Help Name Charlie Gasparino’s New Book

charliegasparinostache.jpgIn chronicling the ‘unholy alliance among Big Business, Big Banking, and Big Government,’ which has brought this country to its knees, a sober voice is required to uncover and distill the backdoor deals, the smoke and mirrors, and the ultimate tragedy found within. That voice belongs to Charlie Gasparino. Which is why it is with great pleasure that we inform you that, due to the runaway success of When Mooks Fail, the Oracle of Rego Park has scored his latest book deal (with an advance that is said to be ‘significant,’ i.e. it’ll cover i.e. it will more than cover several week’s worth of martinis at Tropix, the author’s favorite little neighborhood joint, where they have a lax policy on underage drinking). Gasparino’s upcoming contribution to literature and understanding was sold under the name Bought And Paid For, but we have it on good authority that’s just a working title. That’s where you come in. Chaz has requested we help come up with something better, that truly captures the sentiment of the tome. Early proposals:

* Dis Tim Geithner Guy’s Got His Head Up His Ass
* Suckin’ On Wall Street’s Dick: When Mooks Fail, Part Deux
* Lloyd Blankfein: I’m da boss, I’m da boss, I’m da boss, I’m da boss, I’m da boss… I’m da boss, I’m da boss, I’m da boss, I’m da boss, I’m da boss, I’m da boss
Your help in this endeavor will not go unappreciated. The creator of the winning title will be invited to the premier of the HBO series, Find Me A Stage For This Bull To Rage, which follows Gasparino during the research and writing process of the book. The following is a clip from the opening episode, in which Chaz is confronted by Alan Greenspan, who heard the reporter was sticking his nose where it didn’t belong.

(hidden for your protection)
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86 Responses to “Help Name Charlie Gasparino’s New Book”

  1. guest says:

    "Load My Mother Should Have Swallowed?"

  2. guest says:

    "See No Evil, Speak No Evil, Hear No Evil: When Financial Flying Monkeys Flew Out of Wall Street's Ass"

  3. guest says:

    Revenge is a dish best served cold cuts.

  4. Lowly Assistant says:

    Mustachatory Rape: A Coming of Age Tale By Charlie Gasparino

  5. Tax Chick says:

    A Mook of Another Color
    -and no, I do not need to examine my motives. My motives are just fine the way they are.

  6. guest says:

    "Womb Broom: The Story of Charles Gasparino"

  7. guest says:

    Its Raining Guidos

  8. Pfluger the Barbaria says:

    Love Triangle: The Twerp, The Hammer and The Tax Cheat

  9. guest says:

    "You buy this fcking book or Im gonna break your fcking head."

  10. guest says:

    Tim Tebow's Financial Abortion: A Love Story

  11. guest says:

    "Wall Street Drew a Moustache on Main Street; Dirty Sanchez or Shitler."

  12. guest says:

    First of all, my name is the FAKE Jeff Sneider, and as a former writer/editor at "Nut Buster" and "Hand Jive", I know a thing or two about Internet trolls. You're all too afraid to post your real names because you lack class and you have nothing to say of any substance. I happen to know the man with the mustache in this picture. He is a dear friend of mine. He is not the bubble-headed, dago eye candy/oiled wrestling accessory you Wall St. assholes are making him out to be. He happens to be a BRILLIANT writer/reporter/analyst, as evidenced by the fact that Wall Street keeps him in their company. There is nothing romantic about their relationship. He is a trusted friend and mentor of their………

  13. guest says:

    2 Markers 1 Anus

  14. Tax Chick says:

    All the Bank's Men

  15. NakedShort says:

    Fugazi. The United States as a whole is so undercapitalized that we will soon discover that we are fucked eight ways to Sunday.

  16. guest says:

    Titanic Glutes – the Story of How Wall Street Crashed on its Ass

  17. guest says:

    A Tale of Two Deli Meats

  18. NakedShort says:

    The Catcher of Cum Between the Eyes

  19. guest says:

    The Great Ugatz

  20. guest says:

    Golden Showers: the sorid story of how Alan Greespan kept pissing gold on Wall Street while simultaneously pissing off main street.

  21. TomOfTheNorth says:

    "Even A Schmuck Can Spot A Quarter On The Sidewalk"

  22. ExtraordinaryPopular says:

    (That's mookstache in uppercase, italic font… maybe with movement lines like it's a train or something… cause, you know, IT MOVES)

  23. guest says:

    Derr Terk Er Jerrbs

  24. guest says:

    22 ftw

  25. Lowly Assistant says:

    To Cure an Economy: Salt

  26. Tax Chick says:

    NS – thanks for the shock to the system. Now have Waiting Room blasting from my computer. I want to break shit!

  27. Pfluger the Barbaria says:

    A Thug's Guide to Wall Street; How to Kick the Living Shit Out of Your Broker for Fun and Profit

  28. guest says:

    I Will Fuck You 'til You Love Me; The Story of Wall Street

  29. guest says:

    Steal This Book
    and buy protection on HarperBusiness

  30. MikeTyson says:

    @29, That's my line!
    But for Chaz, I recommend
    "JWOWW the Situation, we're Snooki-punched"

  31. guest says:

    The Salami Code

  32. von Pantz says:

    I need some clarification. I believe "Bought and Paid For" is the working title of Charlie's autobiography. I'm supposed to come up with a better title than that?

  33. guest says:

    Barbarians at the Deli

  34. guest says:

    I shot the sheriff, but didn't kill the deputy

  35. Pfluger the Barbaria says:

    "By the Way" — A Compendium of The Greatest Moments of My Life

  36. guest says:

    Who is too big to fail? You Are!

  37. guest says:

    he looks mexican on that picture. dirty.

  38. Lowly Assistant says:


  39. guest says:

    Too Big to Fail

  40. CoveredLong says:

    Gasparino Shrugged.

  41. CoveredLong says:


  42. guest says:

    34 ftw
    Bravo, good Sir

  43. HAM05 says:

    A face only NAMBLA can love

  44. guest says:

    The Art of the Meal; How Cured Meats Changed My Life

  45. guest says:

    "The Greatest Motherf&*& Book Ever." 25 Fazools. Well worth every penny.

  46. guest says:

    Great Expectorations

  47. guest says:

    Jacked and Tan: A pictrographic chronological look at the evolution of Charlie Gasparino from the pornstache to the upper lip Brazilian wax

  48. NakedShort says:

    From critically acclaimed investigative journalist and CNBC personality Charles Gasparino comes a sweeping examination of the most recent volatile, anxiety-ridden era his life. How’d Those Dingleberries Get There traces the implosion of Gasparino’s Wall Street sources since James Cayne said “Peace out” while smoking a bowl which left Gasparino without a source on the “inside”. It shows how a back alley salad tossings involving Gasarino and potential new “inside” sources left him wondering how dingleberries managed to become entangled into his newly grown moustache. Gasparino walks readers through what it takes to wine and dine Wall Street's finest executives and traders at Elaine’s—from awkward hellos during the first meetings, to the ordering of drink after drink in hopes of inebriating and getting market altering information from the new source, to the inevitable encounter in the Men’s room where the potential source would drop his pants and ask Gasparino “How’s my ass taste?”, to the sheer terror of sobering up the next morning and not having the new source return calls or emails. The ongoing tumult in Gasparinos drive to get new srouces began when some of our most esteemed financial executives, our government leaders, and even average citizens abdicated their collective responsibilities treat Gasparino as a reputable reporter, eventually selling him out and forcing him to question How’d Those Dingleberries Get There.

  49. NotNasser says:

    #44, FTW.

  50. guest says:

    Raging Bullshit

  51. guest says:

    The Sexual Predators Ball

  52. guest says:

    I Lost It In The Men's Room

  53. guest says:

    Cold Cuts Files – Wall Street Edition:
    Hiding The Salami

  54. Pfluger the Barbaria says:

    "They're No Friends-a-Mine!"
    Revealed publicly for the first time, The complete, illustrated, inside story of One Man's lonely and heroic efforts to thwart the Diabolical Plans of a Clandestine Group of Anti-Italian Jews. Their Secret Maneuverings to Destroy the World Financial System, exposed!! How a Greedy Twirp with a Napoleanic Complex single-handedly destroyed Middle Class America.
    In plain language that even a bischero can understand, the world renowned financial journalist, investigative reporter, and unrivaled boccalone explains how he saved the world from the brink of ruin.
    bischero m. (Tuscany) a stupid person, a jerk.
    boccalone m. a big mouth, a gossip; (lit.): an enormous mouth.

  55. guest says:

    " The Geraldo Rivera, Carlos Santana, John Oates Threeway Lovechild"

  56. guest says:

    A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Deli

  57. guest says:


  58. guest says:

    Tossing Salad and Taking Names: The Life and Times of Charlie Gasparino

  59. guest says:

    Carol the waitress Simon the fag

  60. guest says:

    A Million Little Pierogies

  61. guest says:

    Dis 'n Dat Side of Paradise

  62. Anal_yst says:

    "You'll Never Guess What I Heard in the Equinox Steamroom…"

  63. guest says:

    Pastrami in the Rye

  64. guest says:

    Da Things Dat I Know

  65. guest says:

    Floor Mopper

  66. guest says:

    The Great Greaseball

  67. guest says:

    10 Ways to Look More Like Luigi

  68. guest says:

    laughed @51!

  69. guest says:

    You call that a moustache?
    – Freddy Mercury

  70. guest says:

    2 (inches) and 20 (Jager bombs): The Charlie Gasparino Story

  71. guest says:

    "My Sources Are Telling Me"

  72. guest says:

    "What I Got Is Shoot For The Capitalism"

  73. guest says:

    "I'm Hearing That"

  74. guest says:

    @72 ftw

  75. guest says:

    the situation is fluid.

  76. guest says:

    A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Deli

  77. guest says:

    The Ramblings of a Penis

  78. guest says:

    Snarfed my Diet Coke thanks to @51!!!

  79. Finnegan says:

    Wall Street ATM Machine: Main Street Takes It On the Chin

  80. DIV01 says:

    Reminiscences of a Deli Operator

  81. guest says:

    The Gasman Cummeth

  82. guest says:

    why the picture of groucho marx?

  83. guest says:

    why the picture of groucho marx?

  84. guest says:

    The Mindless of Wall Street

  85. guest says:

    #12… you're hilarious. Give yourself a pat on the back… for being a fucking chucklehead. That joke was old LAST week, you assclown.

  86. guest says:

    #12, give yourself a pat on the back. You're hilarious! Or… you're a complete chucklehead making jokes that were old LAST WEEK. Way to go, assclown. Feel good about your life.