Archive for December 2009

rbsiceskating.JPGRBS has neither the money nor the reason to celebrate a job well done this year. Last night’s party in Stamford (at the office) was as disappointing as one could expect for a firm whose ass is owned by the UK government (except for the department that took theirs off-site to Foxwoods) and the celebrations across the pond will probably be just as bad, with only 10 pounds ($16) being spent on each employee. Obviously one would expect the people forced to attend these depressing events to be a bit upset, though presumably no one else would give a fuck. Except one. Party planner Di Bailey was asked for her thoughts on the matter and bitch is pissed. She can’t conceive of how RBS could even dream of throwing a soiree on such a tiny budget and is so disgusted that she washes her hands of the whole situation. She wants nothing to do with this thing and until the bank allots the proper amount of money for the gala it so richly deserves, she suggests employees go ice skating.

Di Bailey, managing director at Planit Events Ltd., whose clients include HSBC Holdings Plc and Morgan Stanley, recommends employers spend about 80 pounds-a-head to ensure a “decent” party. Bailey said she couldn’t organize an event at a cost of 10 pounds-per-employee and recommended staff use the money to go ice-skating instead.

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kengriffinbowtie.jpgDon’t worry, investors, returns are still a’ poppin’. But I cannot in good conscience not let you know that while your money is safe, for now, it’s very likely that your next letter from Chicago is going to be a tear stained one. He’s putting on a brave face, but Ken Griffin is hurting. We’ve just received word that after paying $11.38 million for two lots at the Four Seasons’ Hualalai resort, for the express purpose of being neighbors with Cher, the singer has up and decided to auction off her property next door.

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  • 18 Dec 2009 at 11:27 AM

Flacks Are Stupid

keybiscayne.jpgEarth-shattering events happening here.You’re an industry under siege. Regulators on both sides of the Atlantic–but especially those on one side, who talk funny and have buried the hatchet over those nasty world wars in an effort to stamp you out–are licking their chops, planning all sorts of horrible new rules. You’re being criticized by, well, everyone, for your secretiveness, lack of transparency, and ties to both the Freemasons and Knights Templar. You’ve become a scapegoat for that whole unpleasant financial crisis thing.
What’s the best possible thing you can do? Bar reporters from your annual confab in tony Key Biscayne, Fla.!
At least, that’s what you’d do if you were the Managed Funds Association, which has decided that now is the perfect time to do away with its 15-year-long policy of welcoming the press to its annual networking shindig.

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Recovering crack addict John Mack has requested that the board not pay him a bonus this year, for the third year in a row. Going out with a bang!

ackermann.jpgThis holiday season, Deutsche Bank employees are coming to the aid of their own in the U.K. (and presumably France, as well). In a heartwarming show of solidarity, Deutsche Bankers one and all will feel the pinch of the Franco-British tax on banking bonuses.
That they’ll be doing it against their will….
The decision to “globalise” the pain of the British 50% one-off tax on banking bonuses this year will certainly ease the burden on British Deutsche Bank employees and impose it on those who work elsewhere, including in Germany, which has decided not to follow its European compatriots in the tax.

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  • 18 Dec 2009 at 8:15 AM

Opening Bell: 12.18.09

Picture 60.pngFINRA Probes Wall Street Trade Huddles (WSJ)
The regulator recently sought information from Citigroup, JPMorgan, Morgan Stanley and other firms, including details of any meetings where unpublished research opinions or trading ideas were disclosed to nonresearch employees or clients.
Fears Over Bank Reserves Overblown (Reuters)
Everybody can apparently chill: Concerns over the surge in excess reserves in the U.S. banking system and its potential to fire up inflation are “largely unwarranted,” according to two New York Federal Reserve economists, Todd Keister and James McAndrews.
Judge Sets January 2011 Trial in Stanford Case (AP)
Also, this is nice to hear: Stanford, 59, who was unshaven and wore a green prison jumpsuit, looked healthier than the last few times he’s been in court.

How Tiger Protected His Image
(WSJ)
The National Enquirer had pictures of Tiger and a waitress in a church parking lot, so in exchange for killing the story, Woods did a photo-shoot and interview with Men’s Health (owned by the same parent company as the Enquirer). This made Golf Digest, who thought they were the only ones getting a piece of TW’s shit, very angry!
Legal Fees Mount In Madoff Liquidation (NYT)
A judge approved the payment — nearly $21.3 million for the Baker & Hostetler firm and about $800,000 to trustee Irving Picard — Thursday in federal bankruptcy court in Manhattan. It follows initial payouts of $14.6 million and $760,000 in July.
Roubini: 6 More Months More Months Of Carry Trade (Reuters)
“A correction might occur, but the risk of a correction is more in the medium term than in the short term,” Roubini said in an event organized by the Council of the Americas.
Last Days of BofA’s Hunt For a CEO: Pay, Politics (WSJ)
Bob Kelly wanted $20 million to buy out unvested Bank of New York Mellon shares and options, plus $15 million to $20 million in annual compensation as chief executive. This was going to be a problem with the Comp Cop.

  • 17 Dec 2009 at 5:36 PM

Write-Offs: 12.17.09

$$$ John Paulson May Be More Than a One-Hit Wonder [NYM]
$$$ How the IRS sort of saved Citi [FT Alphaville]
$$$ Matt Taibbi Is Just Plain Wrong, Again [The Big Picture]
$$$ RBS’s holiday party is tonight. It’s taking place in office. A lot of attendees are shockingly expecting it to suck but there’s always the chance the Queen will make a surprise appearance to drink among her bitches which should add an exciting element to the evening!