• 19 Feb 2010 at 12:34 PM

When Will Alan Greenspan Finally Die?

Picture 183.pngI’m not asking for me, I’m asking for Matthew Schirmer, one of the many people who bought a portrait of McG back when he was a hot-ticket item anyone who’s anyone would proudly display around the house. Now? That people have realized he kinda helped us get into the financial shit-storm du jour with his patented 3-Step Guide For Being Fed Chair (1. Talk like you know your shit, even when you don’t. 2. Cut rates like a Thai hooker with the clap 3. When in doubt, print it out)? No one wants anything to do with him and if you’re unlucky enough to have his picture stinking up your home, like Schirmer, you just want the guy to bite the big one already.

Mr. Schirmer says he had high hopes for the painting when he bought it in 2006 with his brother, Nathan. The money they spent went to a worthy cause, autism research. But Mr. Schirmer says he was hoping to raise even more money for a favorite charity, Autism Speaks.
“We thought, let us ride this wave,” he recalls. Mr. Schirmer paid to have 100 high-quality prints made of the painting. He flew Ms. Crowe to Florida to sign them. Her painting was placed on an easel in the lobby of a Tampa-area bank Mr. Schirmer helped found. Mr. Schirmer anticipated holding charity fund-raisers with the Greenspan painting as a draw.
Picture 185.png
“There was no interest,” he says. To this day, he hasn’t sold any prints, he says, “not a single one.” The original painting could still recover some value, he says. “I hate to tell you, but we are kind of waiting for him to pass on.

It’s not that Schirmer et al wish Big Al any harm, per se, it’s just that he’s not the sort of thing you want lying around the house, where guests or innocent children might see him.

Brian McAnaney, a lawyer in Stamford, Conn., bought an early Greenspan painting by Ms. Crowe at a charity auction way back for $300. A friend of the artist’s family, he hung the painting in his office, where it remained until he retired. Now he has it hidden away in a closet in his summer house.
“It is a little hard to find a place for Mr. Greenspan in my homes,” Mr. McAnaney says. “He is still there, but in a closet, because it is difficult to find a place for him in a family setting.”

Until our sweet prince finally does take his final bow, though, he’s actually not entirely useless.

“What I should do is make [these paintings] into a dart board,” says Charles Gradante, who with his wife, Lee Hennessee, runs the Fifth Avenue firm that advises investors in hedge funds. “All I see when I look at these paintings are two market crashes, a bear market, and the current economic crisis.”

29 comments (hidden to protect delicate sensibilities)
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Comments (29)

  1. Posted by volatilitysmile | February 19, 2010 at 12:44 PM

    who wants to live forever?

  2. Posted by guest | February 19, 2010 at 12:45 PM

    Dealbreaker should start a death-pool.

  3. Posted by guest | February 19, 2010 at 12:50 PM

    keep waiting ya fools.
    -paulie v.

  4. Posted by guest | February 19, 2010 at 12:50 PM

    keep waiting ya fools.
    -paulie v.

  5. Posted by guest | February 19, 2010 at 12:51 PM

    That is a classic picture.

  6. Posted by guest | February 19, 2010 at 12:51 PM

    keep waiting ya fools.
    -paulie v.

  7. Posted by guest | February 19, 2010 at 12:51 PM

    keep waiting ya fools.
    -paulie v.

  8. Posted by guest | February 19, 2010 at 12:52 PM

    tell me about it
    – andrea

  9. Posted by guest | February 19, 2010 at 1:02 PM

    When we were kids, we all used to play hide the kielbasa with Ayn Rand. It was no big deal.

  10. Posted by guest | February 19, 2010 at 1:04 PM

    in my infinite confidence in the lovely bess, i’m holding out for the reason for the obviously-intentional omission of a picture of the painting from this post

  11. Posted by guest | February 19, 2010 at 1:04 PM

    in my infinite confidence in the lovely bess, i’m holding out for the reason for the obviously-intentional omission of a picture of the painting from this post

  12. Posted by guest | February 19, 2010 at 1:13 PM

    @10/11- because the one used above is funnier?

  13. Posted by guest | February 19, 2010 at 1:19 PM

    his eyes are so dreamy…

  14. Posted by Lowly Assistant | February 19, 2010 at 1:29 PM

    Not gonna lie, I find this post troubling. What happened to Herr’s nomenclature, “Maestro?”

  15. Posted by Lowly Assistant | February 19, 2010 at 1:44 PM

    And can we also get a ruling on whether Beard has a beard below?

  16. Posted by guest | February 19, 2010 at 1:47 PM

    @14 I find it disturbing you would think bess would use the nickname that everyone and his mother used for Big Al, rather than her own (the only time she’s ever incorporated maestro is in his screen-name, maestro69). shape up.

  17. Posted by guest | February 19, 2010 at 1:55 PM

    “it is difficult to find a place for him in a family setting.””
    really?

  18. Posted by guest | February 19, 2010 at 2:01 PM

    he looks so regal in that high-quality print

  19. Posted by guest | February 19, 2010 at 2:02 PM

    bess-
    thank you
    -10/11

  20. Posted by guest | February 19, 2010 at 2:03 PM

    bess-
    thank you
    -10/11

  21. Posted by guest | February 19, 2010 at 2:07 PM

    Not soon enough

  22. Posted by guest | February 19, 2010 at 2:11 PM

    put that picture on a urinal puck and you could sell the hell out of it.
    i’d buy one.

  23. Posted by guest | February 19, 2010 at 2:58 PM

    bernanke nudes? bess, you are welcome at my apartment anytime, but tell me first.

  24. Posted by guest | February 19, 2010 at 3:10 PM

    no! don’t leave me you lovely cuddly bundle of fluff.
    – his mistress

  25. Posted by Phoneranger | February 19, 2010 at 4:18 PM

    financial shit-storm de siecle

  26. Posted by guest | February 21, 2010 at 7:01 PM

    Do Greenspam and Andrea Mitchell have kids?
    I’m just curious.
    How do they look like?

  27. […] to keep their pieces out in public where their friends my see them. For now they’re just biding their time til McG bites the big one, at which point they can pull the portraits out of the attic and sell […]

  28. […] to keep their pieces out in public where their friends my see them. For now they’re just biding their time til McG bites the big one, at which point they can pull the portraits out of the attic and sell […]

  29. […] to keep their pieces out in public where their friends my see them. For now they’re just biding their time til McG bites the big one, at which point they can pull the portraits out of the attic and sell […]