I'll give you 3 guesses who taught me this move but you'll only need one.

As I’m sure many of you know, it’s not atypical for someone with a long and storied career on the Street to look back and reflect. They’ve earned the right and its likely that if any of the young whippersnappers cared to listen, they might learn something themselves. Shia LaBeouf is no different. As someone who spent months trading his online brokerage account, bonded with the Charles Schwab guys (Encino branch) and taken several meetings with employees of Goldman Sachs, all in preparation for his (fake) career, he’s figured out a thing or two. And now he wants to share it with you.

On being humbled and possibly meeting Ping Jiang:

“I thought my life was pretty wild. I’m Richie Rich. I land in New York, secretly thinking I’m like the coolest guy in the world. I’ve been on the cover of GQ! But then I met these guys, and it’s humbling. It’s the most sex-drugs-and-rock-’n'-roll atmosphere that exists on the planet. I was hanging out with some wild human beings.”

On giving people a chance and loving how amped up you get.

“It’s easy to villainize these guys with the big paychecks,” he says. “But they’re not all bad. I’m a pretty left-wing character, and I come from whatever collar is lower than blue. But meeting these guys really opened my mind a lot. I’ve never seen people with more drive and determination in my life.”

On turning $20,000 into fuck you money.

“I trade in my boxers now. I’m up early for the markets. I’m real-time all day long.” He loves the game and the thrill and the nerves of the market; and the market, it seems, loves him right back. As of the morning of our lunch, Shia says his online Schwab Active Trading account had grown to close to $450,000.

He’s So Money [GQ]

71 comments (hidden for your protection)
Show all comments ↓

Comments (71)

  1. Posted by Anonymous | March 17, 2010 at 9:41 AM

    They call me the King of Kock.

  2. Posted by Anonymous | March 17, 2010 at 9:46 AM

    This guy makes me uneasy somehow.

  3. Posted by Greg Michaels | March 17, 2010 at 9:47 AM

    Up to $450,000 from $1,000,000 ?? Not too shabby.. Bess, just reboot and we should be good to go here!

  4. Posted by Anonymous | March 17, 2010 at 9:48 AM

    @3 what the hell are you talking about?

  5. Posted by Anonymous | March 17, 2010 at 9:50 AM

    I trade in my panties now.

    -AT

  6. Posted by Anonymous | March 17, 2010 at 9:56 AM

    Just shut the F*** up about this d-bag. No one cares except you Bess – it is like you daytime masturbation.

  7. Posted by Anonymous | March 17, 2010 at 9:56 AM

    Just shut the F*** up about this d-bag. No one cares except you Bess – it is like you daytime masturbation.

  8. Posted by Anonymous | March 17, 2010 at 9:57 AM

    I trade in my boxers every day. Silk boxers, to be precise. Anything else might scratch the scrot.

    -LB

  9. Posted by Anonymous | March 17, 2010 at 10:04 AM

    CHECK YOU DAYTIME MASTURBATION

  10. Posted by Anonymous | March 17, 2010 at 10:05 AM

    @6/7 oh, really? is that why he’s on the cover of GQ?

  11. Posted by Anonymous | March 17, 2010 at 10:07 AM

    @6, 7 actually we all enjoy making fun of him (which is what bess is doing, you dumb fuck). but please, continue to shout otherwise into your computer.

  12. Posted by Anonymous | March 17, 2010 at 10:08 AM

    @10 Hi Shia!

  13. Posted by Investorcluzo | March 17, 2010 at 10:15 AM

    I’m a hedge fund manager, since when did $450,000 become fk you money?

  14. Posted by Anonymous | March 17, 2010 at 10:21 AM

    are straight people allowed to buy GQ? do you have to be wearing doinks or something?

  15. Posted by Anonymous | March 17, 2010 at 10:23 AM

    pretty sure they should have canned michael douglas for Dykstra in Wall Street 2

  16. Posted by Anonymous | March 17, 2010 at 10:28 AM

    @1 – What does that mean?

  17. Posted by Anonymous | March 17, 2010 at 10:36 AM

    A real trader’s office would have some unusual accessories laying about.

    ~Gundlach

  18. Posted by Anonymous | March 17, 2010 at 10:42 AM

    I would eat his steak tartare.

  19. Posted by pfluger with the lost password | March 17, 2010 at 10:44 AM

    No BSD’s Wall Street office is complete without several rows of steel filing cabinets. Everyone knows this.

  20. Posted by GQ SUCKS | March 17, 2010 at 10:47 AM

    @10- Sorry GQ is a gay magazine. The editor is a liberal pussy. La Douche needs to shut the fuck up. No one cares about the movie or his bullshit and thats why he is on the cover of Gay Queer.

  21. Posted by Anonymous | March 17, 2010 at 10:49 AM

    I like GQ and I am not gay. I am Canadian, however.

  22. Posted by Charlie Sheen | March 17, 2010 at 10:54 AM

    this is great I was wondering who would play my character in the new CBS show Two and A Half Homos.

  23. Posted by Anonymous | March 17, 2010 at 10:54 AM

    cluzo@13 since it became sarcasm? a literary device never ever employed on dealbreaker?

  24. Posted by PermaGuest | March 17, 2010 at 10:55 AM

    Where is he supposed to be in that picture? The set of “Mad Men”? Doesn’t look like any Wall Street office I’ve ever seen…

  25. Posted by Anonymous | March 17, 2010 at 10:55 AM

    20 = Larry Craig

  26. Posted by Anonymous | March 17, 2010 at 10:57 AM

    I’m LB. What is GQ?

  27. Posted by Anonymous | March 17, 2010 at 10:58 AM

    @15
    Brilliant observation; if they had chosen Nails as the lead it would be a blockbuster! In 3D would have been even better – imagine the twizzler’s scenes.

  28. Posted by Anonymous | March 17, 2010 at 10:59 AM

    esquire is getting pretty bad, too. Even outside mag is going “that way”. What are the hetero mags? Road and Track?

  29. Posted by Anonymous | March 17, 2010 at 10:59 AM

    The only way he could make a small fortune trading the “market” would be to start with a large one…

  30. Posted by BigGus | March 17, 2010 at 11:03 AM

    I’ll be the first to admit that I’m looking forward to actually seeing this movie..

  31. Posted by Anonymous | March 17, 2010 at 11:04 AM

    I’ll be the first to admit that I’m actually looking forward to seeing this movie..

  32. Posted by Anonymous | March 17, 2010 at 11:04 AM

    I got my eye on this guy…and a hand on my cock.

    - Harry Markopolos

  33. Posted by guest | March 17, 2010 at 11:10 AM

    @21 Leafs fan?

  34. Posted by Guest | March 17, 2010 at 11:13 AM

    @20 Would being a gay queer just mean being straight in the gay/queer community?

  35. Posted by Anonymous | March 17, 2010 at 11:13 AM

    @31 30 beat you

  36. Posted by Anonymous | March 17, 2010 at 11:14 AM

    As the global economy teeters on the brink of disaster, a young Shia Labeouf partners with disgraced former Wall Street trader Lenny Dykstra on a two-tiered mission: To alert the financial community to the coming doom, and to find out who was responsible for stealing his twizzlers

  37. Posted by highlyconfident | March 17, 2010 at 11:16 AM

    “I thought my life was pretty wild. I’m Richie Rich. I land in New York, secretly thinking I’m like the coolest guy in the world. I’ve been on the cover of GQ! But then I met Cat Food Boy at Wachovia, and it’s humbling.”

  38. Posted by Anonymous | March 17, 2010 at 11:17 AM

    haha @35

  39. Posted by Anonymous | March 17, 2010 at 11:22 AM

    Anal_yst, any thoughts on LeBeef being the top to your bottom?

    /Shia

  40. Posted by CoveredLong | March 17, 2010 at 11:25 AM

    @35 – #31 beat you.

  41. Posted by Louis Winthorpe III | March 17, 2010 at 11:29 AM

    “I thought my life was pretty wild. I’m Richie Rich. I land in New York, secretly thinking I’m like the coolest guy in the world. I’ve been on the cover of GQ! But then I saw how quickly those Chase tellers can count 20′s in that little bill-counter machine, and it’s humbling.”

  42. Posted by Jeffrey C | March 17, 2010 at 11:31 AM

    I eat his underwear for breakfast.

  43. Posted by muchado | March 17, 2010 at 11:39 AM

    @Big Gus Too bad you’ll have to wait as it was so godawful not even Oliver Stone would release it on time …

  44. Posted by Anonymous | March 17, 2010 at 11:52 AM

    @37/41- pretty good

  45. Posted by The New Guy | March 17, 2010 at 12:04 PM

    @14

    What are “doinks”?
    Not Gay
    Not Canadian
    Just curious (about the doinks, that is)

  46. Posted by Anonymous | March 17, 2010 at 12:19 PM

    How did he get the time for this photo shoot? I thought he was sitting for the CFA?

  47. Posted by Anonymous | March 17, 2010 at 12:24 PM

    @33 even Canadians living in Toronto aren’t Leaf fans

  48. Posted by Anonymous | March 17, 2010 at 12:33 PM

    I think GQ is a good magazine.
    –Bulldog for life

  49. Posted by Monty Python | March 17, 2010 at 12:40 PM

    @21. Are you a lumberjack?

  50. Posted by Lance | March 17, 2010 at 12:42 PM

    @28 don’t forget Vanity Fair-

  51. Posted by Anonymous | March 17, 2010 at 12:45 PM

    1 – he’s going to criticize someone making “big paychecks” while he collects millions for PRETENDING HE’S SOMEONE ELSE???
    2 – Someone who is “lower than blue collar” does NOT NAME THEIR FUCKING BOY SHIA

  52. Posted by Anonymous | March 17, 2010 at 12:46 PM

    My girlfriend’s bald beaver is Canadian. Does that count?

  53. Posted by SLB | March 17, 2010 at 12:50 PM

    “I thought my life was pretty wild. I’m Richie Rich. I land in New York, secretly thinking I’m like the coolest guy in the world. I’ve been on the cover of GQ! But then I saw how quickly those SAC traders can take down dry erase markers into their gaping assholes, and it’s humbling.”

  54. Posted by Anonymous | March 17, 2010 at 12:53 PM

    What a complete ass clown. D Bag needs to go away.

  55. Posted by daisycutter | March 17, 2010 at 1:15 PM

    LaBeouf?!?!?! Is that French for, “The Beef”?

  56. Posted by Anonymous | March 17, 2010 at 1:20 PM

    Shia must have had such a hard life growing up as a Jew in America, he reminds me of a white Chris Gardner

  57. Posted by Anonymous | March 17, 2010 at 2:15 PM

    @52 is she a lumberjack?

  58. Posted by PermaGuest | March 17, 2010 at 2:39 PM

    @49 He is, and he’s OK!

  59. Posted by guest | March 17, 2010 at 2:44 PM

    @52 did she vejazzle it with a green shamrock today?

    (because, if so, I may work in the same building as your girlfriend)

  60. Posted by volatilitysmile | March 17, 2010 at 2:51 PM

    @ 28 – R&T is the last bastion of butch bears, man…

  61. Posted by volatilitysmile | March 17, 2010 at 2:56 PM

    BTW, is SlB the reincarnated T. Sykes? Aside of being so sensy…

    And when skimming I misread bonded as boned with the CS guys… gave it a whole new meaning.

  62. Posted by Anonymous | March 17, 2010 at 3:03 PM

    @59 – Unfortunately, no vajazzle for her vajayjay.

  63. Posted by Me | March 17, 2010 at 3:08 PM

    “…[mother] is a dancer and ballerina turned visual artist and clothing/jewelry designer; before she met LaBeouf’s father, she ran a head shop in Brooklyn… LaBeouf’s father is a Vietnam War veteran who “drifted” from job to job, working as a mime at a circus, a snow cone salesman, a rodeo clown, and a stand-up comedian…”

    “lower than blue collar” my ass

  64. Posted by Anonymous | March 17, 2010 at 3:52 PM

    @52 She sounds very sensy.

  65. Posted by Anonymous | March 17, 2010 at 3:53 PM

    @52 Is she sensy?

  66. Posted by Anonymous | March 17, 2010 at 3:59 PM

    GQ wants to grab a picture of me the most you guys.

    -Handsome Steve

  67. Posted by mrpink | March 17, 2010 at 4:56 PM

    Leave Jeffrey (and Jefferies) alone!!!!

    -britney

  68. Posted by Anonymous | March 17, 2010 at 6:38 PM

    I’ll be the first to admit that I’m actually looking forward to seeing this movie..

  69. Posted by volatilitysmile | March 17, 2010 at 7:47 PM

    @68 -eeewww.
    oh, and this:
    ——> 69

  70. Posted by Anonymous | March 18, 2010 at 6:07 AM

    ./´¯/)
    ,/¯../
    /…./
    /´¯/’…’/´¯¯`•¸
    /’/…/…./……./¨¯\
    (’(…´…´…. ¯~/’…’)
    \……………..’…../
    ”…\………. _.•´
    \…………..(
    \………….\…

  71. Posted by JPC | March 18, 2010 at 9:23 AM

    Sadly this doesn’t capture it… The filming used the offices of John Thomas Financial… which is the biggest pile of shit boiler-room I worked across the hall from them… they ripped sinks off the bathroom wall only to have it locked to them. Smelled like an A&F walking by… Rocky theme played at 9. And loved hiring assistants based purely on looks and cup size. I’d love someone to go in there and dig through their financials.