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Shia LaBeouf Has Learned A Few Things From His Time On Wall Street

I'll give you 3 guesses who taught me this move but you'll only need one.

As I’m sure many of you know, it’s not atypical for someone with a long and storied career on the Street to look back and reflect. They’ve earned the right and its likely that if any of the young whippersnappers cared to listen, they might learn something themselves. Shia LaBeouf is no different. As someone who spent months trading his online brokerage account, bonded with the Charles Schwab guys (Encino branch) and taken several meetings with employees of Goldman Sachs, all in preparation for his (fake) career, he’s figured out a thing or two. And now he wants to share it with you.

On being humbled and possibly meeting Ping Jiang:

“I thought my life was pretty wild. I’m Richie Rich. I land in New York, secretly thinking I’m like the coolest guy in the world. I’ve been on the cover of GQ! But then I met these guys, and it’s humbling. It’s the most sex-drugs-and-rock-‘n’-roll atmosphere that exists on the planet. I was hanging out with some wild human beings.”

On giving people a chance and loving how amped up you get.

“It’s easy to villainize these guys with the big paychecks,” he says. “But they’re not all bad. I’m a pretty left-wing character, and I come from whatever collar is lower than blue. But meeting these guys really opened my mind a lot. I’ve never seen people with more drive and determination in my life.”

On turning $20,000 into fuck you money.

“I trade in my boxers now. I’m up early for the markets. I’m real-time all day long.” He loves the game and the thrill and the nerves of the market; and the market, it seems, loves him right back. As of the morning of our lunch, Shia says his online Schwab Active Trading account had grown to close to $450,000.

He’s So Money [GQ]

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71 Responses to “Shia LaBeouf Has Learned A Few Things From His Time On Wall Street”

  1. Anonymous says:

    They call me the King of Kock.

  2. Anonymous says:

    This guy makes me uneasy somehow.

  3. Greg Michaels says:

    Up to $450,000 from $1,000,000 ?? Not too shabby.. Bess, just reboot and we should be good to go here!

  4. Anonymous says:

    @3 what the hell are you talking about?

  5. Anonymous says:

    I trade in my panties now.

    -AT

  6. Anonymous says:

    Just shut the F*** up about this d-bag. No one cares except you Bess – it is like you daytime masturbation.

  7. Anonymous says:

    Just shut the F*** up about this d-bag. No one cares except you Bess – it is like you daytime masturbation.

  8. Anonymous says:

    I trade in my boxers every day. Silk boxers, to be precise. Anything else might scratch the scrot.

    -LB

  9. Anonymous says:

    CHECK YOU DAYTIME MASTURBATION

  10. Anonymous says:

    @6/7 oh, really? is that why he’s on the cover of GQ?

  11. Anonymous says:

    @6, 7 actually we all enjoy making fun of him (which is what bess is doing, you dumb fuck). but please, continue to shout otherwise into your computer.

  12. Anonymous says:

    @10 Hi Shia!

  13. I’m a hedge fund manager, since when did $450,000 become fk you money?

  14. Anonymous says:

    are straight people allowed to buy GQ? do you have to be wearing doinks or something?

  15. Anonymous says:

    pretty sure they should have canned michael douglas for Dykstra in Wall Street 2

  16. Anonymous says:

    @1 – What does that mean?

  17. Anonymous says:

    A real trader’s office would have some unusual accessories laying about.

    ~Gundlach

  18. Anonymous says:

    I would eat his steak tartare.

  19. pfluger with the lost password says:

    No BSD’s Wall Street office is complete without several rows of steel filing cabinets. Everyone knows this.

  20. GQ SUCKS says:

    @10- Sorry GQ is a gay magazine. The editor is a liberal pussy. La Douche needs to shut the fuck up. No one cares about the movie or his bullshit and thats why he is on the cover of Gay Queer.

  21. Anonymous says:

    I like GQ and I am not gay. I am Canadian, however.

  22. Charlie Sheen says:

    this is great I was wondering who would play my character in the new CBS show Two and A Half Homos.

  23. Anonymous says:

    cluzo@13 since it became sarcasm? a literary device never ever employed on dealbreaker?

  24. PermaGuest says:

    Where is he supposed to be in that picture? The set of “Mad Men”? Doesn’t look like any Wall Street office I’ve ever seen…

  25. Anonymous says:

    20 = Larry Craig

  26. Anonymous says:

    I’m LB. What is GQ?

  27. Anonymous says:

    @15
    Brilliant observation; if they had chosen Nails as the lead it would be a blockbuster! In 3D would have been even better – imagine the twizzler’s scenes.

  28. Anonymous says:

    esquire is getting pretty bad, too. Even outside mag is going “that way”. What are the hetero mags? Road and Track?

  29. Anonymous says:

    The only way he could make a small fortune trading the “market” would be to start with a large one…

  30. BigGus says:

    I’ll be the first to admit that I’m looking forward to actually seeing this movie..

  31. Anonymous says:

    I’ll be the first to admit that I’m actually looking forward to seeing this movie..

  32. Anonymous says:

    I got my eye on this guy…and a hand on my cock.

    – Harry Markopolos

  33. guest says:

    @21 Leafs fan?

  34. Guest says:

    @20 Would being a gay queer just mean being straight in the gay/queer community?

  35. Anonymous says:

    @31 30 beat you

  36. Anonymous says:

    As the global economy teeters on the brink of disaster, a young Shia Labeouf partners with disgraced former Wall Street trader Lenny Dykstra on a two-tiered mission: To alert the financial community to the coming doom, and to find out who was responsible for stealing his twizzlers

  37. highlyconfident says:

    “I thought my life was pretty wild. I’m Richie Rich. I land in New York, secretly thinking I’m like the coolest guy in the world. I’ve been on the cover of GQ! But then I met Cat Food Boy at Wachovia, and it’s humbling.”

  38. Anonymous says:

    haha @35

  39. Anonymous says:

    Anal_yst, any thoughts on LeBeef being the top to your bottom?

    /Shia

  40. CoveredLong says:

    @35 – #31 beat you.

  41. Louis Winthorpe III says:

    “I thought my life was pretty wild. I’m Richie Rich. I land in New York, secretly thinking I’m like the coolest guy in the world. I’ve been on the cover of GQ! But then I saw how quickly those Chase tellers can count 20’s in that little bill-counter machine, and it’s humbling.”

  42. Jeffrey C says:

    I eat his underwear for breakfast.

  43. muchado says:

    @Big Gus Too bad you’ll have to wait as it was so godawful not even Oliver Stone would release it on time …

  44. Anonymous says:

    @37/41- pretty good

  45. The New Guy says:

    @14

    What are “doinks”?
    Not Gay
    Not Canadian
    Just curious (about the doinks, that is)

  46. Anonymous says:

    How did he get the time for this photo shoot? I thought he was sitting for the CFA?

  47. Anonymous says:

    @33 even Canadians living in Toronto aren’t Leaf fans

  48. Anonymous says:

    I think GQ is a good magazine.
    –Bulldog for life

  49. Monty Python says:

    @21. Are you a lumberjack?

  50. Lance says:

    @28 don’t forget Vanity Fair-

  51. Anonymous says:

    1 – he’s going to criticize someone making “big paychecks” while he collects millions for PRETENDING HE’S SOMEONE ELSE???
    2 – Someone who is “lower than blue collar” does NOT NAME THEIR FUCKING BOY SHIA

  52. Anonymous says:

    My girlfriend’s bald beaver is Canadian. Does that count?

  53. SLB says:

    “I thought my life was pretty wild. I’m Richie Rich. I land in New York, secretly thinking I’m like the coolest guy in the world. I’ve been on the cover of GQ! But then I saw how quickly those SAC traders can take down dry erase markers into their gaping assholes, and it’s humbling.”

  54. Anonymous says:

    What a complete ass clown. D Bag needs to go away.

  55. daisycutter says:

    LaBeouf?!?!?! Is that French for, “The Beef”?

  56. Anonymous says:

    Shia must have had such a hard life growing up as a Jew in America, he reminds me of a white Chris Gardner

  57. Anonymous says:

    @52 is she a lumberjack?

  58. PermaGuest says:

    @49 He is, and he’s OK!

  59. guest says:

    @52 did she vejazzle it with a green shamrock today?

    (because, if so, I may work in the same building as your girlfriend)

  60. @ 28 – R&T is the last bastion of butch bears, man…

  61. BTW, is SlB the reincarnated T. Sykes? Aside of being so sensy…

    And when skimming I misread bonded as boned with the CS guys… gave it a whole new meaning.

  62. Anonymous says:

    @59 – Unfortunately, no vajazzle for her vajayjay.

  63. Me says:

    “…[mother] is a dancer and ballerina turned visual artist and clothing/jewelry designer; before she met LaBeouf’s father, she ran a head shop in Brooklyn… LaBeouf’s father is a Vietnam War veteran who “drifted” from job to job, working as a mime at a circus, a snow cone salesman, a rodeo clown, and a stand-up comedian…”

    “lower than blue collar” my ass

  64. Anonymous says:

    @52 She sounds very sensy.

  65. Anonymous says:

    @52 Is she sensy?

  66. Anonymous says:

    GQ wants to grab a picture of me the most you guys.

    -Handsome Steve

  67. mrpink says:

    Leave Jeffrey (and Jefferies) alone!!!!

    -britney

  68. Anonymous says:

    I’ll be the first to admit that I’m actually looking forward to seeing this movie..

  69. @68 -eeewww.
    oh, and this:
    ——> 69

  70. Anonymous says:

    ./´¯/)
    ,/¯../
    /…./
    /´¯/’…’/´¯¯`•¸
    /’/…/…./……./¨¯\
    (’(…´…´…. ¯~/’…’)
    \……………..’…../
    ”…\………. _.•´
    \…………..(
    \………….\…

  71. JPC says:

    Sadly this doesn’t capture it… The filming used the offices of John Thomas Financial… which is the biggest pile of shit boiler-room I worked across the hall from them… they ripped sinks off the bathroom wall only to have it locked to them. Smelled like an A&F walking by… Rocky theme played at 9. And loved hiring assistants based purely on looks and cup size. I’d love someone to go in there and dig through their financials.