As most of you probably know, Pope Benedict XVI is not just a spiritual adviser but a financial adviser as well. Last year in a letter to clients he noted that while there is something of a gray area when it comes to the tapping of underage ass, he and his team draw the line at mismanagement of capital, and that there is a seventh circle of hell waiting for those who commit sins in the financial arena. In his latest missive, Benedict had this to say.

The Pope called on businessmen to put profits earned from production and services back into the “real economy” rather than seeking a “quick return on the financial markets.”

In an address to Italian business leaders at the Vatican today, the pope called for “defeating the individualistic and materialistic mentality” that seeks to detract capital “from the real economy” in favor of investing in financial markets.

A business “as a ‘community of persons’ produces goods and services, and hence doesn’t have the exclusive aim of making a profit, though it is necessary to do so,” the 82-year-old pope said today.

So…I have no idea what he’s getting at. Is he saying that one should not invest in financials? Not invest in the stock market at all? That if you’ve got some extra seed (capital) lying around to inject it in a “community of persons,” like a Little League or all-boys JV soccer team whose locker room doesn’t skimp on the peepholes? I’m working on getting the full letter which might have a few more clues but in the meantime try and parse this amongst yourselves.

Comments (60)

  1. Posted by Anonymous | March 19, 2010 at 10:32 AM

    nice hat

  2. Posted by Anonymous | March 19, 2010 at 10:35 AM

    nice marmot

  3. Posted by Anonymous | March 19, 2010 at 10:40 AM

    What about defeating the paedophelic priests that are destroying the church’s reputation..he should focus more on that..

  4. Posted by Anonymous | March 19, 2010 at 10:45 AM

    Texas Ranger Baseball manager Ron Washington admits recent cocaine use at his age and the Pope wears a cowboy hat. Is nothing sacred?

  5. Posted by Tiger | March 19, 2010 at 10:49 AM

    @4,

    What is sacred is cooling off after a hot golf match with a refreshing golden shower from a two-bit whore.

    Grow up, cracker.

  6. Posted by Jesus | March 19, 2010 at 10:50 AM

    Yeah, closeted, self-hating homosexuals and boy fuckers shouldn’t be giving advice on ANY topics.

  7. Posted by Madmun | March 19, 2010 at 10:52 AM

    buy deep in the money frankincense calls
    -Pope Benny

  8. Posted by Guest | March 19, 2010 at 10:58 AM

    This is why Jews run the financial sector, because the Catholics listen to this guy.

  9. Posted by Anonymous | March 19, 2010 at 11:14 AM

    I would let him tickle my pickle, for a nominal fee of course.

    Cliffy

  10. Posted by Anonymous | March 19, 2010 at 11:29 AM

    Get your jack-boots out and march(read as “stomp”) across Poland.

    That’s how we grow investments in the Fatherland.

    .word.

  11. Posted by Sad Catholic | March 19, 2010 at 11:41 AM

    This article nails it why the church needs a complete house cleaning.

  12. Posted by Tax Chick | March 19, 2010 at 11:45 AM

    Obama should dress up as a schoolboy and go for a stroll in front of the Pope. Maybe that way he can get some relief (by getting his balls sucked).

  13. Posted by Anonymous | March 19, 2010 at 11:48 AM

    learning so many things about the pope today.
    1. he is a communist (community of persons without the exclusive aim of making a profit)
    2. he is a member of the red hat society (http://www.redhatsociety.com/aboutus/howitstarted.html?)

  14. Posted by Anonymous | March 19, 2010 at 11:49 AM

    No jokes about the Jewish faith by Bess just the Catholics…how convenient

  15. Posted by Anonymous | March 19, 2010 at 11:52 AM

    I like my Pope on a rope.

  16. Posted by american bandersnatch | March 19, 2010 at 11:52 AM

    Bess:
    How dare you, as a Jew, make fun of the Pope, who is Catholic? As a Catholic, the Pope is my ethical and moral role model and he also is unfallible. Your comments make me feel bad. Please limit your targets to groups of which you are a member.
    Thanks,
    AB

  17. Posted by american bandersnatch | March 19, 2010 at 11:56 AM

    I meant infallible. If I become Pontiff, my spelling will be deemed to be correct and not subject to dispute.

  18. Posted by oh, and you're an idiot | March 19, 2010 at 11:58 AM

    @14 given that this is dealbreaker, a site that writes about people who work on Wall Street…I’d say Jewish people get more than their share of razzing on a daily basis.

  19. Posted by Anonymous | March 19, 2010 at 11:59 AM

    Jesus was a Jew.

  20. Posted by Anonymous | March 19, 2010 at 12:01 PM

    too omniscient, didn’t have to read

  21. Posted by NYER | March 19, 2010 at 12:11 PM

    @19 every slumord in Manhattan is a Jew

  22. Posted by NYCer | March 19, 2010 at 12:12 PM

    @19 every slumord in Manhattan is a Jew

  23. Posted by Anonymous | March 19, 2010 at 12:17 PM

    I love a good Pope post. Jokes about Jews rarely are funny.

  24. Posted by Braverman | March 19, 2010 at 12:17 PM

    @2 FTMFW

  25. Posted by Taxi Chick | March 19, 2010 at 12:18 PM

    @22 Your mom is kosher with me giving it to her in the ass…

  26. Posted by Anonymous | March 19, 2010 at 12:19 PM

    @ 19- What’s your point?

  27. Posted by Anonymous | March 19, 2010 at 12:31 PM

    @26 – point is that only jews are capable of martyring themselves to save the lives of the unchosen sinners from ponzi schemers and a loosely regulated financial system

    signed,

    a protestant/not 19

  28. Posted by pfluger with the lost password | March 19, 2010 at 12:37 PM

    LB is the Jewish Pope. He is a role model, and sets the example for ethical behaviour and moral values.

    Prominent followers include Steamroller 9, BM, DF, Rahm Emmanuel, and other pillars of virtue.

  29. Posted by Death | March 19, 2010 at 12:38 PM

    I have a team of Jew Analysts working through the weekend for my amusement. Why stop at the pyramids?

  30. Posted by Anonymous | March 19, 2010 at 12:43 PM

    Well, since usury is one of the cardinal sins of christianity, judiasm, islam, hinduism, and probably 30 other religions, I’m pretty sure you’re all fucked and your comments irrelevant.

  31. Posted by highlyconfident | March 19, 2010 at 12:47 PM

    Yeee-Haw!

    -PB XVI, CAIA

  32. Posted by Anonymous | March 19, 2010 at 1:00 PM

    Rabbis are generally Jewish.

    -Jesus

  33. Posted by Anonymous | March 19, 2010 at 1:09 PM

    @30, unlike your usury accusations i am carrying a very low rate of interest in your argument

    -p. griffen

  34. Posted by pfluger with the lost password | March 19, 2010 at 1:23 PM

    Jewish interlopers have infiltrated Harlem and are stealing blacks’ money and addicting them to crack cocaine.

    - Reverend Al Sharpton

  35. Posted by Anonymous | March 19, 2010 at 1:46 PM

    How come Catholics keep getting elected Pope all the MF time??? Ain’t it about time for some Lutherans or Jews to run that shop?

    ~Former Lehman Risk Quant

  36. Posted by Anonymous | March 19, 2010 at 1:55 PM

    sweet hat

  37. Posted by Anonymous | March 19, 2010 at 2:10 PM

    Bess you are so going to hell for this one…which is hot. You wanna grab a drink some time?

  38. Posted by alb | March 19, 2010 at 2:55 PM

    Benny and the Jets

  39. Posted by alo | March 19, 2010 at 2:56 PM

    Definitely very convenient of a jew writing crap about the leader of 1.3 billion catholics. why not write something about the wall street financing of the atrocities the state of israel is carrying out??

  40. Posted by Biff Ba$$ne$$ | March 19, 2010 at 2:58 PM

    @39 get a fucking life.

  41. Posted by alo | March 19, 2010 at 3:00 PM

    Why, does freedom of speech bother you?

  42. Posted by alo | March 19, 2010 at 3:00 PM

    Why, does freedom of speech bother you?

  43. Posted by Legalzoom.com | March 19, 2010 at 3:06 PM

    @42 there is this thing called slander, there is no such thing as completely free speech

  44. Posted by alo | March 19, 2010 at 3:11 PM

    @43. You mean libel, I’m sure?!
    There is also an environment where everything is used. This is a blog, and if you read above most comments ranged from germany and nazis to the new york jets. This is not a court of law which is what you’re thinking. It’s just a matter of what you personally dislike to see written; obviously other comments before didn’t bother you and didnt seem libelous to you.

  45. Posted by Anonymous | March 19, 2010 at 3:16 PM

    Jesus molested me in a van, down by the river.

    Chris

  46. Posted by alo | March 19, 2010 at 3:21 PM

    @45. Careful, 43 will take you to court for libel!! :P Make sure you have some proof of this to enter as exhibit A, and a good lawyer.

  47. Posted by Anonymous | March 19, 2010 at 3:56 PM

    Well, there was that rabbi who trafficked in body parts, as well as the one who tried to blackmail SAC. Anyway, I like Pope posts, as I said previously.

  48. Posted by fuck you 39 | March 19, 2010 at 4:06 PM

    @39 atrocities? I’m going to need you to elaborate or just say you can’t read and or are a Palestinian and can’t read and i will let it pass.

    Otherwise you should stop stealing other people’s computers and get back to the frier.

    I’ll have a #3 please!

  49. Posted by Ben | March 19, 2010 at 4:15 PM

    He is telling you to give your money to us.

    Ben Dover
    President, NAMBLA

  50. Posted by Legalzoom.com | March 19, 2010 at 4:17 PM

    Comment removed by moderator.

  51. Posted by alo | March 19, 2010 at 4:25 PM

    @50. Really genius? Check what slander and libel are before you use these words that totally aren’t representative of your intellectual baggage. Slander is spoken defamation, libel is written. As far as I know I wrote what I thought. Even if I said it out loud I’d be willing to bet you didn’t hear me. And for your information it is still being debated by legal authorities whether things written on a blog do actually constitute libel, or are they similar to “conversations at the bar”. Thus everyone here speaking their mind. Ok, buzzkill??
    I’m not a lawyer but I definitely know how to read!

  52. Posted by Pope goes the weasel | March 19, 2010 at 4:33 PM

    Is the pope really the guy we need to take financial advise from? This is a guy who is supposed to live with nothing and yet is one of the wealthiest and biggest land owners in the world.

    Ahhh the hypocrisy lives on and on. Yes send him your money and a thousand pardons you shall have.

  53. Posted by american bandersnatch | March 19, 2010 at 4:45 PM

    @52 – Read what you wrote. He’s one of the wealthiest and biggest land owners in the world. Clearly he and his team know how to make money by selling call options on eternal happiness.

  54. Posted by Death | March 19, 2010 at 4:52 PM

    @Alo. Are you really arguing over the internet with people who are probably low-level analysts, brokers at Bakersfield Scottrade branch, failed traders, rapists, vagrants, and some suspected murderers?

  55. Posted by OptionTrader | March 19, 2010 at 5:00 PM

    After this I’m placing a put option on Catholicism and a call on Judaism with a ‘Far Out of the Money’ hedge – Islam.

  56. Posted by Anonymous | March 19, 2010 at 5:04 PM

    @55 God you’re an idiot. (and clearly have no idea who reads this site. hint: gainfully employed investment bankers and hedge funders. for example, per the recent wsj story: jamie dimon and ken griffin.) have a great weekend and don’t forget to kill yourself.

  57. Posted by alo | March 19, 2010 at 5:07 PM

    @Death. True say. Enough time and energy wasted.

  58. Posted by OptionTrader | March 19, 2010 at 5:16 PM

    @56 I think you meant 55 but your statement of course is being uttered out of the cum covered mouth and paper cut fingered hand of a junior Broker at Schwab. Have a great week and don’t forget to choke yourself while you sob uncontrollably while masturbating into a tissue full of spunk and your broken dreams.

  59. Posted by Anonymous | March 19, 2010 at 6:30 PM

    Alo run along back to the back office please

  60. Posted by alo | March 19, 2010 at 6:40 PM

    @59. A communications theorist once said: “Most of our assumptions have outlived their uselessness.”

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