Charlie Gasparino reports that his sources are telling him Lloyd Blankfein and Goldman Sachs are so despised the world over that they get “75 to 100 pieces of hate mail in a single day.” Chaz wanted to give us a specific number, but doing so would’ve given away the fact that he himself has been the one faithfully clipping letters from newspapers and magazines each night to send LB variations on “you got some stugots not callin’ me back, Lloyd!” (“you better fuckin’ call me back, Lloyd!” and “do not test my patience Lloyd or I’m gonna make a bank holding company out of your stugots, LLOYD!”). So, a range of 75-100 it is.
Gaspo also reports, through gritted teeth, that Goldman has bigger things to worry about than his letters, namely “the future of Goldman given all the new regulations that are likely to come out of Washington in the coming months.” But don’t fooled: Goldman is indeed miffed about the shit they keep getting for doing nothing wrong, while other banks like, I don’t know, JPMORGAN could dispatch their CEO to teabag the homeless guy on Park and everyone would crow about what a great and generous guy that Jamie is, to share his balls with someone in need. That why Goldman, according to CG, is considering “launching an all-out media offensive including for the first time TV ads.” So! In what sort of scenarios would you like to see Lloyd placed in said ads? Obviously the commercials will have to demonstrate that GS gets it, so should LB be somber? Should he offer an on-air apology? Should he give the people what they really want, by which I mean film himself performing one of these four tasks? Everyone’s open to suggestions but I think the last one would go pretty pretty pretty far in ingratiating LB and GS to the people.
1. It wouldn’t be a media offensive but rather a media defensive. GS is on the defensive here.
2. Please add a tags “balls,” “Jamie D. teabags homeless” “Jamie’s scrotum got licked and Lloyd is furious” or some variation thereof (lest I impugn your genius)
Thank you.
I know dis to be a fact, cuz I send 50 of dem letters everyday. Dat punk Lloyd called me a “thug,” ya know, as if I wear a black leather jacket to work. Lloyd is un-fuckin’-professional.
Like many others, he is jealous of my celebrity. I got da brains, and da beauty, and all dat punk has is a bald fuckin’ head. Da stooge….
- CG
I guess Charlie’s telling us “the situation is fluid?”
Will the Goldman TV campaign have the quality, craftsmanship, fit and finish of UBS ads?
Goldman can learn a lot from the Swiss when it comes to presenting an image of excellence.
Just sayin’
JD doesn’t tea bag anybody, he potato sacks them.
Dear Bess,
You are magnificent. Thank you. Don’t every listen to what that portly freak Biffy said.
@1.
@4 I like the cut of your jib, sailor.
Have a clip of LB slapping a bunch of children at a birthday party then cut to him stealing Christmas.
There are an infinite number of ways for LB to publicly demonstrate his remorse, and show the humanity of GS, which after all, is doing God’s work.
Soft music should be featured in the TV ad, as well as helpless stray animals being helped by good folks at GS. Advertising is not my thing, but something like Lloyd playing the role of Mary Poppins would get the people on his side, I think:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XHrRxQVUFN4
I think a video of LB fucking a giant fish would garner the best reaction.
I’m the Boss
What a great story Chaz. Tell it again.
I’m picturing Blankfein with a pipe in front of fireplace reading the torah to a group of youngsters.
@12 refrain from commenting again until you become funny.
I’m picturing Blankfein with a pipe in front of fireplace telling the audience that he intends to increase diversity hiring at GS by hiring gentiles.
I’m picturing a black leather jacket clad Chaz, wielding a pipe, chasing LB down a dark alley, screaming “you don’t return my fuckin’ calls, dis is what your gonna get you fuckin’ busone!
I went to Belmar, and all I got was the Situation’s fluid.
-Charles “I’m Not Like Them. No, Seriously.” Gasparino
Guys, guys!
Is some hate mail better than no hate mail at all?
Gasparino gets 75-100 hate letters a day. Most of them come from Lucas.
Run a contest of some kind, winner gets $1bio in gold ingots, ten lucky runners-up get $100mio each.
For a paltry $2bio, Lloyd would become the best-loved CEO in America, plus, it would be the end of all this nonsense about how Wall Street is overpaid.
(Especially if it was like a “best journalist” contest or a “best bureaucrat” contest or the like, just sayin’.)
@18
Lucas is dead, ass hole.
/not corey haim but a fan of his work.
Definitely, definitely needs a commercial starring starring the truly compassionate ad veteran, Sally Struthers.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ePENcrE_xcQ&feature=PlayList&p=68D56C635D018618&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=33
That would be priceless. Goldman commercials.
Using the same music and replacing the Indian with Lloyd, show Lloyd walking through countries, villages, companies and subprime shanty towns, etc… that got screwed over by Goldman’s structured finance/derivative deals. Replace narration with:
“Some people have a deep, abiding respect for the natural plutocracy that was once this country.
And some people don’t.
People start regulations
And people can stop it.”
Show a stack of Maiden Lane I, II, III term sheets and prospectuses being tossed at Lloyd’s feet.
Fade to black with Lloyd having a tear trickle down his cheek.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_R-FZsysQNw&feature=related
@18 like I have time for that ignoramus.
@23 pretty funny
cash4goldman.com, starring MC Hammer.
cash4goldman.com starring MC Hammer
Everytime I see that picture I think he’s asking “Who farted?”
^ you talkin’ to me?
Make Lloyd act out Bill Nighy’s role in this, without him turning beet red in anger.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZzZIRMXcxRc
…ayyyyyy…..what has 2 thumbs and da sexiest uppa lip in the tri-borough area…….?
Dis guy
I see potential GS adverts along the lines of political adverts where the advertiser accuses the opponent of being worthless because he/she voted for Bill X and because he/she voted against Bill Y.
A key difference, thus ensuring success, would be liberal use of the stinkeye to refute each useless claim/criticism. For example:
Talking Head “Goldman Sachs accepted money from our government and used it to pay employees big bonuses”
Switch view to LB showing stinkeye
Talking Head “Goldman Sachs took outrageous risks and without our government bailing out AIG, would have gone down too”
Switch view to LB showing stinkeye
Damn. I knew I should have accepted that job in Creative.
Llooooooyd!
Have Max Keiser as a spokesperson:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VSwWy4E6I04
someone help me beg for help I have already written these emails to hundreds or thousands of people in the world’s richest and most prosperous companies, unfortunately without any response a good day would like to ask on behalf of myself and my father both conducting economic activities in the industry I work clothes and my dad in the power industry both our companies are on the verge of bankruptcy my dad founded the company in 1986 and I in 2006 in 2006, several employees left from my dad and started his own company with the same profile of activity taking us to 90% of customers along with them went to them my was a girl with whom I was 10 years people who have gone from my dad and started a competitive firm have the same arrangement with the local police for what my family and me are discriminated against and persecuted for what I most feel it every day in both his work and on the street today More than half of employees in the company my dad was released together with me was the number of unpaid loans used to my dad
employed over 10 employees will now be only three of these are the people that the pension was only after several years and know that they will not find employment now, our situation is a dramatic turn because of the hot request on behalf of myself and my dad because he is too proud a man to ask someone for something so I ask me on behalf of interest-free loan or a gift no matter what the amount might be, for example one million U.S. dollars from my calculations comes out that even paying that kind of money on deposit to the bank for the year, you can multiply the money and the interest to pay off that we have a long
eg, after a year or two to give back the money I know that such letters are replaced by the state and hundreds or even thousands, but I would ask a state to consider this request positively look forward to a response on this issue even when the rejection thank you and sorry for the busy time of Peter I greet Klimaszewski Poland street postcode Konopnickiej 5 25-406 Kielce PW AP-TECHNIC Piotr Klimaszewski in the century, ap-technic. pl
gives the number of bank accounts to which contributions can be made
every cent counts
PL 70 1140 2004 0000 3802 5327 9194 BIC / SWIFT BRE Bank: BREXPLPWMBK
recipient P.W. AP-TECHNIC Piotr Klimaszewski ul.(Street) M. Konopnickiej 5 postcode 25-406 Kielce POLAND
address of the BRE Bank SA INTERNET BANKING, al. Pilsudskiego 3, 90-368 Lódź. POLAND
PL 19 1090 2040 0000 0001 0528 3314
SWIFT Code: WBKPPLPP
recipient
Piotr Michał Klimaszewski
ul. (Street) W. Kadlubka 56B
Post Code 25-406 Kielce POLAND
Bank Address
Bank Zachodni WBK SA
Address:
ul. (Street) Rynek 9 / 11
postal code 50-950 Wrocław Poland
if possible please send out e-mails to your friends
niech mi ktoś pomoże błagam o pomoc napisałem już takich emaili setki albo tysiące do najbogatszych ludzi na świecie i najbogatszych firm niestety bez żadnego odzewu dzień dobry zwracam się z prośba w imieniu swoim i mojego ojca oboje prowadzimy działalności gospodarcze ja w branży odzieży roboczej a mój tata w branży elektronarzędzi obie nasze firmy są na granicy upadłości mój tata założyl firmę w 1986 roku ja w 2006 w 2006 roku kilku pracowników odeszło od mojego taty i założyli własną firmę o takim samym profilu działalności zabierając nam 90 % klientów razem z nimi odeszłą do nich moja była dziewczyna z którą byłem 10 lat Ludzie którzy odeszli od mojego taty i załozyli konkurencyjną taką samą firmę mają układ z lokalną policją przez co moja rodzina i ja jesteśmy dyskryminowani i prześladowani z czego ja najbardziej odczuwam to codziennie zarówno w swojej pracy jak i na ulicy obecnie ponad połowa pracowników w firmie taty została zwolniona łącznie ze mną zostałem z niespłaconymi kilkoma kredytami kiedyś mój tata
zatrudniał ponad 10 pracowników teraz zostanie tylko trzech są to ludzie którym do emerytury zostało tylko po kilka lat i wiadomo że nigdzie nie znajdą już zatrudnienia sytuacja nasza jest dramatyczna dlatego zwracam się z gorąca prośbą w imieniu swoim i mojego taty ponieważ on jest zbyt dumnym człowiekiem aby prosić się kogoś o coś dlatego proszę ja w jego imieniu o udzielenie pożyczki bezprocentowej lub darowizny w obojętnie jakiej kwocie mógłby to być np milion dolarów z moich wyliczeń wychodzi że nawet wpłacając taką sumę na lokate do banku za rok można pomnożyć te pieniądze i z tych odsetek spłacać długi które mamy a
np po roku albo dwóch oddać spowrotem te pieniądze wiem że takich listów otrzymują państwo setki albo i nawet tysiące ale prosiłbym bardzo aby państwo rozważyli tę prośbę pozytywnie liczę na jakąś odpowiedź w tej sprawie chociażby nawet odmowną dziekuję i przepraszam za zajęty czas serdecznie pozdrawiam Piotr Klimaszewski Polska ulica konopnickiej 5 kod pocztowy 25-406 Kielce P.W. AP-TECHNIC Piotr Klimaszewski w w w. ap-technic . pl
tel. +48 698 677 151 (041)332 72 33
podaje numer kont bankowych na które można dokonywać wpłaty
liczy się każdy cent
PL 70 1140 2004 0000 3802 5327 9194 kod BIC/SWIFT BRE Banku: BREXPLPWMBK
odbiorca P.W. AP-TECHNIC Piotr Klimaszewski ul. M. konopnickiej 5 kod pocztowy 25-406 Kielce POLSKA
adres banku BRE Bank S.A. INTERNET BANKING, al. Piłsudskiego 3, 90-368 Łódź. POLSKA
PL 19 1090 2040 0000 0001 0528 3314
Kod SWIFT banku: WBKPPLPP
odbiorca
Piotr Michał Klimaszewski
ul. (street) W. Kadłubka 56B
post code 25-406 Kielce POLSKA
adress bank
Bank Zachodni WBK S.A.
Adress:
ul.(street) Rynek 9/11
kod pocztowy 50-950 Wrocław Polska
jeśli to możliwe proszę o rozesłanie tego mejla swoim znajomym