Bobby Rubin’s D-in-L, Gretchen Rubin, recently wrote a book called “The Happiness Project,” to deal with her “midlife malaise and help others smile more often.” Haven’t read it, but it’s apparently a best-seller and girlfriend seems pretty chipper so presumably it works. One person she’s probably keeping very happy is her husband, Jamie, a senior partner at the private-equity firm BC Partners. Not only because she stinks (some people are into that) but because, in Gretch’s opinion, she’s a fantastic lay.
Archive for January 2010
9:07 Why does Mack look huge?
9:09 Blankfein: Goldman Sachs was started in 1869 by a guy named Marcus Goldman. Today, we may or may not employ a guy related by blood to Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino.
9:11 Blankfein: “size matters.” (Sheryl Weinstein nods gravely while watching from home.)
9:16 FYI, Goldman was profitable in 2008, which is more than I can say for some people. Also, we’ve been reducing risk since 2007, don’t know if you knew that.
9:20 First of nine hundred instances in which the panelists are told to press the button and speak into the mic (they’re apparently “distance sensitive”).
9:21 Jamie Dimon’s here for “brutal honesty.” And he doesn’t blame the regulators.
9:29 John Mack: these last two years have been wild. Let me walk you through it, starting with the night I told Geithner to go fuck himself.
9:35: Mack wants a systemic risk regulator to pry the crackpipe out of his colleagues’ hands.
9:38 Brian Moynihan is excited to be sitting at the big kid’s table. Ken Lewis is excited to be sleeping in, again.
9:40 Bonuses at BAC will be higher than last year, but nothing too crazy, like I hear they’ll be over at this guy’s shop [motions to LB]
9:43 The vast majority of Bank of America employees were not responsible for our fuck ups. In fact, only one comes to mind, who’s no longer with us.
Questions
9:45 Mr. Blankfein, tell us about two times that you screwed up, real bad, and why you’re sorry. And if you could actually say “I’m sorry” again, I think watching would love that. I want to hear you say it. And I want you to dance puppet, dance.
9:52 LLOYD IS GONNA CUT A BITCH!!
‘Tipper X’ Hangs Over Galleon (WSJ)
Tipper X = Thomas Hardin, formerly a trader at Lanexa Global Management, one of Julian Robertson’s Tiger Seeds. X was tipped off on July 2, 2007, to a Blackstone Group Inc. takeover of Hilton Hotels Corp., according to the SEC complaint. After receiving the tip, the SEC says, Tipper X then tipped Gautham Shankar, a trader involved in the alleged “Octopussy” ring, about the takeover. Tipper X “traded profitably” on the tip, according to the SEC complaint, while Mr. Shankar bought 25,000 shares of Hilton and made a profit of $156,000, the complaint says. Mr. Shankar pleaded guilty to insider-trading charges and is cooperating with the government’s investigation as well.
SEC Sues Bank Of America Again, on Merrill Losses (Reuters)
The suit claims “Bank of America kept shareholders in the dark” and should have disclosed “fundamental changes” in Merrill’s health. It is seeking a fine and other remedies.
Fed Paid Record $46.1 Billion to Treasury In 2009 (NYT)
“This is a silver lining in that big cloud of the Fed having to intervene massively and expand its balance sheet. The good news is, there’s a little extra money.”
SEC To Name Investigative Chiefs (WSJ)
Enforcement Director Robert Khuzami is expected to announce the moves at a news conference today, along with the release of guidelines meant to encourage individuals to cooperate to earn credit for substantially aiding cases, people familiar with the matter say.
Is China The Next Enron? (NYT)
Thomas Friedman’s open letter to Jim Chanos.
Wall St Must Pay “Mad Scientists” Well (Reuters)
Wall Street executives in line for big bonuses are akin to “mad scientists” whose brilliance justifies the size of their pay packages, the head of the U.S. Chamber of Commerce said on yesterday. “They are like mad scientists,” Thomas Donohue said at a news conference held to discuss the chamber’s legislative priorities. “They are all mathematicians, and they are very mobile. They can go to private equity and hedge funds.”
On the mat, in the locker-room, whatever. The point is, talks are being had, the gigs are being considered, the onesie is dry-cleaned and ready. For this moment.
John Thain, who was Merrill Lynch & Co.’s chief executive officer before being ousted a year ago, has held talks to become the head of CIT Group Inc., the commercial lender that emerged from bankruptcy last month, according to people familiar with the matter
The husb’s flagship, Harbinger Capital Partners Fund I Onshore, returned 46.55 percent for 2009, after ending ’08 down 29.3 percent.
Terri Dial, Chief Executive Officer of Consumer Banking in North America, and apparently not one of Vikram’s favorite gal-pals, is leaving for “personal reasons.” But that doesn’t mean you and Citi can’t SHINE ON! in her absence
From: Terri Dial
Date: January 12, 2010
Every journey faces twists and turns. My decision to move to a Senior Advisor role at Citi marks an important, unexpected shift in direction for me. As much as I have enjoyed my time leading North America Consumer Banking, I must now focus all my energies on my family. That is my top priority. Fortunately, I make this change with complete confidence in the direction of our consumer business for North America and the progress we’re making to put customers at the center of everything we do.
As you continue to journey forward, now under the direction of my talented colleague Manuel Medina-Mora, I ask you to always work to earn the right to serve our customers’ lifetime financial needs. We’ve ushered in a new era of simplicity, honesty and transparency in our consumer business. So remember to SHINE every day. Keep striving to get the fundamentals right for our customers and exceed their expectations.
Nothing’s been decided for sure yet, but in the event you thought this was going to be your year, RBS CEO Stephen Hester would like to suggest everyone dial down the enthusiasm (and perhaps consider joining the ass-ton of your ship-jumping colleagues over at CRT. There won’t be any hard feelings and you might even get paid, if cards are played right).
The subject of bonuses dominated Mr Hester’s one-and-a-half hour grilling before the cross-party group of MPs. He would not comment on the total bonus pool the bank will pay, which has been estimated at £1.5bn and will be decided next month.
Mr Hester added that RBS said the bank remains a “prisoner of the market” despite being 84pc-owned by the taxpayer.
“The banking industry has invited on itself scrutiny” over bonuses, describing his policy at RBS as paying “the minimum we can get away with in the market place”.
RBS chief Stephen Hester admits that his parents think he’s overpaid [Telegraph via Daily Intel]
Back in November, Goldman Sachs was successfully guilted into adopting a bunch of orphaned kitty cats. They were found on the site of bank’s new headquarters, and after being publicly shamed for not taking care of the furballs, Lloyd and Co really had no other choice but to take ‘em in themselves. So I don’t know if the Masters of the Universe now have some sort of reputation as animal lovers, or if, like everyone else, PETA has figured out that Goldman is up against a wall, and basically has to meet any demands made on them, otherwise risk looking really bad. Here’s the note PETA sent to Lloyd today, re: donating bonus money to “animals who lost their homes in foreclosure.” Consider using it as a form letter for whatever you’d like to try and get out of the LB (I like how it starts out light and congratulatory and quickly turns dark, by alluding to how bad it would hurt a member of Team Goldman to suddenly and mysteriously lose his/her beloved four-legged friend).
January 12, 2010
Lloyd C. Blankfein
CEO
Goldman Sachs
Dear Mr. Blankfein:
As the world’s largest animal rights organization, with more than 2 million members and supporters, PETA is happy to learn that Goldman Sachs might require its executives and top managers to donate a higher percentage of their salaries to charity as part of its public relations strategy. We are not asking for any of that largesse–just congratulating you and making a suggestion that I hope you will like.
I imagine that most of your top staff has a beloved dog or cat at home. Please remember for a moment that when people went through foreclosures, many dumped their animals at the nearest animal shelter or pound. Other animals were thrown out onto the street, and some were found, sometimes dead, in the house that had been vacated.
Interested in starting your (extremely) early morning with this lady? Think you can get (it) up by 4AM? ‘Cause CNBC would like to introduce you to Nicole Lapin, who will be anchoring the network’s “Worldwide Exchange,” a show you may never have heard of but airs from 4-6AM. Lapin is 25, a Northwestern graduate, a vegan, the daughter of a former Miss Israel, and single, according to the all-knowing Wikipedia. Thumbs up, thumbs down? Is this a programming change you think you could get behind? Here’s a video of Nicole interviewing a strung-out Jeremy Piven (possibly in the middle of his Mercury poisoning scare):
The boy toy CEO says enough is enough. Get a hobby, and get off his people’s asses. I think we can do this for him, right? Don’t be a jerk, Vikram.
“We do not have change-of-control agreements, special executive retirement plans, golden parachutes, special severance packages or merger bonuses,” Dimon told a JP Morgan healthcare conference, adding that many of company’s employees are in client-facing jobs and work hard with small and mid-size businesses.
“I am a little tired of the constant vilification of these people,” he said.
DealBook reports that Patricia Cohen, the ex-wife of Steve, has dropped her lawsuit against the big guy, after filing it less than a month ago. SAC spokesman Jonathan Gasthalter said in a statement: “As we have said from the outset, these decades old allegations by Mr. Cohen’s former spouse were patently false and entirely without merit. We are not surprised that, when faced with our motion for sanctions, they withdrew the complaint.” Also, Zambonis never lose.
Notice of Voluntary Dismissal [PDF]
UPDATE: Uh, so Patricia has this to say: “I did not authorize Paul to withdraw the case. My attorney, Gaytri Kachroo, will take the necessary actions in response to this.” So we’re back on!
