A couple weeks ago a second year Tech analyst at Credit Suisse got drunk, returned to the office, and entered a colleague’s cubicle. Apparently having not been made aware when he was first hired that destruction of company property is frowned upon at this particular bank, here’s what happened next.
From: [redacted at Credit Suisse]
To: IBD TMT Analysts NY; IBD TMT Associates NY
Subject: Bullpen incident over weekendThe attached picture was sent to me by Corporate Services and HR. This is nothing short of embarrassing for our group and something that the Firm takes very seriously. Vandalism of company property will result in disciplinary action leading up to, and including, termination of employment.
We all work in a corporate environment – not a college dorm – if you cannot behave in a professional and respectful manner, you should consider alternative employment.
He’s said to have since been fired and is “hoping not to lose his PE job this summer.” Fingers crossed whoever made the kid an offer understands that destroying other people’s cubicles is a necessary outlet for him to perform at the high level he’s previously demonstrated.
Update: Nothing new to add at the moment other than I thought you’d like to see a closer shot of the damage. Perhaps the attacker was merely letting his/her feelings out re: the cube owner being a fan of Shia LaBeouf (or GQ in general)?
John Mack has quite a temper!
@1 joke would’ve worked if the post was about MS, not CS.
Vandalism is unacceptable but flying the Jolly Roger is tolerated?
omg theres a bloody pirate flag! That is so effing awesome, I’m happy now.
-Somalian Rates trader
@2 Mack was the CEO of CS for a while also
He should move to Sales and Trading. That kind of thing happens all the time.
Aftermath of b*ging secretary in the a**
-pirate capital
what a pig sty
Amazing.
Can anyone tell what that picture is that he left tacked up? Not the phone list, the picture . . .
looks like my basement to me… hmmm…
and the black guy in the adjacent cubicle was watching it the whole time?
Is that a Syracuse hat in the background?
Credit Suisse has always been a shithole. Their analysts are all bottom of the barrel mouth breathers, like Anal_yst for example.
Is that a cricket bat on the floor?
From: Brady.Dougan@jollyroger.com
To: 3/4/7 et al.
Re: Pirate Flag
Please note that waving the Jolly on and by itself does not constitute grounds for dismissal.
Arrrrrghards,
Brady
@15 well spotted… but let’s call it a “willow” from now on for the avoidence of doubt, hey hey?
Sticky wicket
–15–you must have been an independent at SU. It’s a fraternity paddle.
SAE, Princeton
@12 – what are you talking about – he’s the one who did it!!!!
http://tinyurl.com/39f32z
-Charles
Didn’t their trading floor catch fire earlier this year, too?
hope she was at least good looking…
So he destroyed his own cubicle or a colleagues?
16,
Nice work.
Is that a picture of a cat?
I wake up most Sunday mornings with an irrational fear that I may have done something like this the night before
One time I went back into my office completely drunk…I sent out a company wide e-mail to my bank that I would knife fight anyone in my office for a promotion. I was not fired the next day…In fact the next week I was promoted…That was my job at Citibank
@14
WTF is up your ass? Chillax, son.
So, is there any more of the back storyu behind this.
And I LOVE the african-american guy just sitting there, watching over it
@25 Is your fear really that irrational?
But why is all the rum gone?
@15 probably a paddle; I’m guessing a sentimental piece from some past frat man-on-man festivities. No homo.
living the dream
@14, @27 – Is anal_yst really former CS?
I second, @28.
black dude must have been ordering dinner.
19- couldn’t make it through the bicker at TI?
@28 is it “African American” still or are we back to “black guy”? He may just be an American. Please advise.
Guy who trashes cubicles
I’ll take his job.
@35, bicker is ridiculous.
Anal_yst, any thoughts on black African Americans?
@22 a colleague’s
@36, I believe the term is now just “american.” examine your motives.
does he just carry around a pirate flag in case a situation like this pops up
up out my face boy
@41 et al. what makes you so sure the negro is American? He could be from anywhere.
@20 yes
http://dealbreaker.com/2009/12/credit-suisse-employee-forgets-to-turn-off-portable-heater-over-thanksgiving/
@28 “And I LOVE the african-american guy just sitting there, watching over it”
what did you want him to do?
I’m only on page 43 of 109 on a “competing” financial blog’s interest rate surge story. 109 slides… I’ll probably be trashing my office before I get to the end.
I am pretty sure he is Black Irish.
“He’s said to have since been fired and is “hoping not to lose his PE job this summer.””
This was HOW he got his job at KKarr, initiation ceremonies are common among pirates.
@Anal_yst Any thoughts on the guy who keeps asking you for thoughts?
@47 you have only yourself to blame for getting duped by our crap slideshows.
-you know who
@49 was thinking the same thing.
should I not have done that?
This website’s audience is overly American. This picture is from the London office, so the guy in the background has no particular reason to be ‘African American’. Also, we don’t have frats here but we do play cricket…
@37, I believe the PC term is “looter”
BL@40 – Too drunk; Didn’t examine motives
-@22
@55 no, this happened in the NY office.
Chumbawumba was a hell of a group.
@55 “To: IBD TMT Analysts NY; IBD TMT Associates NY”
For all you wannabe frat kids who don’t know the front end of a paddle from a cricket bat, THAT IS A CRICKET BAT! Since when did they start making paddles with rubber grips?
P.S. I highly recommend joining a real frat and asking the brothers to familiarize you with the intricate details of a real paddle ;)
@55, @57 State your cases. The loser will have their cubicle destroyed by the winner, after a round of Appletinis!
@61 is that where you learned to use wink face emoticons?
@51
I don’t understand it at all, but then I don’t really give a sh*t besides a bit of fleeting curiosity.
@60 ITS FRATERNITY, NOT FRAT, ASSHAT. A frat is what your mom made me this morning; containing eggs, spinach and feta. IT WAS DELICIOUS.
@62 Just trying to soften the message with something you might be more familiar with.
@34 – not sure about CS, bottom of barrel mouth breather possibly true.
Fraternity or Sorority?
Go
@ 15- its a cricket bat alright. I take it your not from around here as Americans have no clue about cricket let alone what the bat looks like.
- Australian living in the U.S
@55–Got it, African British.
Thanks
You don’t call your country a cunt…and you don’t call your fraternity a frat!!
@69, I take it you’re not a fan of simple contractions.
Canada is a cunt.
60- Well done on spotting a cricket bat!
-68
@ 72- Australian?
-68
@-72- Australian?
-69 not 68
@75/76 – http://www.wikihow.com/Use-You%27re-and-Your
i used to work there… and i’d like to confirm that it is a cricket bat. it is a deal toy of an transaction with an Indian BPO company.
also, the black guy in the background is from Trinidad.
@78 do you know the kid who did the damage?
Yes, it was actually a girl that was leaving at the end of her 2 years. Noty giving names.
Beth -
I want to lick you like a tootsie roll pop.
Cliff
@80 are you serious? if so AWESOME.
@73: fuck yourself, let’s see you secure a safer supply of oil elsewhere.
There’s four things Canadians are good at:
1) Exploring for oil and minerals
2) Raising Money for exploring for oil and minerals
3) Fighting
4) Screwing
I’ve already done 3/4 today, so what’s next?
That pirate flag was left untouched by the Cubicle Wrecker. Either that, or he planted his own pirate flag at the scene, after completing the demolition.
Either way, the person who did this admires pirates.
Corningstone@83 you’re so sexy when you talk like that Veronica.
@78/@80 – We don’t need names, just confirmation that it was AKBH. Or maybe even a motive? Or info on the victim?
@83 – Agreed that there are only 4, but combine 1+2 or 3+4 into one skill, and the new 4th=banking, for real.
A chick who knows her way with a cricket bat? I’m in.
~Sir Allen
@80/ex-T: Either she’s a pretty jacked-up female or that is a really light hatrack…
@83 FTW
If that was really done by a girl that’s just that much more awesome. Over/under on when the name’ll come out?
@analyst- agreed. come on commentariat, get to work. i’d like to know who she is by 2.
destroying other people’s stuff… sounds like he/she is perfectly cut out for private equity.
I think the perpetrator is probably a lefty, judging by the position of the papers swept onto the floor and by the position of the coat rack, which was overturned only AFTER the papers were strewn about.
- Guy who just watched Sherlock Holmes on pay-per-view
I want to know why they have a print version of The Atlantic in their cube
@ 92 – ftw
excellent reporting and multimeida story telling Bess – what would we do without you?
Notice the freshly folded towels, left untouched by the mayhem. And, by how neatly confined the damage was, with no spillover to adjacent cubicles. The papers were strewn about first, then the phone and the bat were thrown onto the floor. After that, the coatrack was overturned.
A guy would have probably started with the bat or the coat rack, and smashed the place up.
Is that a leftover bento box on the right? Could suggest the victim was Oriental
Why would you have a stack of bath towels in your cube?
-Guy who wonders about things
@98 Tech, IB …
LOL 10/10 for the comments on this post
60/40 odds that the perpetrator is a single, left handed female in her mid- to early 20s, lives alone or with a roomate, and is seeking a boyfriend who reminds her of Johnny Depp.
As William Congreve said “Hell hath no fury like a scorned woman after 3 appletinis armed with a cricket bat”
@12, snitches get stitches
Did she empty the tray of a three-hole punch all over the floor, or did she break her string of pearls in her fit of rage?
@105, oh that makes more sense. I just assumed they were anal beads
PJ
@20 – omg – i can’t believe no one noticed.
FTW but you are awful for even thinking it.
CS’er here, it was a chick.
move over chung, she is queen
@108 – Pretty sure there’s a Carrie Underwood song in there somewhere.
@tax chick- I think a little bit of both.
Was definitely not a chick. Who started that one? Dead wrong.
@112 okay then who was it?
@112. do not give names, that would be awful. but at least give us some color on the story!!
@114 seconded
@tc/105:
Good catch. More evidence that the perp was a she. Increasing odds to 70/30.
Only PJ-type males would empty the contents of a three hole punch onto the floor in a fit of rage. Most guys would have grabbed the bat and/or the coat rack and smashed everything. Heaved the three hold punch into the monitor. Thrown the towels around.
They wouldn’t throw the papers on the floor in a hissy fit, but leave the neatly folded towels intact, and then overturn the coat rack and leave.
The cubicle vandalism is feminine in nature.
Damn, I left my jacket there.
When you see it, you’ll shit bricks.
Aren’t those guys’ slacks by the towels?
@119 the destroyed cube was that of a colleague, not the attacker.
It was a dude who went to Harvard
Why didn’t he call the Service Desk
Agents help me with this last time I got drunk!
Regards!
@121 and?
122 comments and still no names/dirt? very un-DB like…
123 comments and still no names/dirt? very un-DB like…
oops! make that 126?
i think the tech group at CS has gone a long way since the days of Quattrone.
@127 – that shit would have been up in flames!
@116 If it was a chick, she’s got to be a real linebacker. Look at the coatrack. It was picked up and hurled over a what, 4′ tall cubicle wall? Unless the thing was made of balsa wood, it doesn’t appear from the photo to be very light/fragile.
@129 maybe she had help?
@130-
the black guy?
@121 yup
@129/130:
I don’t think the coat rack was hurled, simply tipped upside down, within the trashed cubicle, with no major damage to the desk top, the walls, etc.
I have one of those things at home, and it can’t weigh more than 15 pounds or so. And, because the top of the inverted coat rack sits atop of the papers on the floor, it was left there after the papers were tossed about in the initial phases of the attack.
I just don’t see most guys being this pissed, but then just throwing papers around, emptying the contents of a three hole puncher on the floor, dropping a bat on the floor, and then, as an afterthought, overturning the coat rack on the way out. But leaving the towels neatly folded on top of that book case.
I still think the preponderance of evidence points to a female perp. The damage is feminine in nature, but as someone else pointed out, it may have been a Harvard grad or a PJ type.
I think the Jolly Roger flag is the key to the case.
this thread is full of win.
i don’t think it was a girl… there were no female analysts last time i checked.
The whole mise-en-scène suggests the aftermath of an enthusiastic lovemaking session.
Couldn’t have been a girl. There’s not a washing machine or dishwasher anywhere in this photo.
@137 or the materials with which to assemble a sandwich?
@137:
For christs sakes. What cubicle farm has a washing machine or dishwasher?
The fact that the towels were spared from the attack means the cubicle vandal values freshly folded laundry, and that’s an important bit of evidence that the attacker was a woman.
She just couldn’t bring herself to mess up the clean towels.
No wonder my bitch never brought me a sandwich last night
I think the girl is going to work for Tom Hudson and didn’t get the memo that he changed the Pirate Capital name to another seawagging term. She was just showing that she plans to crush her former employer.
Holy S**T
Apparently having not been made aware when HE was first hired that destruction… for all of you debating on the sex of the perp, nice work.
Still going strong, like a waving flag…
this is not CS London. It is CS NYC. I work in the same crappy looking cubicle.
Would it be legitimately bad out this guy (it was a guy)?
WHO WAS THIS GUY/GAL?!?!?!?!?!
Seems to be a rather intelligent trashing, despite the volume of alcohol apparently consumed. Equipment carefully turned on it’s side or upside down – nothing broken, then a whole lot of mess created with papers, magazines, hole punch remains, cricket bat, video box etc. etc. About 5 minutes to clean up.
Was the pirate flag was added by the offender?
Overall, looks like a good prank to me.
The analyst mistook the cubicle for his Eating Club.
(Note orange and black Princeton tie on ground)
I would, but this guy’s actually a pretty legit bro; yes I said bro. The attack wasn’t malicious in intent.
It was Investorcluzo’s alter-ego, Tax Chick, with the size 13 yellow pumps, in the bullpen, under the influence of French martinis.
hell yes.
Innovative move Princeton – having an image of a watch on a tie. Was it for the most punctual student? Those commies at SU could learn a thing or two here.
this was not done by a chick
@146 no! out him! DO IT. at least tell bess.
Alex, Casper Wyoming
@156 what?
You fuckers really work in cubicles like that? New York law firms give all of their associates window offices with a door…
@55… where do you get London?? Email is addressed to NY recipients and looks like the NY furniture…
@158- wow, that really makes up for crappy compensation you get. go fuck yourself
Looks like this was a harmless prank. The Jolly Roger gives it away. No sense of humor anymore… Pity.
how is it that nobody has noticed the copy of GQ on the desk? do chicks read GQ? i thought only manscaped metrosexuals read that pithy nonsense.
I think this event was rather a Market Test. The perpetrator was trying to determine how close we are to being over with the recession…
Pre-downturn, you can get away with this shit and people will still give you a hi-five (specially when the whole event involves a pirate flag). During the down cycle, however, people don’t want to put up with your PMS and really don’t care if your pu$sy hurts.
I heard that many moons ago an analyst banged a female intern, then gave her bad reviews (apparently for not giving good head) which resulted in her not getting a full time job offer. Her “daddy” (top lawyer) sued the Bank and the analyst got fired. After all said and done, the analyst STILL kept his PE summer job and got a hi-five from everyone for banging the hot intern of the summer. That, in the Keynesian Economic Model, is call recovery/peak economic periods.
I believe that this tech analyst was just trying to do a market test.
I don’t believe this for a moment. Why would they send a picture of the damage out in the email?
When incidents like this happen, they know that the rumor mill will do half the job. The only thing they would do is send out a general reminder of company policy on destruction of property with a suggestion to see HR or one’s supervisor if one is unsure of that policy and its repercussions.
Sending out a photo of the damage or even discussing the incident is just an invitation to scrutiny, such as send in this article.
This smells like a hoax.
@164 b/c upper management at IB’s are dumb fucks who still don’t get that this shit will be passed around like wild fire, and the power of the internet. but thanks forplaying.
@163, me thinks thou thinketh too much.
The perpetrator was Sukmi Dong- he was Harvard ’08
Apparently destroying property is untolerable but screwing people over is acceptable.
@168 what does that mean?
what floor was this on? anyone know?
Practical joke gone awry. Banker thought he’d play a practical joke on a travelling co-worker and “trashed” his cubicle (hence the lack of actual damage and the calmly working banker on the left). Cleaning woman came across it while doing rounds and called her supervisor who took the picture (note the reference to Corporate Services in the email). Escalated from there. MD sent out the email and it got passed along. Banker was let go. Cricket bat is a deal toy.
Rrrrrrrrrrrrr!
RODGER MORRIS JR. DID IT!!!!!!!!!
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