into your fashion profile is completely fucking gay.
@6 pay attention. Her heart belongs to Stevie.
(and her diamond, and her club)
@13 “This is up to the site’s normal standards of fun and mockery, but it is also highly gay–as in, cumgarglingly gay. ”
which is why it [the wsj article] deserved to be mocked, don’t you agree?
@13 blow me.
-SAC
Been doin’ it for yearce.
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ZZ-CqtHjAnk/SgHu3Sr5uJI/AAAAAAABYuk/b4kujnA8_A4/s1600-h/James+Gandolfini.jpg
Christ, what a smut factory.
I avoid dis problem altogetha by refusing to wear shirts.
CG
Dis is great news! I knew that one day I could display my Italian Horn on my gold chain again, and be in fashion. I’m gonna buy more of ‘em:
http://www.amazon.com/s/?ie=UTF8&keywords=italian+horn+pendant&tag=googhydr-20&index=jewelry&hvadid=4129434135&ref=pd_sl_919innqq89_b
-cg
@Negative Convexity
I see someone else has wasted time on autocompleteme.com recently, touche
i cannot tell you how hot i get just looking at a pic of that man’s rug.
-ping j
“Next week: Rupert tackles nether regions. Is Wall Street filled with cock-bushes, or could one eat pudding off your balls without catching a curly q? We’ll have that debate.”
bess levin for president.
You could weave a Navajo blanket with the hair from my chest.
~Gaspo
@23 seriously. she is a national treasure.
Kramer: What’s the matter with you?
Jerry: (uncomfortably) Nothing.
Kramer: No, no, no. Don’t give me that. I know you. Something’s wrong. What is it.
Jerry: I did something stupid.
Kramer: What did you do?
Jerry: Well I was shaving. And I noticed an asymmetry in my chest hair and I was trying to even it out. Next thing I knew, (high pitched voice) Gone.
Kramer: Don’t you know you’re not supposed to poke around down there.
Jerry: Well women do it.
Kramer: (high pitched voice) “Well women do it.” I’ll tell you what. I’ll pick you up a sundress and a parasol and you can just (high pitched voice) sashey your pretty little self around the town square.
Jerry: Well what am I going to tell Alex?
Kramer: Listen to me. You don’t tell anybody about this. No one. You hear me?
Showing a little heavage is also conducive to cooling off when I’m feeling a little heated after my first case of Boone’s.
-Ken L.
And here I was taking those pills to rid myself of the unsightly hair.
-Andrea Tong
Wait a minute, “Citi’s projected $40 billion Q4 writedown?”
Bess, why are you always so hard on Stevie? and where are the rest of the Cohen family deck of cards?
@LMS- you’re an idiot. bess loves steve, or did you not get that the first 938,408 times?
Fuck, I used to do this because I thought it wasn’t trendy. Do I have to shave and button up now?
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