You guys, this is heartbreaking. As you know, the one thing that matters most to Lenny Dykstra in this world is flying private. After he did it the first time, he I loved it and swore he’d never go back to flying commercial. Nails’ finances being a little tight these days, he hasn’t been able to do much traveling, but he’s never let go of the idea of stretching his shit out thirty thousand feet above the ground, sans plebes and their rug rats rubbing up against him and asking “Hey Mister, didn’t anyone ever tell you to chew with your mouth closed?” That’s why after LD was forced to vacate his Thousand Oaks estate (where he left, among other things, dog feces on the floor), he started shacking up at airplane leasing company Avantair’s offices, where Dyks’ Player’s Club mag subleased space, ’cause he had no other place to go, it felt like home, and he could finger the catalogs.
Unfortunately, Avantair, apparently has a little problem with the fact that Nails hasn’t paid them any money since September 2008 and want him out of there, so they’re suing the guy. Obviously our little solider isn’t going to go down without a fight, which is why he told Avantair’s attorneys that “the sheriff” will have to “drag” him out, but this still stings, really bad. And it almost makes me think that the Avantair doesn’t remember or perhaps never knew what private flying means to LD, or how they could come to some sort of an agreement wherein he became in their spokesman and in exchange got to sleep on the floor. And so I would ask them to read this, and just, think about what they’re doing.
Private Jets Take Hassle Out of Flying
12/02/08 – 09:21 AM EST
Lenny Dykstra
I know that I don’t have to tell any baseball fans this, but I thoroughly enjoyed my time playing in the major leagues. In fact, I loved every second of it. Who wouldn’t?
But like many professional athletes, I had to adjust to life after the major leagues. You’ve read about how some athletes find this to be a horrible struggle, out of the limelight, not really sure of how to spend their days.
I was lucky in that I had businesses that I set up for myself, and after I trusted a broker who lost $1.6 million of my hard-earned money, I learned how to handle my own investments. I was fulfilled away from the field. But I will tell you that even with minding my businesses and my investments, I had a few shocks to adjust to.
One of them was taking a commercial flight.
I know that may sound a little snotty, but certainly you know how I feel. Does anyone enjoy flying commercial these days?
Flying on a regular airline is especially difficult and expensive if you have a family. The hassle of getting to the airport, checking your luggage, waiting to get through the security line, and then finally making it to your seat.
Even when I flew first class, this was no joy. After paying big bucks for first class, you still have to deal with every person who sits in the back of the plane hitting you on your shoulder and elbow with their luggage, purses and whatever else they may be carrying as they pass by.
After all this hassle, I just came to the realization that there had to be a better way to get to where I wanted to go. So I looked into taking a private jet.
Once I did it, I loved it and swear that I will never go back to flying a commercial tube. Now, before you get huffy and think: “Big time baseball player enjoying his private plane,” just take a breather. A private plane is expensive, but it may be worth your while. At least, it’s an option that you may want to consider.
I would have never known how wonderful it is to fly a private jet if I hadn’t tried it out. That’s what I want you to do.
If it’s for you, then wonderful. I’ve saved you some hassle, and you’ll find that you have more time to work on your business or relax. And if taking a private jet, is not your thing. Well, that’s OK.
But you never know. Maybe I’ll see you on a private jet sometime. (I’ll be the guy in the suit and baseball cap.)
Dykstra’s Bunker Play [NYP via BI]
One of the great ones.
lenny dykstra is going to end up homeless aka leon spinks
@2 um, he *is* homeless
pure poetry
why doesn't jim cramer take him in?
Serves you right – being sued – after you took my job, you bastard.
- Mookie Wilson
Now, before you get huffy and think: “Big time baseball player enjoying his private plane,” just take a breather.
Avantair, bushleague, talk to me when you get you g550, hell at least a cessna citation x
Whats Avatar crying about? Their movie has grossed billions who cares about a mill from this loser.
Lenny, leave a steaming mound of shit on one of those planes to let 'em know who they're dealing with.
@10 two steps ahead of you.
-LD
@8 what are you flying these days?
@10 Please don't encourage him. Let him keep what little dignity he has left.
@12
Chicken Coop airlines, come on, you think my former TARP-baby employer pays me enough to fly private these days? I'm just sayin, Avantair planes aren't even jets!
@13 he has dignity left? after the dog shit? really?
Lenny Dykstra
I know that I don't have to tell any baseball fans this, but I thoroughly enjoyed my time playing in the major leagues. In fact, I loved every second of it. Who wouldn't?
But like many professional athletes, I had to adjust to life after the major leagues. You've read about how some athletes find this to be a horrible struggle, out of the limelight, not really sure of how to spend their days.
I was lucky in that I had businesses that I set up for myself, and after I trusted a broker who lost $1.6 million of my hard-earned money, I learned how to handle my own investments. I was fulfilled away from the field. But I will tell you that even with minding my businesses and my investments, I had a few shocks to adjust to.
One of them was taking a shit in the toilet.
I know that may sound a little snotty, but certainly you know how I feel. Does anyone enjoy shitting where someone else may have sat?
Pissing in a regular toilet is especially difficult and expensive if you have a prostate problem. The hassle of getting to the bathroom, checking for toilet paper, waiting to pee, and then finally taking a dump.
Even when I used a first class American Standard toilet, this was no joy. After paying big bucks for a regal throne, you still have to deal with flushing, wiping up after yourself, and the inevitable handwashing.
After all this hassle, I just came to the realization that there had to be a better way to shit to where I wanted to shit. So I looked into crapping all over the house that I could no longer (and should never have) been able to afford.
Once I did it, I loved it and swear that I will never go back to using a toilet or urinal. Now, before you get huffy and think: "Big time baseball player enjoying his ability to leave a dump anywhere he pleases," just take a breather. Crapping on the floor is nasty, but it may be worth your while. At least, it's an option that you may want to consider.
I would have never known how wonderful it is to piss on the floor if I hadn't tried it out. That's what I want you to do.
If it's for you, then wonderful. I've saved you some hassle, and you'll find that you have more time to work on your business or relax. And if taking crap on the bank owned floor is not your thing, Well, that's OK.
But you never know. Maybe I'll see you in a gutter sometime, with one hand on my nuts and the other around a twizzler. (I'll be the guy in the suit and baseball cap.)
It had to be re-posted.
Not @13 but a major fan of his work
Good job on the pic Bess.
What is it about baseball that attracts thugs and cheaters?
~M. McGwire
Juiced, MO
What's the difference between Mark McGwire and Lenny Dykstra?
McGwire shoots in the arm. Dykstra shits in the chair.
anal_yst
did your employer ever pay for you to fly private? you are commenting that they cant afford to do so "these days" but i thought i recall you only being a couple-three years out of school yet you seem to insinuate that your emplyer previously shuttled you around in private jets…seems unlikely they would do so for young analysts. perhaps i'm mistaken in ways of wall street, but i know my multi-billion dollar buy-side shop certainly wouldn't even consider it for a senior analyst such as myself.
btw – no disrespect intended, you seem very bright and i find your commentary rather insightful, and perhaps my timeline is a few years off. i just find people on finance message boards posturing about what hitters they are (bottles, jets, watches, models etc.) to be a bit obnoxious.
@9 FTW
Hil, air, ee, us. love it love it love it.
he will soon have a reality show that will make "breaking bonaduce" look like Sesame Street.
Question:
Why does Lady Gaga remind me of a small, little jewish dude who went to Wharton (undegraduate)?
Why doesn't Cramer loan him 100 large and help the guy out?
Someone please help this guy out. We really can't afford to lose his business.
Charles "Chuck" Skoal
CATBOX!!
~Jeff M.
"But you never know. Maybe I’ll see you on a private jet sometime. (I’ll be the guy in the suit and baseball cap."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Xywqv1cDH8&featur...
Cuntmuscle
@20
My original comment was said in-jest. Avantair is near the bottom-end of the private aircraft market, so for a guy who brags about flying private, you'd expect he'd be a little further-up the chain, no?
Anal_yst, I am on to you.
Well played 16! One of the funniest things I have read in a long time.
- ATL Crossover
@30 it was copied and pasted from a post a couple weeks ago
anal_yst,
taken in that context yes your comment does make sense. like i said…my shop doesn't fly us private so honestly the only private/fractional-ownership company i know of is netjets. never heard of avantait and have no idea the relative level of luxury of each of the companies. my only experience flying private was as a kid flying back/forth occasionally to my neighbors place in traverse city and jackson hole on their jet…very convenient way to travel. thanks for the info though…hopefully if comes in handy some day.
Lenny Dykstra + the cast of Jersey Shore in a house for a summer for season 2. Who wouldn't watch that?
@10, 13 It's his calling card. All the great ones leave their mark.
Does he have to shit? My dog dragged his ass across my new carpet and left a giant skid mark – I got the message.
I have done very little in my life that proved worthwhile, but I was the one that brought this article to Bess's attention in the comments section of a Dykstra post. I think that may be the best thing I have ever done.
I worked for Dykstra in September, 2008 and he came to our New York offices, mind you just days before we got evicted for his non-payment of rent, and he crowed how he scored this great "barter" deal for free ad-space with Avantair – and how they were going to PAY him on lease back. Right then and there I knew there were people actually dumber than me who did "business" with him. A few days after we were evicted from 245 Park Ave., LKD calls me screaming that whoever leaked the fact that TPC lost its NY offices "was going to pay".
Well Lenny, the best revenge is living a good, happy, HONEST left. Today, I'm the one flying in a private plane – as a pilot.
Read all about it at: http://kevincoughlin.blogspot.com/2010/01/joy-of-...