Wells Fargo doesn’t much care what the government thinks. It heard about Bank of America paying its TARP money back, all $45 billion. But John Stumpf, Dick Kovacevich & Co. don’t much care about that, either.
They’ll pay their TARP money back whenever they goddamn well please. They didn’t want it in the first place, so they’re going to take their sweet time, being careful to wrap each of the 25 billion dollar bills in canine excrement before stuffing them in a Hallmark card and mailing them to Tim Geithner’s unsold New York home.
But enough about Wells Fargo. Let’s get to the real issue: Ken Lewis.
Archive for December 2009
So! Now that the government doesn’t have its foot up Bank of America’s ass, is there anyone out there who’d like to run the place? Literally no one wanted the CEO job up until yesterday, but with the TARP repayment, some people are thinking this is now a dream gig any girl would kill for, and that the board really won’t even have to go looking anymore– just sit back with their arms behind their head and wait for the candidates to come to them (everyone wants a piece of their government-less shit). Has John Thain’s window of opportunity passed now that BAC no longer needs to go slumming? And who are some dream candidates* they’ll now have the possibility of bedding?
*Who hopefully won’t have a problem with Dick Bové sending notes about how they’ll never live up to Ken Lewis with the words written in letters cut out of magazine clippings and blood)?
In early October of 2008, Ken Griffin and his partners-in-crime at the Chicago Mercantile Exchange had a dream. It was a dream of bringing “stability and transparency” to the credit-default swap market in such a way that would “reduce much of the systematic risk inherent” in those crazy derivatives.
That December, the CMDX clearinghouse/trading platform got the go ahead from the Commodity Futures Trading Commission. In March of this year, it received its final regulatory approvals.
And, if it’s lucky, for Hannukah, it may actually get to clear a trade or two.
See if you can guess what happens next.
Eliot Ness recently had a chat with Interview magazine (he also had his picture taken, at left. Don’t worry, the other one is after the jump for those of you who need a fix). On the topic of shame, the noted hooker fucker said he’s seen it “from every side.” When asked what his biggest mistake has been, he coyly answered “I think the answer to that question is pretty obvious now” (it’s not! Was it the socks during sex? Not even asking if you could wear a Scream mask when doing her from behind? ANSWER THE QUESTION). And as for the Wall Street Journal? While their chest hair and cankle coverage is commendable, they could stand to improve in some other areas.
“I don’t think The Wall Street Journal has the foggiest idea of what capitalism is all about. They don’t understand what markets are and how they work. I believe that for markets to work, you need a government that brings enforcement actions and sets parameters the way we were trying to when I was AG. It was part of a much more nuanced argument that I was trying to make when I was governor about what government should do. But populism, which is driven by anger, isn’t going to get us to the point where we actually create jobs or wealth for people. It’s a visceral response. What we need is a more sophisticated understanding of how the economy really works-and the caricature that’s put forth on The Wall Street Journal‘s editorial page is just as wrong as the one put forth by the angry populists.”
Eliot Spitzer: ‘I Don’t Think The Wall Street Journal Has the Foggiest Idea of What Capitalism Is All About’ [Daily Intel]
Eliot Spitzer [Interview Magazine]
This is extremely funny to me.The Emir of Dubai said a few days ago that we in the media “do not understand anything.” We would kindly ask him to have his neighbors (and reluctant benefactors) explain to us the wisdom of this:
Because of an investment deal struck two years ago, early in the financial crisis, the United Arab Emirates’ sovereign fund will soon start purchasing $7.5 billion in Citigroup shares at $31.83 apiece, even though the New York bank’s stock closed at $4.10.
Gang, something serious has come up. I’m talking an A1 issue that needs to be addressed ASAP. I’m not talking about new insider trading allegations of a major hedge fund. I’m not talking about the Citi’s projected $40 billion Q4 writedown. I’m not talking about Lloyd Blankfein visiting pet cemeteries, digging up parakeet carcasses and suck out their essence, much to Hank Paulson’s chagrin. I’m talking about something much more important. I’m talking about chest hair and pecs, and whether or not you’re showing yours off. Think I’m joking? I’m pretty sure the Wall Street Journal doesn’t a) put laughing matters on Page One and b) commission headcut-esque drawings of John Travolta’s torso circa “Saturday Night Fever” just to fuck with its readership. Now that you’re on board with the gravity of this issue, let’s examine the facts and figure out how everyone’s going to move forward.
According to the Journal, “man cleavage — plunging necklines slit open to reveal chest hair, pectoral muscles, maybe more — is back.” And not just on effete European men, or anorexic hipsters but “regular Joes,” like actors and reality TV contestants.
New York designer Mr. Bastian said his show’s vibe was inspired in part by “Latin guys” he noticed wearing their shirts unbuttoned, as well as the unabashed machismo of Latin American men in general. “We wanted to go back to a more natural body, a more ’70s body with the models, getting away from the super skinny,” says Mr. Bastian.
Plenty of men, from regular Joes to “Dancing With the Stars” contestants, have loosened to the trend. On HBO’s hit series “True Blood,” 29-year-old ex-model Mehcad Brooks rarely went an episode without removing his shirt. Mr. Brooks also frequently displays his perfect pecs off-screen, wearing rib-hugging T’s with deep V-necks or shirts with the top buttons suggestively undone. “Even if people were making fun of me, calling me ‘Miami Vice’ like they used to in college, I would still wear it,” says the 6-foot-4, 215-pound actor. “It feels comfortable and I like the way it looks. If you can pull off three buttons undone, then do it.” Other fans of the look include actors Jude Law and Ed Westwick.
This is not recommended for those of you who spends hours in front of the mirror grabbing flab, or on your knees in front of the toilet.
Vik Mohindra, a 27-year-old graduate student from Toronto, confesses that his guy friends sometimes tease him about his heavage. “I would not recommend it to someone who isn’t confident with their body and overall sense of style,” says Mr. Mohindra, who says he works out three to four days a week and has a “defined” chest.
For those seriously considering this, put down the razor. Besides the fact that you’re just not supposed to poke around down there, experts say you need to have a little grass sticking out for this to work.
The latest resurrection of man cleavage does raise a not-so insignificant issue: to wax or not? For a number of years, any male chest hair was considered a fashion don’t, but very recently a thin thatch has become quite acceptable. The low-cut look “is better if you have a little chest hair,” says Tyler Thoreson, a New York-based men’s style consultant. “It’s not about showing off chest hair, it’s about it peeking out a little bit.”
So who’s going to start (or continue) doing this? While the look definitely has some detractors, like college student Ketty Colom, who wrote that heavage should be “left to the bedroom,” it also already claims some big name fans, who walk among us. Basically, what you need to ask yourself in forming an opinion on the matter, is, do you want to be a billionaire? Do you want to own your own ice smoother? Do you want to display the sort of raw sexuality that makes women go wild, and makes men so desperate to do you that they turn themselves into women? If none of that interests you, keep it buttoned and walk on. But if you answered yes to any of the above, follow us.
I can’t figure out if he’s formed an opinion.
* “Mr. Greenspan…oops, Freudian slip”
* “WE SHOULD SEND YOU BACK TO PRINCETON”
* [gratuitous mention of how he used to play baseball]
* “You are the definition of a moral hazard”
* “I will do everything I can to block your reign of terror”
Credit mediator-designate Hans-Joachim MetternichGermany is appointing a “credit mediator.” And he will be obeyed.
The goal? To get German banks to lend to the kind of companies they probably shouldn’t lend to. Why? It is their duty to society, according to Rainer Brüderle, the Republik’s economics minister.
And if they refuse? Well, Germany has a solution to that question.
Ratings agencies have become (always were?) so corrupt and self-serving as to make much of their analysis more or less worthless, and certainly not something you’d want to put a highly-levered bet on.
Against, maybe. But not on.
The government has been trying to drum up some competition for the Big Three for years, to no avail. Until now: Morningstar, the mutual funds and, of late, hedge fund research giant, is here to do battle for the forces of good and right, offering corporate credit ratings for the first time. And if your name is Pitney Bowes, that’s really bad news.
