Not sure how we missed this but apparently the company charged with maintaining the upkeep of Nails’ Thousand Oaks manse is none too pleased with the condition in which the place was left.
“The house was left by Mr. Dykstra in an unshowable state, with raw sewage escaping from the main drain line left undone,” Brian Dubois of American Holdings & Land said in court papers. “The home was littered throughout with empty beer bottles, trash, dog feces and urine and other unmentionables,” said Dubois.
At this stage in the game, there’s really nothing too sick or depraved about L.Dykes for us to hear about (nor will it change our feelings for him). And obviously the listing of piss on the walls and dog shit on the floor as items that are a-okay to discuss with the tease that there were things that were so much worse that Dubois could not in good conscience and taste mention leaves us curious. Are we talkin’ Couplea dead strippers? (It was an accident, he doesn’t know his own strength.) Nude self-portraits? Molds of John Kruk’s left testicle? Best buddy Jim Cramer’s used cock-rings? WHAT IS IT?
Also, and I don’t know if this is necessary but if cleaning services are required, we volunteer JC to tidy up the place in a French maid outfit, as this is all his fault.
Those arent't dog feces
-LD
I think it was a picture of Lady Gaga left on the mantle with her music playing.
But Nails is such a classy guy.
"other unmentionables" is legalese for Twislers… I learned that at Harvard Law.
E. Spitzer
you ever watch the Aristocrats?
lets leave it there with LD's grandma's dirty sanchez and the dogs reach around. What a site…
@5 okay, he might've done that, but how do you leave that behind? think before you write next time.
Dog feces? Beg your pardon, those were test samples of my new Lenny D Bar I was working on with M&M Mars—a Baby Ruth updated for the 21st century.
-LD
@6 way to hit the nail on the head there
can we take a poll as to what the unmentionables were?
ill start: behymen liquid
2,
Thank fucking god you said that. Why are people obsessed with that rat?
Other unmentionables: = vial of holy bong water blessed by Pope Cayne I, A-Rod's santorum
@10 why the hell would bong water be an unmentionable?
Unmentionable? Dykstra probably left videos behind of Roger Clemen's unique way of getting ready to pitch before a game. To wit:
http://www.faniq.com/blog/Joe-Torres-Book-Include…
Lenny Dykstra
I know that I don't have to tell any baseball fans this, but I thoroughly enjoyed my time playing in the major leagues. In fact, I loved every second of it. Who wouldn't?
But like many professional athletes, I had to adjust to life after the major leagues. You've read about how some athletes find this to be a horrible struggle, out of the limelight, not really sure of how to spend their days.
I was lucky in that I had businesses that I set up for myself, and after I trusted a broker who lost $1.6 million of my hard-earned money, I learned how to handle my own investments. I was fulfilled away from the field. But I will tell you that even with minding my businesses and my investments, I had a few shocks to adjust to.
One of them was taking a shit in the toilet.
I know that may sound a little snotty, but certainly you know how I feel. Does anyone enjoy shitting where someone else may have sat?
Pissing in a regular toilet is especially difficult and expensive if you have a prostate problem. The hassle of getting to the bathroom, checking for toilet paper, waiting to pee, and then finally taking a dump.
Even when I used a first class American Standard toilet, this was no joy. After paying big bucks for a regal throne, you still have to deal with flushing, wiping up after yourself, and the inevitable handwashing.
After all this hassle, I just came to the realization that there had to be a better way to shit to where I wanted to shit. So I looked into crapping all over the house that I could no longer (and should never have) been able to afford.
Once I did it, I loved it and swear that I will never go back to using a toilet or urinal. Now, before you get huffy and think: "Big time baseball player enjoying his ability to leave a dump anywhere he pleases," just take a breather. Crapping on the floor is nasty, but it may be worth your while. At least, it's an option that you may want to consider.
I would have never known how wonderful it is to piss on the floor if I hadn't tried it out. That's what I want you to do.
If it's for you, then wonderful. I've saved you some hassle, and you'll find that you have more time to work on your business or relax. And if taking crap on the bank owned floor is not your thing, Well, that's OK.
But you never know. Maybe I'll see you in a gutter sometime, with one hand on my nuts and the other around a twizzler. (I'll be the guy in the suit and baseball cap.)
Some people say baseball players are classless thugs.
~E. Woods
Scar Tissue, AZ
@13 bravo
@13 Awesome!! Better than Beowulf.
other unmentionables = buckets of used colonic irrigation
"I want the whole house scrubbed, sterilized, and disinfected"
Judge Smails
@6 I dunno i guess he left them in the house. You fucking loser. Really? are you that guy?…shampoo my crotch.
2 & 5
@13…I'd like to buy the rights to your post and produce a one man show of Dykstra's life so far titled, "Nails!" starring Don Imus in the title role if we can get him.
~Max B
Broadway
It smells in here.
@19 you used the "shampoo my crotch" line already. why do you get so defensive about your shitty sense of humor, champ?
Saigon whores with their noses bitten off.
/tables have turned
F*#k you @22!
A life size cut out of Andrew Ross Sorkin complete with a vibrating 15 in "Twizzler Red" dildo affixed to the crotch area, dildo was covered with a mixture of human fecal matter as well as massive amounts of Wall Street Guru Jim Cramer's saliva. Also there were various holes cut in and around the promotional Andrew Ross Sorkin cut out display's mouth and eye sockets with various bodily excretions splatter all over said cut out.
and a bottle of crotch shampoo penetrating the cut out Andrew Ross Sorkin's butthole.
-25
@Naked – it's days like this that you scare me.
@Naked: You complete me. Hat off…
@22 seems like you have a few fans "24". Sorry if I repeated myself but after you mom saliva got in my pubs I really could use a shampooing. You middle management putz.
i
trade of the week: short lady gaga, long kesha
@23/gherkin it's the little touches like "bitten off" that set you apart from the herd.
@23, you're ruining Don Giovanni!
Lenny is one of the great ones…
- Jimmy
@29: Try "p-u-b-e-s" unless you are talking about UK pubs of course.
@13 That was amazing. I'm at a loss for words.
@13- Simply fantastic. Please apply for the dealbreaker position posted yesterday if you haven't already.
Those arent’t dog feces
-LD
I think it was a picture of Lady Gaga left on the mantle with her music playing.
“other unmentionables” is legalese for Twislers… I learned that at Harvard Law.
E. Spitzer
But Nails is such a classy guy.
you ever watch the Aristocrats?
lets leave it there with LD’s grandma’s dirty sanchez and the dogs reach around. What a site…
@5 okay, he might’ve done that, but how do you leave that behind? think before you write next time.
Dog feces? Beg your pardon, those were test samples of my new Lenny D Bar I was working on with M&M Mars—a Baby Ruth updated for the 21st century.
-LD
@6 way to hit the nail on the head there
can we take a poll as to what the unmentionables were?
ill start: behymen liquid
2,
Thank fucking god you said that. Why are people obsessed with that rat?
he's like that uncle you always say you wont invite next thanksgiving bc he shat in the toilet right next to the living room where everyone's hanging out watching football and left the door open.
and by leaving the bathroom door open, i meant he shat on the remote
Other unmentionables: = vial of holy bong water blessed by Pope Cayne I, A-Rod’s santorum
@10 why the hell would bong water be an unmentionable?
Unmentionable? Dykstra probably left videos behind of Roger Clemen’s unique way of getting ready to pitch before a game. To wit:
http://www.faniq.com/blog/Joe-Torres-Book-Includes-Story-About-Roger-Clemens-And-His-Testicle-Rubdown-Blog-18521
Lenny Dykstra
I know that I don’t have to tell any baseball fans this, but I thoroughly enjoyed my time playing in the major leagues. In fact, I loved every second of it. Who wouldn’t?
But like many professional athletes, I had to adjust to life after the major leagues. You’ve read about how some athletes find this to be a horrible struggle, out of the limelight, not really sure of how to spend their days.
I was lucky in that I had businesses that I set up for myself, and after I trusted a broker who lost $1.6 million of my hard-earned money, I learned how to handle my own investments. I was fulfilled away from the field. But I will tell you that even with minding my businesses and my investments, I had a few shocks to adjust to.
One of them was taking a shit in the toilet.
I know that may sound a little snotty, but certainly you know how I feel. Does anyone enjoy shitting where someone else may have sat?
Pissing in a regular toilet is especially difficult and expensive if you have a prostate problem. The hassle of getting to the bathroom, checking for toilet paper, waiting to pee, and then finally taking a dump.
Even when I used a first class American Standard toilet, this was no joy. After paying big bucks for a regal throne, you still have to deal with flushing, wiping up after yourself, and the inevitable handwashing.
After all this hassle, I just came to the realization that there had to be a better way to shit to where I wanted to shit. So I looked into crapping all over the house that I could no longer (and should never have) been able to afford.
Once I did it, I loved it and swear that I will never go back to using a toilet or urinal. Now, before you get huffy and think: “Big time baseball player enjoying his ability to leave a dump anywhere he pleases,” just take a breather. Crapping on the floor is nasty, but it may be worth your while. At least, it’s an option that you may want to consider.
I would have never known how wonderful it is to piss on the floor if I hadn’t tried it out. That’s what I want you to do.
If it’s for you, then wonderful. I’ve saved you some hassle, and you’ll find that you have more time to work on your business or relax. And if taking crap on the bank owned floor is not your thing, Well, that’s OK.
But you never know. Maybe I’ll see you in a gutter sometime, with one hand on my nuts and the other around a twizzler. (I’ll be the guy in the suit and baseball cap.)
Some people say baseball players are classless thugs.
~E. Woods
Scar Tissue, AZ
@13 bravo
@13 Awesome!! Better than Beowulf.
other unmentionables = buckets of used colonic irrigation
“I want the whole house scrubbed, sterilized, and disinfected”
Judge Smails
@6 I dunno i guess he left them in the house. You fucking loser. Really? are you that guy?…shampoo my crotch.
2 & 5
@13…I’d like to buy the rights to your post and produce a one man show of Dykstra’s life so far titled, “Nails!” starring Don Imus in the title role if we can get him.
~Max B
Broadway
It smells in here.
@19 you used the “shampoo my crotch” line already. why do you get so defensive about your shitty sense of humor, champ?
Saigon whores with their noses bitten off.
/tables have turned
F*#k you @22!
A life size cut out of Andrew Ross Sorkin complete with a vibrating 15 in “Twizzler Red” dildo affixed to the crotch area, dildo was covered with a mixture of human fecal matter as well as massive amounts of Wall Street Guru Jim Cramer’s saliva. Also there were various holes cut in and around the promotional Andrew Ross Sorkin cut out display’s mouth and eye sockets with various bodily excretions splatter all over said cut out.
and a bottle of crotch shampoo penetrating the cut out Andrew Ross Sorkin’s butthole.
-25
@Naked – it’s days like this that you scare me.
@22 seems like you have a few fans “24″. Sorry if I repeated myself but after you mom saliva got in my pubs I really could use a shampooing. You middle management putz.
i
@Naked: You complete me. Hat off…
trade of the week: short lady gaga, long kesha
@23/gherkin it’s the little touches like “bitten off” that set you apart from the herd.
@23, you’re ruining Don Giovanni!
Lenny is one of the great ones…
- Jimmy
@29: Try “p-u-b-e-s” unless you are talking about UK pubs of course.
@13 That was amazing. I’m at a loss for words.
@38 Sorry about that, didn't think anyone would notice.
Uncle Joe
@13- Simply fantastic. Please apply for the dealbreaker position posted yesterday if you haven’t already.
he’s like that uncle you always say you wont invite next thanksgiving bc he shat in the toilet right next to the living room where everyone’s hanging out watching football and left the door open.
and by leaving the bathroom door open, i meant he shat on the remote
@38 Sorry about that, didn’t think anyone would notice.
Uncle Joe
Number 13, pure genius.
Number 13, pure genius.
Wow, This better then ,who shot JR…..P.S. some of you are really close.
@13: Dykstra must have been getting stock tips from Cowen
Search turns up this pic
but alas, looks nothing like her real pic
http://www.law.harvard.edu/news/spotlight/alumni-…
@43 uh I think you mean to post that on another thread.
@44 you don't find link that unmentionably horrifying?
-not 43
@30 who the hell is kesha? Sounds like a breakfast cereal.
Wow, This better then ,who shot JR…..P.S. some of you are really close.
@13: Dykstra must have been getting stock tips from Cowen
Search turns up this pic
but alas, looks nothing like her real pic
http://www.law.harvard.edu/news/spotlight/alumni-pursuits/related/f1-side3-1.jpg
@43 uh I think you mean to post that on another thread.
@44 you don’t find link that unmentionably horrifying?
-not 43
@30 who the hell is kesha? Sounds like a breakfast cereal.
[...] taken off his chest. To that end, if the judge will do this for him, LD has promised to give up shitting on the floor and ripping bathroom fixtures out of people’s houses. And the crack. He’ll give up the [...]
[...] but this idea is simply idiotic. Lenders will basically become landlords? What happens when the Lenny Dykstras of the world get piss drunk and shit all over the floor? Do you really want to be responsible for [...]