As previously mentioned, Tim Geithner recently embarked on a pussy outreach program. He’s sick of trying to please you men and has moved on to the ladies. Vogue spreads, grocery shopping, recipe swaps, BJ tips, he’s doing it all. Clearly TG’s “just one of the girls” image would not be complete without some jokes at The Enemy’s expense. Consider it done. Continue reading »
Archive for March 2010
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Private Equity
Jamie Dimon’s Dream Of So You Think You Can Dance Domination Inching Closer To Reality
By Bess Levin
In our last edition of “Things you thought you knew re: James Dimon but were in fact dead wrong about,” we told you that contrary to the belief of certain prosecutors, Dimon does not in fact have time to make bi-weekly runs to Atlanta, to dump used tires, illegally. Today it’s a matter of taste. Specifically that of TV. Most of you wrote in to say you took JD for a Jersey Shore kinda guy. Well you were wrong, fucksticks! If you know anything about the JPMorgan CEO, it’s that he loves a good fight and if he can throw down with his dancing feet as opposed to fisticuffs? ALL THE BETTER. Continue reading »
Are you-- are you crying Mr. Vikram? This is a good thing! We've been wanting them to leave forever. Don't go getting Stockholm syndrome on me now. I swear, I'll start calling you Jaycee in public.
[via Arabian Business]
Even if he has to dunk the damn balls himself. The billionaire also had this to say: “Do you remember the song of Frank Sinatra? ‘New York, New York.’ If I make it there I will make it anywhere.”
Hands down best party of the story is that this is supposed to be Steve and, I don't know, Ping Jiang, dressed as a little Dutch Boy?
New York mag has a story today on the hedge fund ex-lover’s spat du jour: that of Steve Cohen and his former wife, Patricia, who last December sued Steve, accusing him of hiding “significant” marital assets from her when they were getting divorced (twenty years ago), insider trading and so on and so forth. The article starts off sweetly enough, with how the two met– “on a rainy summer evening in 1979,” at a bar on the Upper East Side. Patricia (she’s the one recounting this story to the author, BTW) was wearing “a white camisole and a pale, rain-soaked silk skirt that stuck to her lovely legs.” Stevie, then 22, a junior trader with “a trim waist” approached her, and while PC says he wasn’t her type, she found his eagerness endearing, and six months later they got married.
We then hear about the unhappy marriage and the even unhappier (twenty freaking) years since the two split, mostly from Patricia’s side (though we do get some of SC’s perspective, through his friends), plus all the stuff they said about each other in their divorce papers and subsequent other filings. It feels like we’re in couple’s counseling with these two and yeah, it’s as awkward as you can imagine that trust tree to be. He was obsessed with work and moody; she was unsympathetic, unappreciative. She thinks he’s tried to buy favor with their children; he thinks he’s being generous (when wasn’t giving them money she said he was treating them like cast-offs, while the kids with the new wife were spoiled). She feels he should’ve paid for her abode, but when he bought and renovated an apartment on Central Park West for her, claims to have felt like “a vassal of the wealthy lord,” because he kept it in his name (I’m not going to say it, because we’re not here to take sides but I am going to think it). Patricia says she’ll “never understand his anger [toward] me,” while Steve has told people, “She’s a terrorist on a mission to make my life a living hell.”
So, as previously stated, awk! And yet, from every insanely uncomfortable situation, wherein we’re hearing about Patricia withholding sex from her Steve, to the entitlement, to the yelling, the screaming and the pasta with anchovies, there’s a learning experience to be found. Namely, how to stay on the big guy’s good side. Current, future and past employees, perhaps hoping to learn from their mistakes, take note: Continue reading »
Just a little FYI for those of you not in the know re: Maria Bartiromo’s likes and dislikes: the CNBC anchor does not like the Money Honey moniker. Why? Because she’s a serious business journalist and it demeans her work. Continue reading »
Paulson’s $32 Billion-and-Growing Funds Prompt Too-Big-to-Succeed Concerns (Bloomberg)
Haters hate: “There’s no doubt that Paulson is a big draw for investors at the moment,” said Richard Tomlinson, founder of London-based Tomlinson Investment Consulting, which advises clients on hedge funds. “As with all managers that bulk up, there’s always the risk of returns becoming mediocre.”
Morgan Stanley Will Be Citi Stake Underwriter (CNBC)
Morgan Stanley will be responsible for selling the government’s 27 percent stake in Citi in what is known as a “dribble-out” process that could take the rest of the year. The plan is to sell between 8 percent and 10 percent of average daily volume each day. That will likely begin after Citi reports its next earnings on April 19.
New Jersey Nets Owner’s Bold Claim (Bloomberg)
“I’ll be the first NBA owner who can dunk,” says Mikhail Prokhorov, who played basketball in high school. (Michael Jordan, who is part of a group that in March agreed to pay $275 million for the Charlotte Bobcats and is a former minority owner of the Washington Wizards, would dispute that claim.) The Russian entrepreneur installed a basketball hoop down the hall from his Moscow office where he sometimes practices his jump shot.
AIG Unit Feels Effects of Pay Limits (WSJ)
Federal pay restrictions played a role in the surprise departure of the head of the aircraft-leasing unit of AIG according to people familiar with the matter. However, the government-controlled insurance giant expects to have little difficulty in filling one of the most influential posts in global aviation, with likely candidates coming from smaller rivals to its International Lease Finance Corp. unit, the people said.
Paul Krugman On Punks And Plutocrats (NYT)
After Boehner gave a talk to bankers in which he encouraged them to balk efforts by Congress to impose stricter regulation, and told them, “Don’t let those little punk staffers take advantage of you, and stand up for yourselves,” Barney Frank, the chairman of the House Financial Services Committee, promptly had “Little Punk Staffer” buttons made up and distributed to Congressional aides. Continue reading »
$$$ John Mack’s Short Story Was Too Dumb To Fail [Bloomberg]
$$$ Oliver Stone Corrects Michael Lewis’s Conspiracy Theories on Why the Wall Street Sequel Was Bumped [NYM]
$$$ Nomura Taps Ex-Lehman Bankers as EMEA Equities Co-Heads [WSJ]
$$$ Plainfield: Movers, yes; shakers, not so much [Fortune]
Method actors at the boy's department's jackets that love them.
Yesterday we mentioned that thespian, Level III CFA candidate and noted stock picker Shia LaBeouf had been talking up InterOil, an oil and natural gas exploration company. “IOC’s momentum is major, and it will surprise to the upside,” LaBeouf said in a text message to the GQ article’s author, Adam Sachs, who wrote about ShiLa’s new hobby (making it rain all from the comfort of his boxers) for the magazine’s April issue. But where did the master trader get the idea? Sure he meets with Goldman Sachs execs on the reg and is thisclose to becoming a CFA but is he really that good? I’d like to give him the benefit of the doubt (he’s going to be running one of the most powerful hedge funds in the world one day so trying to stay on his good side and all that) but others are thinking the budding BSD had some help from his friends at John Thomas Financial (the people who brought you the pride rally and breasts as napkins). Continue reading »
Charlie Gasparino’s sources are telling him that Larry Summers is unhappy and not just over the “little punk” incident. No one really knows why exactly, though Chaz suspects Big Lar wanted the Fed Chair job and with “that bearded fruit” getting the gig, for a second time no less, saw that dream flushed down the toilet. So maybe what he does about it is he quits. At the end of the year. Possibly. Very hard to be sure– suffice it to say, this situation is fluid to the extreme. In related news, via BI, this is Fox Business’s new Gasparino graphic: Continue reading »
You know, it’s really not that easy being Sandy Weill. Most if not all the institutions at which he spent significant time in his life at get zero respect, and even those on the inside have no pride (in fact they’re downright embarrassed to tell their friends and family where they are all day). Call it the Curse of the Weill Taint, if you will. Anyway, the big guy has more or less given up on doing anything about company morale at the Citi (previously he’d planned some sort of pep rally that involved him, Vikram, a whole lot of face paint, plus a Chuck Prince-shaped piñata, but that plan went to hell the day he found out he’s not allowed within 200 feet of the building). And so, he’s set his sights elsewhere. Continue reading »
