How To Make Meetings Less Boring, Super-Soakers Included

Picture 81.png
Most of your meetings for work are probably obscenely painful experiences, particularly for those of you who detest your colleagues and especially for the lucky few who’ve been banned from fucking around on your Blackberry while people are talking. All that’s left to do is zone out, or sigh audibly while presentations are being made, and if everyone is taking a page from your playabook, not a lot is getting done. So! A few companies have come up with some ways for making these sessions more productive, and less wastes of your time. Some of them suck, like have people write down ideas on Post-its and then announcing them anonymously so no one is scared to come up with what might be perceived as a dumb suggestion, or asking employees to take crayons and draw their contributions, and then getting pissed when a go-getter comes back with illustrations of the boss and some barnyard animals. Others, while due for some tweaking, aren’t half bad:

Dixon Schwabl Advertising Inc., in Rochester, N.Y., tries to lower the inhibitions of its 82 employees by arming them with water guns, which workers are instructed to bring to all meetings. Anyone who passes a negative comment at the meeting is bound to get wet.

An (essential) outlaw on negative comments seems somewhat counterproductive (sometimes people need to be told they’re stupid, okay?), but introducing water guns in the conference room? What’s not love? But we need to think bigger. For instance, dunk tanks. That would a fun little element, wouldn’t it? Like, whoever comes up with the best idea for the meeting gets to select whichever colleague he wants to see up there, and everyone gets to take a hit, or, whoever had the best idea that day gets to have everyone line up and take a shot at sinking them all. Whatever, details have yet to be hammered out. And obviously we need more. A certain leader in the hedge fund industry recently introduced tasers at morning meetings, and I can’t say we don’t like that. Also: charades (“Five words. First word, salutation.” “Sir”? “No.” “Mr”? “No.” “Miss“? “Yes.” “Fifth word, noun, plural.” “Balls”? “No.” “Trades”? “No.” “Models”? “No.” “Stilettos”? “Yes!” “Miss, where are your stilettos“? “Yes!!!”). And cattle prods. You’ve got to have cattle prods. What else?
Boring Meetings? Get Out The Water Guns [WSJ via Heidi Moore]

(hidden for your protection)
Show all comments

55 Responses to “How To Make Meetings Less Boring, Super-Soakers Included”

  1. NakedShort says:

    "Anyone who passes a negative comment at the meeting is bound to get wet."
    Also works for junior female associates during meetings at Meredith Whitney's shop

  2. guest says:

    I think you all know what I'd like to introduce to our morning meetings.

  3. guest says:

    Cattle Prods. There has to be a place in meetings for Cattle prods.

  4. guest says:

    PPT Mad Libs?
    Interpretive dance?

  5. guest says:

    They use urine at Deutsche to accomplish the same ends…

  6. guest says:

    white tshirts and waterguns at all meetings… welp, I'm sold

  7. guest says:

    There's no group of two or more people that can't be made more fun by the inclusion of ball gags and latex.

  8. guest says:

    a meaningful meeting= soaking females with male urine in the morning meetings

  9. Anal_yst says:

    yes, because this would fly anywhere other than a "creative" firm…

  10. guest says:

    "Papershow, which is made by Canson Inc. and retails for about $200, works like a digital whiteboard with a special interactive pen."
    Presented without comment.

  11. guest says:

    vending machine challenge.

  12. guest says:

    What does it say that the only person with a white shirt in that pic is a dude? And an ugly dude at that. Would have been much better if the blonde next to him wore white and was being hosed down.
    That's right. I said "hosed down."

  13. guest says:

    I'd shoot those chicks with my super soaker

  14. guest says:

    celebrity guest appearances by bess levin

  15. wcburrs87 says:

    NakedShort – brilliant. On another level from most on here.

  16. CoveredLong says:

    @Anal_yst – Agreed with your use of 'creative'…often times 'creative' people are either the self-appointed type who are actually quite uncreative or they spend so much time 'ideating' BS ideas, they forget to actually create.
    Creatine on the other hand, is very(muscle) creative.

  17. guest says:

    @ 15 = closeted gay

  18. guest says:

    Down a shot of tequila every time someone uses an acronym.

  19. guest says:

    @5, piss off!

  20. guest says:

    new and inventive use of whiteboard markers!!
    Ping Jiang and Keith Moss

  21. Sluggard Haste says:

    Ummgh, how do you keep the TPS reports from getting wet?

  22. guest says:

    White board markers!!!! Yeah, I know you already have those, but sometimes it is less about the props and more about how you use them.
    — Guess Who?
    Who wants to be my little Tong-ster?

  23. guest says:

    Hey Sarah, you hear this? No more looking at your blackberry during important client meetings…where you are the lead presenter. I am bringing my water soaker and your Hermes scarf is going to be the only thing dry when I am done. Nips on the 52nd floor on Madison. Oh, I can't wait. JFS.

  24. guest says:

    @27 maybe a little too insidery?

  25. highlyconfident says:

    We generally just throw feces at negative commenters.
    -Wachovia Powerballer

  26. guest says:

    They deftly maneuver and muscle for rank,
    Fuel burning fast on an empty tank,
    Wreckless and wild they pour thru the turns…

  27. guest says:

    I'd seriously cut a bitch if someone shot a water gun at me in a meeting

  28. Anal_yst says:

    @ Coveredlong
    We're just jealous we don't get paid to sit around "ideating" all day, soaking unsuspecting colleagues in vodka tonic (or whatever your cocktail of choice), shot out of awesome adult toys like

  29. guest says:

    @15 – piss off and die, please.

  30. guest says:

    Oh How Clever these marketing people are so FUN and silly !!!!!!!

  31. guest says:

    @22, amazing. Add to it a list of words/phrases that can't be said. like a giant game of Taboo.
    I'll start: reinvent the wheel, ideate, leverage [when not referring to debt or capital structure]
    Also, add bonus points for anyone who can get an OOO-style hooker analogy. In which case you can 'reinvent the wheel', if you know what I mean.

  32. Becky Boot Fan says:

    Now, dicks have drive and clarity of vision, but they are not clever. They smell pussy and they want a piece of the action. And you thought you smelled some good old pussy, and have brought your two little mincey faggot balls along for a good old time. But you've got your parties muddled up. There's no pussy here, just a dose that'll make you wish you were born a woman. Like a prick, you are having second thoughts. You are shrinking, and your two little balls are shrinking with you. And the fact that you've got "SUPER SOAKER" written down the side of your guns….and the fact that I've got DESERT EAGLE .50 written down the side of mine…should precipitate your balls into shrinking, along with your presence. Now…fuck off.

  33. guest says:

    Guy at the head of the table looks like he's about to cut a fart.

  34. merkin capital partn says:

    TEC-9 works best for negative comments.
    /dylan klebold.

  35. american bandersnatc says:

    Water guns! You have got to be freaking kidding me! No wonder the Chinese are ripping our balls off and using them as bearings in the washing machines they sell back to our laid off factory workers.

  36. guest says:

    He's going the distance.
    He's going for speed.
    She's all alone, all alone in her time of need.

  37. guest says:

    Can't wait to see the HR policy on the proper use of Super Soakers.

  38. guest says:

    @36 – Vinny Jones is the best.

  39. Effective Date says:

    @BBF/36 – awesome

  40. guest says:

    Hookers + blow.

  41. guest says:

    Pound your secretary in her ass while she takes notes on the meeting?

  42. guest says:

    41 I got a copy the minute management found out I had filled mine with jizz.
    Socially inept IT Guy.

  43. guest says:

    @45 small point but that sounds more like a training/demo than a meeting, no?

  44. guest says:

    @47 – I suppose. Maybe its better suited for phone conferences.

  45. Lowly Assistant says:

    38 – wow

  46. guest says:

    I would rather wet all the females with oil or personal lubricant to eliminate all traces during medical examination.

  47. guest says:

    "Maybe we should scale back a bit on investing in these synthetic CDOs, I mean, do we really understan… *gasp* HEY! *sputter* Fuck you guys, I'm going to change shirts."

  48. guest says:

    @51 v good

  49. MikeTyson says:

    Watersports are fun.
    – P. Jiang

  50. guest says:

    @51 too soon?

  51. guest says:

    Whoever has the best idea gets a Moustache Ride!!

  52. guest says:

    @analyst- no one asked for your ‘dose of reality’ contribution.

  53. guest says:

    @5, piss off!

  54. guest says:

    @5, piss off!

  55. WOW gold says:

    Good  I should certainly pronounce, impressed with your site. I had no trouble navigating through all the tabs and related information ended up being truly easy to do to access. I recently found what I hoped for before you know it in the least. Quite unusual. Is likely to appreciate it for those who add forums or something, website theme . a tones way for your customer to communicate. Nice task..