The University of Missouri journalism school held a talk at the Harvard Club last night, featuring bird watcher Hank Paulson. The invite specified that the event was off the record, which didn’t sit well with Missouri alum Charlie Gasparino. Chaz doesn’t do off the record, which is why he see your OTR and raises you a “stugatz,” which is something his mother, may she rest in peace, used to say. And you know what? Just for daring to even think that Gaspo would attend your talk without even the possibility of getting a story out of it, what he’s going to do, is he’s going to do, is he’s going to wait for your car to pull up, and get in your face, and ask you questions anyway, with a camera rolling. If you want to blow him off, fine, but just know it’s going to come back to ten-fold (CG’s stugatz where the sun don’t shine).
Archive for March 2010
Charlie Gasparino Isn’t Interested In Speaking With Hank Paulson, Or Anyone Else For That Matter, Off The Record
By Bess LevinA few weeks ago, an unnamed Securities and Exchange Commission worker got in a bit of trouble with his employer for checking out a little porn while on the job. Mystery Man made at least 1,800 logged attempts to check out some sites that included www.ladyboyx.com, www.ladyboyjuice.com, www.trannytit.com, and www.anal-sins.com, which, he admitted, “were kind of distraction per se.” But he had a good reason for what we personally think is a very mild offense, which is that he had a lot of work to do, and it was stressing him out. And without knowing the facts, many have just been so quick to judge, without really hearing the guy out, which we think is unfair, and not the way *you* would want to be treated, were you to find yourself in the position of having to defend time spent on TrannyTit. You’d want a chance to explain yourself, and since surely this fellow does too, we’ve excerpted the relevant portions of his conversation with the lawyer sent in to investigate the matter. First, some background:
Next, Q&A:
Q: Can you say how long you may have been engaged in viewing pornography? Is it a recent development?
A: I don’t know if I can give you a time frame in all honesty… I guess depending on how you define “a long time.” I think, you know, there’s clearly probably times like I said earlier, where you know, I did not look at this material, did not search for the material, you know. I think the frequency increased as I felt a little more stressed, which was kind of very cyclical in nature, I think, because then, you know, I’d have work to do and would then have to take it home and work, you know, just to keep up. And then that would stress me out even more, you know.
Q: Our records show that on Wednesday, August 20th, beginning at 3:17PM, you made approximately 385 attempts to access a website called www.ladyboyx.com. Do you have recollection of attempting to access this site?
A: I do not. But as I indicated previously, that, you know, would not necessarily surprise me. Continue reading »
Goldman Lists New ‘Risk’: Bad Press (WSJ)
So put a sock in it, Matt Taibbi: “In its annual report, the New York company said “adverse publicity” could have “a negative impact on our reputation and on the morale and performance of our employees, which could adversely affect our businesses and results of operations.”
Banks Raise Pay as U.K. Efforts to Cut Bonuses Fail (Bloomberg)
Call in the corgis: “Barclays paid its investment-bank employees about 191,000 pounds each in 2009 compared with an average payout of 99,000 pounds for the previous year, the filings show. RBS set aside about 173,000 pounds last year in total compensation per employee, up from about 100,000 in 2008. HSBC awarded each employee an average of about $166,000 in 2009.”
Buffett Casts a Wary Eye on Bankers (Dealbook)
“In more than 50 years of board memberships, however, never have I heard the investment bankers (or management!) discuss the true value of what is being given,” he wrote in his letter. Also: “Bankers act like teenage boys who just discovered girls.”
Justices Hear Appeal of Ex-Chief of Enron (NYT)
His lawyer, Sri Srinivasan, spent about 20 minutes of his half-hour argument on the jury selection question and the “wave of public passion” in Houston that he said made it impossible for his client to receive a fair trial.
Geithner, Summers Leading Search for Successor to Fed’s Kohn (Bloomberg)
Shoot them a note if you’re interested in the gig.
Panda Found Eating Like A Pig (Reuters)
Hunger drove a wild panda to break into a Chinese farmer’s pig pen and eat their food, which was meat and bone, rather than bamboo.
$$$ Bank of America’s Moynihan Plans to Vote for Barney Frank [Bloomberg]
$$$ Betting on the Blind Side [Vanity Fair]
$$$ John Mack: ‘I’m not here to bash the administration, but I’m really disappointed. Every decision can’t be a political decision. Whatever happened to doing what’s right?’ [HereIsTheCity]
$$$ RBS may not press charges against G-Love. [CTNews]
$$$ HSBC Bankers: We’re Underpaid [Dealbook]
$$$ Why so few stories today? The perceptive ones among you may have noticed it’s because the site wasn’t working for 99% of the day. Again!
Not because the bank was finally able to turn a profit– obviously it didn’t– but because it made remarkable strides to suck less than it did the year prior (witness a mere $1.6 billion loss for 2009 versus $27.7 billion), all thanks to Uncle Vikula. Unfortunately our Pandito is a man of his word, and when he pledged last February to only accept $1/year, wear a hair shirt and flirt with Meredith Whitney until he righted this bitch, he meant it. That doesn’t mean the board can’t let everyone know just how proud they are of their little Vickles, though.
“Mr. Pandit’s performance in 2009 merited an incentive award, but the committee respected Mr. Pandit’s commitment,” compensation committee members led by Alain Belda, the chairman of Alcoa Inc., said in the letter. “The committee took into account the substantial progress made against Citi’s strategic priorities.”
Don’t go feeling too bad for VP just yet: in lieu of any cash money, he did have a lunch thrown in his honor by the Prince over the weekend. You can’t buy shit with it, but nothing says ‘thanks’ like finger sandwiches cut in the shape of your face.
Citigroup Board Says Pandit Deserved Bonus for 2009 ‘Progress’ [BW]
And while the suggestion that there be a say on Lloyd et al’s pay is adorable– really, so cute– management has decided that, instead of going with it, to keep things as they are. And while this exercise in pretending to care about your feelings was fun for just this once, next time you get it in your heads that anyone down here gives a rat’s ass what you think, about their packages or really anything for that matter, before you voice those concerns, what you should do instead is go fuck yourselves. One more word and LB’s 2010 pay is determined today– a unit. And he gets to bang your wives. Consider them banged! Anyone else wanna be a hero?
Group Inc.’s board of directors has received several demand letters from shareholders relating to compensation matters, including demands that Group Inc.’s board of directors investigates compensation awards over recent years, take steps to recoup alleged excessive compensation, and adopt certain reforms. After considering the demand letters, Group Inc.’s board of directors rejected the demands.
Goldman Rejects Shareholder Pay Demands [Dealbook via DI]
February performance is in. Continue reading »
Micromanaging Executives’ Marriages, Judging Sartorial Choices Topped Dick Fuld’s To Do List At Lehman
By Bess LevinWhen one is running a multi-billion dollar firm, it’s important to have an unwavering, obsessive attention to detail. While Dick Fuld’s focus on Lehman Brothers’ balance sheet admittedly fell by the wayside, there was one thing the Gorilla never stopped harping on: an insistence his top lieutenants had perfect marriages. According to a new book by Vicki Ward, Lehman management tied the success of the bank to how strong its marital partnerships were, with Chris Pettit, a former Fuld deputy, giving a toast at a dinner for the senior executives one night and noting, “Now, look at this! Every single person here is with their original spouse. That is why we are successful. Because our word is our honor. We succeed in business because people can trust us.” It was after this bold proclamation, the logic of which allows us to safely assume that circa September 2008, the majority of LEH brass was on its third and fourth wives and spending the majority of its days locked in Dick Fuld’s office blowing lines out of crack-whore’s ass, that Pettit was pushed out of the firm. Not for fucking up business-wise, of course, but because he cheated on his wife and was subsequently “deserted” by his closest allies because that is something Lehman Brothers don’t do. Determined, for some reason, possibly Asperser’s, that something so horrible could never happen to Team Lehman again, Dick Fuld apparently became even more obsessed with keeping “a watchful eye on his executives’ marriages.” He “openly” hemmed and hawed about chief minion Scott Freidheim being single (which would explain this look of joy when Scotty-boy finally tied the knot at age 43) and became visibly distressed at the “signs of marital discord.”
During the annual Lehman summer retreats at the Fulds’ ranch, in Sun Valley, Idaho, it wasn’t uncommon for him to pull one of his employees aside and ask him questions about his home life. “Are you all having trouble?” he asked Bradley Jack, head of banking and later co–chief operating officer (C.O.O.), after overhearing an argument between Jack and his wife, Karin. “He really wanted to know,” recalls Karin, an attractive blonde, who once ran recruiting on the sales desk at Lehman and married the good-looking, athletic Jack in 1991. “He didn’t think Brad and I looked happy enough. It really worried him.”
Math Is Hard (NYT Magazine)
NYT: You met last year with Mary Schapiro, the current head of the S.E.C. How did that go?
HM:I would say she was coldly polite. Her general counsel, David Becker, did most of the talking. He and I did not get along at all. He was getting ready to come across the coffee table and strangle me.
RBS paid £1.3bn bonuses on profit of just £1bn (Telegraph)
RBS did not dispute the analysis but declined to comment. Insiders pointed out that roughly 7,000 jobs have been cut in the investment bank in the past two years and the management overhauled. They produced record revenues despite a huge restructuring. The “non-core” assets are now handled by an entirely different team.
Hedge Funds Profit From Greek Debt (FT)
“We have no physical presence in Greece or any other eurozone country and 90 per cent of our portfolio is in North America,” Paulson and Co. said. “There are many better informed investors, economists and government regulators to comment on European fiscal matters.”
Toyota Chief Apologizes To China (WSJ)
No hard feelings?
Warren Buffett: Economic War “Going Slightly Our Way” (CNBC)
“We got past Pearl Harbor. We will win the war, and it’s going slightly our way.”
AIG Agrees to Sell Asia Unit (WSJ)
Prudential is the lucky guy, for $35.5 billion!
Free tip: Want to get in good with Warren Buffett? Stick a centerfold in your annual report.
