Whenever I need advice on something, I like to go to an expert in the field. Protein shakes: Charlie Gasparino, ritual sacrifice: Lloyd Blankfein, foreign objects in ass: Ping Jiang, you get the idea. To that end, the last time I needed some real talk on love, I opened up my Rolodex and flipped through to ‘H’ for Hooker Fucker, Noted. I called up Eliot Spitzer and he gave it to me straight. I knew what his answer was going to be but I just need to hear him say it: “Love is steamrolling your opponents when they least expect it, which is to say, love is anal sex without a condom.” So I sort of surprised that, when the question was posed at him again by The Big Think, his answer was an insanely awkward and rambling “It’s one of these feelings that you sense when you meet somebody and there is a response that is different and is unique and is palpable. And it then changes over time…it becomes almost a dependence. And a sense of knowing somebody so well that you have merged as personalities, and know each other’s thoughts and there’s a comfort that is there, which is part of it, and equally important.” But, whatever! Maybe his first answer was what he told me, and then was pressed to elaborate.
— Advertisement —
Comments (99)
Leave a comment
You can log in with your account or comment as a guest below.
- Use the Bloomberg command
NH BLG_DEALBREAKER <GO>
to access Dealbreaker
@Bess- let me fuck you til you love me.
-you know who
~What is love?
~Baby, don't hurt me!
~No more!
OK, you got me panting like a dog…..
Bess are you giddy today? Your writing today makes me think you met a new man last night and you have a school girl crush on him, right?
is it bad that I was about to make the exact same comment as 2?
-not 2
@4 be funny next time you comment.
@5 no, it's good. so good. so good. I got you, dun dun dun dun!
Bess, "Noted Hooker Fucker" is a Homeric-quality epithet. In fact, were the blind bard singing today, I have no doubt his modern-day Iliad would open:
Sing, Muse, of the anger of Noted Hooker Fucker Spitzer/
and its devastation, which put pains thousandfold upon the Wall Streeters/
hurled in their multitudes to unemployment strong souls of heroes/
but gave their bodies to be the delicate feasting of Hookers, of all Strippers…
etc.
(with apologies to Homer; trans. Lattimore)
@hooker-anal-fucker-with-no-condom
dude, that answer is gay. you're better than that.
@ bess. that was dirty and i liked it.
douche.
-AD
我总是很高兴帮助。
I thought the response that his wife gave the same question was more insightful.
"True love is hard to find, sometimes you think you have true love and then you catch the early train home from the Hamptons and you see your husband snorting Columbian Bam Bam out of a blindfolded hooker's butthole. Then a couple more hookers in skimpy bikinis jump out of your bathroom ready to join in the fun like a goddamn magic show."
-Silda Wall Spitzer
@2,5,7
That song playing on my iTunes annoying the shit out of everyone else in the office for the rest of the day. BOOM. DONE.
we are all whores in our own way
@2, Now I have that goddamn song stuck in my head. Awesome.
Go f yerself, and say hi to your mother for me.
M. Wahlberg
Love is a battlefield.
@16 we are young, heartache to heartache we stand. No promises no demands.
DDD honkers in C cups.
~Thrifty Guy in Omaha
@2 Haddaway? That song makes me want to drink and fuck hookers. Actually all songs makes me want to drink and fuck hookers.
- E to the Spitzer
that tingle you get when you are rocking your balc socks and a smile
"When da moon hits your eye
Like a big pizza pie
Dat's da fuckin' Amore!"
- cg
@22 Dad?
Who cares! This site is getting pretty damn boring. Kind of funny how a young 20 year old ridicules everyone, but has never worked a day on wall street. Get some real experience Bess and then you can be taken seriously.
@22 "Get some real experience Bess and then you can be taken seriously."
oh god, that was hilarious.
@22/24 = eliot spitzer
@4 Jealous, much?
@hahah wow. are you as dumb in person as you sound in comments?
@22
Hello, Hooker F*cker, Noted
@4 & @22: Jealous, much?
@22/24 = guido broker, John Thomas Financial.
@22-24 I am curious what experience you require of Bess. Are You saying she needs to fuck a whore to know that ES is dirty shit eating, hypocritical scumbag?
Does she need to have traded MBS to know that several banks, TG and the O Admin are fucking it up for the country and more importantly NYC?
Does she need to have insider traded with the sleaze balls at Galleon to know what they did there is as disgraceful as ponzi boy's cheating the entire world out of billions of bucks?
Why don you go back to your Tme magazine, your GQ and your CNN and go fuck your father.
@33 dude, we all know the only place he needs to go back to is Yahoo!Finance and/or Business Insider.
@33 That all sounds like a good CFA prep program. Just sayin'.
@22 sounds like a real estate agent.
@36 why?
I agree with Perkins Maxwell @8: "Noted Hooker Fucker" totally works as a Homeric epithet.
"Sing to me of the man, Muse, the noted fucker of hookers, driven time and again off course, once he had plundered the depths of Dupre."
(Odyssey Book I – Apologies to Homer; trans. Fagles)
@36 i thought he/she sounds like a pretentious trader or fund manager who barely graduated from Penn.
@39 yeah, definitely not. most hf managers love and "get" BL. this is some guido douche who thinks you need to have 5 years experience at a boiler room to be taken "seriously."
I did it like this
I did it like that
I did it with a wiffleball bat
@41 so i'm on the run the cops got my gun and right about now i'm tryin to have some fun…
dont go there.
All I wanna do is a zoom zoom zoom in your poompoom
True love is asking a professional escort for non-condom love and hoping you don't (or do?) hit snake eyes on the STD craps table.
Of course, the missus is along for the ride, too.
- guy who asked for this yesterday
dropped my fluid like a chemist
300 pound lb white girls, eh?
@ 38, don't you mean apologies to Virgil? (I sing of arms and the NHF, who first from the shores of Manhattan came to Albany..)
@44 statistically speaking you are more likely to get the hooker pregnant (hopefully you used the pull and pray) than to have contracted an STD. As far as the biggie (the hiv) you've got about a 1 in a million chance due to the fact its hard for girls to give it to guys and it is transmitted about only once in every 3,000 instances of non protected sex.
-guy who isnt sure if you are joking or not but had to due a ton of research because his idiot best friend banged a hooker bare the weekend before his wedding and as best man had to do some digging because he was too freaked out to research the issue on his own.
@46 uh, what?
who wrote the book on love? eliot spitzer's cock.
…I always thought love was a second hand emotion…although I never really figured out what it had to with, It.
love is a second hand emoticon :-)
@47, Is that the first line of the Spitzeriad?
Love is never having to say you're sorry.
@48/NS
What about strippers (Penthouse Club variety)?
–guy who rawdogged one this week who should probably be a little more worried than he is
@Anal. In order to get something from a chick she first must have something to give. Most commercial sex workers are LESS likely to have STDs than the general population (unless you noticed track marks all over her arms, or were in Africa or Thailand). That being said most STDs (except herpes obvi) can easily be treated, like I mentioned before the hiv is pretty fucking tough to get from a one time encounter.
-guy who knows WAYYYYY to much about this stuff because his drunken friend, after 28 years of never doing anything with a hooker, thought it would be a good idea to see what it was like and then compounded the problem by going raw dog 6 days before his wedding and made his best man do field research so he could comfortably have sex on his honeymoon. Needless to say he always picks up my bar tab.
@55/Anal_yst, the much bigger risk is that at some point in the future she'll set your car/apartment/bed on fire.
@56 "friend"…I'm on to you.
Mrs. NakedShort
Who cares! This site is getting pretty damn boring. Kind of funny how a young 20 year old ridicules everyone, but has never worked a day on wall street. Get some real experience Bess and then you can be taken seriously.
@56/NS
Whew! Guess I'll roll the dice again this weekend…
@57
Crap, good point. B*tch definitely be crazy (although that'd hardly make her any different than any of the other girls I have/am/trying to schtoop)
[...] A few months back, Eliot Spitzer gave us some Real Talk on love. Now the other half of the duo, Ashey Dupré, has weighed in on the topic. Sayeth Ash: “If you’re in love with someone, you want to treat them like the five year old. You want to cater to them and love them and hug them and like be emotionally there. Like you want to give them a blowjob! When you get married and, like, the wife doesn’t want to give a blow job anymore it’s like…[face].” [...]
[...] A few months back, Eliot Spitzer gave us some Real Talk on love. Now the other half of the duo, Ashey Dupré, has weighed in on the topic. Sayeth Ash: “If you’re in love with someone, you want to treat them like the five year old. You want to cater to them and love them and hug them and like be emotionally there. Like you want to give them a blowjob! When you get married and, like, the wife doesn’t want to give a blow job anymore it’s like…[face].” [...]
w4lrD0 Im grateful for the post.Thanks Again. Awesome.
Great article. Cool.
I am so grateful for your blog.Really thank you! Really Great.
I really like and appreciate your post.Really looking forward to read more. Awesome.
Thanks again for the blog post.Much thanks again. Fantastic.
I am so grateful for your article. Great.
Im grateful for the article.Really thank you! Fantastic.
Thanks again for the blog article.Much thanks again. Fantastic.
Great article post.Really thank you! Want more.
I really liked your article. Cool.
Very informative blog post.Much thanks again. Cool.
Awesome article.Much thanks again. Great.
Appreciate you sharing, great blog article.Much thanks again. Great.
I truly appreciate this blog article.Thanks Again.
Thanks again for the article.Really thank you! Much obliged.
wow, awesome blog post.Really thank you! Keep writing.
Enjoyed every bit of your article. Great.
Looking forward to reading more. Great blog. Keep writing.
Really appreciate you sharing this blog post.Really looking forward to read more. Fantastic.
Thanks again for the article post.Really thank you! Really Great.
I really like and appreciate your blog post.Really thank you! Cool.
A round of applause for your blog post.Really looking forward to read more. Awesome.
Really enjoyed this blog post. Cool.
Very informative blog.Really thank you! Awesome.
I really enjoy the blog post.Much thanks again. Awesome.
Hey, thanks for the article. Will read on…
Major thanks for the article.Really thank you!
Major thanks for the article. Fantastic.
A round of applause for your article.Thanks Again. Awesome.
I am so grateful for your blog article.Really looking forward to read more. Really Cool.
I loved your article.Really looking forward to read more. Really Cool.
I truly appreciate this blog article.Really looking forward to read more. Awesome.
I am so grateful for your blog.Thanks Again. Fantastic.
Looking forward to reading more. Great blog.Really thank you! Want more.
Thanks for the post.Much thanks again. Really Great.
Im grateful for the article post.Really thank you! Much obliged.
Im grateful for the article. Awesome.
I appreciate you sharing this blog post.Thanks Again. Fantastic.
Im grateful for the blog post.Really looking forward to read more. Awesome.