Not a day goes by when we don’t feel an overwhelming sense of loss and emptiness over the fact that we no longer live in a world in which Lehman Brothers exists. We miss the palpable sexual tension between Erin Callan and David Einhorn. We miss Dick Fuld, entering his office on the 31st floor by rappelling down the side of the building using his dick as rope. We miss Bella, more than you’ll ever know. But mostly, we miss knowing that there’s a bank trading floor where at any given time, we could witness a bunch of employees playing a game in which they temporarily paralyze each other via electric shock (this sort of stuff goes on in Stamford, of course, but it’s not a game, and they don’t tase each other with a “gun”). Luckily, the memory as been preserved by former Citadel partner-cum--filmmaker Julio DePietro.
Another striking scene features a twisted version of musical chairs, where the last player to buzz in with a joystick when the music stops gets an electric shock. DePietro said he heard the game was so popular on Wall Street that it once shut down the trading floor at Lehman Brothers for an afternoon.
To make it more realistic, the four actors playing the game asked for an actual shock during their close-ups.
“The performances look real because they are,” DePietro said. “They’re in real pain.”
Citadel’s DePietro Uses Hedge-Fund Skills to Direct First Movie [Bloomberg via BI]
Citadel’s DePietro Uses Hedge-Fund Skills to Direct First Movie (Bloomberg)
“The Good Guy,” written by former Citadel partner Julio DePietro, centers on a romantic triangle involving smart, sexy Beth (Alexis Bledel of TV’s “Gilmore Girls) and two Wall Street traders — macho hotshot Tommy (Scott Porter) and his sensitive, book-loving co-worker Daniel (Bryan Greenberg). It mixes a complex love story with the fast-paced, high-pressure world of Wall Street, making it what one critic called a hybrid of “The Notebook” and “Boiler Room.”
SEC, Cuomo May Face Off Over BofA (WSJ)
In a swipe at New York Attorney General Andrew Cuomo, the Securities and Exchange Commission said in a court filing that the December 2008 firing of Bank of America Corp.’s general counsel had nothing to do with his opinion about ballooning losses at Merrill Lynch & Co. just before the securities firm’s takeover by the giant bank.
Goldman Sues Seven Former Executives For C.Suisse Move (Reuters)
In the complaint, Goldman requested the court restrain the defendants from using or disclosing Goldman’s proprietary information and to return any company documents that maybe in possession of the defendants.
Spitzer Says Brokerage Fees, Now Reinstated, Fueled `Improper Practices’ (Bloomberg)
“The contingent commissions created inherent conflicts and tensions that led to improper practices that we were trying to eliminate,” Spitzer said yesterday in a phone interview. “It was part of a larger reform effort to protect consumers and ensure the integrity of the marketplace.” Spitzer, 50, declined to comment on the removal of restrictions.
AIG drops derivatives portfolio sale plan (FT)
AIG has shelved plans to sell the whole of its derivatives portfolio, which nearly destroyed the insurer in 2008. It believes that keeping up to $500bn worth of complex positions could help it to survive as an independent entity and repay US taxpayers.
Entrepreneur Closes Doors On Criminals (NYT)
“I’d never been a crime activist or particularly concerned about my personal safety,” said the founder of CrimeReports.com, who was working as a Washington lobbyist when he began attending community policing meetings in the D.C. suburb of Arlington, Virginia. “But I raised my hand, everybody clapped, and I was off the races.”
Hedge Funds Still Favour London (Reuters)
That’s at least the story the dildo collector told Bloomberg so okay, sure. Other things “The Godfather” (also known as “The Pope“) got off his chest include:
* The fact that he is, as previously stated, a genius:
“I am amazingly brilliant analytically,” says Gundlach, a wiry man whose short brown hair hugs his skull like a helmet.
* That the drugs, paraphernalia (“bearing evidence of recent use”), 12 sexual “devices,” 34 “hardcore pornographic magazines,” and 36 “hardcore sexually explicit DVDs and videocassettes” found in his former offices at TCW were nothing, and that attempts to use them in order to make him look bad were cheap, since it’s not like he had them scattered about the place.
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Chaz “I’m gonna skull fuck my former friends at CNBC” Gasparino isn’t set to take to the Fox Business airwaves until next week but even as he preps his veins to pop just right for the leering delight of his new staff, CG is working the phones, uncovering the stories, investigating the fluidity of situations. Though he doesn’t typically cover sports Charlie is a versatile enough reporter to handle whatever falls into his lap, including the Tiger Woods Beat Off beat. Here’s his latest, which he called in to new colleague Liz Claman, from the can:
I have been speaking with sponsors who say they have been alerted by his reps that a public apology from Tiger Woods is imminent. It could occur as early as tomorrow sometime around 11am, and that there’s going to be an announcement of the public apology that will be done at a press conference some time tonight. Now like I said, we don’t have this yet from Tiger’s representatives.
Tiger Woods To Make Public Apology And Return To Golf (Update) [Mediaite via DI]
A former Bank of America employee, Jack Mitchell, is suing the bank for $60 million for racial bias. Mitchell, an African-American, alleges in the lawsuit that BofA “supported and propagated a racially biased and discriminatory business allocation system.” Christopher Brennan, Mitchell’s attorney, tells us that the system was “akin to apartheid.”
“It wasn’t an accident, It’s a cynical belief on the part of BofA that white customers wouldn’t want to receive banking and investment advice from African-American employees, so they assigned them to minority neighborhoods. And because these are in low-income areas, it placed him at a disadvantage compensation-wise because he had less access to high-net-worth clients who are the particular target of his banking area.”
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From an unhappy tax evasion specialist:
Wealth Management: 50% cuts on top of 50% cut from last year. No raises. Shit is a moratorium.
Minneapolis Fed President is taking a stab at those would like to see the Fed stripped of its bank oversight powers, saying that while the Fed made “significant mistakes,” just go ahead with your plan, and it’ll be the Great Recession 2.0. Sure, they didn’t see the crisis coming, but hey, “the Romans used to cut up birds to make their economic forecasts” and the Fed’s methods have improved “somewhat.” So stop bitching people.
In a speech yesterday, Narayana Kocherlakota (pictured) reiterated that Congress and Washington need to put their shit together to address financial regulation – a sentiment that seems to be rampant these days, what with the outbursts of Volcker and Bayh to name a few. “These proposals have generated a great deal of uncertainty, for the capricious winds of politics seem to change them on a near-daily basis.”
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Hey hey hey! Who’s psyched about Barclays’ record earnings that were announced today? Anyone? Anyone? Are you? Are you? Bob Diamond certainly doesn’t sense your excitement. Prove it to Bobby D. Show him you’re amped! He needs to feel it. In fact, that’s an order, straight from the top. Raise the fucking roof for the Barclettes.
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Given that he’s a celebrity spokesman, most of you should be aware of Lucas Van Praag’s pedigree by now. The mouth of Goldman Sachs was born and raised in England, graduated from the University of Durham, and prior to entering the world of PR, learned a most important life skill as a Navy officer: how to kill a man. But now that his guns have been taken away, how does manage to issue such blistering, withering statements, day after day, hour after hour, that make his opponents want to curl up and die and translated from their original old English mean approximately “I can’t believe I’m forced to exist in the same airspace as you” and “kiss my ass and suck my dick, everyone”? Obviously devastating superciliousness is innate skill but it turns out LvP does have a source of power we’ve been unaware of up until this point. Any ideas? If you guessed cock ring, I can understand where you’re coming from. Most Masters of the Universe have a c-ring on at any given time during business hours. But no, because Lucas’s is a bit more genteel than that, and also, he doesn’t have time to be zipping and unzipping all day when reporters come a’ calling to kiss it before proceeding with questions.
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Happy one-year birthday Stimulus! It’s been a year since Obama signed the $787 billion American Recovery and Reinvestment Act, and what better way to celebrate than to learn that banks will need an additional $221 billion of capital if all proposed financial regulations are implemented?
“The cumulative impact of all the proposed regulation suggests that there is a real risk that we may move from a system that was under regulated to one that is over regulated and that that could cause a significant increase in lending costs and a negative impact on the economy,” Nick O’Donohue, head of research at JPMorgan, said in a research note.
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