Most of us (me) were kind of under the impression that now that he’s retired, Ken Lewis didn’t much give a rat’s ass what Andrew Cuomo or the SEC, or anyone throws his way. Sleeping late, boozing in the morning, distilling his own moonshine, and participating in beard-growing contests are what his days are about, not defending himself re: whether or not he tried to keep the Merrill losses on the hush-hush from his investors until the deal was done, at which time John Thain came in the front door tracked shit all over BAC’s new rug. Apparently, though, we were wrong, and Ken Lewis is fighting this fight.
Charlie Gasparino reports that Lewis will not be settling, and if his lawyers can’t get this thing dismissed, he’s going to court, where Hank Paulson and Ben Bernanke will probably be on the witness list. Obviously this is excellent news, mostly because Paulson and Bernanke most likely don’t have the time or inclination to take part in Lewis’s little mock trial, and the conversations wherein KL asks should prove tremendous as will the night HP decides to have Lewis killed. Unfortunately at this time it looks like the former BAC CEO does not have plans to defend himself, but we can certainly try and push him in that direction. In related news, since we’d kind of would love to see KL stick it to Andy Cuomo, what other star witnesses could Lewis call to the stand? So far he’s got his favorite Cosi delivery guy, the homeless man he sometimes boozes with, Angelo Mozilo, and his own personal Marisa Tomei, Dick Bové.
Update: Early genius idea for people who can attest to Lewis’s character are these guys and girls. Your help in this endeavor will not go unnoticed by KL.
distill
And Mozilo’s tanning booth attendant?
This will never go to trial. Hank will have him killed.
My guess? Heart attack. Or maybe a late night single-vehicle accident.
I would gaily attest to his character.
Only say the word, KL!
He’s going to call every one of these people to the stand as material witnesses http://tinyurl.com/KLDefense
@5 awesome. I LOL’ed.
Cuomo, we work in a world that has balls, and those balls have to be guarded by men with HP12c’s. Whose gonna do it? You? You, Timmy G? I have a greater responsibility than you could possibly fathom. You weep for the shareholders, and you curse Bank of America. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know. That Merrill Lynch’s death, while tragic, probably saved the market. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves markets. You don’t want the truth because deep down in places you don’t talk about at parties, you want me on that board, you need me on that board. We use words like accretive, synergies, alpha. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent creating something. You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the liquidity that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said thank you, and went on your way, Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a HP12c, and scrub a model. Either way, I don’t give a damn what you think you are entitled to.
I tole Granny t’other day: Cuomo’s comb is getting red like a rooster over all this bankin’ stuff. Mr. Drysdale got caught in his office wearin’ a black leather face mask with zippers and a red ball in his mouth while Miss Jane was a’ whippin him!! Don’t that beat all?? And that nice Mr. Gunlatch feller, we’ll seems he had a bunch of personal looking dee-vices in his office and all. ‘What’s with all these h’yar bankers Granny?” I asked and she said, “Go away…I’m a puttin a back brushin to my muff so leave me alone..!”
Don’t that just beat all?
~Jed Clampett
Oilman
Beverly Hills, CA
Great job @7!