Hands down best party of the story is that this is supposed to be Steve and, I don't know, Ping Jiang, dressed as a little Dutch Boy?
New York mag has a story today on the hedge fund ex-lover’s spat du jour: that of Steve Cohen and his former wife, Patricia, who last December sued Steve, accusing him of hiding “significant” marital assets from her when they were getting divorced (twenty years ago), insider trading and so on and so forth. The article starts off sweetly enough, with how the two met– “on a rainy summer evening in 1979,” at a bar on the Upper East Side. Patricia (she’s the one recounting this story to the author, BTW) was wearing “a white camisole and a pale, rain-soaked silk skirt that stuck to her lovely legs.” Stevie, then 22, a junior trader with “a trim waist” approached her, and while PC says he wasn’t her type, she found his eagerness endearing, and six months later they got married.
We then hear about the unhappy marriage and the even unhappier (twenty freaking) years since the two split, mostly from Patricia’s side (though we do get some of SC’s perspective, through his friends), plus all the stuff they said about each other in their divorce papers and subsequent other filings. It feels like we’re in couple’s counseling with these two and yeah, it’s as awkward as you can imagine that trust tree to be. He was obsessed with work and moody; she was unsympathetic, unappreciative. She thinks he’s tried to buy favor with their children; he thinks he’s being generous (when wasn’t giving them money she said he was treating them like cast-offs, while the kids with the new wife were spoiled). She feels he should’ve paid for her abode, but when he bought and renovated an apartment on Central Park West for her, claims to have felt like “a vassal of the wealthy lord,” because he kept it in his name (I’m not going to say it, because we’re not here to take sides but I am going to think it). Patricia says she’ll “never understand his anger [toward] me,” while Steve has told people, “She’s a terrorist on a mission to make my life a living hell.”
So, as previously stated, awk! And yet, from every insanely uncomfortable situation, wherein we’re hearing about Patricia withholding sex from her Steve, to the entitlement, to the yelling, the screaming and the pasta with anchovies, there’s a learning experience to be found. Namely, how to stay on the big guy’s good side. Current, future and past employees, perhaps hoping to learn from their mistakes, take note:
Don’t: be such a god damn nag.
In Steve’s view, it would have helped if Patricia sympathized with the strain on him. Instead, she seemed put out, as if his working so hard was self-centered. Steve understood how the market affected him; after the relationship collapsed, he went on Prozac for a time. But he could have used a little appreciation—after all, he was “going to war,” as he referred to his job, for her and their two children. But after work she’d meet him at the subway exit with the kids, as if to say, Okay, your fun time is over. As Steve experienced it, she didn’t want him to be happy.
Do: shut up about the damn pool. He doesn’t wanna go in the pool!.
Patricia comes from a fractured family, and she has her own ideas of the good life. She issued dramatic, “evangelical” speeches urging Steve to remember the simpler, family-centered pleasures, like trips to Disneyland or splashing in the pool with his children.
Don’t: ask him to change. Understand him. “Get” him. See what SC is all about.
“She pressed him to change. Somehow she’d missed a fundamental element of Steve’s character—she hadn’t realized how ambitious he was.”
Do: have sex with him (like this is such a hardship).
By 1988, things were almost over—though, of course, they weren’t. Patricia insisted on divorce, but Steve beat her to the punch, serving her with papers charging that she’d abandoned him and refused to have sex.”
Don’t: test him, woman.
At first Steve moved out, but then, partly on his attorney’s advice, he returned to their sprawling apartment, with the kind of explanation that would echo for the next two decades. “I had every right to do so,” he wrote in an affidavit. “I paid all the expenses.” Their romance had turned into its mirror image. Steve now took some pleasure in Patricia’s discomfort, though she pushed his buttons, too. As he wrote, “She well knows how to do [that].” There’d even been a fight; Steve hit her, she says. “The one physical confrontation we had during this entire period was provoked by [Patricia],” Steve wrote. “Although she called the police, it was not necessary that she do so.”
Do: get a damn job.
The divorce was a disaster, too. Steve gave Patricia $1 million in cash and their East End Avenue apartment, which he considered more than fair. He’d first declared his net worth at $16.9 million, according to a July 1, 1988, disclosure. Later, he wrote off $8.75 million of that as a bad real-estate investment—one focus of Patricia’s lawsuit—and recalculated his worth at $8.2 million. Thus, he later wrote, Patricia got more than half, a figure arrived at by valuing their East End apartment at $3.8 million. As for monthly support, he first agreed to $3,730 for the kids and household costs (plus he paid for camp and school and other expenses). All told, in 1990, he spent $125,619.30 on Patricia and the children. It’s a measly sum compared to his income—$4.3 million in 1989, according to a copy of his income-tax statement, and nearly $12 million the year before. But Steve thought that he had more than met his obligation. He wasn’t required, and he certainly wouldn’t volunteer, to pay for “spousal maintenance.” He suggested Patricia get a job, perhaps as a general contractor, for which she’d shown an aptitude in selling their seven other properties. Or maybe she should write that script she’d talked about.
Do: laugh at his jokes, or he’ll kill you (that was a joke: LAUGH.).
[Steve met his new wife,] Alexandra Garcia through a dating service—she was the only one of twenty women who responded to his invitation. “She’d always wanted to marry a millionaire,” a friend told BusinessWeek, though she also saw Steve’s other charms. She thought he was the funniest person she’d ever met. (Steve took note: Patricia had found his sense of humor stupid.) Alex didn’t want to change Steve; she wanted to be with him. “The day we met I knew I was going to marry him,” she later said.
Do: know his favorite foods.
These days, Alex helps give away millions to charity, shows up at events on Steve’s arm. Still, she wears Gap and drives to Costco, alert to bargains. And she takes care of her man. She doesn’t complain that he works too much; she lauds his devotion to their kids. If he has a bad day at work, she cooks his favorite meal, pasta with anchovies.
Don’t: ask him to buy you a place and then bitch about it.
[In 2002] he got Patricia a 2,340-square-foot three-bedroom on Central Park West, renovated it for her, whatever she wanted. But Patricia had to move out during the renovation, and she felt evicted. To add to her sense of injury, Steve and his new wife, Alexandra, whom he married in 1992, kept the title in their name, giving her a $1,471.49-a-month lease in perpetuity. In Steve’s mind, it was for her own good. That at least kept her from mortgaging the place and running through the money and ending up homeless. In Patricia’s eyes, it also kept her subservient, a vassal of the wealthy lord, where once they’d been equals. His so-called generosity enraged her.
Do: get yourself a BlockBuster membership.
In a March 22, 2002, letter from his attorneys Bronstein Van Veen, Steve told her that he will only pay for his kids’ “books required specifically in the course syllabus,” adding, “You will be expected to provide the syllabus.” His daughter, a film student at the time, was warned not to buy movies if they could be rented. And then, on June 24, 2002, a letter states, “Mr. Cohen has previously requested and wishes to reiterate that requests should not come directly to him from the children,” as if that would make him uncomfortable.”
Don’t: let your mother claim he’s not a Daddy Warbucks in his own right. He’s Warbucksing it up all over the place.
“There were years he gave Patricia’s daughter a $100,000 stipend—in 2005, it was $123,000. But a sense of deprivation is deeply ingrained in the kids. The daughter doesn’t even tell anyone that her father is a billionaire. She doesn’t have the money to show for it, so what’s the point?”
Don’t: take a bite of his hand, no matter how cute and nom-nom-nom-alicious it may be.
In March 2006, Patricia saw a 60 Minutes segment about her ex-husband that she says finally opened her eyes..And it launched her on an obsessive three-year search into Steve’s business past, involving dozens of calls and tracking down her former husband’s business associates. In short order, a warning came. Steve planned to continue paying Patricia $9,000 a month, though he would no longer legally owe her a thing. But her snooping had gotten back to him. In October 2007, Patricia says, a message was conveyed through her son: Patricia “should not bite the hand that feeds [her].”
Do: cut his face out of all the old photos you’ve saved, take up yoga, fuck a younger man, whatever you have to do to LET IT GO. [Wasn't mention in the story, just a suggestion]
Tip of the iceberg folks…expect more.
-Edward John Smith
someone give bess a
i closed your tag for you
you’re welcome
Yea, Patricia sounds totally stable, totally
Women love security. I love fucking them doggy style. Meet in the middle.
Stevie Cohen, I want to secretly have your abortion. Call me.
Tim Tebow
@2 give her a what?
Awesome. Just awesome.
Pasta with Anchovies??? I dont care how much money he has, this dude is a martian
why the fuck doe she think he should pay for her for the rest of her life? even though they’re, you know, divorced?
how he steve not in jail yet?
@11 – Wait . . . What?
I leave for a little while (okay like a year) and DB says it doesn’t recognize my log-in info? Harsh!
Anyhoo this story made me all sorts of uncomfortable- what a cheap asshole. As the mother of his children, she certainly deserves to be kept in the style to which she and her spawn became accustomed, however she should be a lady about it and not blather to the press either.
The new wife sounds like a dumbo- “I always knew I’d marry a millionaire”…yeah you and every other gold-digger, honey. Glad she is accustomed to Costco though, when her breasts start to sag he’s going to trade her in for a less “naggy” version stat.
@11 it’s late in asia – go to bed
Does Alex use the Zamboni to make anchovies and pasta?
girl, please shut your mouth lest the Big Guy empties his frier’s oil into it.
Oh, and welcome back!
6 Months!
@17 explain the joke please.
@11 – TONTO! You know you are not supposed to use the computer during Silver’s allotted time – you may not sleep in the teepee tonight.
@19 – hilarious.. but seriously… how have they not busted him for *something* yet?
@21 b/c he hasn’t done anything wrong?
@21 speak for yourself! my bikini line will never be the same.
-PJ
Stupid girl
@23 well done
PC: “GET IN THE GD POOL!”
SAC: “Don’t change me. Patricia. Don’t change me. Ya know there are a lot of woman that would love to be in your position right now.”
@25 awesome
is “splashing in the pool” code for you know what?
-PJ
Later on everybody gonna find our how phfunny steve’s jokes are and you gonna laayyyyfffff
Stevie: Wow. I would assign the Buse to watch your pet rabbit. Patricia seems to be channeling Glenn Close.
21- short fat people making too much money is always a little suspicious. Esp when their edge is access to better information flow.
@girl
It was 20 years ago, you mean she couldn’t have ya’ know, done something productive with her life and/or started a new one? Sure, she deserves something, but he’s gone above his legal duty (no?), she’s just being a whiney drama queen trying to eek-out as much $ as she can from him.
Where does he meet these classy broads?
@33 read much? it says he met her in a bar on the UES.
do I see a new reality tv show in the making…ex wife wont laugh at his jokes steve is groomed by 3 famous comedians to try to get her to laugh on national tv
@7 missing tag, looks like it’s fixed now
ok, let’s see if this works:
obnoxious test
Steve …wrongdoing …moneymanipulator hey they used to say follow the money in this case FOLLOW the anchovy breath..
“nom-nom-nom-alicious”
Awesome.
hey I am trying to lose weight and I am giving Steve 30 minutes to show me how he cheated his ex if he dont I am going to eat this thing of Ben and Jerry’s Cherry Garcia and I am NOT kidding.
All that money and he can’t have her whacked?
More on what Fishman didn’t report in his story is here. It was odd that he didn’t explain the Patricia Cohen did work and try to make some money for herself or that she is sick.
http://christopherfountain.com/2010/03/29/another-viewpoint-on-stevie-cohen/
He could buy her off.If he can drop $100mil on a bad trading day and not even wince, then have his legal eagles set up trusts for her and the kids and have it over and done;why he allows his wife to dole out the ex’s monies is very weird.But anyone who spends all the coin for a freaky shark in a tank, has issues.Maybe the butterball needs a dominatrix to help him sort out his kinks.They all deserve each other.
From Standard Oil to SAC money doesnt find itself in one spot unless the game is fixed. No one can tell me Steve did not manipulate and fix the game to amass that fortume. If he could do that I doubt his ex could ever find where the treasure was buried.
Steve drops a 100 mil = anchovy pasta for dinner
Secret of his success
This woman is an opportunistic parasite.
They were married – she fucked it up by trying to ration the va-jay jay – they divorce.
He’s taken care of his kids. (I’m sure UES prep schools etc.). And she lives in an apartment she could never likely afford on her own. Plus 9k a month – for simply existing.
The best thing that ever happen to this whack job is that SAC fell for her and impregnatged her. And, this is the thanks he gets……after 20 years !!!
The sad thing is she really believes she is justified in making a claim to his money ….which he earned.
Not for nothing @44 “”parasite, whack job”" those words can describe a rich little toad who has been stealing from the economy for 30 years and hasnt been caught yet…How does a toad get 10 billion dollars sweating making the lives of people better imoroving technology NO a cheaper excellent product we all need NO something we need to live healthier lives NO . Okay how did Mr. and Mrs. Toad mke 10 billion the words PARASITE ahh there we go that is the word and whack job that describes you @44
So SAC has been “stealing from the economy” for 30 years …..your proof ??? oh I get it all hedgefund managers are crooks. Its not like people give him their money to invest or anything.
Keep your envy to yourself. You probably agree with reasoning of the ex-wife: “I deserve his money …just because”
1. She was and is more than adequately provided for. She lives a lifestyle superior to 99.9% of every one in this country. ! million dollars, full child support, Upper Manhattan apartment, and $9000 a month…..
2. If she wants more she can go and start her own business or get a job and earn it like everyone else. SAC started as a trader now has a company that employs over 300 people. Howabout the ex learn about initiative and not being a parasite.
She simply wants part of his wealth because he used to sleep with her 20 years ago……preposterous !!!!
..and how am I a whack job exactly …….?
46 is definitely Alex
Now here’s the final word from the big guy:
I agree with my wife Alex. The truth is not what matters. And it’s not the “facts” or facts that count most!!
Truth is really relative when you think about it, you know?
Is the sky really blue? Is rain actually wet?? These are important questions to ask ourselves.
When I get confused, I try to count how many anchovies I find in the bowl of pasta my wife cooks me when I’ve had a bad day.
We’ll never know if rain is actually wet, because it can’t be proven, but you can always count the amount of anchovies in your pasta.
Also, I’M A REALLY GREAT GUY.”
I agree with you @46 SAC and Mr. Steve Cohen have blessed our economy and added incredible value to the world. Steve is like Bill Gates with the exception he didnt produce anything.
@46 If you dont mind sharing your recipes Alex when you make the anchovies and pasta first what kind of past works best and do you use the anchovies with or without capers.
@45
Bleed your heart out elsewhere.
Ex wife is a fucking See You Next Thursday. She has nothing better to do than to stalk her ex husband?
Patricia, the bums will always lose.
@51 Whoa whoa hold on your losing your grip…would it hurt to get a professional opinion for yourself?
Oh Alex, it’s time for you to go to bed. We are all so with you, absent the sentence fragments.
I find when it is hard to sleep I count Zambonis one zamboni two zamboni three zamboni four zamboni fiiivvvve zzzzaaammmbbbooonnniiis ZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzz
I agree with my wife Alex. The truth is not what matters. And it’s not the “facts” or facts that count most!!
Truth is really relative when you think about it, you know?
Is the sky really blue? Is rain actually wet?? These are important questions to ask ourselves.
When I get confused, I try to count how many anchovies I find in the bowl of pasta my wife cooks me when I’ve had a bad day.
We’ll never know if rain is actually wet, because it can’t be proven, but you can always count the amount of anchovies in your pasta.
Also, I’M A REALLY GREAT GUY.
- Stevie
#51 Is Stevie w/o question.
-Stevie
So did the aversion to sex with Stevie have something to do with his choice of evening attire (women’s XXX flannel nightgowns)?
when the fuck did this message board pick up the bleeding-heart-”the-banksters-are-sooo-evil”-nonsense-spewing trolls?
Shut up, seriously. no one gives a fuck about your causes, your whales, your global warming, your conspiracy theories, your prius or your povo-ness.
@58 I think you got yourself lost buddy, you’ve wandered into the no one gives a shit so go lick your wounds somewhere else loading zone. We know who you are, and we know where you get your special anchovies from, get that shit out of here.
You don’t know Peter Thiel is gay? What kind of gossip columnist are you?!
idea for steve’s daughter from patricia, maybe you can hook up w/ josh garcia cohen and drive alex nuts. i think young josh has delusions of being the next quentin tarantino. josh must thank his lucky stars that his mama had the sense to move on to the rotund jewish man who picked her up while she was doing the ho stroll.
@61.
Steve’s daughter from Patricia should learn from Alex how to treat a man (especially if successful)and thereby maintain a good marriage and to take the negative lesson from her mom.
1. Shut up
2. Learn to cook his favorite foods
3. Have sex with him….regularly
4. Treat his money like it is your own – respect it and the effort it took to make it.
4. See 1 and 4 and repeat as often as possible.
@ 62, you forgot, have a nose job from some hack from great neck who only learned the ski slope look and get bad lipo on your ample buttocks so all the gwich wives can stare at the lumpiness at ymca events.
To all you anti-finance trolls, the innovations and efforts of traders and bankers create market efficiencies that make the innovations of tech, product, and service producers cheaper, faster to develop, and bring many of them to existence in the first place. They do produce something, you see the extra hundred bucks in your wallet that you saved when buying your computer? That’s what they create. Efficiency and ease.
The Fishman article in NY was the lamest puff piece ever. Ever alert to bargains, Alex races to Costco in her Gap gear. How bout don’t install an ice rink when neither you, your husband or bratty children aspire to be Sidney Crosby or Sarah Hughes.
@61 Kids don’t chose who their parents are and sometimes live a lifetime of regret because of who they’re saddled with at birth. Whatever their parents are guilty of, don’t bring these kids into it, they obviously have enough to deal with.
Please more playing cards. I want to see Queen Alex in her royal garb.
@60 please…lets stick to stevie and his sexy little fat ass
-Peter
You guys don’t need to put your name on everything. All of Washington heights does not need to know that u have a wing named after u. Class is about not advertising, or seeking a stamp of approval, on everything you touch.
Btw-don’t trash Patricia in public. Yes, She needs to move on, however, you won. You are mrs. Cohen and you sign the checks. When you respond to posts, you remind me of an old “refran ” you can take a girl out of the ghetto, but you can’t take the ghetto out of the girl”
@69
alex is incapable of having class. have u ever talked to her? dumb as a box of rocks and fat.
are the cohen daughters sluts like their mom?