Opening/Closing/Holiday Bell: 12.31.09

Picture 73.pngVIP’s a ‘kinky brute’ (NYP)
Aspatuck Holdings CEO Jason Meyer is being sued by his new(ly estranged) wife for, among other things, calling her a bitch and “ejaculating on her face after she refused to refer to herself as his ‘slave’ and tell him he was ‘the most powerful man on earth’ while they were having sex.” She also had a problem with a photo in which “his ex-wife was wearing a very short black leather dress and holding a whip, and Jason had a mask with metal chains around his body.”
Indictment Is Waived in Galleon Case (Reuters)
Former McKinsey exec Anil Kumar may have struck a deal.

(Anonymous) Hedge Fund Manager On Year-End Closings
n+1: So you spent the last part of the year closing down the books–is that what it’s called?
HFM: Closing the books for the year, which really mainly relates to getting prices for all of the securities, instruments, derivatives in our book so that our year-end financials are totally accurate. It’s actually the worst: a lot of banks don’t close their books for the year on the calendar year, they have a fiscal year, but our fiscal year is the calendar year, and there literally is no day of the year that is worse for the process of getting marks for your whole portfolio than December 31, because everyone is gone. You’re looking for a price on an illiquid security and you call up the bank you dealt with, and the salesperson you deal with is not there, his backup’s not there, his backup’s backup is not there, the trader’s backup is not there, you’re literally getting the most junior person on the desk trying to get someone on his cell phone on the ski slope in Vermont–it’s just about the dumbest time to choose to do it. Every year, two weeks in advance, I send a list to all my counterparties, saying, “Here’s the list of things I need pricing for, really, make sure you have somebody available to price these. And ‘skiing’ is not an excuse; ‘I’m with my family on safari, climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro’–not an excuse.” And every year the excuses are, “I’m skiing,” or the guy’s on safari, whatever–it’s incredible. So my New Year’s is always wrecked. I’m waiting around for the last guy to give me the last price.
AT&T Ends Tiger Woods Sponsorship (WSJ)
Narrow-minded thinkers who blew the opportunity to incorporate this into their next campaign. But whatever, you know? No sweat of W’s sack. Piece of shit carrier and its dropped calls was responsible for way too many a night spent sans cocktail waitress.
Woman found stabbed in backcountry Greenwich (Greenwich Time)
100 Sterling Road.
Big Meeting Today, Clothing Optional (CNBC)
Uh, Vikram does this all the time. NBD: “About one in five UK participants in conference calls have called in while naked. Almost half have worn only their underwear while 68 percent have only worn pajamas, a survey by BT Conferencing showed Wednesday. The most popular place to call into a conference is in bed, while “the smallest room in the house, our toilet or somebody else’s, seems to be the second most popular location,” BT said in a statement.”
Should Your Fake Tan Be Taxed? (The Big Money)
Moz? Care to weigh in?
Things To Look Forward To In Early 2010 (People)
Gary Busey’s gonna be a dad!
What’s New, Pussycat? Using the Toilet (WSJ)
Okay, sure: “Mr. Tibbs hops onto the toilet, takes a cautious lap around the seat, pokes his head inside the bowl and checks it out. Then he jumps down and belts out a heart-wrenching meow before jumping back up again. He will proceed with this choreography at least a dozen times as I coax and correct, if necessary. Then he does his business, and I lavish him with treats and praise. Yes, I am toilet-training my cat.”

That’s it for us today. We hope you all have at least marginally Happy New Year! Yes, even you. Back full-time on Monday. If you play your cards right.

(hidden for your protection)
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58 Responses to “Opening/Closing/Holiday Bell: 12.31.09”

  1. guest says:

    Who gives a rats ass? AT&T sucks more ass than UBS.
    Never thought that would be possible.
    – tiger

  2. guest says:

    @1 just admit your hurting.

  3. Investorcluzo says:

    noon bess, really? we know you do this from home on days like this…noon? that said, this is strong. you could have stopped with the first post. that dude is classy! wtf, on his wife's face? that's stuff you do to a mistress or prostie, not your wife.

  4. wcburrs87 says:

    Mr.Jinx is completely unimpressed by this cat.

  5. guest says:

    @cluzo- it's a half day for the stock exchange and it's fucking NYE. does bess of all people not deserve a vacation? dbag.

  6. guest says:

    @cluzo- pretty sure BL is off skiing this week (she answered one of my emails, I'm special!) and you should count yourself lucky (seriously) that you got anything. sorry you need constant attention. go call your mom.

  7. Becky Boot Fan says:

    Ohhhh, pussy control!

  8. guest says:

    @4 seconded.

  9. guest says:

    I'm going skiing today too!
    Lawrence Kudlow

  10. guest says:

    Cluzo bashing is the new killing it.
    Happy new year bitches!

  11. Anal_yst says:

    Eh, its not that bad.
    –Max Mosley

  12. Investorcluzo says:

    @6 – oh boy bess responded to your email…yippee! you get 5 gold stars (to be read in high pitched inner voice). I'm pretty sure she responds to my emails too, but I've also broken bread with her and watched her get her drink on. ever hear of sarcasm?
    @5 – I'm working, bah humbug!
    now, @5 and @6 STFU and go JO&C.

  13. guest says:

    I like this Jason guy's style.
    -ping j

  14. Anal_yst says:

    After reading the 1st paragraph of your post yesterday on kudlowmoneypolitics, its damn clear you're back on the Bolivian Marching Powder.

  15. guest says:

    That's a big pussy!

  16. guest says:

    @5, its a half day for the market? news to me.
    -junior trader

  17. Investorcluzo says:

    @16 – don't be fooled by the a$$hat @5, full day for the NYSE. it must be a half day for guys logging in from their mother's basement…

  18. Anal_yst says:

    What stock exchange has a half day today, preytell?

  19. guest says:

    “The border is closed until morning,” he said. Then he nodded at the motel. “You want a room? It’s very nice, with a television and a girl.”
    “Only 10 manats,” he persisted. “I can get you this. Anything you want.” I laughed, and he lit a cigarette. “Come on,” he said, “don’t be a Muslim.”

  20. guest says:

    @Anal_yst: UK, IRE, France, Belgium, Netherlands and, Greece all have half days.
    They need to change the exchange rules. If you can't wait more than 3 days to get some liquidity, especially when one day is a banking holiday and the rest are on the weekend, you probably should have planned ahead.

  21. guest says:

    Great news from AT&T for me!
    Ha, I can finally replace my cell phone, carrier and most importantly NUMBERS.Wohaaaaaa! It's party time again and back to square 1…yeah, it's been a while, you know…
    Bess, I promise NOT TO ENTER real names including yours.All names must be coded like Par 1, Par 2 up to 20 this time.

  22. FUNdamental says:

    @cluz – rainbows and gumdrops over here champ.

  23. Investorcluzo says:

    @FUN – I love that line, esp. given the original context.

  24. guest says:

    @3- re: shots to the face are saved for mistresses and prosties–
    True, unless your wife/real gf likes it

  25. guest says:

    Guesses on where Bess is skiing?
    I say she is in Gstaad, with SC.

  26. HAM05 says:

    bess is locked up in my basement. giggidy.

  27. guest says:

    @25 is Tax Chick

  28. guest says:

    @26- Probably Killington, like any other fun-loving 25-year-old New Yorker who's originally from New Jersey looking to kick it for the week/long weekend without the hassle of flying would do.

  29. guest says:

    Well, at least you are all in a good mood.
    ~Rush Limbaugh's Sponge Bather

  30. guest says:

    This Greenwich RE blog says that the murder was at a hedge fund managers house – S. Donald Sussman, of Paloma Funds.

  31. guest says:

    @25 if she likes it then you're doing something wrong.

  32. guest says:

    @32. Would like to hear Anal_yst's thoughts on the subject.

  33. trojan says:

    unless you make the hike up to Stowe there's no real skiing in VT. i, on the otherhand, am looking forward to Tahoe.
    2 plays today.
    as much as i love to watch the option, Navy's D sucks (dead last in tackles for loss), so Mizzou -7.
    ISU +3 in what looks to be a crapfest game. isu's offense is far from great, but the gophers are in the bottom decile of total offense.

  34. Anonymous says:

    "Unless you make the hike up to stowe, there's no real skiing in VT."
    So then there is real skiing in VT. In Stowe.
    @26 she's in Colorado

  35. Anal_yst says:

    If you're staying on the east coast, make the trek to Tremblant, much better than anywhere in VT, still no Whistler, though.

  36. trojan says:

    whistler (and BC in general) is great, but alta's better.

  37. FUNdamental says:

    @ anal/Trojan/ et all – you know what's better than tremblant or whistler? A fucking beach in belize. Happy new years all.

  38. wcburrs87 says:

    Stowe is garbage. Most VT skiing is garbage. J's P is the exception unless you get a fresh storm when you roll through. Then it's not much different than out west. Problem is that the storms so rarely roll through compared to the west.

  39. guest says:


  40. Anal_yst says:

    @Fun FTW. But, I will say, I was up @ Whistler one year in late march/early april and skiing in 60 degree weather is pretty damn awesome.

  41. guest says:

    Phew – finally heading home. Big deal to be announced – stay tuned.

  42. guest says:

    "Big deal to be announced…."
    There is going to be a "big deal" announced in 2010?
    Who'd a thunk it???
    ~Captain Obvious

  43. guest says:

    There was a murder at Donald Sussman of Paloma Funds house
    Sussman is single now – Do you think he was sleeping with the murders wife?

  44. guest says:

    @14 we're all aware. as it was linked in this very post. ("Woman found stabbed in backcountry Greenwich")

  45. curious george says:

    Apologies in advance for the random question.
    Does anyone know when 2009 Deutsche Bank bonuses are paid for IB (beginning January? late January? Specific date?) Thanks all

  46. guest says:

    Does anyone know when the Lehman bonuses for IB are paid?

  47. guest says:

    Barclays IB got their bonuses in Dec.
    (Yeah, I know you were trying to be witty, but unfortunately your lame-ass comment was exactly that. Lame, douchebag.)

  48. guest says:

    I heard the Barclay's bonuses came with a book titled "How Not To Be An Asshole". Fact? Fiction? Looks like someone didn't read it.

  49. guest says:

    Just a note to let you all know that I am a family values guy and I am back on the "single's scene"….
    ~Karl Rove
    Half of Everything, TX

  50. Inside the Buyside says:

    NYE during the GFC.

  51. guest says:

    I am ready for 2010 to be over.
    ~AIG Quant

  52. guest says:

    no word yet on what degree of "roper" Mrs. Meyer was…

  53. guest says:

    Why does Bess Levin not get more recognition? Minus the piece she was just featured in for the NYO. I never hear her name mention, when talking about these Gen Y bloggers, yet she probably has a more loyal following. Explain por favor.
    I do not know. This is one of the great mysteries of the blogosphere, right up there with how Andrew Sullivan can have sex for 12 straight hours without emergency-room level chafing, and how John Carney still has a liver. If I had to guess, it's because Dealbreaker isn't a general interest site and as such is mostly read by 29 year old males who work in institutional finance and have a median income of $220,000 a year. I tried to remedy this problem by attempting to get her hired at Gawker a few years ago and she wrote a couple of guest posts, but decided she liked her post at Dealbreaker better. But she's hilarious, and if someone manages to actually hire her away, they'll be lucky to have her.
    -Just Being Servicey

  54. guest says:

    @55 it sounds like you hang out in the 7th ring of hell, i.e. among the circle jerk that is young new media in new york (think john carney et al), and not wall street, where you would hear her name mentioned ad nauseum.

  55. guest says:

    How about I copied and pasted a Q&A from Elizabeth Spiers, the founder of this here site. Please extract the dick from your ass, youngin'.

  56. guest says:

    @56 I was addressing the person who asked the question, you complete and total moron.

  57. guest says:

    My apologies, o' toothless wonder. "You" is very ambiguous (???).