Back in November, Goldman Sachs was successfully guilted into adopting a bunch of orphaned kitty cats. They were found on the site of bank’s new headquarters, and after being publicly shamed for not taking care of the furballs, Lloyd and Co really had no other choice but to take ‘em in themselves. So I don’t know if the Masters of the Universe now have some sort of reputation as animal lovers, or if, like everyone else, PETA has figured out that Goldman is up against a wall, and basically has to meet any demands made on them, otherwise risk looking really bad. Here’s the note PETA sent to Lloyd today, re: donating bonus money to “animals who lost their homes in foreclosure.” Consider using it as a form letter for whatever you’d like to try and get out of the LB (I like how it starts out light and congratulatory and quickly turns dark, by alluding to how bad it would hurt a member of Team Goldman to suddenly and mysteriously lose his/her beloved four-legged friend).
January 12, 2010
Lloyd C. Blankfein
CEO
Goldman Sachs
Dear Mr. Blankfein:
As the world’s largest animal rights organization, with more than 2 million members and supporters, PETA is happy to learn that Goldman Sachs might require its executives and top managers to donate a higher percentage of their salaries to charity as part of its public relations strategy. We are not asking for any of that largesse–just congratulating you and making a suggestion that I hope you will like.
I imagine that most of your top staff has a beloved dog or cat at home. Please remember for a moment that when people went through foreclosures, many dumped their animals at the nearest animal shelter or pound. Other animals were thrown out onto the street, and some were found, sometimes dead, in the house that had been vacated.
Most animal shelters operate on a shoestring budget and do all that they can to pick up, house, and care for dozens of homeless animals every day. Fewer than half the animals who make it into an animal shelter make it out again because shelters have such a small operating budget.
Goldman Sachs staff donations would mean the world to struggling animal shelter programs. The money could help pay for advertising campaigns for adoptions and spay/neuter clinics, which stop more homeless animals from being brought into the world, as well as food and veterinary care for needy animals.
Please consider sharing with those who have lost not only their homes but also the families they love because of the foreclosure crisis. I would be happy to talk with you about this further. Thank you for your consideration.
Very truly yours,
Ingrid E. Newkirk
President
LB's allergic to pussies.
dat puppy dog makes me melt.
-cg
P E T A
People
for
Eating
Tasty
Animals
"Other animals were thrown out onto the street, and some were found, sometimes dead, in the house that had been vacated."
The PETA folks are also concerned about the well-being of the former Lehman traders and bankers.
Dats a cute puppy. I shall name her Da' Snooki.
cg
I honestly couldn't hate anyone more than I hate those fucking peta people. And I'm an animal lover.
Goldman Sachs hates puppies.
Where the fuck was PETA when 745 foreclosed?
-Friend de la Bella
@8 SO FUCKING TRUE. we were the only ones who cared about that bitch.
"Lloyd Blankfein – Animal Lover and Friend to All!"
I love puppies ….
I would skull fuck a kitten just to get my UUP call spread to come in.
-money grubbing shitbag who delights in honest exchanges.
Translation: donate $20 of your bonus to PETA so people won't think we're scum.
Ingrid E. Newkirk = Gloria Ironbox
I know a korean butcher that would gladly put those puppies to good use.
Goldman Sachs: We make it rain for puppies.
In related news, puppies will become the best paid employees of Goldman, and the government will subject them to an 80% one-time bonus tax.
@13:
Fuck them.
There are many legitimate charitable organizations like the ASPCA that have no political agenda like these PETA freaks. Its a joke that PETA is a tax-exempt organization.
Is anyone else disturbed by those ASPCA commercials which inform you that a dog or cat can be saved for the same price as a starving child in a third world country?
@18 I'd rather save the puppies/kittens. At least they don't shove explosives in their underwear 20 years later and try to get on planes…
@17…AGREED!!
~Rev. J. Falwell
@19…agreed.
WASP secure.
@18/SpAS TiVo
@19 Agreed. FTW
PETA has about a good a chance of getting in GS as a blind midget has playing center for the Knicks
Ingrid E. Newkirk
Rewired Kinking
Weirder Kinking
Kinked Rewiring
Ed Rewiring Kink
Ed Kinkier Wring
Ed Winker Irking
Ed Wrier Kinking
Reigned Kirk Win
Reigned Wink Irk
Weeding Rink Irk
Edgier Rink Wink
Gender Kiwi Rink
Reined Wing Kirk
Denier Wing Kirk
Nerdier Wig Kink
Widener King Irk
Widener Gin Kirk
Widener Rig Kink
Eider Wring Kink
Rewired King Ink
Rewired King Kin
Rewired Gin Kink
Weirder King Ink
Weirder King Kin
Weirder Gin Kink
Dewier King Rink
Dewier Grin Kink
Dewier Ring Kink
Eked Wiring Rink
Kneed Wiring Irk
Need Wiring Kirk
Render King Kiwi
Deer Winking Irk
Anyone actually been to a PETA meeting/rally? I imagine if one can muster the self-control to pretend to give a sh*t for an hour or two it'd be like shooting fish in a barrel with a howitzer, no?
"…making a suggestion that I hope you will like."
This was the last thing I remember that escort whispering to me on NYE. The next thing you know, I'm face down in my own blood & feces, my arms are fastened to my sides by saran wrap, and there is a yellow umbrella protruding from my rectum.
We will only be using our charity funds to rescue Golden (Scrot) Retrievers.
-LB
January 12, 2010
Lloyd C. Blankfein
CEO
Goldman Sachs
Dear Mr. Blankfein:
As the world’s largest boy-love rights organization, with more than 2 thousand members and supporters, NAMBLA is happy to learn that Goldman Sachs might require its executives and top managers to donate a higher percentage of their salaries to charity as part of its public relations strategy. We are not asking for any of that largesse—just congratulating you and making a suggestion that I hope you will like.
I imagine that most of your top staff has a beloved young boy at home. Please remember for a moment that when people went through foreclosures, many dumped their boy at the nearest foster home or grandparents house. Other boys were thrown out onto the street, and some were found, sometimes dead, in the house that had been vacated.
Most foster homes operate on a shoestring budget and do all that they can to pick up, house, and care for dozens of abandoned boys every day. Fewer than half the boys who make it into an foster home make it out again because these homes have such a small operating budget.
Goldman Sachs staff donations would mean the world to struggling man-boy love programs. The money could help pay off the police and buy more xBoxes, which would entice more boys to fall in love with men and thus stop more children from being brought into the world, as well as pay for snack food and therapeutic massages for wary and uncertain boys.
Please consider sharing with those who have lost not only their homes but also the boys they love because of the foreclosure crisis. I would be happy to talk with you about this further. Thank you for your consideration.
Very truly yours,
Ivan Tu Tuchue
President
NAMBLA
@12: Very disturbing. You need a life.
@30, he may not have much of a life but 12 has his priorities in order. just sayin'.
@29 nice
SHAME ON YOU BESS LEVIN (AND OTHERS WHO ARE BEHAVING THE SAME WAY) TO BE MOCKING AT A REQUEST WHICH SERVES THE NEEDS OF POOR INNOCENT CREATURES OF GOD. DOGS & CATS ARE PROBABLY THE ONLY ONE'S THAT LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY AND LIVE JUST TO GIVE & GET LOVE. SO MANY OF THEM DIE EVERYDAY WITHOUT ANYONE TAKING NOTICE. MY COUSIN WITH GREAT QUALIFICATIONS WORKED FOR PETA AT JUST $45K AN YEAR – JUST BECAUSE OF HER LOVE FOR ANIMALS. ASK IF ANY GREEDY WALL ST PERSON WOULD BE WILLING TO DO IT EVEN FOR TWICE THE AMOUNT? RIDICULOUS POST WITH ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS COMMENTS THAT ARE BEING POSTED.
PEOPLE – RESPECT & LOVE THOSE CANT SPEAK FOR THEMSELVES. SHOW SOME KINDNESS AND LOVE.
SHAME ON YOU BESS LEVIN (AND OTHERS WHO ARE BEHAVING THE SAME WAY) TO BE MOCKING AT A REQUEST WHICH SERVES THE NEEDS OF POOR INNOCENT CREATURES OF GOD. DOGS & CATS ARE PROBABLY THE ONLY ONE'S THAT LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY AND LIVE JUST TO GIVE & GET LOVE. SO MANY OF THEM DIE EVERYDAY WITHOUT ANYONE TAKING NOTICE. MY COUSIN WITH GREAT QUALIFICATIONS WORKED FOR PETA AT JUST $45K AN YEAR – JUST BECAUSE OF HER LOVE FOR ANIMALS. ASK IF ANY GREEDY WALL ST PERSON WOULD BE WILLING TO DO IT EVEN FOR TWICE THE AMOUNT? RIDICULOUS POST WITH ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS COMMENTS THAT ARE BEING POSTED.
PEOPLE – RESPECT & LOVE THOSE WHO CANT SPEAK FOR THEMSELVES. SHOW SOME KINDNESS AND LOVE.
33/4 sounds like a total sex robot.
SHAME ON YOU BESS LEVIN (AND OTHERS WHO ARE BEHAVING THE SAME WAY) TO BE MOCKING AT A REQUEST WHICH SERVES THE NEEDS OF POOR INNOCENT CREATURES OF GOD. DOGS & CATS ARE PROBABLY THE ONLY ONE'S THAT LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY AND LIVE JUST TO GIVE & GET LOVE. SO MANY OF THEM DIE EVERYDAY WITHOUT ANYONE TAKING NOTICE. MY COUSIN WITH GREAT QUALIFICATIONS WORKED FOR PETA AT JUST $45K AN YEAR – JUST BECAUSE OF HER LOVE FOR ANIMALS. ASK IF ANY GREEDY WALL ST PERSON WOULD BE WILLING TO DO IT EVEN FOR TWICE THE AMOUNT? RIDICULOUS POST WITH ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS COMMENTS THAT ARE BEING POSTED.
PEOPLE – RESPECT & LOVE THOSE WHO CANT SPEAK FOR THEMSELVES. SHOW SOME KINDNESS AND LOVE.
33/34/36 = Tax Chick
@36 to be frank, you sound like someone whose frustrated that skittles wont poop in the toilet and you're taking it out on a random blog.
peta is one of those organizations that makes african babies cry. they even make me cry. now im angry, and crying. fuck you peta and fuck you all caps.
Dear Ms. Newkirk:
Congratulations on heading up the world's most self-righteous organization that engages in petty vandalism, small-scale ecoterrorism, and gratuitous tree-hugging while sounding incredibly high and mighty about it. Perhaps before you raise a stink about homeless animals and unadopted kittens, you'd do well to remember how many PEOPLE would benefit (read: saved from starving to death) with the money you spend on encouraging raging lunatics from waiving banners on street corners and sending sarcastic letters to people you've never met. I understand that it is highly unethical to worry about the infant mortality rates in Africa when one can worry instead about homeless pets at home. Unlike you, GS actually sponsors an initiative that helps poor women in Africa learn small business management skills and helps them establish small businesses that will help these women feed their families. Of course, this is not nearly as noble as throwing paint on fur, but this would be a good example for you to follow nonetheless. I am willing to bet that you had no idea about this, or about the fact that GS saved more acres of rainforest in Latin America than your little brain can conceptualize. Perhaps GS should be sending you condescending letters on how to spend your money, not the other way around. Isn't it sad that your work is so pathetic that even an asshole of an unapologetic investment bank does more to benefit the humanity than you do? In these days of real economic hardship, caring about kittens should and must be any decent human beings priority number last.
I understand that it is de rigeur to throw stones at GS, and you don't want to feel left behind, but perhaps they should also be tasked with building a small botanical garden to preserve all the species of plants that grew on the construction site?
@36–did you accidentally glue your thumb to the keyboard?
I just wanted to add–Lloyd, I cannot believe you allowed yourself to be guilted into pretending to care about homeless kittens. You are better than that. Please fire your moronic PR team ASAP and hire a better one.
PETA is one of the most disgusting groups of assholes in the country. i would sooner eat my own cat then give those self-righteous, uneducated, no job having losers. One fucking dollar. If they wan to help animals start by disbanding your group so we can feel good about helping animals when we can.
Peta hire lunatics and outcasts and offers them a cult to belong to so they have an identity. They then break laws, threaten lives and ruin and make baseless accusations on people who dont deserve them.
FUCK YOU PETA. YOU SUCK.
@33/34/36 — Sarah Mclachlan reads DB?
PETA is a self serving group of social misfits who could careless about animals. They care about having something to belong to. Like a group of people who never had friends in school. Why dont you un-showered, nappy haired, greasy scumbags, take the earring out of your cheek and GO GET A FUCKING JOB!!!
PETA SUCKS SHIT. FUR IS FUN.
@36 You are a whiny douche with no life and frankly you make me want to eat a baby seal burger this weekend when i go bald eagle hunting riding my cat wearing my doberman hat.
Get fucked bitch. Go whine to people who give a shit. Maybe Obama can create a tax for it.
@36 has a negro dialect
@36- I just killed a cat because I was bored.
Just FYI.
I do feel a little better but I'll definitely kill another cat again soon.
@37 – woah! Hold your fucking horses. I've been known to make a ridculous post or two… usually after drinking and when Cluzo is sexting me hard. But 1) I do not yell in my postings and 2) I typically do not sound like a crazed 13 year old. Give me some credit… and find some new material, cretin!
@tax – cereal 2-part question:
a)is sexting just sending naughty texts or sending naughty pics.
b)if it's the latter, how do i get girls to do that?
@36 given what you say about these animals it sounds like they qualify for healthcare coverage under the new Senate bill. I am sure if you call Chuck Shumer he could figure out a way to get the cats a dogs into the bill. Like page 2634 or something.
-Guy who loves elephant burgers, whale skin shoes and white tiger sheets
@HAM
1) Sexting is both pics and naughty text, not that I am claiming Cluzo has sent me pics… But I suspect he would if I would. Anal_yst certainly has tried hard to get me to send him pics (as has guest, but I don't trust him).
2) While not an expert on getting girls to do things, I have to say I engage in sexting with guys when they are funny, witty, and don't sound like scumbags. I know what the guy looks like and he knows likewise. Cluzo is the exception in that I am flying blind (and so is he). You might want to check with Cluzo (and I suspect Anal_yst) on what works for them.
thanks for the info; im just gonna text bomb pics of my wang and see what happens *fingers crossed*!!
@39…love your letter! SO true.
F**k PETA. They're little bleeding heart liberals. Minks are just rats with nice fur. I have three!
36=racist.
@HAM
That approach may work but I suspect that unless you have a magnificent
wang you will either A) attract freaks and their unidentifiable
body parts and/ or B) find yourself at the wrong end of a sexual harassment suit.
So good luck with that!
TGFD = Jon Shazar? Comments?
Most Humane Society shelters are no-kill, none of PETA's are. You'd be better off giving your pooch to Vick…or DK
@43 "a self serving group of social misfits" That pretty much describes everyone in finance, doesn't it?