Cody Willard needs no introduction, nor do his qualifications but I’m going to give them to you anyway: the man hosts a show about business in a bar. He once owned a hedge fund where he managed slightly more than $1,000 in assets under management. He kind of knows what short-selling is. For all those reason and more, and I don’t think anyone will disagree with me here, we believe Willard is uniquely qualified to offer you “revolutionary” advice on investing. So fuck Maria Bartiromo. Get your money back from Lenny Dykstra, if he hasn’t already spent it on Twizzlers and dip. Through his “unconventional” investment strategies, CDubs is gonna line your pocket with singles– maybe even 20s, if you play your cards right.
Archive for February 2010
You probably think you know Paul Krugman, Nobel Prize winner and NYT columnist extraordinaire. But after reading the New Yorker‘s profile on the bearded columnist, you’ll realize you had no idea. He’s so much more than that. He’s just a simple guy, who relaxes by getting costumed, throwing voodoo parties and relaxing in St. Croix with his wife, mostly on the west end, “where the whites who’ve gone native live.” There, Paul can wear the same shirt for days, (a short-sleeved plaid cotton shirt) and bathing trunks. In the late afternoon he sips piña coladas on the beach and bitches about Jamie and LB, wondering how they can be “so comprehensively boneheaded.”
As previously mentioned, Tim Geithner recently embarked on a
pussy-offensivepussy outreach program. Whether it’s that he’s trying to gain fans among those who’ve got ‘em, has one himself, or a little bit a of both matters not. He’s going grocery shopping, he’s showing his emotions, he’s appearing in Vogue. And from the last, we’ve learned a few things about Timbo we’d previously never known. Such as:
* He’s somehow convinced people he “has the kind of looks that can go either way: Half an inch one way he’s John F. Kennedy; half an inch the other he’s Lyle Lovett.”
* He’s self-aware, and self-deprecating: “the first thing he tells [writer Rebecca Johnson] when we sit down is how much ‘shit’ he’s going to get from his friends for doing an interview with Vogue.”
* His mother watches CNBC like she’s on a trading floor: “The intensity, the consequences, the lack of a road map, the fact that three minutes after an announcement you are seeing the reaction on CNBC– it’s almost unprecedented. The televised babble became so bad at times, Geithner’s own mother thought about watching TV with the volume turned down.”
* He and Jon Stewart are gonna have words: “…the angriest he’s ever been was probably the afternoon a camera crew for Jon Stewart’s Daily Show showed up unexpectedly at his house in Larchmont, New York…Geithner’s teenage children, who were home alone at the time, had not be in on the joke. When a camera crew pulled up, they called their father at his office, terrified. ‘Ive never seen him so mad,’ one aid remembers.”
* He most likely uses an herbal remedy to take the edge off things: “What little free time he has, he prefers to spend with his children, building a ramp in the driveway for skateboarding, surfing off the coast of Cape Cod, building a guitar by hand.”
* He fantasized about being “the guy who saved Citi” but spared us having to live in a world without Uncle Vik: “…he is said to have been sorely tempted by an offer to run Citibank.”
As you’ve probably noticed, Tim Geithner’s had a pretty tough go of it lately. People are pissed at him about the bailouts, no one will get off him about AIG, many feel he “coddles” Wall Street and rarely a day goes by that the Treasury Secretary’s ousting is not called for, and not just by pissants on the internet. His job doesn’t actually seem to be in any actual danger at the moment– according to Rahm Emanuel, “The president’s view is that Tim is one of the stars,” but clearly something needs to be done about how the public sees TG. To show them he cares. That he “gets” it. That he’s just one of them. But how? An article this morning concerning T. Geith’s “charm offensive” included the following photo of Mr. Geithner, touring a supermarket in Philadelphia with Michelle Obama:
Our initial thought: what the hell? How is Tim Geithner mixing it up at the grocery store and smiling maniacally at a bunch of produce going to endear him to the public? Then, a few lines later, this:
Mr. Geithner says even his wife has urged him to show more emotion in confronting the banks.
So, okay. Grocery stores…not being afraid to show his feelings….he’s not working the…vagina angle is he? No, come on. You’re making huge leaps in logic here, we said to ourselves. We actually almost started to feel guilty for coming to such gender stereo-typing conclusions, and would’ve continued to do so, if the next thing we saw hadn’t been this:
No Bonus For RBS Chief (WSJ)
Stephen Hester was going to take a bonus of around £1.6 million ($2.5 million) but instead decided to take none so no one could get angry with him.
Goldman’s Rehab (NYP)
Goldman has hired PR firm Public Strategies, headed by Dan Bartlett, “a confidant of George W. Bush and Karl Rove.”
AIG `Death Spiral’ Ends With Bailout Support Bringing Stability to Revenue (Bloomberg)
Great news: “There are clear signs that AIG has pulled out of what could have been a death spiral,” said David Havens, managing director in credit trading at Nomura Securities International Inc. in New York. AIG’s insurance results have been improving “after dropping off a cliff following the bailout,” he said.
Bailout Anger Undermines Geithner (WSJ)
As does his habit of clenching the forehead during congressional hearings. Must work on that one.
Strikes Expand in Greece; Hedge Funds Bet on Debt Default (Reuters)
Short positions “have risen to 9.82 percent from 9.58 percent at the end of January, and 8.24 percent at the end of December.”
Merrill Lynch Veterans Rejoin Herd (WSJ)
Sam Chapin and Todd Kaplan are back as executive vice chairmen of global banking, reporting directly to global banking and markets president Tom Montag.
Alexandra Penney, the Madoff victim (“I prefer the word ‘casualty”) who started blogging about her travails for the Daily Beast last year just turned her gig into a book deal. And now you can buy it! “The Bag Lady Papers” is a book she wrote out of fears of becoming a bag lady, “trudging the streets, cold and abandoned, with a shopping cart filled with tattered bags full of god knows what,” after getting screwed by Bernie. Although she did lose money, the chance of her becoming a hobo was pretty slim, given that Alex has residences in Manhattan, the Hamptons and Florida. But hey, lemons-lemonade! This is not her first book, Alex (who “doesn’t enjoy writing”) also published “How to Make Love to a Man.” We won’t speculate about what fears brought her to write that one.