goldmaninterview.JPGEarlier this week, thespian-cum-market moving BSD Shia LaBeouf offered a little piece of wisdom re: getting yourself hired at Goldman Sachs. Sayeth ShiLa: “I talked to a lot of Goldman Sachs people, and one of the requirements of getting a job takes place in the first five minutes of an interview. They take you out to eat. The minute the menu hits the table, if you can’t order within 30 seconds, you don’t have the job.” Obviously, this is incredibly helpful information, as there were probably a decent number of you out there who thought you could just take your sweet-ass time making a decision. To that end, we’ve decided to introduce a new feature wherein, whenever it falls into our laps, we’ll offer you a piece of firsthand advice on how to not just get your toe in the door of Lloyd’s Kingdom, but how to get your ass in a permanent seat there, too. As many of you are probably aware, most Goldman applicants are interviewed at least 20 times before they are made an offer and some more than 30. Today we’ve got a bit more color on what you can expect in meeting number 15, via a camera we stashed in a potted plant of a conference room at 85 Broad. In this clip, the candidate is auditioning (that’s what they calls it at GS) for the role of GSAM co-head. Let’s take a look.


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Comments (73)

  1. Posted by guest | January 29, 2010 at 11:57 AM

    awesome

  2. Posted by guest | January 29, 2010 at 11:59 AM

    pretty sure this is SAC, not GS.

  3. Posted by guest | January 29, 2010 at 12:03 PM

    When they called me back for my 17th sit down, the recruiter and a Managing Director (I guess) sat across from me and said nothing. They were staring at me, blinking from time to time like they were waiting for me to start the interview. So I sat and stared back at them. I conjured up a blank expression, mildly bored in a way, and just stared back at them. That went on for about 5 minutes. Then suddenly they looked at each other and nodded knowingly. "Can you come back on the 28th for another talk?'
    "No problem." I replied.

  4. Posted by guest | January 29, 2010 at 12:07 PM

    I can confirm that this is typical but it can be anywhere from the 13th to the 18th interview, not necessarily the 15th, to keep you guessing.
    Also Bess, where's the tag, "cums all over your back"? What if i'm trying to find similar articles and that tag is missing?

  5. Posted by guest | January 29, 2010 at 12:08 PM

    I was hired at GS after 3 interviews. However I was also "offered advanced analyst program graduation" (i.e. fired)after 9 months.

  6. Posted by Bess Levin | January 29, 2010 at 12:12 PM

    @4 It's in there. you know I wouldn't forget that.

  7. Posted by guest | January 29, 2010 at 12:18 PM

    I'm crying laughing. thanks bess.

  8. Posted by guest | January 29, 2010 at 12:18 PM

    I showed up on time for my 34th "interview" and was shown to a large paneled room in which there was a director's table with about 40 chairs around it. At the far end sat my inquisitors. As I apprached their end of the long table I noticed that in front of the three of them was one of those devices that had six marble sized, chrome ball bearings hanging from fishing line all nestled together. If you pulled one of the chrome balls at the end and let it go it would hit the next of the 5 balls and the energy travels through the balls and makes the ball at the end swing out and away. That ball would then swing back and reverse the energy and so on and so on.
    I sat down and they just looked at me and didn't say anything. I looked at the swinging ball device and said to no one in particular, "That doesn't belong here."
    One guy pipes up (later they told me it was a quant) "How come?" in a snitty way.
    I looked him dead in the eye and said coldly, "The balls aren't gold."
    The huddled together excitedly and said, "Can you come back for a chat tomorrow?"
    "No problem," I replied.

  9. Posted by guest | January 29, 2010 at 12:26 PM

    @8 not as funny as the clip.

  10. Posted by guest | January 29, 2010 at 12:28 PM

    @3 and @8, bravo. enjoying your work.

  11. Posted by guest | January 29, 2010 at 12:34 PM

    During my 29th interview, one of the senior partners asked this of me:
    "A prominent client of the firm is interested in having us raise capital for an additional new business venture of his. Interestingly, the client wants us to pick a name for that business. Knowing what you know about us and the way we do business, what "short and to the point" name would you suggest to him without your knowing the type of business he would be starting?"
    They waited. Knowing I had less than 30 seconds to provide an answer I easily picked the name:
    "The Aristocrats," I said.
    Broad smiles and wide eyes met my answer. "Can you come back tomorrow for another chat?" they asked.
    "No problem," I replied.

  12. Posted by guest | January 29, 2010 at 12:41 PM

    Bess, can I be your researcher and help find these kinda clips for you … this is major awesome …

  13. Posted by guest | January 29, 2010 at 12:46 PM

    @3,8,9. I like where this is going, keep em coming..

  14. Posted by guest | January 29, 2010 at 12:48 PM

    That actually happened to buddy of mine and it turns out the hawk had herpes… not funny Bess!

  15. Posted by CoveredLong | January 29, 2010 at 12:49 PM

    @3/8/11 – …very interested to know what your experience during the 21st interview was…care to share?

  16. Posted by Bess Levin | January 29, 2010 at 12:52 PM

    @12 Yes!

  17. Posted by guest | January 29, 2010 at 12:52 PM

    Here's a tip: make sure you get their business cards.
    The panties practically fall off by themselves.

  18. Posted by Lowly Assistant | January 29, 2010 at 12:53 PM

    3, 8, 11 was amazing. Well done. Especially the newtonian collision balls.

  19. Posted by guest | January 29, 2010 at 12:53 PM

    During my 11th interview, the head of risk management tested my disaster response skills. She said, "In this question we put you into a scenario where you have to think fast on your feet. Here is the situation: You are a farmer sitting on a fence post a few feet away from a dirt road. You have some ducks and chickens and pigs and cattle nearby. You are sitting on the fence looking at water that is covering part of the road. A traveling salesman drives to the edge of the body of water and gets out and asks you if it is OK to drive through the very large puddle since he can't see the bottom. Your response is that the salesman should drive very fast and go through the puddle so as not to get stuck and the salesman would be just fine. The salesman backs up, guns the motor and races toward the puddle, splashes into it and sinks out of site! He swims to the surface and angrily asks you why you let him drive into a deep, water filled hole.
    "How would you handle the disaster in that light?", she asked
    My interviewer, the risk manager and a bald fellow who was said to be a "head honcho" stared at me and waited for my answer. Knowing I only had 30 seconds, I quickly gave them what they wanted to hear:
    "I'd grab a duck and walk to the man and apologize profusely. I would say that the basis of my perception of the depth of the hole was based on my duck."
    They stared at me wide-eyed.
    Continuing I said, "I would point to the duck's breast and say, 'Mister I'm sure sorry. I didn't think the hole was that deep because (pointing to the duck's breast) the water only came up to here on the duck!!!"
    They clapped their hands in unison and one said, "Can you come back tomorrow for another chat?"
    "No problem", I replied.

  20. Posted by Lowly Assistant | January 29, 2010 at 1:02 PM

    Yes! More!

  21. Posted by guest | January 29, 2010 at 1:02 PM

    @19 That was good!

  22. Posted by guest | January 29, 2010 at 1:02 PM

    So on the first interview, he took me to a restaurant, and when the menu came, he asked "what would you like to eat?"
    And very quickly I responded, "your ass."
    Boom. Done.

  23. Posted by guest | January 29, 2010 at 1:03 PM

    No word of a lie. I had 26 interviews before getting hired. The first 4 were the "real interviews". The rest are a bunch of quasi-phychiartrists who check out certain things. One was the "high school guy". Wanted to know everything about my high school career. When I tried to get into the college story he'd say "No, no, just tell me about high school". I was an IT manager with 20+ years experience so it was confusing.
    Weird place. I got my butt out of there in a year!

  24. Posted by Tax Chick | January 29, 2010 at 1:03 PM

    This seems appropriate here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b56eAUCTLok
    But admittedly not as good as the ass pounding hawks.

  25. Posted by guest | January 29, 2010 at 1:08 PM

    @3,8,11,19–this is everything dealbreaker is about right here.

  26. Posted by guest | January 29, 2010 at 1:16 PM

    why is everyone blowing their wad over dumb answers to dumb questions?

  27. Posted by guest | January 29, 2010 at 1:16 PM

    @ 3,8,11,19 did they hire you?

  28. Posted by Lowly Assistant | January 29, 2010 at 1:18 PM

    25 has the ticket. Quality commenting, boys and gals.
    3,8,11,19 – Outstanding.

  29. Posted by guest | January 29, 2010 at 1:21 PM

    @28 tee'd up by BL.

  30. Posted by Tax Chick | January 29, 2010 at 1:22 PM

    I guess someone didn't like their bonus numbers, or lack thereof.

  31. Posted by guest | January 29, 2010 at 1:27 PM

    My 34th interview was with a senior commodity trader and a psychiatrist hired by the firm. The commodity trader said, "We want to put you into a high stress "competition" situation via the following simulation: You share a trading area with two other aggressive traders. You and they each have a dog. The firm is having a "Bring Your Dog to Work Day".
    During a lull in trading, the first trader, a former engineer, throws a large number of dog biscuits on the carpeted floor. He states he has the smartest dog in the trading room. He says, "Watch this…" He calls his dog, a golden retriever and says, "Keystone! Get the biscuits!" Keystone noses the biscuits around on the floor until it they resemble the Golden Gate bridge.
    The second trader, a former CPA, says he has the smartest dog. He shouts to his beagle, "Ebitda!! Get those biscuits." Ebitda noses the biscuits into the shape of an Excel spread sheet. The trade room is impressed.
    The commodity trader looked at me and said, "Now….tell us about your dog. Can he beat the others?"
    Knowing I had 30 seconds to give the best answer possible, I gave them what they wanted to hear:
    "My dog is a pit bull. His name is "Bottle Service". I would call him over and he would eat all the biscuits,
    fuck the other two dogs and immediately leave for Gstaad in a G-9. Any other questions?"
    They looked at each other and huddled for a bit. The trader and psychiatrist were quite happy looking. "Can you come back tomorrow for another chat?" they asked excitedly.
    "No problem," I replied.

  32. Posted by Lowly Assistant | January 29, 2010 at 1:38 PM

    All right. 5 in a row. All were stellar.
    This has to be A. Chat

  33. Posted by guest | January 29, 2010 at 1:41 PM

    @31. cheers

  34. Posted by guest | January 29, 2010 at 2:04 PM

    It was quite dark out the day of my 17th interview at 85 Broad. As I entered the building and was escorted through a maze of long, winding corridors, I noticed a smallish man is suspenders mumbling to himself and I made out the words, “Hessian” and “Mercenary” before he disappeared. Upon arriving in the interview room, I sat and waited for a matter of moments before the lumbering arb entered the room and began with a riddle.
    “What is made of wood, but doesn’t float? Is alive, but doesn’t breath? Is new, but has been with us always?”
    Knowing I had 30 seconds to give the best answer possible, I gave him what they wanted to hear:
    “Haym Solomon”, said I.
    With a look of intrigue in his eye, he said: "Can you come back tomorrow for another chat?"
    "No problem," I replied.

  35. Posted by guest | January 29, 2010 at 2:07 PM

    Anybody else here actually interview at Goldman?
    Just like any other ibank interviews minus any personality (good or bad)

  36. Posted by guest | January 29, 2010 at 2:18 PM

    My 45th interview was with HR to test my allegiance to the firm's culture.
    The HR person said, "You are on your way to work, immaculately dressed, leaving a trail of 100s behind as you walk. You see a rowdy crowd carrying placards with 'Death to Goldman', 'Bankers go to Hell' and 'Leeches' written on them".
    "What do you do protect your firm's reputation as scummy cocksuckers in the face of adversity?"
    Without hesitation, I looked her straight in the eye and said, "Find the nearest homeless guy, get down on all fours and suck his d*ck."
    She was barely able to mask her excitement and said, "Can you come back tomorrow for another chat?"
    "No problem," I replied.

  37. Posted by Investorcluzo | January 29, 2010 at 2:55 PM

    On my penultimate interview(1) in a conference room on the 22nd floor. I met with the head of the group, his COO and a token guy from HR(2). Per usual, they had me waiting for 15 minutes (actually 30, as I showed up early showing my diligence). Rather than display my disdain for their tardiness at 7:30 in the morning, I smiled coolly and thanked them for taking time to meet with me.
    After exchanging pleasantries, we all took seats around the rectangular table. The three of them on one side of the table stared at me in the windowless room. I didn’t blink despite the fact that they had turned the heat up in the room in hopes that I might sweat.
    The COO was the first speak: “Mr. Cluzo, do you know why you have been brought here today?”
    Without hesitation or the slightest bit of arrogance, I said: "Yes."
    The HR guy smiled with the giddiness of a schoolgirl on prom night. I knew I was close.
    Not missing a beat, the group head asked: “if a woodchuck could chuck wood, how much wood would a woodchuck chuck?”
    With steely eyes and without a hint of fear, I said to him: “it depends, some beavers need a little more wood than others, just ask your wife.”
    The three turned to each other, smiled then gave a group high-five. Then the HR guy turns to me and says: “thanks Mr. Cluzo, would you please come back tomorrow for another chat?”
    "Certainly."
    (1) penultimate, you know what happens next.
    (2) how many straight dudes do you know in HR?

  38. Posted by trojan | January 29, 2010 at 3:34 PM

    solid posts today…
    i'm guessing straight out of the LSO book?

  39. Posted by guest | January 29, 2010 at 4:18 PM

    @trojan- uh, these sound nothing like the LSO book, which blew hardcore.

  40. Posted by guest | January 29, 2010 at 4:20 PM

    @trojan- sorry, these posts/BL sound nothing like LSO's stuff. you keep on keeping on, though.

  41. Posted by guest | January 29, 2010 at 4:42 PM

    I went through full-time IB analyst recruiting this past fall, and basically this was the process, for me –
    On-campus interview
    Interview in NYC at 85B (6 interviews)
    Phone call: you have been waitlisted…
    …next week…
    Interview, AGAIN, in NYC at 85B/WFC (~12 interviews in various groups)
    Phone interviews in the next two weeks ~10-15 different interviews
    End result – offer in two different IBD analyst positions (choose one!)
    Decision: Thanks but..

  42. Posted by guest | January 29, 2010 at 8:42 PM

    I went through full-time IB analyst recruiting this past fall, and basically this was the process, for me -
    On-campus interview
    Interview in NYC at 85B (6 interviews)
    Phone call: you have been waitlisted…
    …next week…
    Interview, AGAIN, in NYC at 85B/WFC (~12 interviews in various groups)
    Phone interviews in the next two weeks ~10-15 different interviews
    End result – offer in two different IBD analyst positions (choose one!)
    Decision: Thanks but..

  43. Posted by guest | January 29, 2010 at 4:50 PM

    @41/42,
    This should help you get up to speed with the tone of this thread:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zP0sqRMzkwo

  44. Posted by guest | January 29, 2010 at 6:13 PM

    Bess,
    Until this post I wanted you for myself only but know I'm ready to let you go. You and @3,8,11,19,31,34,36 should have children together. Can you imagine what those little bloggers would be capable of?
    Cluzo=weak!!!

  45. Posted by trojan | January 29, 2010 at 7:22 PM

    @39
    probably why i never read it

  46. Posted by guest | January 29, 2010 at 7:32 PM

    They are all very funny but Cluzo's made me laugh out loud. Then I had to explain why I was laughing to my wife while she was watching "Dirty Jobs".

  47. Posted by guest | January 29, 2010 at 7:56 PM

    As part of my 49th interview, I was to participate in a "group" discussion. Several of the firm's "leaders" were present and watching. A female candidate was asked to tell everyone what her father did. She replied that he was a policeman in a small New Jersey town and that he would be retiring in about 5 years. She mentioned some awards he had earned. None of the firm's people seemed impressed in any way but they were generally polite about it.
    They turned to the guy next to me, a Wharton grad it turns out, and he said that his father was a physician with a small practice in El Reno, Oklahoma. Some discussion about why the candidate didn't follow his father into medicine ensued but in a genial sort of way.
    Then it was my turn. "What does your father do?" I was asked.
    In the best non-threatening, matter-of-fact way I could muster to do it, I looked at all the firm's people and said, "My father is dead."
    That seemed to catch the quant among the group of managers off guard. He started to exhibit a unique facial tic.
    The "masters of the universe" recovered quickly. A second question was presented to me.
    "We are sorry. Please tell us what your father did before he died…" I was asked.
    I stared at them in the manner they stared at me. Knowing I had 30 seconds to give an appropriate answer, I gave them the most direct answer I could:
    "Before he died," I dead panned, "Well…..before he died my father turned blue and shit on the rug…"
    "You're hired", they said in unison.

  48. Posted by Lowly Assistant | January 29, 2010 at 9:01 PM

    41/42,
    43's correct, but congratulations nonetheless. I think your "Decision" point is invalid. Better take that job, son. Great shop.
    P.S. It's 200 West, not WFC. Show some decorum (and pride).

  49. Posted by guest | January 30, 2010 at 10:18 AM

    Bess,
    Even though I want you for myself only I'm ready to let you go. You and @3,8,11,19,31,34,36 should have children together. Can you imagine what those little bloggers would be capable of?
    Cluzo=weak!!!

  50. Posted by Cincinnatus | January 30, 2010 at 11:08 AM

    good job today guys…I lol'd at some of those

  51. Posted by guest | January 30, 2010 at 11:22 AM

    what is this LSO book??

  52. Posted by guest | January 30, 2010 at 3:45 PM

    @47 that was a thing of beauty………..

  53. Posted by Investorcluzo | January 30, 2010 at 5:08 PM

    @44/49 – double post, fail.
    @46 – I am here to serve, glad you liked it.

  54. Posted by guest | January 30, 2010 at 10:38 PM

    On my seventh Goldman interview, the hr woman presented me with a gorgeous blond and a wad of 100's – easily 5Gs. She gestured to both of them and said pick one….so I grabbed the cash, yelled out "Arbitrage beatch!", gave the blond a G, and walked out with her. The HR women smiled and said "can we set up another interview"?

  55. Posted by guest | January 31, 2010 at 3:27 PM

    9th interview, GS at a prop trading group.
    I am waiting, when this HR assistant leads me into this large windowless room. She leaves and closes the door. The room is empty except for an over sized Moose-Head high on the center of the left wall. A voice emits from the Moose's mouth "do you know why you are here?"
    Me, half not believing whats going on, nods my head, and says "absolutely."
    The moose says; "very well. your in the woods and the only thing you have is a duct tape and a screwdriver, and your approached by and threatened by a wild animal, you can pick which one, what do you do ?
    Me, knowing that I have only 30 seconds to respond, "well, if its a bear, I'd play dead until it got close and then i'd blind it with the screwdriver. if its a bull, i'd run with it around a tree and then tape its horns to the trunk; and if it was a talking Moose, I'd tell it to go fuck itself cuz it has no business in the woods with me"
    At first there was silence, and I stood there. Suddenly, the moose responded "Can you come back tomorrow?"

  56. Posted by guest | January 31, 2010 at 4:33 PM

    I arrived for my 33rd interview at the appointd time and was shown into a "private room" where hundreds of expensive paintings and works of art hung on the walls.
    Apsychiatrist and a top prop trader met me and we started to wander through the room together while they educated me on the art and artists.
    "If you don't mind", the prop trader began, "we'd like to listen to your analysis of this painting right here." They pointed to a painting in front of us.
    It was about 3 feet by 2 feet and therin was depicted a dairy cow wih a golden religious halo surrounding its head. All around the cow were people "coupled together" in dark windbreakers with "SEC" stenciled on the jackets. In all my life and education I had never seen such a weird painting.
    Knowing I had only 30 seconds to give them the answer they wanted to hear, I stated matter-of-factly, "Why the meaning of that painting is obvious. It's the last thought of Bernard Madoff's CFO."
    The trader and psychiatrist stared at me with open mouths.
    "Sure", I continued, "The painting is subliminally saying, "Holy Cow! Look at all the fucking SEC people!!"
    They asked if I could come back the next day for another chat.
    "No problem," I replied.

  57. Posted by guest | January 31, 2010 at 4:51 PM

    I had a "near miss" during my 62nd inteview. That "chat" was arranged to be held at a prominent steak and chop house in the city.
    I arrived at exactly the same time as my "hosts" and we were seated in a prominent but not too showy part of the restaurant. The service was perfect and professional as chilled glasses of water and warm bread lay before us prior to our being seated.
    However, knowing the purpose of this "chat" and the character of the interviewing group before me, I made my move to set the tone for the interview: I picked my nose, then reached down and scratched my crotch for an instant and then reached over to the bread and handled each roll as though I was inspecting it for flaws.
    My hosts looked on in stunned silence as I was the last to be seated. I adjusted my napkin in my lap, straightened my tie and sat back with a confident look on my face. Then I farted. It sounded like leather pants rubbing on a leather recliner.
    Across from me, one interviewer was ashen faced. Another stared at me with bulging eyes and open mouth. One of the traders then said, "Well, that was one of the most interesting ways to start an inteview with our prop trading group that I've ever seen…."
    "What!!??!!" I exclaimed. Panicked, I said, "You guys aren't the refined products guys???" Yes….. I suddenly realized I had mixed up my various "group interview" dates.
    Suddenly, one of the traders said, "You have different interview styles for each of our operating units? Interesting." They huddled together and turned to me and one said, "We think you're going to like the New York Strip steak here….why don't we meet here again tomorrow?"

  58. Posted by guest | January 31, 2010 at 6:32 PM

    Epic thread is Epic.

  59. Posted by Scimitar | February 1, 2010 at 6:47 AM

    In my 43rd interview for a commodities trading role, I was invited into the board room to interview with 6 MDs. I entered to find each of them wearing polyester tutus, engaged in dancing to the sound of explosions. The whole room smelt of aroma therapy based on paint and resin smells. As I entered, they stopped and asked "What?"
    Knowing I had 30 seconds to make an impression, I said "I think you are long oil for the forseeable future?"
    They snapped back "Why?"
    I said, "Since you're wearing a polyester, dancing to the sound of obvious TNT explosions and using resins for scenting the room, you're increasing demand for petroleum derivatives which will in turn increase the price of petroleum. Hence, you must be long oil."
    Without missing a beat, they did a synchronized pirouette, curtsied to me and said "Interesting. When can you start?"

  60. Posted by Scimitar | February 1, 2010 at 10:47 AM

    In my 43rd interview for a commodities trading role, I was invited into the board room to interview with 6 MDs. I entered to find each of them wearing polyester tutus, engaged in dancing to the sound of explosions. The whole room smelt of aroma therapy based on paint and resin smells. As I entered, they stopped and asked “What?”
    Knowing I had 30 seconds to make an impression, I said “I think you are long oil for the forseeable future?”
    They snapped back “Why?”
    I said, “Since you’re wearing a polyester, dancing to the sound of obvious TNT explosions and using resins for scenting the room, you’re increasing demand for petroleum derivatives which will in turn increase the price of petroleum. Hence, you must be long oil.”
    Without missing a beat, they did a synchronized pirouette, curtsied to me and said “Interesting. When can you start?”

  61. Posted by IB | February 1, 2010 at 8:40 AM

    In my first interview with RBC capital markets, the MD asked me "So why don't you have a 3.9 GPA like our other candidates?"
    I respond, "I don't know. Why don't you work at Goldman Sachs?"
    He points me to the door.
    "No problem," I replied.

  62. Posted by guest | February 1, 2010 at 10:56 AM

    #61 – omg you made me shit my pants! If there's a prize you should get it.

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    It took me 20 comments to realize this is NOT actually how it is.

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