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Well, this is disappointing. Apparently way back in the day, before she did a pro golfer (and possibly supplied him with his other ladies) Rachel Uchitel was a producer for Bloomberg TV. She then went out to join the nightlife industry, and peddle puss on the side (her own and others) but just think! If things had gone differently she (and her t’s) could’ve been in your face, reporting on the crisis, alongside Margaret Brennan. So what we’re thinking is this: since Bloomberg has already gone official with its Breast Offensive, why not offer Uchitel an on-air gig? She presumably won’t come too cheap, but this could be what it takes to finally beat out CNBC in the Cleave Wars. Personally I think the idea is pretty genius but because you people are the ones who’ll have to tune in and make it work, and Rachel may not be your cup of tea, before Bloomberg makes an official offer, let’s first decide which Woods mistress you want on your screen.
AIG Chief: Key Staff Suffer Financially (WSJ)
THEY ARE PRACTICALLY LIVING IN THE STREETS: Mr. Benmosche said 10 individuals who report directly to him have lost a combined $168 million in prior years’ pay since the U.S. bailout of AIG in September 2008. Another five employees at AIG’s financial-products division, who are unwinding its derivative trades, have lost $88 million in prior pay.
Wall Street Bankers Put Obama On Hold (NYT)
Andrew Ross Sorkin called Amtrak yesterday to see if Blankfein, Mack and Parsons’ story checked out. It didn’t: “I called customer service, and the Acela was running only a couple of minutes late.” Still, he believes them when they say they really were broken up about not being there: “In fairness, there is little question that they wanted to be there and seemed genuinely disappointed they couldn’t make it. (You could hear it in Mr. Mack and Mr. Blankfein’s voice when they got on the call. “Mr. President, we’re upset we’re not able to be there, but we’re on line with you now,” Mr. Mack said. “It’s certainly not for a lack of effort,” Mr. Blankfein quickly followed up.)”
Geithner: TARP to Earn Healthy Profit For U.S (Reuters)
“With the recent announcements on repayments, we are now on track to reduce TARP bank investments by more than 75 percent, while earning a healthy profit on that commitment,” Geithner said in a statement after Wells Fargo announced it will repay the $25 billion it received from the government.
Bank of America Can’t Sign New CEO (WSJ)
This just in: the board is having trouble finding a replacement for Ken Lewis.
Bank of America Said to Be Likely to Name Insider CEO (Bloomberg)
Now that Bob Kelly had officially turned them down, BAC is said to be seriously considering the only guys who might take the job- Gregory Curl and Brian Moynihan.
Madoff auction items may be as phony as his fund (ConnPost)
“People are so stupid,” Philip Eliasoph said. “This one in particular is egregious because they’re playing on the whole pretense of the Madoff fraud. It’s a fraud encrypted in a fraud. Most of what is being auctioned, if you showed up with it at the door of Christie’s or one of the other major auction houses, you wouldn’t even get in to see one of the specialists in modern or contemporary art.”
Lloyd’s of London Has Lessons for Banks (Bloomberg)
Life’s going to suck for a while: “Lloyd’s, fifteen years ago, was the RBS of today,” Lloyd’s Chairman Peter Levene, 68, said in an interview. The road to recovery is “very long, hard; you haven’t got a quick-fit solution,” he said.
So last week I happened to run into Jamie Dimon and yadda yadda yadda I just wanted to tell you guys that one of the seriously upsetting consequences of the financial crisis has been the toll taken on JD’s music career.
Bob Kelly has officially, seriously this time, added himself to the list of people who do not want Ken Lewis’s job. Blow of the sad trombone and back to the drawing board for BAC. Is this Thain’s moment?
Earlier: Guy Who Had To Take Restraining Order Out On Bank Of America May Be Interested In Running The Place
Well, this is a setback. Back in September, Jeffrey Epstein was deposed re: spending time sans pants with a 15 year-old and asked, “Is it true that you have an egg-shaped penis?”. Apparently this made Mr. Sensitive feel uncomfortable, so much so that he had to storm out of the room in a huff, when what he should’ve done was dropped trou and said “You tell me.” Anyway, we were slightly skeptical– does such a thing exist in nature?– but assumed we’d get an official answer soon. Today, our curiosity has been dealt a blow.
Jeffrey Epstein’s penis cannot be examined by lawyers for women who say the billionaire sex offender abused them, a Palm Beach, Fla., judge ruled Monday.
Hey DB–
I am in Jupiter, Florida and am sitting 20 feet from Ruth Madoff at the pool. She’s wearing a strapless brown, black and white bathing suit. Has a book and drink on the table next to her but has been focusing on frying for the last hour. She looks pretty good– am thinking about asking if she needs help re-applying suntan lotion.
*That pic is of Lady MacMadoff in better days, not this afternoon, though it sounds like things are looking up.
Shooting the shit at Citi [DealBook]
Related: Prince Alwaleed’s Ponies
Like many of you, Rochdale analyst Dick Bové caught the Obama 60 Minutes interview last night. And she did not like what she saw. What specifically frosted Bové’s cookies was the blame Obama laid on Wall Street’s asses. She did not appreciate the misguided notion the president seems to have in his head that Wall Street caused the financial crisis and she really had some serious difficulty accepting the hideous suggestion that some banks repaid their TARP money just so they could pay out big bonuses. That is so far from the truth! They did it because they were healthy and sound enough to do so and because they are run by brilliant, beautiful, devastatingly charming men who you will miss sorely missed when they are gone. But whatever, you know? There’s nothing she can do about it, the hormonal analyst thought to herself, because Obama is a man and men are stupid. Ken Lewis is the exception, not the rule.
Respectfully, Mr. President: “You are Wrong.”
Wall Street Did Not Cause the Current Financial Crisis; The Lack of Knowledge Being Demonstrated is Dangerous– Richard X. Bove
Sooo…this happened. Don’t worry, though, they’re gonna be conferenced in and won’t miss a thing (and Blankfein will get to do it sans pants, as is his wont. Everybody wins). Other excuses they considered going with:
* All three had cramps (they’re on the same cycle)
* Car trouble
* Too hung over
* Just not feeling it
* Blankfein had to wash his hair
* Your call
As mentioned a few weeks back, Bill Ackman decided to hold an intimate little auction on December 8 to unload his “guest apartment” at the UWS’s Majestic, after moving up the block to the Beresford at 211 Central Park West. Ack-boy said he would be playing the auctioneer himself and “provide some excellent wines for participants” in an attempt to get someone to lay down in the ballpark of $950,000. Sadly, the pad apparently only went for “about $320,000,” which has got to hurt, as Ackman bought the place for $450,000 in 2007 and put in $250,000 in renovations. Next time, try Tequila (that’s code for: roofies + steal the checkbook. Don’t be a puss. You’ve got the balls to pitch a 1-stock fund, you can do this. I’ll help).
