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John Thain Makes Bold Promise He Most Likely Can’t Keep

As you’re aware, John Thain has a substance abuse problem. The substances are fabulous chaise lounges, antique desks, and curtains that cost $1,000/yard. John’s brain is wired to think he needs these things and more to perform at the top level shareholders of the companies he’s run have grown accustomed to. Obviously this isn’t a healthy addiction JT’s struggling to overcome, and clearly he’s still in the early stages of recovery, as noted by what he told Bloomberg, on the news he’d accepted the job to run CIT Group, and the executive suit that comes with the gig.

“I think I’ll keep my office exactly the way it is,” he said.

This is something addicts say in their first go at rehabilitation, when they think they’re bigger than the drugs. They want to overcome their demons, sure, but they have no idea how truly brutal and demanding the road ahead will be. It’s not realistic to say you will categorically never use again because, statistically speaking, almost everyone has at least one or two relapses, especially when put it high risk environments rife with triggers. Such as, the hideous office of one’s predecessor, which I don’t think John actually got a look at before taking the job, and certainly not prior to speaking with Bloomberg.


Picture 121.png
This is a photo of your new office, John. How strong are you feeling now, John? How confident are you in your ability to not rip down that hideous wallpaper and put up something a little more your speed? What about that desk? Piece of shit looks like they got it at IKEA. Are you going to be okay working at that desk? And the chair? I don’t think I have to tell you it is not a George IV, or that of anyone remotely identified as a royal.
Earlier: John Thain Canned For Having Fabulous Taste

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208 Responses to “John Thain Makes Bold Promise He Most Likely Can’t Keep”

  1. american bandersnatch says:

    REMEMBER THE SPARTAN FURNISHINGSS !!!!!

  2. guest says:

    and apparently there is a dead guy in the chair! They should make JT sit o his lap

  3. guest says:

    he’ll break in the first week.

  4. guest says:

    he won’t last 3 hours in that dump

  5. guest says:

    Carries a can of gold spray paint with him to his private shitter.

  6. guest says:

    @5 what purpose would that serve?

  7. guest says:

    @bess- you “get” me

  8. guest says:

    I’m jonesing for a commode right about now.
    -JT

  9. volatilitysmile says:

    I sat on George IV once. Not as comfy as Louis XIV.

  10. guest says:

    @9 I just went from 6 to 12.
    -JT

  11. Facteller says:

    Wow. Been a while. Where are all the clever posts? This website has gone down the crapper apparently.

  12. Facteller says:

    Wow. Been a while. Where are all the clever posts? This website has gone down the crapper apparently.

  13. guest says:

    11-14 = jim glover.

  14. guest says:

    @15 and also, fag.

  15. Bess Levin says:

    @11-14– shouldn’t you be busy ripping off our stories?
    OrgName: Bloomberg Financial Market
    OrgID: BFM-3
    Address: 499 Park Avenue
    City: New York
    StateProv: NY
    PostalCode: 10022
    Country: US

  16. guest says:

    Oh snap.

  17. guest says:

    you got pwned 11-14. run along, the mayor’s ass need to be waxed.

  18. Anal_yst says:

    Bess layin the smack down, boom!
    Also, isn’t CIT’s building pretty glassy/modern? What’d, he put up walls? Fug.

  19. guest says:

    bloomberg retard = owned

  20. volatilitysmile says:

    omftlog, bloomberg b(u)oy got served!!!

  21. guest says:

    I wonder if his $38,000 shitter will come with him to CIT….I guess CIT wants to rocket back into Bankruptcy…..

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