December 2009

  • News

    Write-Offs: 12.08.09

    $$$ Soros: Bank regulation should cover pay [MarketWatch] $$$ Ex-SAC, Pequot managers to launch hedge fund firm [Reuters] $$$ How do you say vicious circle in Greek? [FT Alphaville] $$$ JPMorgan Names Frenkel– of AIG fame– Chairman Of International Business [WSJ] $$$ For those of you looking for free booze, Bill Ackman’s apartment auction (which […]

    / Dec 8, 2009 at 6:17 PM
  • News

    Another Obama/Banker Lunch Date Scheduled For Monday

    The President is set to meet Monday with a bunch of “top bankers” to talk shop, for the third time this year. Will Jamie Dimon get priority seating next to BHO, given the president’s (deep, burning) feelings for the JPMorgan CEO? Will JD bring another fake check to lighten the mood, or crack any sort […]

    / Dec 8, 2009 at 5:41 PM
  • News

    Which Hedge Fund Manager Used To Bang, Pay Tiger Woods Mistress Cori Rist’s Rent?

    I don’t know but here are some hints, courtesy of the Daily News: * He’s married * He has three kids * He’s dumb enough to a) not employ a little known response called ‘No Comment,’ and b) think anyone would buy this: “She is a friend and that is it,” the man, who asked […]

    / Dec 8, 2009 at 2:43 PM
  • News

    Paul Volcker’s Favorite Financial Innovation Of The Last 25 Years Is The ATM

    “It really helps people, it’s useful,” the former Federal Reserve Chief said today. So there’s that.

    / Dec 8, 2009 at 2:40 PM
  • News

    Neel Kashkari: The Photoshoot

    Yesterday, the Washington Post treated us to an in-depth look at that $700 billion in rescue money being a number pulled out of Hank Paulson’s ass, and Neel Kashkari’s attempts to lose the weight he gained in DC while he lives in the woods and builds a shed. Now let’s take a peek at the […]

    / Dec 8, 2009 at 2:32 PM
  • News

    No Future

    More bad news from the last recessing economy in the universe: The manufacturing sector simply refuses to grow. It was flat in October, according to government statistics. And while we’re raining on the parade, let’s also note that manufacturing did even worse the prior month than we expected, with September’s industrial output numbers revised down.

    / Dec 8, 2009 at 1:37 PM
  • News

    Gatorade: You Will No Longer Be Sipping On Tiger Juice On Our Watch

    CNBC’s Darren Rovell reports that PepsiCo will discontinue ‘Gatorade Tiger Focus.’ The company assures us it has nothing to do with “recent events,” but was actually a decision they’d made months ago. If you want some Woods juice you’re just going to have to get out there and find it on your own (which shouldn’t […]

    / Dec 8, 2009 at 1:34 PM
  • News

    Who Wants A Piece Of Arki Busson?

    Great news ladies and shemales of SAC– EIM founder Arki Busson, the smiliest financier around, has called off his engagement to Uma Thurman. Supposedly Busson’s major Madoff losses may have played a part in the split– Uma walked off in a “huff” about something– though it was reportedly AB who cut the cord. So, sad […]

    / Dec 8, 2009 at 12:47 PM
  • News

    Congratulations, Trish Regan!

    Regan had her twins early this morning. They’re two girls, named Elizabeth and Alexandra (the father is Barclays employee James A. Ben). Trish is expected to return to The Call in late January, and in the meantime, it’s possible, if you play your cards right, that Amanda Drury and her twins will come stateside to […]

    / Dec 8, 2009 at 11:47 AM
  • News

    Jamie Dimon Awarded Dubious Honor

    American Banker has named Jamie Dimon the Banker of the Year, for obvious reasons. They include: running a bank that didn’t have its ass handed to it, being Obama’s favorite, allowing employees to celebrate the birth of Christ/awkwardly grope each other, general hotness, and not being the guy running the firm where they fertilize eggs […]

    / Dec 8, 2009 at 10:55 AM
  • News

    Northern Rock Shares Still Less Than Worthless

    The current owners of Northern Rock today announced their plans for the nationalized bank. The former owners? There will be no compensation for their shares under their Christmas tree. Andrew Caldwell, the independent valuation expert who’s been working through the Northern Rock mess for more than a year, is warning that investors in the bank […]

    / Dec 8, 2009 at 10:38 AM
  • News

    I Hit You Because I Love You

    Breath of sigh of relief, City of London: Alistair Darling promises he would never, ever do anything to hurt you. Amidst reports that he’s planning to impose a one-off windfall tax on investment banking bonuses, the British Chancellor said he is “determined we do not do anything that undermines” London’s place as a major financial […]

    / Dec 8, 2009 at 9:45 AM
  • Opening Bell

    Opening Bell: 12.08.09

    Galleon Probe Stymied by Lack of Follow-Up, Ex-FBI Agent Says (Bloomberg) Clumsy (or genius?) employees also didn’t help things: To monitor Roomy Khan, Intel set up a hidden video camera and obtained phone records that showed she faxed information to Galleon in New York, Atkinson said. The camera was ripped out by an employee, not […]

    / Dec 8, 2009 at 8:08 AM
  • News

    Write-Offs: 12.07.09

    $$$ Financial News’ Rising Stars list includes a 22 year-old Goldman employee. [FN via Heidi Moore] $$$ Confessions of a Corporate Spy [Details] $$$ Wall Street Bars [BI] $$$ Bankers Now Taking Jobs Away From Old People, High-School Students [Daily Intel]

    / Dec 7, 2009 at 5:48 PM
  • MBAs, News

    Congratulations, CFA Candidates

    Not because you think you passed (you probably didn’t?), but because it’s over and you don’t have to think about this thing again for a few months, at which time you’ll receive your results and either a) slit your wrists or b) decide to give up another million hours of your life for the next […]

    / Dec 7, 2009 at 5:38 PM
  • News

    Citigroup And Government Not Seeing Eye To Eye On TARP Repayment

    Why (serious question) do they have to raise any capital at all? Isn’t the fact that they’re “the world’s most global bank in a world that becomes more global every day” good enough? Would a free coupon to Tickle a Vickle Town do the trick? The disagreements are related to last week’s announcement by the […]

    / Dec 7, 2009 at 5:13 PM
  • News

    Danielle Chiesi: The College Years

    As previously mentioned, one of the unforeseen consequences of the Galleon insider trading bust was credibility taking a hit. Specifically that of the individuals who’d told their friends and colleagues that Danielle Chiesi was a dime piece, and who were slightly dismayed to see the picture of her from a Bridget Nielsen (Flavor Flav Years) […]

    / Dec 7, 2009 at 4:37 PM
  • News

    Dear Paulson, Citadel, SAC Capital, Tudor, Bridgewater Investors (Et Al)

    November performance numbers are in. Citadel Kensington Global Strategies Fund Ltd.: November 2009: 0.50% YTD: 57.89%

    / Dec 7, 2009 at 3:13 PM
  • News

    The British Future Not Something British People Want To Think About

    When I landed at Heathrow this morning, I had no idea that I was stepping into a country hurtling towards irrelevance. But if you’re looking for the economic future, it apparently isn’t here. According to a new report, the British economy will be hardly worth talking about in a few years. Four years ago, Britannia […]

    / Dec 7, 2009 at 1:15 PM
  • News

    PIMCO Hires Neel Kashkari

    Earlier today we discussed Neel Kashkari’s weight problem (he’s determined to lose the 20 pounds he gained while working for the Treasury). We thought it seemed a bit extreme that he would, by his own admission, skip dinner many nights in order to reach his target, but now it’s all become clear. He’s on a […]

    / Dec 7, 2009 at 12:44 PM
  • News

    Plebes Crowd John Paulson At NYU Alumni Function

    Was at the Stern alumni ball Saturday with girlfriend who went there. John Paulson in attendance. (he donated the new lobby). The alum ahead of me in the “receiving line” handed him his card like a slick scumbag in desperation for business. Another said to him, “We used to go the same ATM!”

    / Dec 7, 2009 at 12:28 PM
  • News

    What Do Tiger Woods And Lloyd Blankfein Have In Common?

    The premise of this article is that both have run into PR debacles, as a result of their huge egos. But surely there must be more? So far we’ve got: * Both leave shady voicemails for their bitches * Both work for organizations that pride themselves on being bastions of elitism– one excludes Jews, the […]

    / Dec 7, 2009 at 11:40 AM
  • News

    Neel Kashkari Undermines Lloyd Blankfein

    Apparently Neel Kashkari was not read in on the God at Goldman storyline. “That’s the thing,” Kashkari blurts across the table. “I started praying when I came to Treasury. At Goldman, I didn’t pray. Not once. ‘Cause I just didn’t care. At Treasury, there were so many times.” Earlier: Neel Kashkari Has A Message For […]

    / Dec 7, 2009 at 10:32 AM
  • News

    Mountain Man Neel Kashkari Has Almost Lost All The Weight He Gained At The Treasury

    As previously mentioned, Neel Kashkari has been living in the woods since leaving the Treasury. Up in his secluded mountain cabin in California, Kashkari has been undergoing a four-step program of his own design called “Washington detox.” It involves building a shed, chopping wood, helping Hank Paulson with his book and losing 20 pounds. You […]

    / Dec 7, 2009 at 10:00 AM
  • Opening Bell

    Opening Bell: 12.07.09

    Treasury Said to Link Citigroup Sale to TARP Payback (Bloomberg) “This should be well thought-out for the benefit of all constituencies, and in this case that includes shareholders, the government and the taxpayers,” said Dennis Santiago. “Just because Bank of America goes doesn’t mean you have to rush Citigroup.” Hedge funds alarmed at regulatory probes […]

    / Dec 7, 2009 at 8:00 AM
  • News

    Write-Offs: 12.04.09

    $$$ Goldman Sachs Will Pay For Ruining Ice Skating, Hot Chocolate, Christmas [Daily Intel] $$$ Dick Fuld may be behind on his property taxes. [TDB] $$$ Is Charlie Rangel a Closet NASCAR Fan? [GC] $$$ ‘Gropenhagen‘: Free Sex Coupons Available at Climate Summit [cnbc] $$$ Cocaine-stuffed chicken smuggled into US by Guatemalan man [BB]

    / Dec 4, 2009 at 5:00 PM
  • News

    U.K. Says It Was Ready To Pour Taxpayer Money Into Banks Before It Was Needed

    The British government is getting a much-needed from the country’s National Audit Office. It’s pissed off anyway. The NAO concludes that “the Treasury was justified in using taxpayers’ money” and that “it is difficult to imagine the scale of the consequences for the economy and society if major banks have been allowed to collapse.” But […]

    / Dec 4, 2009 at 4:40 PM
  • News

    Tim Geithner Would Like To Like To Remind Wall Street’s Banks Of A Little Something, But Particularly Goldman Sachs

    And that something is simply this: YOU COULD’VE DIED LAST YEAR, AND YOU WOULD’VE IF IT WEREN’T FOR TG. He could’ve left you to die in fire, or on the side of the road, like dogs. The only reason you’re here today is because he’s a mensch. Got it? Got it real good? Now commit […]

    / Dec 4, 2009 at 3:57 PM

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