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Rice Student Thinks Jefferies Is “More Courteous” Than Its Counterparts And Has “The Best Corporate Culture In Town”

And she’s sorry she missed her interview with the rainmakers and hopes they’ll be able to find it in their hearts to forgive her. Because they’re not like those other banks. They’re different.

From: [redacted at Rice]
Sent: Thursday, February 04, 2010 9:22 AM
To: [redacted at Jefferies]
Subject: Interviewee
To Whom It May Concern:
I would like to sincerely apologize for not attending the interview I had scheduled with Jefferies & Company on Rice campus. I would also like to thank you for informing the CSPD, so as to keep me accountable for my selfish and careless actions. While I cannot take back time and no excuse suffices to rectify this great wronging, I would like to offer a brief explanation of my lack of attendance in hope that you will forgive me.

For the past month I have attended a smattering of investment banking internship interviews. I went through the tedious and stressful process of perfecting my resume, crafting cover letters, and trying my best to find internship opportunities in the field. I was lucky enough to land some interviews with some desired employers. Needless to say, I was a bit nervous. I prepped for the interviews, dressed in my finest attire, put on a big ol smile, and put my best foot forward. I responded to questions over and over – trying my best to give superficial, yet enchanting, examples of personal leadership and mental fortitude in the face of trying circumstances. I listened as each company explained to me what separated them from others in the industry – their superb corporate culture and unmatched team spirit. I shook hands, took business cards, and sent follow up emails. Because of all the work I put in through this process, each company I interviewed with assured me that they would contact me promptly to let me know of my status. Out of my six or so interviews, two contacted me back. Naive young thing that I am, I figured it was common practice in the business field to put people out of their way, make promises, and fail to follow through on those commitments. Yesterday, I decided that i-banking just wasn’t for me – not strong enough you see. Judging by my short experience in the corporate world, I figured there was no need to email you guys to cancel.
Now I see the error in my ways. You guys are different. Clearly more courteous than you’re [sic] counterparts and, if I may venture a guess, the best corporate culture in town. So once again, I am sincerely sorry for missing my scheduled interview with you guys. It would have been my pleasure to talk with you about my leadership skills and team focused mentality. Although I probably won’t venture into the i-banking field anytime soon, there may come a time when I’d like to make use of the CSPD’s on campus interview services – maybe to land a nice teaching or government job. I’d really appreciate it if you would email them back for me to let them know that I have expressed to you my sincere remorse for the whole situation.
Cheers,
[redacted]

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135 Responses to “Rice Student Thinks Jefferies Is “More Courteous” Than Its Counterparts And Has “The Best Corporate Culture In Town””

  1. guest says:

    everythign she said is true.
    -ben lorello

  2. guest says:

    show us your tits!

  3. guest says:

    sounds like the type of girl who’d try and kill you in your sleep after you fucked her.

  4. CoveredLong says:

    Seems like a genuinely nice person.
    …sad to see she thinks she’ll be better off in government.
    Is she hot?

  5. guest says:

    “Naive young thing that I am, I figured it was common practice in the business field to put people out of their way, make promises, and fail to follow through on those commitments.”
    is she talking about i-banks or her deadbeat dad?

  6. Hope? says:

    Is it posible that college students are discovering that there is something more to life than growing up to be a Little Piggy?
    In five years the average 3rd grade teacher will be making more than the average i-banker anyway.

  7. guest says:

    ‘this great wronging’
    relax, sugar tits.

  8. AshamedOwl says:

    As a Rice grad, all I can say is: Jesus. I wish I could say this is an outlier, but I’d be lying. Owls are, more often than not, giant weirdos.

  9. guest says:

    haha, pretty much nailed it. Agreed with above though in that we need to know if she’s hot as I like her attitude and charisma.
    Not sure tarnishing your b-school’s reputation is the new killing it though.

  10. guest says:

    I’m amazed that a third of the companies got back to her. She must not realize that zero is more like what she should expect.

  11. guest says:

    @6 you’re not welcome here.

  12. AshamedOwl says:

    As a Rice grad, all I can say is: Jesus. I wish I could say this is an outlier, but I’d be lying. Owls are, more often than not, giant weirdos.

  13. Pfluger the Barbarian says:

    Letters addressed to “to whom it may concern” are a “great wronging.”

  14. guest says:

    Probably a Martel girl. Pfft. Martel isn’t a college.
    Lovett ’07

  15. guest says:

    “dressed in my finest attire, put on a big ol smile”

  16. BSD says:

    I’d hire her to be my fund’s wideclops.

  17. guest says:

    What is rice? Is that something asians eat?

  18. AshamedOwl says:

    As a Rice grad, all I can say is: Jesus. I wish I could say this is an outlier, but I’d be lying. Owls are, more often than not, giant weirdos.

  19. guest says:

    10 = jeff chiang

  20. guest says:

    @12/17- they’re also known to double post.

  21. guest says:

    Wow, what kind of parents name a girl Redacted???

  22. guest says:

    @21 try it again and this time be funny.

  23. guest says:

    Yes, hate to break it to the sweet young thing, but Jefco is just like all the rest…but instead of $100 for a bj, they only give you $50.

  24. CoveredLong says:

    @21 – Superheroes, it’s for her own protection really.

  25. guest says:

    Bess how did you get this letter?
    What the fuck is Rice?
    Is that where the Cosby kids went to college?

  26. guest says:

    @9 There are no (zero, nada) hot chicks at Rice. Known for fugly women.
    That’s why UH/UT exists.
    -14

  27. guest says:

    She forgot to say that hiring her is the best decision for not just herself, but the firm. No wonder she only got call backs from only 1/3rd of the firms she interviewed with.
    UF Student

  28. guest says:

    @22=Racist. Go back to Houston, redneck.

  29. guest says:

    genius@26 obviously it got fwd’d around, starting w the Jefferies recipient, just like the chiang stuff, and the goldman applicant. are you going to be one of those guys who whines about how HR should be sued for this offense?

  30. guest says:

    it was a guy.

  31. guest says:

    @31 no, it wasn’t.
    -received this email chain

  32. guest says:

    Allow me to summarize:
    To whom it may concern: I’m a douche. I really didn’t give a shit until I realized that my selfishness has precluded me from ever holding a job in the private sector. Instead, I’ve decided to suck on the teet of society and destroy the next generation, so can you tell these assholes I’m good enough for government work?
    Thanks,
    The douchebag that didn’t show for the interview yesterday.

  33. guest says:

    @33 = the jefferies employee who got stood up for this on-campus interview

  34. guest says:

    @33 = douche
    I’m serious.

  35. guest says:

    psy-cho

  36. guest says:

    Anyone who signs their emails “Cheers” is an automatic loser. Show us your beev.

  37. guest says:

    Do these banks have any idea how bad it makes themselves look when these emails get circulated outside the company? Because… it really does.

  38. guest says:

    I know one way you can show me you’re sorry.
    -jef employee

  39. guest says:

    @30 easy kid. Mo more coffee. I dont give a shit about HR or you. I was wondering how this ended up on Bess’s desk. I dont need your ideas on how it ended up there.
    Frankly you are on here too much if you actually thin your name is Bess.
    Go suck a bag of dicks

  40. guest says:

    @40 why are you getting so defensive? 30 is obviously correct about how it “ended up on Bess’s desk,” whether your want his ideas or not.

  41. guest says:

    I need to know what Jeff Schneider thinks of this.

  42. guest says:

    girlfriend needs a xanax

  43. kittyhawk says:

    cheers this pussywinkler!!!!

  44. guest says:

    those who can’t do….

  45. kittyhawk says:

    cheers this pussywinkler!!!!

  46. guest says:

    Neil @41 and Bob at 30… shhhhhh

  47. kittyhawk says:

    cheers this pussywinkler!!!!

  48. guest says:

    This has nothing to do with blowjobs on the roof of 85Broad.

  49. guest says:

    WOMAN!
    Can’t hire them, can’t fire them.

  50. american bandersnatch says:

    Woman… woe-man… whoooa-man. She was a thief, you gotta believe, she stole my heart and my cat. Betty, Judy, Josie and those hot Pussycats… they make me horny, Saturday morny… girls of cartoo-ins will leave me in ruins… I want to to be Betty’s Barney. Hey Jane… get me off this crazy thing… called love.

  51. guest says:

    sounds like a fatty

  52. guest says:

    can’t live with em can’t live with em
    MEN

  53. guest says:

    can’t live with em can’t live with em
    MEN

  54. guest says:

    I like my women to grunt during sex. I love da grunters.

  55. guest says:

    As a Rice grad, all I can say is: Jesus. I wish I could say this is an outlier, but I’d be lying. Owls are, more often than not, giant weirdos.

  56. guest says:

    What’s better: Jeffries or Lebenthal?

  57. guest says:

    sounds needy. I’d do her.

  58. guest says:

    RICECLOPS!
    ROR!!!!

  59. guest says:

    “I would also like to thank you for informing the CSPD, so as to keep me accountable for my selfish and careless actions. ”

  60. guest says:

    @58 Are you anybody else’s secretary?

  61. guest says:

    most courteous bank on the street? excuse you? I practically wrote the book on manners.
    -LB

  62. volatilitysmile says:

    @ 60 – examine your motives, pronto.
    ROR

  63. guest says:

    @58,
    Bioscience has conclusively proven that a diet consisting of 30% or greater of soy products in combination with Diet Coke manufactures an overwhelmingly destructive surge in estrogen:
    End result is instant liquefication of your testicles into green discharge which subsequently will be expelled via the excretory tract.
    In layman’s terms, you just melted your balls.

  64. guest says:

    College kids are really all up into themselves anyway. I’d like to hear what Redacted has to say in about 5 years.

  65. guest says:

    Soylent Green

  66. Joe Mac says:

    @58
    Stop swimming in East River.
    Rice and Baylor are killin’ it.

  67. guest says:

    Rice grads make good plant managers in the midstream business. They don’t mind working in towns like Noodle Dome, TX.

  68. volatilitysmile says:

    oy vey. this is the result of liberal arts education…

  69. guest says:

    Stupid Academs.

  70. guest says:

    @70 = vocational school elitist

  71. guest says:

    Now we all can pay her tuition bills and then salary while she works for 12 years and then collects a full pension as a member of the govt union.
    Rice its whats for dinner.

  72. guest says:

    @27 – You forgot about the SMU hotties, too!!

  73. Anal_yst says:

    Guess they don’t teach you how to read directions (i.e. how to avoid 6x posting) at Rice, eh?

  74. guest says:

    As a Rice grad, all I can say is: Jesus. I wish I could say this is an outlier, but I’d be lying. Owls are, more often than not, giant weirdos.

  75. guest says:

    Dear Redacted:
    Thank you for explaining why you were absent from our scheduled interview on the Rice campus. We accept your apology. Should you change your mind, and if we can, we’d like to assist you with a “reference” if you should wish to interview with:
    1. Barings Bank
    2. Allied Irish Bank
    3. Long Term Capital Management
    4. Metallgesellschaft
    5. SocGen (Paris desk)
    6. Amaranth
    7. Motherrock
    8. Orange County, CA
    9. China Aviation
    10. WestLB
    Regards,
    Campus Interviewers

  76. volatilitysmile says:

    @ 72: is this all you got?
    you one of those kids watching cartoons past your prime, too, aren’t you? how do you like the yellow submarine in 3d?

  77. guest says:

    @78 that’s all I need. I’m a liberal arts ugrad, gainfully employed on the buy-side for the last 15 yrs. you, on the other hand, think the ability to read/write/think are bad, which is likely what you were taught in your senior year shop classes.

  78. volatilitysmile says:

    @ 79. In our PRIVATE school, they thought us how to think first, even before teaching us how to read and write. Oh, and they thought us physics and math, thanks to which I am still doin’ al’ right.
    And if I ever hit on hard times, there is a little trust fund, and a portfolio of real estate to keep my soul nourished. This is BEFORE I capitulate and call daddy & co. for help.
    So, keep working on providing me the returns you provide so well, and I will catch up on Sophocles.
    P.S./ Have you ever wondered why Aida is singing arias and duets at the top of her range while enclosed in an airtight tomb? The need to conserve oxygen is not well explained in theory of medieval english dance classes. Do us all a favour and stop breathing now, degenerate mouse user.

  79. guest says:

    80=douche

  80. guest says:

    @80 I went to private school as well but we also had an English class that taught us how to spell and we were also taught to be gentleman.
    Clearly your private school had cut backs. Maybe you should make a donation from your daddy’s trust.
    Douche bag!
    -not 79

  81. guest says:

    Don’t know what is funnier, the Rice U part of Jefferies part. Don’t fret babe, they’ll fill their back office with mongoloids from other community colleges within no time…

  82. guest says:

    I went to private school too and my Dad was an investment banker. In my early teens, he once told me, “Son, don’t play with your weiner too much or you’ll go blind.”
    I replied, “Hey dad…I’m over here….”

  83. guest says:

    Better boypussy: Trust fund brat or Buy-Side CFA?

  84. guest says:

    Dear Redacted:
    What you’ve just written is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever read. At no point in your rambling, incoherent apology were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational explanation. Everyone in my office is now dumber for having read it. I award you no brownie points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
    Cheers,
    Uncle Jeffries.

  85. guest says:

    As a Rice grad, all I can say is: Jesus. I wish I could say this is an outlier, but I’d be lying. Owls are, more often than not, giant weirdos.

  86. guest says:

    “selfish and careless actions”
    you better be wearing a hair shirt right now.

  87. volatilitysmile says:

    @81, they also tought us to defend our honour, especially when the offender is a mouth-breathing mouse-weaver.
    And, trust me, I got no pleasure destroying the fickle ego of the buy side prospectus-editing insecure douche (why else jump in defence of lib arts education on a blog?). He put his d _ _ k on the table daring to compare.
    Peace.

  88. volatilitysmile says:

    @81 wholeheartedly concur.
    next.

  89. guest says:

    @89 sorry, am not a prospectus-editor, but please continue attempting to make yourself feel better about the fact that I went to a (whispers) LIBERAL ARTS SCHOOL and make 10x your take-home.

  90. volatilitysmile says:

    @ 91. OK, I still have 10x the net worth. Loser.

  91. guest says:

    guppie vs. trust fund douche – discuss…

  92. guest says:

    @91 / @92
    You’re both gaylords

  93. guest says:

    You can’t rag on SMU. Some of the hottest girls in the state, not to mention they are all fucking loaded. Southern Millionaires University. Too bad no I-bank ever found its way to the interview rooms.
    -Alum

  94. Jimmy says:

    volatilitysmile = total fucking loser. Most likely poor.

  95. Braverman says:

    volatilitysmile = vertical smile

  96. guest says:

    @95
    Thanks for your comment. Except that nobody ragged on SMU or gives a sh*t about your alma mater.

  97. HAM05 says:

    wow, things got heated. how does that saying go? carry a big stick and what not…

  98. guest says:

    @89, in America it is spelled HONOR

  99. volatilitysmile says:

    @ Jimmy (96) – you are right on the money, working class jock, hustling myself for a buck or two, wearing a wife-beater, drinking six packs (if it helps stimulate your guppie fetishes).
    And now, back to the studio!

  100. guest says:

    As a Jesus grad, all I can say is: Rice. I wish I could say this is a liar, but I’d be outlying. Weirdos are, more often than not, giant owls.

  101. guest says:

    @97 you complete me

  102. volatilitysmile says:

    @100 – you are absolutely correct, Sir. Will utilize US spelling in the future.

  103. merkin capital partners says:

    @27 UH?! You must have a fetish for Mexican commuter students.

  104. guest says:

    As a Rice grad, all I can say is: Jesus. I wish I could say this is an outlier, but I’d be lying. Owls are, more often than not, giant weirdos.

  105. guest says:

    This thread is fucking brilliant. Who is the genius who keeps reposting about the owls and the weirdos? Plus 2 classic dickheads going on about my dick/trust fund is 10x bigger than yours. Classic douchery all round

  106. guest says:

    @80=David Spade from the movie PCU

  107. guest says:

    My dick is 10x bigger than a dick I’ve never seen. I’m not gay, seriously!
    Yep, fucking douchebags.

  108. volatilitysmile says:

    hey hey, ho ho, this penis party’s got to go!

  109. guest says:

    As a Rice grad, all I can say is: Jesus. I wish I could say this is an outlier, but I’d be lying. Owls are, more often than not, giant weirdos.

  110. guest says:

    As a Liberty University grad, all I can say is: Jesus.

  111. guest says:

    86 = voice of reason

  112. Investorcluzo says:

    there’s a reason I left houston to go to college (because I could)…while hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, this beyatch needs to put herself in check – we’re still in a damn recession and a gov’t job isn’t going to pay back those student loans.

  113. guest says:

    @gherkin: tsk, tsk.

  114. guest says:

    @8/12/17/56/76/87/106/111 – Do you wish you could say this is an outlier? Are Owls giant weirdos?
    You, sir, are an idiot.

  115. guest says:

    As a Rice grad, all I can say is: Jesus. I wish I could say this is an outlier, but I’d be lying. Owls are, more often than not, giant weirdos.

  116. guest says:

    @116 As a Rice grad, all I can say is: Jesus. I wish I could say this is an outlier, but I’d be lying. Owls are, more often than not, giant weirdos.

  117. guest says:

    As a Rice grad, all I can say is: Jesus. I wish I could say this is an outlier, but I’d be lying. Owls are, more often than not, giant weirdos.

  118. guest says:

    @100: we invented the language, we’ll tell you how ‘honour’ is spelled.

  119. guest says:

    As a Rice grad, all I can say is: Jesus. I wish I could say this is an outlier, but I’d be lying. Owls are, more often than not, giant weirdos.

  120. guest says:

    Oh, awesome, bankers makes fun of a college girl in her early 20’s. Hope they all feel big, strong and important now. Clearly, her initial instinct was correct.

  121. guest says:

    @122 sugar tits, you must be new here.
    In future please refrain from commenting… it’ll be easier on you.

  122. CoveredLong says:

    @122 – Actually, it’s mostly Rice grads making fun of themselves for being giant weirdos and two people e-fighting.
    …and to be clear, her second instinct was correct, initially she wanted to go into banking.

  123. guest says:

    @122 tell us more.

  124. guest says:

    e-fighting = e-fucking
    Just Sayin’

  125. CoveredLong says:

    As a DB grad, all I can say is: Bess. I wish I could say this is an outlier, but I’d be lying. The commentariat are, more often than not, giant weirdos.

  126. guest says:

    I think this girl could be the next DB writer. Sure beats greg, yael, and shazman.

  127. Idiots says:

    Pretty sure this girl was making fun of the entire sector, and how no one else realizes the entire letter is laced with sarcasm is beyond me. That’s probably why none of you kiddies work at an ibank.

  128. guest says:

    @129 nice attempt at spin, rice girl’s friend. except for the fact that this wasn’t meant to ‘stick it’ to wall street, and most people here either work at a bank or hf, unlike yourself, posting from the library. run along.

  129. guest says:

    The letter is dripping with sarcasm, yet the majority of the posters on this board don’t seem to realise. How sad that they take themselves and the industry so seriously that they can’t see this.

  130. guest says:

    @131 yeah sarcasm is pretty much wasted on the commentariat here, goes right over our heads, but it’s a GREAT tone to take in a business letter. Guaranteed you’ll never in your life run into any of the handful of people who read it and they won’t hold it against you. At all.
    -guest

  131. guest says:

    As a Rice grad, all I can say is: Jesus. I wish I could say this is an outlier, but I’d be lying. Owls are, more often than not, giant weirdos.

  132. guest says:

    great to see the type of low drive losers that pursue careers in “government”

  133. guest says:

    Lets recap:
    Only 2 banks got back to me….waaa FML I quit!
    oooh shit they ratted on me to career services, now I can’t get that overpaid lazy ass gov’t job.
    Sorry I couldnt hack it after a few rounds of interviews, I did put on a big ol smile but no one hired me!! Tell my college im the best thanks!
    I wonder if Owls are, more often than not, giant weirdos.

  134. guest says:

    Only two things are certain here:
    Bess and Texas.

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