• 09 Feb 2010 at 11:47 AM

John Thain Makes Bold Promise He Most Likely Can’t Keep

By

As you’re aware, John Thain has a substance abuse problem. The substances are fabulous chaise lounges, antique desks, and curtains that cost $1,000/yard. John’s brain is wired to think he needs these things and more to perform at the top level shareholders of the companies he’s run have grown accustomed to. Obviously this isn’t a healthy addiction JT’s struggling to overcome, and clearly he’s still in the early stages of recovery, as noted by what he told Bloomberg, on the news he’d accepted the job to run CIT Group, and the executive suit that comes with the gig.

“I think I’ll keep my office exactly the way it is,” he said.

This is something addicts say in their first go at rehabilitation, when they think they’re bigger than the drugs. They want to overcome their demons, sure, but they have no idea how truly brutal and demanding the road ahead will be. It’s not realistic to say you will categorically never use again because, statistically speaking, almost everyone has at least one or two relapses, especially when put it high risk environments rife with triggers. Such as, the hideous office of one’s predecessor, which I don’t think John actually got a look at before taking the job, and certainly not prior to speaking with Bloomberg.


Picture 121.png
This is a photo of your new office, John. How strong are you feeling now, John? How confident are you in your ability to not rip down that hideous wallpaper and put up something a little more your speed? What about that desk? Piece of shit looks like they got it at IKEA. Are you going to be okay working at that desk? And the chair? I don’t think I have to tell you it is not a George IV, or that of anyone remotely identified as a royal.
Earlier: John Thain Canned For Having Fabulous Taste

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Comments (116)

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  1. 1
    Posted by american bandersnatch | February 9, 2010 at 11:53 AM

    REMEMBER THE SPARTAN FURNISHINGSS !!!!!

  2. 2
    Posted by guest | February 9, 2010 at 11:55 AM

    and apparently there is a dead guy in the chair! They should make JT sit o his lap

  3. 3
    Posted by guest | February 9, 2010 at 11:55 AM

    he’ll break in the first week.

  4. 4
    Posted by guest | February 9, 2010 at 12:08 PM

    he won’t last 3 hours in that dump

  5. 5
    Posted by guest | February 9, 2010 at 12:13 PM

    Carries a can of gold spray paint with him to his private shitter.

  6. 6
    Posted by guest | February 9, 2010 at 12:32 PM

    @5 what purpose would that serve?

  7. 7
    Posted by guest | February 9, 2010 at 12:34 PM

    @bess- you “get” me

  8. 8
    Posted by guest | February 9, 2010 at 12:52 PM

    I’m jonesing for a commode right about now.
    -JT

  9. 9
    Posted by volatilitysmile | February 9, 2010 at 1:27 PM

    I sat on George IV once. Not as comfy as Louis XIV.

  10. 10
    Posted by guest | February 9, 2010 at 1:58 PM

    @9 I just went from 6 to 12.
    -JT

  11. 11
    Posted by Facteller | February 9, 2010 at 2:07 PM

    Wow. Been a while. Where are all the clever posts? This website has gone down the crapper apparently.

  12. 12
    Posted by Facteller | February 9, 2010 at 2:08 PM

    Wow. Been a while. Where are all the clever posts? This website has gone down the crapper apparently.

  13. 13
    Posted by guest | February 9, 2010 at 2:10 PM

    11-14 = jim glover.

  14. 14
    Posted by guest | February 9, 2010 at 2:11 PM

    @15 and also, fag.

  15. 15
    Posted by Bess Levin | February 9, 2010 at 2:16 PM

    @11-14– shouldn’t you be busy ripping off our stories?
    OrgName: Bloomberg Financial Market
    OrgID: BFM-3
    Address: 499 Park Avenue
    City: New York
    StateProv: NY
    PostalCode: 10022
    Country: US

  16. 16
    Posted by guest | February 9, 2010 at 2:33 PM

    Oh snap.

  17. 17
    Posted by guest | February 9, 2010 at 2:35 PM

    you got pwned 11-14. run along, the mayor’s ass need to be waxed.

  18. 18
    Posted by Anal_yst | February 9, 2010 at 2:36 PM

    Bess layin the smack down, boom!
    Also, isn’t CIT’s building pretty glassy/modern? What’d, he put up walls? Fug.

  19. 19
    Posted by guest | February 9, 2010 at 3:25 PM

    bloomberg retard = owned

  20. 20
    Posted by volatilitysmile | February 9, 2010 at 4:44 PM

    omftlog, bloomberg b(u)oy got served!!!

  21. 21
    Posted by guest | February 9, 2010 at 6:22 PM

    I wonder if his $38,000 shitter will come with him to CIT….I guess CIT wants to rocket back into Bankruptcy…..

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