• 24 Feb 2010 at 4:52 PM

Poll: Should Stephen Schwarzman Kill A Whale Today?

stephenschwarzmansrealhands.JPGBy now you’ve probably heard about the killer whale, Tilikum, that savagely murdered an SeaWorld employee today in front of a packed audience (according to a guest, the trainer was “thrashed around pretty good” and at one point, one of her shoes flew off). A devastating tragedy, and something that perhaps calls for an avenging. By whom? Stephen Schwarzman, ’cause Blackstone owns SeaWorld.


The firm has put out a statement that but I think SS needs to do something a little more…intense. Like getting on a plane, taking matters into his own hands and harpooning this bitch. Or is that too much? Clearly it’s a tough call. And one the Blackstone chief, who loves marine life, might not be up to making. So let’s do it for him. Should Schwarzman take Mr. T out? And if so, how?

41 comments (hidden to protect delicate sensibilities)
Show all comments ↓

Comments (41)

  1. Posted by guest | February 24, 2010 at 5:00 PM

    kill it!

  2. Posted by guest | February 24, 2010 at 5:03 PM

    First analyst that can chug the dork dry gets 2k

  3. Posted by guest | February 24, 2010 at 5:03 PM

    @stephen- put a cap in her ass

  4. Posted by guest | February 24, 2010 at 5:04 PM

    Give the whale to the japanese.
    Boom! Done!

  5. Posted by guest | February 24, 2010 at 5:04 PM

    harpoon from a zodiak!

  6. Posted by guest | February 24, 2010 at 5:06 PM

    @3
    Bit severe don’t you think? All Bess did was report on it.

  7. Posted by guest | February 24, 2010 at 5:09 PM

    Bad news, WC doesn’t apply to intentional torts.

  8. Posted by guest | February 24, 2010 at 5:09 PM

    Make whale eat live dynamite. Boom, sucka!

  9. Posted by Mr Miyagi | February 24, 2010 at 5:11 PM
  10. Posted by guest | February 24, 2010 at 5:15 PM

    killing a killer whale is the new killing it

  11. Posted by NakedLong | February 24, 2010 at 5:18 PM

    if it bleeds, we can kill it

  12. Posted by guest | February 24, 2010 at 5:24 PM

    Wow, talk about offensive. Somebody dies under horrible circumstances and you use it as an opportunity to make jokes about Steve Schwarzman?

  13. Posted by guest | February 24, 2010 at 5:24 PM

    Wow, talk about offensive. Somebody dies under horrible circumstances and you use it as an opportunity to make jokes about Steve Schwarzman?

  14. Posted by guest | February 24, 2010 at 5:24 PM

    Wow, talk about offensive. Somebody dies under horrible circumstances and you use it as an opportunity to make jokes about Steve Schwarzman?

  15. Posted by highlyconfident | February 24, 2010 at 5:25 PM

    I’ve taken down many a whale in my day… leave this one to me.
    -Guy who fucked Maria Bartiromo

  16. Posted by Bess Levin | February 24, 2010 at 5:32 PM

    @12-15 the only reason you could possibly have to be offended is if you’re a relative of the whale. I said this was a devastating tragedy, one so bad that something needs to be done about it, and I was deadly serious, not joking.

  17. Posted by guest | February 24, 2010 at 5:34 PM

    If Schwartzman’s really that smart he’ll put the man-eater in a tank of formaldehyde and sell it Steve Cohen for $40 million. That should cover the law suit.

  18. Posted by guest | February 24, 2010 at 5:35 PM

    @17 fantastic idea

  19. Posted by guest | February 24, 2010 at 5:37 PM

    @16
    “deadly serious”?!??! Could you be a bit more sensitive in your word choice?

  20. Posted by guest | February 24, 2010 at 5:41 PM

    $2000 to the first trader to eat the entire whale and not puke for 2.5 hours.

  21. Posted by guest | February 24, 2010 at 5:49 PM

    @11 nice reference- it was on last night.

  22. Posted by guest | February 24, 2010 at 5:49 PM

    @11 nice reference- it was on last night.

  23. Posted by The guy who comments on the comments | February 24, 2010 at 5:59 PM

    @2 Ftw
    @12-14 Gay
    @15 Honorable mention

  24. Posted by guest | February 24, 2010 at 6:02 PM

    Whale eats tuna. It happens all the time. Why are folks surprised this happened?

  25. Posted by guest | February 24, 2010 at 6:02 PM

    Whale eats tuna. It happens all the time. Why are folks surprised this happened?

  26. Posted by guest | February 24, 2010 at 6:19 PM

    @17 Brilliant! I’m sure Larry Gagosian is chasing down Damien Hurst allready.

  27. Posted by guest | February 24, 2010 at 7:17 PM

    So the killer whale finally lived up to it’s reputation. What took so long?

  28. Posted by guest | February 24, 2010 at 7:18 PM

    So the killer whale finally lived up to it’s reputation. What took so long?

  29. Posted by guest | February 24, 2010 at 7:36 PM

    Is that a picture of LOBSTERCLOPS?

  30. Posted by guest | February 24, 2010 at 7:46 PM

    @19? Maybe this blog is a bit above your reading level? Try some picture books and then work up to Dealbreaker, slowly. Nobody wants to see you injur yourself trying to comprehend it all without a bit more practice first. Good luck little guy!

  31. Posted by Anal_yst | February 24, 2010 at 7:52 PM

    @26
    If you saw Hirst’s latest “animal” in a tank @ Gagosian the other week, which they said would fetch what, $10-20mmm, I think this Killer Whale would go for an easy $100mm, no?

  32. Posted by merkin capital partners | February 24, 2010 at 8:36 PM

    I don’t even understand the concept of offensive and if you do your time is probably best spent on a gawker site debating whether this act was racist or anti-gay.
    I am shocked that a killer whale ate a person. Next thing you know, the sharks will start rebelling. (No need to worry SC)

  33. Posted by guest | February 24, 2010 at 8:45 PM

    @merkin- this isn’t a gawker site. you dumb fuck.

  34. Posted by guest | February 24, 2010 at 9:06 PM

    “Gherkin tsk, tsk.” @33 Isn’t that how you usually romance your merkin?
    - not a merkin

  35. Posted by guest | February 24, 2010 at 9:15 PM

    I love to hump dead whales, have since I was a wee lad. Let me at him. Just for a little but. Please? Just a couple of humps.

  36. Posted by guest | February 25, 2010 at 1:40 AM

    I eat dork rolls every time I go for sushi

  37. Posted by guest | February 25, 2010 at 10:28 AM

    @33 manners! if you’re going to call someone a dumb fuck it’s proper etiquette to at least understand what he was saying.
    @gherkin I understood you. I always do. I read you between the lines.
    @34 yes, 33 wasn’t me.

  38. Posted by Roy Horn | February 25, 2010 at 11:27 AM

    I’m shocked, SHOCKED I say, to hear that a highly trained, yet wild, animal would attack its trainer.

  39. Posted by merkin capital partners | February 25, 2010 at 12:55 PM

    Oh, @37 my sweet muse.
    @34 you affirmative action admit, clearly reading comp was not your strong suit.

  40. Posted by merkin capital partners | February 25, 2010 at 12:56 PM

    Oh, @37 my sweet muse.
    @33 you affirmative action admit, clearly reading comp was not your strong suit.

  41. Posted by Dorathy Selva | September 19, 2012 at 8:56 PM

    dear your great working….