• 14 Dec 2009 at 4:11 PM

We Will Probably Never Find Out The True Shape Of Jeffrey Epstein’s Penis

By

jeffreyepstein.jpgWell, this is a setback. Back in September, Jeffrey Epstein was deposed re: spending time sans pants with a 15 year-old and asked, “Is it true that you have an egg-shaped penis?”. Apparently this made Mr. Sensitive feel uncomfortable, so much so that he had to storm out of the room in a huff, when what he should’ve done was dropped trou and said “You tell me.” Anyway, we were slightly skeptical– does such a thing exist in nature?– but assumed we’d get an official answer soon. Today, our curiosity has been dealt a blow.

Jeffrey Epstein’s penis cannot be examined by lawyers for women who say the billionaire sex offender abused them, a Palm Beach, Fla., judge ruled Monday.

The shape of Epstein’s penis is not relevant to the civil cases against him, Circuit Judge Donald Hafele ruled. If it becomes relevant, Hafele said he would reconsider the request.

So there’s hope but it doesn’t look good. I leave it to you ladies to figure this one out.
Earlier: Jeffrey Epstein Will Neither Confirm Nor Deny The Allegedly Bizarre Shape Of His Penis

Comments (65)

  1. 1
    Posted by guest | December 14, 2009 at 4:18 PM

    I expect this kind of filth from WSJ, but UPI?

  2. 2
    Posted by guest | December 14, 2009 at 4:19 PM

    WTF?
    Related Stories
    Abuse suspect admits to self-circumcision
    Woman convicted of killing, castrating dad
    Firefighters rescue penis from metal ring
    Woman says she meant to castrate, not kill

  3. 3
    Posted by guest | December 14, 2009 at 4:20 PM

    UPI = United Penis International

  4. 4
    Posted by guest | December 14, 2009 at 4:21 PM

    great tags

  5. 5
    Posted by guest | December 14, 2009 at 4:22 PM

    Mr. Pierman, my hero….”I’m willing to continue.”

  6. 6
    Posted by guest | December 14, 2009 at 4:22 PM

    We can find out if Bess takes one for the team….but she may be too old for him

  7. 7
    Posted by guest | December 14, 2009 at 4:23 PM

    1,
    Seriously. 100 years of journalistic excellence, and all.

  8. 8
    Posted by guest | December 14, 2009 at 4:24 PM

    100% DEALBREAKER!

  9. 9
    Posted by guest | December 14, 2009 at 4:25 PM

    @8 stop trying to make that comment happen.

  10. 10
    Posted by guest | December 14, 2009 at 4:25 PM

    @7 Seriously. And owned by Rev. Sun Myung Moon.

  11. 11
    Posted by guest | December 14, 2009 at 4:28 PM

    10,
    A good man, but an awful date.
    -7

  12. 12
    Posted by guest | December 14, 2009 at 4:29 PM

    I’m serial.
    Manbearpig

  13. 13
    Posted by guest | December 14, 2009 at 4:37 PM

    too late. damage done. puts me off sucking hard boiled eggs ever again.

  14. 14
    Posted by pfluger | December 14, 2009 at 4:38 PM

    cg: I can eat 50 eggs.
    dk: Nobody can eat 50 eggs.
    mb: (To DK) You said he could eat anything.
    dk: Did you ever eat 50 eggs?
    cg: Nobody ever ate 50 eggs.
    dk: My boy says he can eat 50 eggs, he can eat fifty eggs.
    mb: Yeah, but in how long?
    cg: An hour.

  15. 15
    Posted by guest | December 14, 2009 at 4:55 PM

    Alas now we’ll never know if its an ostrich egg here or hummingbird egg.

  16. 16
    Posted by guest | December 14, 2009 at 6:33 PM

    Stopped reading at pant’s.

  17. 17
    Posted by guest | December 14, 2009 at 6:50 PM

    Jeez, if you’re squeezing the fucking daylights out of it at the tip shouldn’t the pipe below it blow like Dizzy Gillispie’s neck when he blows a C sharp?

  18. 18
    Posted by guest | December 14, 2009 at 8:46 PM

    too egg-shaped didnt round hole

  19. 19
    Posted by cheap bookmarking service | September 24, 2012 at 4:38 PM

    XsIblL Really enjoyed this article. Much obliged.

  20. 20
    Posted by plano plumbing | September 27, 2012 at 7:38 PM

    I am so grateful for your article.Thanks Again. Fantastic.

  21. 21
    Posted by puppy training classes | September 28, 2012 at 6:50 PM

    Very informative article post.Much thanks again. Much obliged.

  22. 22
    Posted by Surrogacy Fraud India | September 28, 2012 at 8:32 PM

    Major thanks for the article post.Much thanks again.

  23. 23
    Posted by Dueling Pianos | September 29, 2012 at 5:07 AM

    Thanks a lot for the blog.Really looking forward to read more. Great.

  24. 24
    Posted by maden botu | September 29, 2012 at 6:54 AM

    I really like and appreciate your blog post.Much thanks again. Really Great.

  25. 25
    Posted by cash | September 29, 2012 at 2:23 PM

    Awesome blog post.Thanks Again. Great.

  26. 26
    Posted by playground tiles | September 29, 2012 at 4:05 PM

    Appreciate you sharing, great article.Thanks Again. Will read on…

  27. 27
    Posted by diamant | October 1, 2012 at 8:26 AM

    wow, awesome post. Awesome.

  28. 28
    Posted by jaket kulit murah | October 1, 2012 at 2:48 PM

    Wow, great blog post.Thanks Again. Keep writing.

  29. 29
    Posted by News | October 1, 2012 at 4:13 PM

    Really enjoyed this article post.Really thank you! Awesome.

  30. 30
    Posted by female masturbation | October 2, 2012 at 5:29 AM

    I loved your blog post.Really looking forward to read more. Really Great.

  31. 31
    Posted by buy instagram followers | October 2, 2012 at 7:11 PM

    I am so grateful for your blog.Really thank you! Will read on…

  32. 32
    Posted by lubbock realtors | October 3, 2012 at 1:09 AM

    Hey, thanks for the blog. Cool.

  33. 33
    Posted by anonymous calls | October 3, 2012 at 10:25 AM

    I really liked your article post.Thanks Again.

  34. 34
    Posted by best microbloggins sites | October 3, 2012 at 10:28 AM

    Enjoyed every bit of your blog article.Much thanks again. Awesome.

  35. 35
    Posted by OMG Machines | October 3, 2012 at 11:28 AM

    Thanks for sharing, this is a fantastic blog.Much thanks again. Really Cool.

  36. 36
    Posted by buy soundcloud plays | October 3, 2012 at 4:21 PM

    Thanks again for the blog article.Thanks Again. Want more.

  37. 37
    Posted by zija | October 4, 2012 at 4:18 AM

    Fantastic blog article.Really looking forward to read more. Cool.

  38. 38
    Posted by cash for junk cars Phoenix | October 4, 2012 at 4:56 AM

    wow, awesome article post.Really thank you! Cool.

  39. 39
    Posted by St George Chiropractor | October 4, 2012 at 6:18 AM

    Very neat article.Thanks Again. Really Cool.

  40. 40
    Posted by butik gaul | October 4, 2012 at 2:19 PM

    Great, thanks for sharing this blog article.Really looking forward to read more. Really Cool.

  41. 41
    Posted by outdoor blinds | October 4, 2012 at 3:10 PM

    I really like and appreciate your blog.Thanks Again. Really Great.

  42. 42
    Posted by Commission Infusion review | October 4, 2012 at 4:22 PM

    This is one awesome article.Really looking forward to read more. Keep writing.

  43. 43
    Posted by wedding cake sydney | October 4, 2012 at 5:14 PM

    Enjoyed every bit of your article post.Much thanks again. Keep writing.

  44. 44
    Posted by publishing | October 5, 2012 at 12:28 AM

    Great post.Much thanks again. Fantastic.

  45. 45
    Posted by http://www.facebook.com/terrybrival | October 5, 2012 at 3:33 AM

    Major thanks for the blog article.Really looking forward to read more. Really Great.

  46. 46
    Posted by dog training guide | October 5, 2012 at 6:58 PM

    Say, you got a nice blog post. Much obliged.

  47. 47
    Posted by Instagram Followers | October 8, 2012 at 2:31 PM

    I truly appreciate this post.Much thanks again. Awesome.

  48. 48
    Posted by Buy Instagram Followers | October 8, 2012 at 4:31 PM

    Great, thanks for sharing this blog post. Really Great.

  49. 49
    Posted by daniel kertcher | October 8, 2012 at 5:37 PM

    I loved your article post.Thanks Again. Fantastic.

  50. 50
    Posted by Spa NYC | October 9, 2012 at 12:00 AM

    I really enjoy the article. Really Great.

  51. 51
    Posted by Popular Page Tips | October 9, 2012 at 6:49 AM

    I truly appreciate this blog.Really looking forward to read more. Want more.

  52. 52
    Posted by Get More Info | October 9, 2012 at 8:56 AM

    This is one awesome blog post.Really looking forward to read more. Want more.

  53. 53
    Posted by gutters indianapolis | October 9, 2012 at 11:02 AM

    Major thanks for the blog article.Thanks Again. Fantastic.

  54. 54
    Posted by unlock iphone 5 | October 9, 2012 at 11:32 AM

    Great article post. Will read on…

  55. 55
    Posted by direct mail advertising | October 9, 2012 at 3:13 PM

    I think this is a real great blog post.Really looking forward to read more. Fantastic.

  56. 56
    Posted by what to do if you win the lottery | October 9, 2012 at 6:45 PM

    Muchos Gracias for your blog article.Thanks Again. Keep writing.

  57. 57
    Posted by cours du diamant | October 9, 2012 at 7:01 PM

    Thanks-a-mundo for the blog post. Keep writing.

  58. 58
    Posted by wheels and tires | October 10, 2012 at 4:01 AM

    I cannot thank you enough for the blog article. Keep writing.

  59. 59
    Posted by personal loan | October 10, 2012 at 5:17 AM

    A round of applause for your blog article.Really looking forward to read more. Fantastic.

  60. 60
    Posted by stock wheels | October 10, 2012 at 10:30 AM

    This is one awesome blog post. Want more.

  61. 61
    Posted by alteril review | October 10, 2012 at 10:33 PM

    I appreciate you sharing this blog post. Really Cool.

  62. 62
    Posted by michael x | October 11, 2012 at 2:44 PM

    Very good post.Much thanks again. Awesome.

  63. 63
    Posted by indianapolis brick | October 13, 2012 at 1:44 AM

    Great blog post.Thanks Again.

  64. 64
    Posted by targeted website visitors | October 16, 2012 at 6:44 AM

    Wow, great post.Really looking forward to read more. Awesome.

  65. 65
    Posted by buy facebook likes | October 16, 2012 at 11:42 AM

    Awesome blog.Thanks Again. Will read on…