And she’s sorry she missed her interview with the rainmakers and hopes they’ll be able to find it in their hearts to forgive her. Because they’re not like those other banks. They’re different.
From: [redacted at Rice]
Sent: Thursday, February 04, 2010 9:22 AM
To: [redacted at Jefferies]
Subject: Interviewee
To Whom It May Concern:
I would like to sincerely apologize for not attending the interview I had scheduled with Jefferies & Company on Rice campus. I would also like to thank you for informing the CSPD, so as to keep me accountable for my selfish and careless actions. While I cannot take back time and no excuse suffices to rectify this great wronging, I would like to offer a brief explanation of my lack of attendance in hope that you will forgive me.
For the past month I have attended a smattering of investment banking internship interviews. I went through the tedious and stressful process of perfecting my resume, crafting cover letters, and trying my best to find internship opportunities in the field. I was lucky enough to land some interviews with some desired employers. Needless to say, I was a bit nervous. I prepped for the interviews, dressed in my finest attire, put on a big ol smile, and put my best foot forward. I responded to questions over and over – trying my best to give superficial, yet enchanting, examples of personal leadership and mental fortitude in the face of trying circumstances. I listened as each company explained to me what separated them from others in the industry – their superb corporate culture and unmatched team spirit. I shook hands, took business cards, and sent follow up emails. Because of all the work I put in through this process, each company I interviewed with assured me that they would contact me promptly to let me know of my status. Out of my six or so interviews, two contacted me back. Naive young thing that I am, I figured it was common practice in the business field to put people out of their way, make promises, and fail to follow through on those commitments. Yesterday, I decided that i-banking just wasn’t for me – not strong enough you see. Judging by my short experience in the corporate world, I figured there was no need to email you guys to cancel.
Now I see the error in my ways. You guys are different. Clearly more courteous than you’re [sic] counterparts and, if I may venture a guess, the best corporate culture in town. So once again, I am sincerely sorry for missing my scheduled interview with you guys. It would have been my pleasure to talk with you about my leadership skills and team focused mentality. Although I probably won’t venture into the i-banking field anytime soon, there may come a time when I’d like to make use of the CSPD’s on campus interview services – maybe to land a nice teaching or government job. I’d really appreciate it if you would email them back for me to let them know that I have expressed to you my sincere remorse for the whole situation.
Cheers,
[redacted]
everythign she said is true.
-ben lorello
show us your tits!
sounds like the type of girl who’d try and kill you in your sleep after you fucked her.
Seems like a genuinely nice person.
…sad to see she thinks she’ll be better off in government.
Is she hot?
“Naive young thing that I am, I figured it was common practice in the business field to put people out of their way, make promises, and fail to follow through on those commitments.”
is she talking about i-banks or her deadbeat dad?
Is it posible that college students are discovering that there is something more to life than growing up to be a Little Piggy?
In five years the average 3rd grade teacher will be making more than the average i-banker anyway.
‘this great wronging’
relax, sugar tits.
As a Rice grad, all I can say is: Jesus. I wish I could say this is an outlier, but I’d be lying. Owls are, more often than not, giant weirdos.
haha, pretty much nailed it. Agreed with above though in that we need to know if she’s hot as I like her attitude and charisma.
Not sure tarnishing your b-school’s reputation is the new killing it though.
I’m amazed that a third of the companies got back to her. She must not realize that zero is more like what she should expect.
@6 you’re not welcome here.
As a Rice grad, all I can say is: Jesus. I wish I could say this is an outlier, but I’d be lying. Owls are, more often than not, giant weirdos.
Letters addressed to “to whom it may concern” are a “great wronging.”
Probably a Martel girl. Pfft. Martel isn’t a college.
Lovett ’07
“dressed in my finest attire, put on a big ol smile”
I’d hire her to be my fund’s wideclops.
What is rice? Is that something asians eat?
As a Rice grad, all I can say is: Jesus. I wish I could say this is an outlier, but I’d be lying. Owls are, more often than not, giant weirdos.
10 = jeff chiang
@12/17- they’re also known to double post.
Wow, what kind of parents name a girl Redacted???
@21 try it again and this time be funny.
Yes, hate to break it to the sweet young thing, but Jefco is just like all the rest…but instead of $100 for a bj, they only give you $50.
@21 – Superheroes, it’s for her own protection really.
Bess how did you get this letter?
What the fuck is Rice?
Is that where the Cosby kids went to college?
@9 There are no (zero, nada) hot chicks at Rice. Known for fugly women.
That’s why UH/UT exists.
-14
She forgot to say that hiring her is the best decision for not just herself, but the firm. No wonder she only got call backs from only 1/3rd of the firms she interviewed with.
UF Student
@22=Racist. Go back to Houston, redneck.
genius@26 obviously it got fwd’d around, starting w the Jefferies recipient, just like the chiang stuff, and the goldman applicant. are you going to be one of those guys who whines about how HR should be sued for this offense?
it was a guy.
@31 no, it wasn’t.
-received this email chain
Allow me to summarize:
To whom it may concern: I’m a douche. I really didn’t give a shit until I realized that my selfishness has precluded me from ever holding a job in the private sector. Instead, I’ve decided to suck on the teet of society and destroy the next generation, so can you tell these assholes I’m good enough for government work?
Thanks,
The douchebag that didn’t show for the interview yesterday.
@33 = the jefferies employee who got stood up for this on-campus interview
@33 = douche
I’m serious.
psy-cho
Anyone who signs their emails “Cheers” is an automatic loser. Show us your beev.
Do these banks have any idea how bad it makes themselves look when these emails get circulated outside the company? Because… it really does.
I know one way you can show me you’re sorry.
-jef employee
@30 easy kid. Mo more coffee. I dont give a shit about HR or you. I was wondering how this ended up on Bess’s desk. I dont need your ideas on how it ended up there.
Frankly you are on here too much if you actually thin your name is Bess.
Go suck a bag of dicks
@40 why are you getting so defensive? 30 is obviously correct about how it “ended up on Bess’s desk,” whether your want his ideas or not.
I need to know what Jeff Schneider thinks of this.
girlfriend needs a xanax
cheers this pussywinkler!!!!
those who can’t do….
cheers this pussywinkler!!!!
Neil @41 and Bob at 30… shhhhhh
cheers this pussywinkler!!!!
This has nothing to do with blowjobs on the roof of 85Broad.
WOMAN!
Can’t hire them, can’t fire them.
Woman… woe-man… whoooa-man. She was a thief, you gotta believe, she stole my heart and my cat. Betty, Judy, Josie and those hot Pussycats… they make me horny, Saturday morny… girls of cartoo-ins will leave me in ruins… I want to to be Betty’s Barney. Hey Jane… get me off this crazy thing… called love.
sounds like a fatty
can’t live with em can’t live with em
MEN
can’t live with em can’t live with em
MEN
I like my women to grunt during sex. I love da grunters.
As a Rice grad, all I can say is: Jesus. I wish I could say this is an outlier, but I’d be lying. Owls are, more often than not, giant weirdos.
What’s better: Jeffries or Lebenthal?
sounds needy. I’d do her.
RICECLOPS!
ROR!!!!
“I would also like to thank you for informing the CSPD, so as to keep me accountable for my selfish and careless actions. “
@58 Are you anybody else’s secretary?
most courteous bank on the street? excuse you? I practically wrote the book on manners.
-LB
@ 60 – examine your motives, pronto.
ROR
@58,
Bioscience has conclusively proven that a diet consisting of 30% or greater of soy products in combination with Diet Coke manufactures an overwhelmingly destructive surge in estrogen:
End result is instant liquefication of your testicles into green discharge which subsequently will be expelled via the excretory tract.
In layman’s terms, you just melted your balls.
College kids are really all up into themselves anyway. I’d like to hear what Redacted has to say in about 5 years.
Soylent Green
@58
Stop swimming in East River.
Rice and Baylor are killin’ it.
Rice grads make good plant managers in the midstream business. They don’t mind working in towns like Noodle Dome, TX.
oy vey. this is the result of liberal arts education…
Stupid Academs.
@70 = vocational school elitist
Now we all can pay her tuition bills and then salary while she works for 12 years and then collects a full pension as a member of the govt union.
Rice its whats for dinner.
@27 – You forgot about the SMU hotties, too!!
Guess they don’t teach you how to read directions (i.e. how to avoid 6x posting) at Rice, eh?
As a Rice grad, all I can say is: Jesus. I wish I could say this is an outlier, but I’d be lying. Owls are, more often than not, giant weirdos.
Dear Redacted:
Thank you for explaining why you were absent from our scheduled interview on the Rice campus. We accept your apology. Should you change your mind, and if we can, we’d like to assist you with a “reference” if you should wish to interview with:
1. Barings Bank
2. Allied Irish Bank
3. Long Term Capital Management
4. Metallgesellschaft
5. SocGen (Paris desk)
6. Amaranth
7. Motherrock
8. Orange County, CA
9. China Aviation
10. WestLB
Regards,
Campus Interviewers
@ 72: is this all you got?
you one of those kids watching cartoons past your prime, too, aren’t you? how do you like the yellow submarine in 3d?
@78 that’s all I need. I’m a liberal arts ugrad, gainfully employed on the buy-side for the last 15 yrs. you, on the other hand, think the ability to read/write/think are bad, which is likely what you were taught in your senior year shop classes.
@ 79. In our PRIVATE school, they thought us how to think first, even before teaching us how to read and write. Oh, and they thought us physics and math, thanks to which I am still doin’ al’ right.
And if I ever hit on hard times, there is a little trust fund, and a portfolio of real estate to keep my soul nourished. This is BEFORE I capitulate and call daddy & co. for help.
So, keep working on providing me the returns you provide so well, and I will catch up on Sophocles.
P.S./ Have you ever wondered why Aida is singing arias and duets at the top of her range while enclosed in an airtight tomb? The need to conserve oxygen is not well explained in theory of medieval english dance classes. Do us all a favour and stop breathing now, degenerate mouse user.
80=douche
@80 I went to private school as well but we also had an English class that taught us how to spell and we were also taught to be gentleman.
Clearly your private school had cut backs. Maybe you should make a donation from your daddy’s trust.
Douche bag!
-not 79
Don’t know what is funnier, the Rice U part of Jefferies part. Don’t fret babe, they’ll fill their back office with mongoloids from other community colleges within no time…
I went to private school too and my Dad was an investment banker. In my early teens, he once told me, “Son, don’t play with your weiner too much or you’ll go blind.”
I replied, “Hey dad…I’m over here….”
Better boypussy: Trust fund brat or Buy-Side CFA?
Dear Redacted:
What you’ve just written is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever read. At no point in your rambling, incoherent apology were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational explanation. Everyone in my office is now dumber for having read it. I award you no brownie points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
Cheers,
Uncle Jeffries.
As a Rice grad, all I can say is: Jesus. I wish I could say this is an outlier, but I’d be lying. Owls are, more often than not, giant weirdos.
“selfish and careless actions”
you better be wearing a hair shirt right now.
@81, they also tought us to defend our honour, especially when the offender is a mouth-breathing mouse-weaver.
And, trust me, I got no pleasure destroying the fickle ego of the buy side prospectus-editing insecure douche (why else jump in defence of lib arts education on a blog?). He put his d _ _ k on the table daring to compare.
Peace.
@81 wholeheartedly concur.
next.
@89 sorry, am not a prospectus-editor, but please continue attempting to make yourself feel better about the fact that I went to a (whispers) LIBERAL ARTS SCHOOL and make 10x your take-home.
@ 91. OK, I still have 10x the net worth. Loser.
guppie vs. trust fund douche – discuss…
@91 / @92
You’re both gaylords
You can’t rag on SMU. Some of the hottest girls in the state, not to mention they are all fucking loaded. Southern Millionaires University. Too bad no I-bank ever found its way to the interview rooms.
-Alum
volatilitysmile = total fucking loser. Most likely poor.
volatilitysmile = vertical smile
@95
Thanks for your comment. Except that nobody ragged on SMU or gives a sh*t about your alma mater.
wow, things got heated. how does that saying go? carry a big stick and what not…
@89, in America it is spelled HONOR
@ Jimmy (96) – you are right on the money, working class jock, hustling myself for a buck or two, wearing a wife-beater, drinking six packs (if it helps stimulate your guppie fetishes).
And now, back to the studio!
As a Jesus grad, all I can say is: Rice. I wish I could say this is a liar, but I’d be outlying. Weirdos are, more often than not, giant owls.
@97 you complete me
@100 – you are absolutely correct, Sir. Will utilize US spelling in the future.
@27 UH?! You must have a fetish for Mexican commuter students.
As a Rice grad, all I can say is: Jesus. I wish I could say this is an outlier, but I’d be lying. Owls are, more often than not, giant weirdos.
This thread is fucking brilliant. Who is the genius who keeps reposting about the owls and the weirdos? Plus 2 classic dickheads going on about my dick/trust fund is 10x bigger than yours. Classic douchery all round
@80=David Spade from the movie PCU
My dick is 10x bigger than a dick I’ve never seen. I’m not gay, seriously!
Yep, fucking douchebags.
hey hey, ho ho, this penis party’s got to go!
As a Rice grad, all I can say is: Jesus. I wish I could say this is an outlier, but I’d be lying. Owls are, more often than not, giant weirdos.
As a Liberty University grad, all I can say is: Jesus.
86 = voice of reason
there’s a reason I left houston to go to college (because I could)…while hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, this beyatch needs to put herself in check – we’re still in a damn recession and a gov’t job isn’t going to pay back those student loans.
@gherkin: tsk, tsk.
@8/12/17/56/76/87/106/111 – Do you wish you could say this is an outlier? Are Owls giant weirdos?
You, sir, are an idiot.
As a Rice grad, all I can say is: Jesus. I wish I could say this is an outlier, but I’d be lying. Owls are, more often than not, giant weirdos.
@116 As a Rice grad, all I can say is: Jesus. I wish I could say this is an outlier, but I’d be lying. Owls are, more often than not, giant weirdos.
As a Rice grad, all I can say is: Jesus. I wish I could say this is an outlier, but I’d be lying. Owls are, more often than not, giant weirdos.
@100: we invented the language, we’ll tell you how ‘honour’ is spelled.
As a Rice grad, all I can say is: Jesus. I wish I could say this is an outlier, but I’d be lying. Owls are, more often than not, giant weirdos.
Oh, awesome, bankers makes fun of a college girl in her early 20′s. Hope they all feel big, strong and important now. Clearly, her initial instinct was correct.
@122 sugar tits, you must be new here.
In future please refrain from commenting… it’ll be easier on you.
@122 – Actually, it’s mostly Rice grads making fun of themselves for being giant weirdos and two people e-fighting.
…and to be clear, her second instinct was correct, initially she wanted to go into banking.
@122 tell us more.
e-fighting = e-fucking
Just Sayin’
As a DB grad, all I can say is: Bess. I wish I could say this is an outlier, but I’d be lying. The commentariat are, more often than not, giant weirdos.
I think this girl could be the next DB writer. Sure beats greg, yael, and shazman.
Pretty sure this girl was making fun of the entire sector, and how no one else realizes the entire letter is laced with sarcasm is beyond me. That’s probably why none of you kiddies work at an ibank.
@129 nice attempt at spin, rice girl’s friend. except for the fact that this wasn’t meant to ‘stick it’ to wall street, and most people here either work at a bank or hf, unlike yourself, posting from the library. run along.
The letter is dripping with sarcasm, yet the majority of the posters on this board don’t seem to realise. How sad that they take themselves and the industry so seriously that they can’t see this.
@131 yeah sarcasm is pretty much wasted on the commentariat here, goes right over our heads, but it’s a GREAT tone to take in a business letter. Guaranteed you’ll never in your life run into any of the handful of people who read it and they won’t hold it against you. At all.
-guest
As a Rice grad, all I can say is: Jesus. I wish I could say this is an outlier, but I’d be lying. Owls are, more often than not, giant weirdos.
great to see the type of low drive losers that pursue careers in “government”
Lets recap:
Only 2 banks got back to me….waaa FML I quit!
oooh shit they ratted on me to career services, now I can’t get that overpaid lazy ass gov’t job.
Sorry I couldnt hack it after a few rounds of interviews, I did put on a big ol smile but no one hired me!! Tell my college im the best thanks!
I wonder if Owls are, more often than not, giant weirdos.
Only two things are certain here:
Bess and Texas.